sensitive subject here! need advice!!

OKAY......so i need some advice b/c this has been buggin the crap outta me...

my boyfriend has lost a lot of weight. like 30 pounds, which i didnt even know he had that to lose in the first place.....he works out about 6 days a week with running, stair master, and weight lifting. the problem is that i dont think he is eating enough. on average, i'd say he's eating about 1500-1600 cals a day and working out. i mean, that's what I would need to eat to lose weight!! he has gotten SO SKINNY.

he wanted my opinion the other day while he was going to buy some new jeans (b/c his others seems to be just hanging on him..) and i just coldnt get past it!! like really thin... i mean "make yourself feel super self conscious" thin...like "i dont really find you that attractive right now" thin... i feel like a super bitch for even thinking this!! when i go to hug him, it's like im hugging myself sometimes!! what do i do?? do i say something?? i am worried he's not eating enough, but he says he feels full and doesnt feel like he's starving or anything! i feel like it's not really my place. no one wants to hear "you're too skinny, you're too skinny"

what do i do? what should i say? it is starting to affect us in other areas if you knwo what i mean!!

I think you need to be honest.

It'll hurt him, of course it will. But if you feel that way and if it's affecting you in other areas... well, that'll affect your relationship.

Try to be honest but sensitive with him, something like "I'll be honest with you. I'm worried about you and your health. I'm worried you aren't eating enough."

It won't be an easy conversation, but I'd be honest.

Tell him the truth.

When my husband graduated from boot camp he was super skinny and I did not like it at all. I loved when he had his little love handles. He started eating more and working out less and since than he has gained about 10/15 pounds and back to the weight that I like. Although he does not like his love handles but as long as I tell him he is perfect and I love him he does not stress out about his weight.

the last thing i want to do is hurt his feelings. i think a lot of it has to do with me feeling insecure. we've been dating around 3 years so i dont knwo why i still feel so self consious around him. he will walk around with his shirt off and im sure any normal girl would be like "oh he's hot" but i just want him to put a shirt on! it's like a constant reminder of how thin he is! i probably weighs 10 more pounds than i do!!!

haha i think he can handle it if you told him "your too skin! like, un-hot skinny! change your diet and workout to bulk up a little pleaseeee"

Its not too hard to just add in more calories and higher protein percent and change workouts to muscle building instead of fat burning.

i hope so. i mean he is wanting to bulk up, but i am trying to get it in his head he needs to eat MORE CALORIES if he wants to gain muscle!

If he's trying to bulk up, he will definitely have no trouble hearing 'eat more cals'.

Can recommend 'Weight Gainer 900' as a meal supplement. My kid played football and used it with great success.

Original Post by laphipps:

i probably weighs 10 more pounds than i do!!!

I don't know your weight goals or anything, and I'm not saying this to be rude, but is it possible that you're jealous of his weight loss success?

My boyfriend under eats too. He's only eating around 1600 cals. I tried pointing it out to him a few weeks ago, but he's the type that doesn't like being told he's doing something wrong, so he pretty much just denied everything I told him. Luckily he's starting to realize he's not eating enough, so I think he's trying to eat more.

He'll DEFINITELY need to eat more if he wants to put on muscle, send him links to articles about muscle building nutrition from T-nation or something.

Original Post by kathygator:

If he's trying to bulk up, he will definitely have no trouble hearing 'eat more cals'.

Can recommend 'Weight Gainer 900' as a meal supplement. My kid played football and used it with great success.

 ickk, the whey protein and things are gross (the protein bars arent bad though). Best way to get protein i have found is to eat eggwhite omelettes (or chicken)! You can make HUGE omelettes (out of like a dozen eggwhites) and get some massive protein really cheap and tasty.

The cartons of eggwhites arent even close to real eggs BTW, they just dont behave the same or taste the same when making omelettes out of them.

The chocolate version isn't bad. We couldn't buy enough protein to match the amount in that stuff. Plus it contains the right mix of aminos to help metabolize the protein effectively.

But it was just a suggestion. :)

yeah, i wont lie, i am def. jealous....

Original Post by kathygator:

The chocolate version isn't bad. We couldn't buy enough protein to match the amount in that stuff. Plus it contains the right mix of aminos to help metabolize the protein effectively.

