Seperate? Please read.

Ok, so I was told that I was overreacting when my hubby came home and said he had opened a bank account.  One I have no access to at all.  He says I can open one of my own, but we've always done stuff like that together.  I feel like he's being sneaky and coniving.  It just struck me wrong.  He told me to survey a hundred people and he is willing to bet that 90% of the hundred would say I'm over reacting by being upset over the whole thing.

So, is it proper for two married people to "suddenly" have seperate finances when that wasn't the norm for seven years prior?  What do you think?

((Bet he didn't think I would have a way to ask a hundred people LOL))

Thank you for your time!

The sudden change is questionable, but has he been talking about your finances at all lately?  My husband and I have separate accounts, and tag team on paying bills.  I do the mortgage, groceries and child care, and he does the vehicle payment, vehicle insurance, and monthly bills.  We often talk about our finances, and often I tell him I would like to change the set up to see if we could find a better way to manage our finances.  It is amazing how much "leakage" there is.  He always responds and says, go for it.  Maybe this is what your husband did.

So back to original question, was their communication prior to the change that could explain why? 

 

I'm not married so my answer may not count, however, when I was in a long term relationship, I was the one who initiated getting separate accounts by year 2.5 of 6 years.  I felt like I had no independence or that anything I spent money on would be scrutinized or made to feel guilty.  The other thing that heavily drove this decision was that my boyfriend had two teenage kids and I resented spending so much money on them (it was excessive, the things they wanted above and beyond basic food, medical, and clothing which I was fine with).  But then agian I have money/equality issues about finances.  So I guess the main question to your hubby would by what drove this need of his to have separate accounts?

I know MANY married couples that have separate accounts, but they have one main one for household bills and their own for individual spending needs. 

Best Wishes.

Not sure if you are overreacting, not really enough information.

My 2 cents: My husband and I always had (and still do) a joint account. I paid household bills from that and took care of the budget. He ended up opening a separate account that we have "his" budgeted money deposited into. He has expenses that he needs to have access to cash for and when he would take it out of our joint account, he would sometimes (a lot) forget to record it. So, in the interest of keeping up with finances, we opted for this. He still forgets to keep track of things at times, but it is in his account and doesn't end of affecting our house payment or something like that.

Some couples work better with separate accounts, some with joint and some with a combination. I would sit down and talk with him and find out his reasons. Perhaps that would help you understand.

By the way, we had only a joint account for 15+ years into our marriage. For us, this works because he doesn't feel like he has to "ask" me for money and I don't have to worry about a check/payment not going through because he forgot to account for cash he needed.

I work at a Credit Union, I'd say that about 60% of the married folks I see have a joint account, and have separate accounts.  The only part of your story that strikes me as surprising is that he randomly opened one, but since he told you it sounds like he isn't trying to hide anything.

I liked seperate accounts and many married ppl have them, that way you can buy a gift for him without him knowing.  And you can spend as you choose without answering to him.  so, it sounds normal to me.

What I wonder is why he didn't tell you first?????  Instead of after the fact.

do you normally talk over important decisions?

Thanks everyone :-)

Yes he did tell me, right away and I didn't have to dig at all.  He says that while we are a couple we still need some independence.  Which I can understand, but I have always been better with the finances!  If we needed to save money I  was always the one to do it.  He says if it's out of his hands (I.E. the bank account) we could save easier.

But he can sometimes be sneaky :-(  But yes maybe I am over reacting.  I guess it just feels like a betrayel because we ALWAYS do things together (maybe more because of my prodding).  But when I take iinto perspective that out of his check (which is significantly more than mine per week) I always have some left.  He frivolously spends a lot of the time. 

I'm just not sure I guess.  It just startled me more than anything.  Because usually when he limits access to things he's being sneaky, but as Jeremy said, he told me about it which totally throws me for a loop. LOL  I think I'll wait on some other opinions to come through as well. *feeling kind of sheepish now*

****EDIT****

Ohio,  more often than not we do, but not EVERY single time. 

I don't really think you are overreacting.  I would be suspicious too.  Not because of the seperate bank accounts which I think is a good thing, but because it came suddenly and with no discussion.  I find that to be kind of odd.  I also think that when someone tells you that you are "overreacting" instead of discussing the situation openly and honestly, that is being defensive.  Which of course would make me wonder what he needed to be defensive about.

Then again I tend to be a bit suspicious by nature...so maybe I am overreacting.  :)

Sweetpea, well I kind of jumped his rear when I found out about it. So he went for a 20 minute walk, came back and set everyone up in the living room for a family discussion. But by then I was so aggravated especially since I didn't have an appetite for that good dinner I made (which turned out to be a good thing because it kept me from going over maintenence *chuckle*).

I don't know.  Every way that I can think of to explain it still makes me feel a little dumb. 

A little more back ground, we usually go to Wal-Mart to cash our checks.  His got folded and couldn't be run through their little machine. I was at home cooking dinner so he went to wellsfargo (his employer uses  them) and they asked if he wanted to open a checking account.  He said yes so he did.  But he didn't call me or anything.  It was like oops, suprise.  *sigh* I don't know.

