Set a challenge and ask for help

Hi, If you have a problem with your weight gain and need answers and help to overcome these problems. Then need people to be on your case asking how you are doing with your problems that you are tackling. Maybe we could post it here?

Right now I am having trouble with

the last half stone gaining

eating fats (ed saying not to)

exercising more

not wanting snacks

My alternative answers are

I will try to

remind myself i need to eat 3 meals and snacks if gaining or maintaining and i need to gain more weight, so

eat fats

find distractions

eat snacks that i want (cause i need to to gain and maintain)

hey drivenlass thanks for asking i hope your day was ok , well today i managed to start using butter for the first time and  have to say delicous how did i manage to eat such bland food for so long ? i think back to a comment missmag left a while back that you know you are recovering from anorexia when skimmed milk no longer tastes like cream but water :) I also cooked in olive oil. the hungers still a bit of a struggle i just hope it settles down i hate feeling like some ravenus beast i just find it werid when i was more underweight i wasnt hungry , now im heavier and feel more starved you d think it would be opposite. my theapist hasset up a meeting next week wth social services and they are going to help me get into something . ive also signed up for a computer course in october. i try to view the hunger as its like people who have sickness bugs and dont eat alot for days when they get better they are so hungry .

I Know the tummy things hard for me its been a problem, i think for alot of us its in the mind and its easy to forget whats normal and when eaten a meal its normal to feel full and a bit bloated i just listen to the people who have been through this and it does distribute

wel done everyone in all the efforts you all put in , we really have come on in heaps and bounds and together we can do this girls. driven glad you added a picture to your profile

and rebelchick the transformation ive seen in you is such a joy to see h x

emmabrody: I've been doing (or rather wanting) to ask everyone too!! Though I never actually ask it because I know it would do more harm than good. Yesterday I received a comment from someone at school about how there was something different about the way my clothes fit. It totally threw me into a panic.. Instead I sat in the corner most of the day, not wanting to go out anywhere for fear that everyone would notice. Though I still did manage to eat 3000 calories AND resist some coma-inducing exercise. Maybe I'm being a bit sensitive about this, but man, it's such a soft topic for me right now.

eringo2: I am positive that there was SOME change that occured to my belly. I think the ED magnifies it, but I'm convinced there's been some change. I don't think it's related to bloating much anymore. Rather than the belly being hard and extended, it's very soft and jiggly, almost like it was when I was overweight. I guess that's what freaks me out so much.. It's almost like a flashback to the days when I was overweight.

tessa1223: That's a really interesting tidbit about skim milk tasting like water. Since I've started drinking 2% and occasionally whole (when we buy it), I can't stand skim milk. It seems like it has no substance whatsoever. While 2% and whole milk provide a bit of satiety. Not to mention they taste GREAT!!!

goobyb - I see your point re: belly and I am getting a bit of the same too - it is still quite full from eating more food but it is also getting some softness to it as you mention yours is. I take comfort in others that post on this forum who say they have been through recovery and experienced the same thing and that over time our bodies will redistribute the 'softness/jigliness' to where it wants to. We need to understand it goes to our tummies first to protect vital organs. Hang in there and make sure you wear clothes you are comfortable in so that you don't feel so self-conscious about how your tummy feels to you.

Original Post by drivenlass:

Waycat: Hows the exercise today? u got any distractions that can take your mind off exercise?

 

Oh if only it were that easy, driven!  I am still working out hard every day, and it's SO difficult for me to think in any other way because I get the runner's high and I have to admit to loving that feeling.

I read your comments about chilling out after a meal and then perhaps moving around if I still feel the urge.  I have decided today to phone my mum when I've had my dinner tonight - hopefully I'll (1) be able to sit and chat instead of running around, and (2) be able to tell her what I've eaten and hopefully give her a good report!  Fingers crossed!

Waycat: What does exercise get you? What benefits? in order for you to want to do something , it must be giving you something? What? If you figure that out then maybe you will be able to control you urges more. I know its not easy, but with practice and understanding, living and not overexercising becomes easier.

Go Helen!: Real butter is amazing, and i love real milk too! in ireland we have great bainne!(thats milk in irish). There are many articles online about starvation and hunger and eating behaviours and body repsonses, you should look it up! its quite insteresting.

Zymu: Get the perscription in you'll deink the ensures! I did, and the look on not only my docs face but the lady in the chemist too, they were saying "Thankgod! shes getting better"(I live in a small town where everyone knows me!). The ensures are so handy dandy, I would highly recomend!.  Also, totally know what u mean about freakouts! takeaways are a challenge, and onw can only do so much of recovery at a time. Ive actually picked out a few dishes from takeaway menu's that I will eat, then when it comes to choosing its not a hassle. And to challenge myself, I pick at other peoples dishes!