But it was just a suggestion. :)

 I tried to bake a cake with the chocolate kind!....

It didn't work :(

Goodbye dreams of healthy cake :*(

Try putting it in a smoothie, Lorik. With bananas and strawberries, it tastes much better.

Original Post by laphipps:

yeah, i wont lie, i am def. jealous....

last year my hub and I challenged each other to see who could lose a certain amount of weight first. I completely bombed the challenge but he slowly and steadily lost, eventually making it to the goal even though the challenge had long ago been forgotten about.

I have to admit I was a bit jealous too...seemed like he wasn't even trying to lose and he was eating more stuff, yummier stuff than me :/

Subconsciously I think I was hoping he'd put a few back on so I'd offer him second helpings of supper, dessert, etc. He's since put the weight back on and he doesn't like it...I felt like a heel. Now I'm trying to help him reach his goal again.

Have you talked to your bf about his goals? Maybe he was trying to do it so you'd be more physically attracted to him. Have an open conversation and let him know how you feel, I'm sure you can reach an agreement that you're both happy with.

good luck :)

my husband hinted to me about being too skinny.  He didn't tell me straight out, but he told me that he would not be as attracted to me if I lost any more weight and hinted that such and such actress was gross and too skinny.  It didn't offend me or hurt my feelings. I know he was just being honest.

qmwillcand, i feel exactly like you did now!! i feel awful, but i wish he'd just eat more! he got to his goal of losing 20 pounds then lost 10 more on top of it in like 6 months!!! it takes me forever to lose weight, even thuogh im working out and eating right, and forgo all teh greasy good **** he eats! i guess i am jealous and the difference between men and women losing weight is just not fair :( i will def. have to have a talk with him!

Original Post by laphipps:

qmwillcand, i feel exactly like you did now!! i feel awful, but i wish he'd just eat more! he got to his goal of losing 20 pounds then lost 10 more on top of it in like 6 months!!! it takes me forever to lose weight, even thuogh im working out and eating right, and forgo all teh greasy good **** he eats! i guess i am jealous and the difference between men and women losing weight is just not fair :( i will def. have to have a talk with him!

 If he is eating the greasy good "stuff", how is it possible that he is only eating 1600 cals a day?

Until this post I was gonna say, remember that men can have EDs too, maybe he is scared of eating or overly worried about gaining weight, or maybe he still sees himself as large (according to you he was never big to start with, so why did he want to lose weight in the first place?)

he doesnt eat teh greasy good stuff all the time. he has teh ability to indulge every now and then and not have the "all or nothing" mentality that i tend to have. on average it's 1600. and i am afraid he will go into the ED territory, which i am currently dealing with in various forms. he is beginning to feel bad if he doesnt get a work out in everyday or to feel guilty over eating certain things is not helping my efforts to get better.  

Original Post by loriklorik:

Original Post by kathygator:

If he's trying to bulk up, he will definitely have no trouble hearing 'eat more cals'.

Can recommend 'Weight Gainer 900' as a meal supplement. My kid played football and used it with great success.

 ickk, the whey protein and things are gross (the protein bars arent bad though). Best way to get protein i have found is to eat eggwhite omelettes (or chicken)! You can make HUGE omelettes (out of like a dozen eggwhites) and get some massive protein really cheap and tasty.

The cartons of eggwhites arent even close to real eggs BTW, they just dont behave the same or taste the same when making omelettes out of them.

No offense, but I don't think suggesting a male TRYING to gain weight should be eating egg white omelettes, which are extremely filling and very low in calories.

laphipps, I agree that you should show your boyfriend links to sites, magazines, or even have him talk to a personal trainer to realize that to gain muscle, you need lots of calories, especially if you are doing cardio and you are a younger male.

If he agrees and accepts the facts, then you could offer to cook meals for him (if you need help designing high calorie meals or diets for him, send me a message!) or go out to dinner with him.

Not to get too psyhological on you, but does it bother you that he is "too" thin, or does it just really bother you that he is thinner than you?  Maybe you need to take a look at why it bothers you.  I am msure that you are truly concerned about his health, but I know what you mean, no girl wants to be bigger than her man.