I don't think you're overreacting, just a little hurt by the quick decision.  Maybe he was talking to his buddies at work and they convinced him having separate accounts was a good idea, so he went for it.  The fact that he's not hiding it makes me think it's something you wouldn't feel is a big deal.

Alex and I share a bank account now (his, I closed mine and deposit all checks and cash into his account because he's part of a credit union) and will have separate accounts when we get married.  We'll also have a joint savings account.  All money that's for bills and savings will go into the savings account and we'll send an allowance to our main checking accounts, that way we can buy presents or our necessarily toiletries when we're at a store and see them on sale instead of having to run home, pick up the other, then go back out to get them.

Finances are one of the things we've talked to death.

Hmm well there are 3 accounts in our house. 1 for the family (Credit Union) 1 for the hubby (credit union) and 1 for me (totally different bank). There was very little conversation when I opened mine I just said I would and then did. Honestly I like having my own account I put my money in, do as I wish with it, and I don't have to ask hubby for any money when I need it.

In your last post you said your husband opened an account at the bank his work uses. Which is probably a good thing. If you cash a check at a bank you have no account at they take a small percentage of the check amount but it you have an account they don't take that percentage out. 

Count me in the 10% that would see a red flag flying!  I would have to wonder if he was sacking money away for some unscrupulous reason.  But, that is me and my suspicious nature when it comes to things like this. (due to experience I might add)

That being said, his excuse of wellsfargo asking if he wanted to open an account does sound plausible.  If it really bothers you, tell him you like to be added to the account!

This is my second marriage, and due to first one being a financial fiasco, hubby and I have EVERYTHING separate.  It is the only way I can protect myself.  At first it bothered me, knowing that married couples should have and share everything, but I know if we did not work out, he would be the one to benefit (again).  I am just taking care of me and my children's  future.

Well the trust issue is a big thing.  I guess that's what this is mainly about.  "You don't trust me enough to be around your money?"  I guess typing it out makes me see it as kind of selfish.  But it really does bother me. 

Perhaps I should let it all go for a while and then later on explain to him that it is still bothering me and that I would like to be added to the account.  I see no reason for me to open another account for me alone.  I just always see things as a joint effort.  All in all I feel left out.  So I guess it is a me me me thing :-(  But that doesn't make that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach go away.  And for once it isn't hunger *chuckle*

Don't sweat it too much, hon...it probably went down something like this...just picture your typical man:

Bank:  Would you like to open a checking account?

Man:  Um, who me?  Ok, I guess so (no thought process utilized)

and there it was!  Probably a scenario very close to that one.

My ex-wife and I never had a joint account but we shared the responsiblity for household bills.  In hindsight, we probably should have had 3 accounts.

As far as your husband openning a new account goes, since he told you I don't think he is trying to hide anything or is up to no good.  If you had inadvertantly found out that he had an account that you new nothing about then that would be different but not necesarily bad either.  There are many reasons for his other account and only some of them indicate trouble.

I'm with your husband on this one; you're overreacting. I've been married for 10 years, had a joint account for about 8 of those; my husband has had his own account for about 6; I've had my own for about 5.

Sometimes it is nice to have money that is just yours, especially if you are a frivolous spender by nature. It's not like the bank statements are going to another address; if you were concerned about what he was spending his money on you could just look at them. We used to take an "allowance" each month in our separate accounts, that was ours to spend on whatever we want, but decided that was just an unneeded added expense. Now my husband's sits dusty and empty, while mine sequesters our contribution to my nephew's college fund. 

If he is the "breadwinner" then I think he probably just wants some money of his own that he can buy your gifts with (my husband has a credit card of his own for that) and just have some money that is his to waste as he wants. If you love each other, and trust each other, I really don't see the problem.

cnjjeanmard   XD  That sounds so like him!

trhawley:  Thanks :-) I guess I'm always looking at the negative in things.  Is it bad to have the perspective of    "Every Silver Lining Has A Cloud?" o_O

Has he given you other reasons to be suspicious?....., but...what if he was trying to put money away for a vacation, or a gift for you and that was his only way he could actually save it? 

"I think he probably just wants some money of his own"

I think this, and the "Um, who me?  Ok, I guess so (no thought process utilized)" scenario are both very likely.

I think everyone should have some money for which he/she doesn't have to account to anyone. I don't want my husband raising eyebrows at my Oreo cookie expenditures, and I don't want to know how much he's spent on peanut M&Ms! :-D

beachwalker, not lately ^^ j/k  I would very much like to be able to sit back and go ok, that's fine. So maybe that's what I should do...

Athena lol You are probably so right.  Maybe I should open my own account.  Maybe I should suggest making it a friendly competition.  Who can save up the most in a certain amount of time.  Then who ever saves up the most wins, then we combine the savings and take a vacation winner's choice :-D  Even though he makes more than me, I think I could save it a lot easier than he will.  Even with his new account ^^

 

*EDIT*

Except I hate it when he is right *giggle*

You absolutly need to open your own account, however you need to save that money in the unlikely event you ever need it.

It is a red flag.  For the purpose of the survey I had a seperate account when I was married but it was one I had prior to the marriage, so he is right about that.