Set a challenge and ask for help

Hi, If you have a problem with your weight gain and need answers and help to overcome these problems. Then need people to be on your case asking how you are doing with your problems that you are tackling. Maybe we could post it here?

Right now I am having trouble with

the last half stone gaining

eating fats (ed saying not to)

exercising more

not wanting snacks

My alternative answers are

I will try to

remind myself i need to eat 3 meals and snacks if gaining or maintaining and i need to gain more weight, so

eat fats

find distractions

eat snacks that i want (cause i need to to gain and maintain)

A great idea for a thread. When you have to eat fats, try to think of them as healthy hair and nails, glowing skin and a healthy reproductive system - instead of the 'negatives' of fat focus on what it will give you.

I'm struggling with:

Letting myself eat any more than 2500

Being sedentry on some days and accepting that this is ok

Accepting that I have a distorted body image and am underweight

I'm trying to:

Slowly push myself over 2500 a little more each day

Reminding myself that many inpatients are on bedrest and their weight doesn't shoot up.

Avoid mirrors and body checking.

Great thread

I'm struggling with:
-Feeling my body change, feeling fewer bones
-Completing my meal plan when I've over slept and suddenly breakfast and lunch are 2 hours apart with no room for a snack in between
-Returning hormones making me totally over emotional and liable to bursting into tears all over the place
-Feeling enormous

Plan to tackle:
-Stop body checking. Avoid the bathroom mirror. Put lots of bubbles in the bath so I can't see myself! (Sounds lame, works a charm!)
-Take responsibility and set a freaking alarm clock, on days where I oversleep, pluck up the courage to simply add in another Fortisip with night snack. Hard, but neccessary.
-Take my stupid anti-d's even though I hate them :| Talk to people. Don't isolate.
-Listen to my head, not my (ED bespectacled) eyes.

grt idea for me

feeling like i have got to ask permission to eat

feeling i still need to gain

eating fats

finding things to do with my time

thinking to far ahead and panicing about all ive got to do

plan

tell myself i need to eat remember all the reasons why i am doing this, as my theapist put to me so well she said you dont ask me if you take things out so why do you need to ask when you put things in ?

remember that my bmi is abnormal and how much repair i have to do

add more fat into my diet oily fish look with oil

ive been into town today and got some informations of groups and college courses in my area

think it like climbing a mountain if you look in front you think i can never get to the top , but actually if you look behind you can see just how far you have come

thread(y)

i'm finding it hard-

• getting up early enough to fit breakfast/snack in before lunch after going out till late
• not feeling guilty when eating large amounts
• planning my meals for the future when i move away to university on sunday
• knowing whether im binging at night [4cereal bars/2toast/biscuits] or whether it is normal hunger after having restricted for so long

i'm going to try to-

• get up by 9 each day [then go back to bed!]
• remind myself i need to eat large amounts to get up from bmi14
• plan my meals for uni- but not get freaked out if they dont work out
• try to be abit more controlled at nighttime?? [is that ed-ish though?!]

jojoxx

I am struggling with:

Wanting to eat atall

Looking at food as a fuel instead of a poison

Accepting that I have to eat even when I don't feel hungry

Eating and then feeling terribly guilty and anxious for some time afterwards

Over - exercising

Feeling good when I don't eat or when my stomach feels empty

If I do eat, eating with other people

I am going to try my hardest to:

Get some enthusiasm about food

Remind myself that I can't run on empty no matter how much I feel as if I want to

Remember that food = gaining = an improvement in my health

Cut down on the exercise, although I shan't be holding my breath on this one!

mashed and jojo: I get up at 8:00 or so on weekdays, and in my opinion, it is better to get up early for weight gainers and for other people. You get more done, get the early morning brightness, and can fit more (including food!) into the day! Also, as winter approaches, getting up a little earlier means that u get more daylight into your day, as it gets darker earlier, and this can improove your mood.

Emma: Maybe try and plan a 2700 mealplan. Rather than calcualting a 2500 one, then adding on a 200 cal snack or something. This way you arent separating the 200 cal above the 2500 cals, your just having 2700. So plan 2350, and then a 100 and 250 cal snack/extra.

Mashed : I can relate to the feeling body change thing. What helps me is to get rid of clothes i used to wear, that dont necessarily not fit, but that fit different now. I got some new clothes that fit right now (even jeans!) and i feel a lot better, a new image for a new body! Also, fat isnt a feeling!enormous is not a feeling. You Tmay THINK you are enormous or big, but you are not. You can also logically THINK that you are underweight looking at the statistical facts.