Emma: THis statement is so true- fat isnt a feeling! you can only think fat, and logically you cant think that because you are underweight, get me?x

Weight defifnitely goes to stomach first, there is no point in saying "its all in my ed mindset!", yea, some of it is, but reality is weight does go to tummy first to protect organs, insulation, so that we can have kids. Weight goes to legs and arms last, but it does distribute (i hold faith!! ;-) )

Support that is external, outside yourself is so crucial to getting better and gaining weight. It is so hard to ask ourselves questions, becasue lets face it-there are two voices giving an answer. This is why I always have to talk out loud when I am having an issue, not even to get an answer from someone else all the time-just to shut the ed voice up!So that I can just eat the food or not exercise!, or figure out what the ed voice is saying so i can rationalise it, becasue it is lying to me.

goobyb: Well done on receiving that comment and eating anyway,. Those comments will come and when someone says something, there is no bad intention behind it. A negative reaction on our part, in my opinion, is caused by ed not liking the comment, rather than the recovery part of us, saying "Yeah I do like different and better!"

Keep trekking girlies!! im really going to try adn get my snack and eat on today, and choose what i want (inc. fats and carbs)and engage in life and do things!

xxx

well done drivenlass your fighting so hard and such a help to others

waycat i can understand your exercise addiction its something ive battled with all i can say is it is worth battling with , it does get easier .

emma you are doing grt , try not to look at all the weight you have gained try to focus on all the positives you are getting out of this , also think of it as weight restoration not gain your building and repairing the body to what it should be

erin i have been following your journey and you worked so hard its lovely to see keep it up

zymu i understand all your worries and it must be hard with uni and everything it alot to take on at such a low bmi . yo have similar worry to me of eating hard amounts thinking you are binging and getting so hungry it is normal but as others have said it ill normal and hunger is a good think it means your body is trying to work normally again , when so starved your body will to everything in its power to get you to eat

goobyb ive had comments to people dont know what to say to be helpful . well done in continuing to battle on , its hard to deal with but its all the ed voice trying to convince you you should go back to that emaciated state

keep going girlies

I am struggling with:

• dealing mentally with my weight gain and accepting it
• feeling as though my stomach sticks out a mile
• obessing over the protein content in everything I eat, worrying it isnt high enough
• controlling my urges to exercise, this is a real hard one because I end up balacning food with exercise
• learning to relax and even bring myslf to sit down
• seeing other people who are sicker than me
• having to know the calorie count of everything I eat

I am going to:

• stop comparing myself to others
• try to eat out sometime, maybe even just a sandwich or salad out somewhere but at least it would be a start
• try to focus on the positives in life

eringo2: That's also a good point. I do trust the stories of those who have recovered, but my ED keeps telling me that I'm different and none of it applies. Especially with me being male, and the majority (if not all) the recovered people here being female. I also have been trying to wear loose clothes that don't make my belly obvious.. Unfortunately, they aren't the best looking clothes haha (sweatpants, HUGE t-shirts). But as long as it keeps me from focusing on my belly, I'm fine with it.

drivenlass: Thanks! A little encouragement like that goes a loonnng way with me. =] That's what I try to convince myself. I mean, the person didn't even know of my struggles with eating and weight, so their intentions weren't bad at all. I did receive another great comment from my friends this weekend. When they gave me a hug before I left, they told me how warm and alive I left. Now that made me feel really good.

tessa1223: Thanks for your comment! I agree, it is very hard to deal with the ED voice. I have noticed lately that I'm able to 'silence' the ED voice a lot better than before, and make decisions based on what I want, not what the ED wants.

Thanks everyone for all your comments!! Keep on going everyone!!!!!

Hi betty!: You set yourself a lot to focus on!, i wouldnt be able to do that much at once, my head would most likely explode!, can u handle that much? might it be less stress to only deal with  two or three of your probs this week, adn the rest at a later stage? I only say this because it might be a bit overwhelming ans u may back away? Im only speaking from my own experience and from the general notion that people with ed's are perfectionistas! and try to fix all at once, and this can get them into stress and trouble/ Its only a suggestion. As far as comparing yourself to others, you're unique, there is noone else like you!. It s great to be able to eat out. Give it a go. To make it more comfy, go somehwere YOU want to go, and have something simple, just to get used to eating out. Also, being out means you can see how carefree poeple are about food!its quite fascinating, and puts food into perspective.

