One of the things that caused my ED was things of an inapproriate nature being done to me when I was very little my our neighbor. He was 15 years old and it went on for a month until he moved. My closest friends know about this and they tell me I should tell the police about what he did. I don't know if I should, its been over 10 years. He might be married, have kids, and just in general be a different person. I know he has inadvertatently put me through so much pain and sorrow, but is it right to destroy his life when it was so long ago? I just really don't know what to do.
I know some people might not like me posting this and I apologize for any discomfort I may have caused. The one thing I do agree with my friends about is that talking about it helps. Botteling it up for 4 years ever since those memories came flooding back certainly didn't. So I've told that core group of friends. I need to try other people before I tell my parents, or even my therapist. Those things would obviously have to come first before I did anything to this guy.
P.S. Thats another thing that worries me, my parents are friends with his parents.
It's definitely good that you're talking about it, and when you're ready, talking to your therapist about it would probably be a good idea.
Sadly, reporting this to the police now probably wouldn't do any good. Like you said it's been 10 years, so it's likely there will be no evidence.
Try not to worry about your parents being friends with his. If you have to, speak with your therapist about it first, and they can even assist you with approaching your parents.
Good luck with everything! You seem very intelligent from your posts, and it's nice to see someone moving in the right direction.
A good place to start is telling your parents. As a parent myself, I can tell you that my child's well being is more important to me than any friendship. Example - my child's well being: Mount Everest; friendship with another couple: speed bump.
Once you have your parents' support and love behind you, you can decide together if you want to report the criminal or not.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
I agree that it's good to talk to you parents and people you trust about this. I was molested by my babysitters when I was very very young and I never told anyone, my parents still don't know anything about it and I think that it was incredibly unhealthy for me and I'm only just now (I'm 30) to the point where I feel I need professional help. Support from loving parents could only help you, once you've dealt with that step you can worry about whether or not you should inform authorities.
What if he's still doing it- to someone else. To his kids or someone elses.
TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK - to your parents, best friend, minister, councelor, therapist, someone!! You must work this out in your head.
I was raped (drugged) by an acquaintance. I went into PTSD for 2 years, completely blocking it out of my mind. I withdrew from close contact and didn't know why. Something triggered the event and I went through a year of therapy. That helped, but mostly it was talking to my best friends. They were the best support I had.
Fortunately, I completely healed. TALK!!
Talk about it.....do yourself a favor and consult a lawyer. Even though it has been ten years, consult anyway to see if there can be some sort of charges filed (if you are up to filing charges).
Dont worry about your parents being friends w/ his parents....it is their choice. You cannot control someone else's actions.
What does your therapist suggest? Will telling the police potentially stop this person from doing it to someone else?
I was molested when I was little by my brother. I'm 38 now and it just came out about 2 years ago.
I just want to tell you not to hold it in. It's good that you're talking about it here. There is no doubt in my mind that my health broke down because I kept this inside for 30 some years. My body just fell apart and finally in a moment of physical weakness and pain it came out. Since then I've been seeing a therapist and have talked to my parents and friends about it. But my health is forever ruined because of it.
The mind is a powerful thing and can effect you positively as well as negatively.
I think it's absolutely right to "destroy his life". He didn't "inadvertently" put you through pain and sorrow, it was a willfull, conscious act on his part. You didn't do anything wrong in this, but what he did was completely 100% in the wrong and he shouldn't be allowed to get away with it. Chances may also be good that he's done this to others as well.
Take care of yourself, it's good that you have friends to talk about it with and a therapist. I think telling your therapist about it would especially be helpful, they're trianed to help people through situations like this. Don't worry that some people may not like you posting this. If they object, they lack compassion. It's important to speak out.
Actually, statues of limitations has run out to bring legal action, but I agree, this is something that does need to be discussed with a professional/family to help you work through that traumatic time.
(sorry, just had to throw the legal info out there)
Please talk about to someone, parents, religious authority, someone. I speak from experiance on the other side. I learned the hard way, in front of Detectives, that my then 20 yo daughter had been molested by her friends older brother at 6. It stopped when we moved. Then she was date raped twice at 15 while at a party with dancing friends that she was on a national TV show with. She never said anything to us and I find out about it when she was explaining to Detectives why she came forward as a witness to inappropriate conduct in the workplace. I was devasted, and helpless. There was nothing I could do, even then because we did not recall the names of the persons or where they where so many years later. It still bothers me 15 years later. So please, the more I think of it, let your parents know and seek counseling so you can deal with it more easily. Its not any easy thing to overcome and the sooner the better because it will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Telling the police really will not help unless there is another recent allegation. I use that word not b/c I don't believe you, but as a legal term. Even then, it will not help your case, more than likely. They wont do anything about it with no evidence and just your word against his. And the statue is more than likely over, depending on where you live. With that said, if it helps your healing just to tell the police, do it. A fifteen year old boy may or may not have known what he was doing to you psycologically. Then again, he may just be that kind of a person. The first thing you have to accept is you may never know all the answers. All you can do is realize you did not cause it, try to understand what you can, and move on. You have to fogive without an apology. I personally was abused by two family members. One was old enough to know what he was doing, and more than likely had done it to other kids. One I think was just copying the behavor the older one probably taught him the hard way. The older one I called out in court, but it got dismissed b/c it was pretty well his word against mine and I was a "troubled child," thanks mom....The other I never even spoke to him about what happened. I forgave him because I'm pretty sure I understand the why. My point, every situation is differant and will take a differant path to heal. This is about you, not him. Do what you have to do to heal.
I don't know if it varies from state to state, but there is NO statue of limitation for child molestation in Oregon.
Original Post by mommakitty:
I don't know if it varies from state to state, but there is NO statue of limitation for child molestation in Oregon.
It varies. An example:
http://www.ncsl.org/programs/health/genetics/ dnasexoffen.htm
It's an interesting list of how different states treat the SoL issue when DNA evidence is involved.
Identically worded statutes on the list can lead to different results depending on how the law interacts with the rest of that state's criminal code.
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