Helen: Does a child need permission to eat?They cry when they are hungry and they are fed. Eating is one of the most natural things for a human being to do!. Do you ask for permission to sleep or to go to the toilet? I doubht it! The way to get over eating fats is to -eat fats!. You do still need to gain. So do I. Just keep going like you did at the beginning.

Waycat: Try and find food that you like to bring back your appetite. Your family and friends probabaly see food as an enjoyment and fuel and not as poison. If anything-NOT eating food is poison . Feeling guilty and anxious about eating will only pass if you a)-keep eating and b)-talk about your anxiety-why do you not like eating? what is it about the food that is making you nervous?, then try and distract yourself after meals too.

Hope this advice helps you guys!

thanks drivenlass i feel that is very much my problems having this ed for so long has kept me very child like i guess im not only scared of fighting this ed im scared of growing up but at 27 i think its time i did , butwhy to i still feel 16 ?

I am struggling with:

• Being consistent with *wanting* to gain. It seems to be on and off all the time and it's tiring!
• Eating enough calories each day. I can't count though because I find it extremely triggering, I just roughly estimate. But I know it's not enough most days.
• Comparing my meals to others'. I know I shouldn't but I still can't help it.
• Feeling guilty for snacking! Ugh. So dumb.

Plan to:

• Remember that I will not become obese in one day. It's going to take time to gain weight, so I should relax and enjoy it.
• Either eat MORE or drink those yucky vitaplan drinks I have to increase calories. Or both. Why not!
• Hmm, I suppose somehow I have to try and ignore what other people are eating. Not sure how to go about that but I'll give it a go this coming week (end of holidays, boo!)
• Find snacks that I enjoy and want to eat so I feel less guilty. Also maybe use some sort of distraction technique for afterwards in case I feel the guilts coming on.

I am struggling with:

• Feelings of wanting to restrict/do exercise when unsupervised in evenings or weekends when my boyfriend is away
• Eating when others aren't and needing permission to eat certain foods
• Facing my challenge and fear foods and not thinking that ice cream, a cake or a chocolate bar is going to make me fat
• Changes in my body shape due to my distorted body image issues and the amount of body checking I am doing
• Emotions - trying to let myself loosen up and let people in e.g. being affectionate with my boyfriend - don't pull away when he cuddles me cause I don't like how my body might feel to him - he loves me for goodness sake and wants me to get better!!!!
• Isolation - wanting to spend time on my own rather than others - its easier to be selfish and self-involved

Plan to:

• Have a meal plan and activities in place in advance of times of unsupervision
• Remind myself that I am trying to gain weight and others aren't so in order to do so i will need to eat more and more often and I will need to eat higher calorie foods and should enjoy this!
• Remember that a calorie is a calorie - doesn't matter what form it comes in! Some yoghurts have the same calories as a scoop of ice cream so don't choose yoghurt just cause you think its healthier - if you want ice cream - have it!
• Body image is a hard one.. just trying to not focus on particular parts of my body that I am not so fond of and think about how things will even out in the end..
• I am trying hard to find ways to make myself feel sexy again - HELP PLEASE??? Anyone else finding this hard???
• Contacting friends and enjoying spending time with them and taking an interest in what my friends and family are doing in their lives right now and not talking about myself so much

Zymu: You've got some good plans there. Especially with snacks. I too struggle with snacls adn am going to take your advice on finding ones I really like so I enjoy them. As far as what other people eat, for every person that you compare yourself to that may be eating less than you at one particular meal, they have probabaly had more previous in the day, or will snack later in the day or will have a dessert that you may not have, y'know what i mean? And more importantly, what another person eats/doesnt has absolutley no impact on your life in any way whatsoever!

"Eating more" is also a very general plan, id be more specific. Why not concentrate on one meal that you are going to eat more at? keep the others the same, and over time, build them all up. Its only with practice that eating more becomes easier. Also the idea previous to doing it, is always more scary than the action itself, and once you start doing the action, you will look back and think "Why was i so scared?"

Eringo: Eating when others arent?! i know, why is this so hard! grrrr. A lot of what you are saying sounds like u need to get yourself "out there!". Out into new hobbies and interests, out with your family and friends, out into conversations about life, the world and good ol' gossip. Out of a comfort zone maybe? Chances are you might be feeling anxious about the boy going away cause its a change to routine. And ALL human beings are affected by change. So dont think your abnormal or anything!. Once you get used to it, spending some nice time alone can be v.enjoyable. Maybe have some meals with your family or friends? Peronally, I feel a lot sexier now that i have gained some curves. I try to "shake it" when i walk, and when i feel like, i do my hair and makeup and wear nice clothes. The fact that I can wear female clothes in itself and that there is finally a point in wearing a bra makes me feel better!