Goobyb:  im so glad you could hear the comments of your friends, do you beleive it yourslef more importantly? One thing I am thinking of lately is-This will be the first winter in a long time where I can be warm! and not unbelievably freezing!! (I live in ireland where its pretty much always cold!) Im adding insulation for the winter!!

drivenlass: thanks!! :) ok i might ask her for them next time i see her (should be soon, blood test results from last thursday morning that im sure she will want to discuss with me + weigh me and all). im so bummed today because uni starts back (just finished a 2 week break) and since its oficially "spring" now - still not THAT warm, but sunnier - people will be in tshirts and shorts. And let me tell you I am still COLD, and unable to wear my big jacket to snuggle up in. so its a big step today as I am going off to uni wearing only ONE jacket (light), so people will actually be able to see me properly for the first time in a long time. its scary. and im cold already.

and I've noticed my hands and feet get REALLY veiny at times.. does this happen to anyone else? like the veins just kinda pop out and then I have to elevate my hand to make them go down again. its pretty gross actually.

Hi Driven, thanks for the advice, yes perhaps I have tried a bit to much. I tend to do that, think of all the things I need to do and then try and do them at once. I think maybe I`ll focus on the eating out this week, my mum wants to go away a day this week so it would be an ideal time.

Zymu: just re read your original post about feeling embarrassed to ask for the ensures. I take fortisips which are the same thing really and I get these on prescription. I do understand how you feel because I felt slightly embarrassed asking for them and then going into the pharmacy to pick them up but really no-one batted an eye lid at it. The doctor was more than happy to write the prescription and the people in the pharmacy have more things to worry about than giving me a supplement drink! Dont let that hold you back at all.

Veiny happens to me too! its cause there isnt much flesh covering the veins i think? it happens to me when i get too warm, it kinda freaks people out! another reason to gain i guess! I know it might be difficult with everyone wearing shirts etcc, but dont let it get u down! let it be a motivation to you to keep going so u can be warm and wear tshirts!x

thanks betty and driven!! i think i shall definitely ask for them when I see her. and yeah i will take the gross veinyness as a good incentive to gain! no one wants to have spiderman hands.

drivenlass: I wholeheartedly believe what my friends said. As happy as I am from that comment, I really want to get away from needing acceptance from others in order to feel good about myself. I second the thing about winter! Although here in CA, we don't actually get snow, but it still can get pretty chilly. Since I was young, part of me always enjoyed cuddling next to the stove with my family and enjoying rich, winter foods. I'm extremely excited to eat those without guilt this year!!

tessa- thanks for your kind words - it is great to see you progressing also - I always watch what you are up to and I know you have been through a lot of ups and downs but from what you have posted here you are taking some really positive steps so keep it up! I am here for you! :)

goobyb: yeah I know the body image thing will take quite a while to adjust I think - are you seeing a psychologist or counsellor to discuss this aspect of your ED? I was seeing one but she and I didn't really click but am thinking about hunting out a new one as I am happy with how my eating/reduction in exercise is going but the main thing now holding me back is how I view my body...

eringo2: I'm not currently seeing a psychologist. I stopped going after everyone thought I was getting better back in March and April. I do sometimes talk with my mom's boyfriend. He might not be a psychologist, but he is a doctor (actually he's my GP) AND he's also one of the best cooks I have ever had the pleasure of being with. (Coincidence maybe??? lol). He also helped my mom recover from her anorexia/anorexic tendencies.

Your situation is pretty much exactly the same as mine. Even before the ED, I've always known that my body stored fat in different places compared to 'average'. Rather than having prominent shoulders, I have more prominent hips and proportionally larger thighs. I've never had those chicken legs common with most guys my age haha.

goobyb: that's great that you have access to a gp who can help with questions but maybe if it's a struggle a psych might help with your mindset side of things? I am a bit 50/50 on this myself but am really thinking i should give it another go... another option is maybe have you seen if there are any male anorexia support groups near you at all? If you have the feeling that you are different recovering as a male then it might help for you to speak to other males who are in/have recovered? Just a thought?

You are doing so so well and it is great to see how far you have come - keep pusing through - it will all be worth it!

eringo2: Yeah, if I continue to struggle with my body image, he'll probably refer me to another psych. I want to see how I can handle the next week or two. They're watching me closely, so if things get out of hand, they'll definitely have me see a psych.

I was actually looking around for support groups around here the other day. To my knowledge, there aren't any at all in this immediate area.. Not even for females.

Thanks! It's also great to see how much you've improved!! I wish you the best of luck!

I wish you best of luck goobyb - keep in touch though as I am keen to hear how you are doing and your motivation to get yourself to where you are now continues to be an inspiration for me! If you happen to find any magical 'body image fix' solutions then please let me know and I will do the same! he he he :)