Helen: I too am scared of growing up, the real world, responsibilities. I crave security, stability and structure. Ive come to realise though, that all of these things are possible to have in adulthood too, just in different forms. You probably feel sixteen if that is when your ed started. However, even you as a child needed food. You ate, went out to play, climbed a tree, then got hungry, got a snack, watched telly? food was natural as life. It still is, nothing about it has changed.

hey driven - great advice thanks. I am getting myself back out there and trying to get back into social circles but it is a bit of a forced action at the moment. Once I am with my friends i have a great time and i am hoping over time that it wont be hard for me to initiate meals/events out...

about the sexiness thing... thanks - I guess this is just part of the emotional part of recovery but you are right - if I do stuff to make myself look and feel nice and 'shake' the extra behind/hips/boobs I am getting from this then that might start to change my attitude ;)

Original Post by drivenlass:

Waycat: Try and find food that you like to bring back your appetite. Your family and friends probabaly see food as an enjoyment and fuel and not as poison. If anything-NOT eating food is poison . Feeling guilty and anxious about eating will only pass if you a)-keep eating and b)-talk about your anxiety-why do you not like eating? what is it about the food that is making you nervous?, then try and distract yourself after meals too.

 

Wow drivenlass!  Thanks so much for taking the time and trouble to reply to everyone individually - I'm sure I'm not alone in saying how grateful we all are.

You're right about finding food I like to bring back my appetite - my husband has been trying to do just that by dragging me around the supermarket and literally forcing me to put stuff in the trolley that I would not even have considered, first to help me with small snacks and then hopefully progressing onto more substantial stuff.

A good idea too about the distraction after I eat - I have found that I've taken to going out into the garden and finding something to do, but it has resulted in my doing something really physical like sweeping or digging, almost as if I'm subconsiously purging what I have just eaten.  I guess I shall have to try my best to look for a more relaxing distraction.  Maybe I ought to open my piano up again and tinkle the ivories!

Eringo2: How did the day go?did you manage to cook alone?or have fun? i went out shoppin again today, and feel so good in my new clothes, i highly recomend it!!

Mashed and jojo: Sleepy?Manage to wake up early? Mashed, i read you did in another post, how u feeling?it will get easier with time!! and it avoids cramming eh? Jojo, i too panic about meals in college that i may need to prepare for college or what not. So my solution? I am not going to prepare lunch for college, I will buy it at the time for the moment, so I dont need to think about it till the time of the meal Maybe in the future Ill be able to prepare. But for the mo, id rather spend extra money to avoid stress!

Helen: U manage to eat any more fats today? or add any little extras to your meals?I read you are strugglin with hunger too?hows that going?eating more to fil yourself up?! ;-) Di u find any other hobbies?

Zymu: Vitaplan or Ensure drinks have become an acquired taste to me, i dont mind them too much anymore, i found a great snack to enjoy today, a vanilla yoghurt with raspberry compote!-yum! how bout u?

Waycat: Hows the exercise today? u got any distractions that can take your mind off exercise? My counselor said that a there is a normal urge for people to want to move around, and thats ok, but she advised me to sit and distract after meals, and then (after a while) if i feel the urge to move, then do it. Because then i know the urge to move isnt ed related. Also, to get through this distraction time, say to yourself "ill do X, then go for a walk", then keep distracting yourself and putting off the exercise, and the ed urge might fade. Hope this helps

I ate avocado today and a coconut milk curry and a yoghurt (dairy which I have been avoiding)=good fats.

I opened up to my mum about restriction and resistance to gain more. I realise that I still need to gain, and even when I do gain to my goal weight, ill still need to eat properly to maintain.

I resisted exercise i in the morning and I went back to having 2 snacks (tomorrow 3) today. 

I am going to continue to

be honest with family about food

eat three proper meals and 3 snacks

eat when I am hungry

not compare one days food to another days

still gain more!

eat fats and carbs

Great job Drivenlass :) You have some awesome coping strategies - the advice you gave to Waycat was great and even better because you're practising it yourself too :)

Yeah I got up at 8 today having fallen asleep at 4AM :( But I managed to stay awake for the whole day, so hopefully I'll be sleepy in a few hours (it's just gone 9.00PM now)

Struggling a LOT with my changing body but *sigh* trying to keep positive!

OH! And I wanted to add... I'm really proud of myself because today I emailed the counselling service at my university and let them know my situation, when I'm starting, and asking if there would be anything available for me with a counsellor with experience of eating disorders.. Normally I'd NEVER ask for help, especially someone/somewhere I don't even know, but I just want to have 'something' in place if I need it, because I'll be away from home for the first time and I won't have my ED team any more :'(

Mashed: You'll probably be conked by 10:00! i love going to bed when im exhausted, knowing ill ge a good nights sleep!, I know its hard to open up,but its great that u did! i think sometimes, its a stubborn thing "Ill get better MYSELF" or insecurity "I dont deserve to ask for help" or the ed saying "Dont ask for help, dont get better". But opening up and being honest is sucha  crucial factor to getting well again.

You may not have your ed team with you, but they're still there! and you can set up a new support network too. Also, last time you were alone without them, you probabaly werent as strong as you are now against your ed. Youve done a lot of the work, and are probably more capabe of being without them than you think! Happy sleeping!!

drivenlass: yeah I dont really like the taste of vitaplan at all but I force it down most days. i wish there was ensure here in NZ - they look so much more convenient being all pre-bottled and everything. (they DO have it but you have to get a prescription from your doctor for it, and i would feel embarrassed asking for one). vitaplan is lame because its just powder and you have to measure it out and mix it with milk and its so complicated having to measure, PLUS you have to be at home to drink it which is inconvenient sometimes if I dont get home til late.

stupid takeaway night last night for dinner meant i had a stupid freakout after eating.. *sigh* i swear i dont know where they come from sometimes. all of a sudden its like BAM - hit with ED thoughts that do NOT belong in my mind. so it kinda meant i didnt have an after dinner snack *bad* so today I'm going to be brave and try suck it up and make up for last night. havent thought of any good snacks yet!! but i might do some baking in a moment, i have a craving for some cookies or a muffin...  :)

Drivenlass - your responses are so motivational, I struggle with all of these things too.

I have been really struggling to fight the temptation to relapse the past few days, everytime I think it will be better this time but it's always hell, I need to remember that.

I'm also really struggling to keep on eating 2500 a day because I feel like I have gained so much weight (don't get weighed till Thursday), , I feel overweight, even though I'm getting bed sores etc still - so hard to believe that I NEED to eat

Pretty much all I'm struggling with at the moment is accepting that my body is going to be a bit 'bigger' with weight gain. In particular, my belly, which I swear gets bigger with each passing day. It's most likely just the ED convincing me so, because my weight actually hasn't budged much this past week at all, yet my belly feels twice as big as it did a week ago. The only thing I can do about this is to try to look at the bigger picture - either I deal with a little belly now, then live my life ED free, or simply waste away.. Either way, I do have a lot of problems sitting down. I simply cannot begin to describe how disgusting it feels to have the belly 'spill' over pants. D:

goobyb:  God, I feel 100% the same way as you about my stomach, thats the hardest part of my body changing for me - my stomach becoming 'rounder'.  I am constantly checking it in the mirror and asking my family if I look pregnent etc.

I really think it's the eating disorder half of our brain thats making us see it as a bad thing though, because in reality it's great! It's a sign of health - just wish I could always believe that.

hi drivenlass - my day was good thanks and I think I did pretty well by myself. I did have the odd ED thought about 'why don't you just go and exercise as you are just sitting around the house not doing anything' but ignored it and sat and painted my nails instead :) I have to admit it has been a challenge but am doing ok... thanks!

goobyb & emma: I am in exactly the same boat re: having a distorted view of my tummy.... I actually stopped and took a good look at myself in the mirror yesterday after I had a shower and although I still believe my tummy looks 'bigger' the rest of me is still skin and bones.... so we just need to remember that a) we think our tummy's look bigger as that is the area we most fear getting fat and it is our distorted body image voice telling us that, b) they will get a bit bigger as they get used to eating larger amounts of food and this is not fat it is just food sitting in our tummies! and c) over time we have to trust that our body's will settle down and redistribute all our weight as required. I remember only a few years ago I had no issues with my body or my tummy and looked great so I must be able to get back to that!!!

mashed: good on you for speaking up and letting your counselling service at your uni know of your situation and creating a support network to step into. I know through my ED I have developed a habit of not ever asking for help, thinking I can manage everything on my own and I realise that I cant and that through asking for help and really taking the advice is the only way I have really started recovery.

Hang in there guys - with each others support we can get through this!