Sex

So...just out of curiosity, how many people have you been intimate with in your life?

Original Post by jessicasbc:

zero.  im 20 years old. 

i managed to keep my virginity for a good long while compared to most if not all of my friends growing up. i mean i did 'other' things with my bf at the time and i wasn't really maintaining my virginity for any special reason, i just felt that i wasn't ready to cross that bridge yet.

but once i did & i had fun... well then that let the gates loose. im still sex mad even tho i've been in my monogamous relationship for 13 years. & i've 'soiled my oats' & he's done the same (altho at least he can remember everyone's name)

so i think if you want to keep it a 'sacred act' then my advice is to definately wait for that special time/person cuz once you find out how much fun it is, its hard to not want it all the time.

but even for those of us that did not wait for that special person (or at least that special special person), there is a difference between making love & just plain ole having sex. even with my husband some times we make love & some times we just have sex.

Original Post by allisonwondrland:

Seriously?  Good for you.  Not being sarcastic.  I'm hoping my children make it til at least 20, if they're not married.  No matter what anyone says, there is no rush.  Take your time.  Ignore the haters.

who's hating?  Losing your virginity is a personal choice -- if you choose to wait until you get married (or find the "right" partner, or just finally feel you are "ready"), why would/should anyone have a problem with that?

On the other hand -- why have a problem with not waiting, also?

I thought I had found the guy I would marry -- turns out he was just a very patient cherry picker...  I learned a lesson, but I also learned that I didn't die -- so after trying again, I found someone who knew what he was doing -- and realized that it was too much fun to not do...  I don't regret having as many partners as I have -- I do regret some of my motivations, and probably would not do it quite the same way if I lived my life over.  But I might.

^^ yeah, I realized my comment could have come across as hating, so let me clarify.

As long as you don't judge me for my choices, I have NO PROBLEM if you decide to wait 'til marriage. I do, however, hope it's a personal choice and not something you feel like you're going to hell if you don't do.

I am just infinitely glad that this was not something I felt that I had to do or risk social/familial rejection, because I would have just made the same choices but felt like a horrible person for them instead of learning from them and growing as a result.

11 partners.  I am 22.

As long as you're safe and not engaging in adultry, who cares?

Times change, people change, trends change.  I'm 52 and have had probably more than 30, but most of those were many years ago.  IMO you can rack up quite a few if you are at a certain point in your life.  Definitely one of the most personal choices a person can make :)

Original Post by emilyd22222:

^^ yeah, I realized my comment could have come across as hating, so let me clarify.

As long as you don't judge me for my choices, I have NO PROBLEM if you decide to wait 'til marriage. I do, however, hope it's a personal choice and not something you feel like you're going to hell if you don't do.

I am just infinitely glad that this was not something I felt that I had to do or risk social/familial rejection, because I would have just made the same choices but felt like a horrible person for them instead of learning from them and growing as a result. 

 I like your philosophy. I personally really can't phathom why anyone would make their goal to only have one partner for their entire life.

im actually not waiting for marriage and i dont care who waits or not.  i just havent done it yet.  simple as that

Original Post by moonikins:

Original Post by emilyd22222:

^^ yeah, I realized my comment could have come across as hating, so let me clarify.

As long as you don't judge me for my choices, I have NO PROBLEM if you decide to wait 'til marriage. I do, however, hope it's a personal choice and not something you feel like you're going to hell if you don't do.

I am just infinitely glad that this was not something I felt that I had to do or risk social/familial rejection, because I would have just made the same choices but felt like a horrible person for them instead of learning from them and growing as a result. 

 I like your philosophy. I personally really can't phathom why anyone would make their goal to only have one partner for their entire life.

I didn't really make it a goal--it just kind of played out that way. Honestly, I don't think I could ever look at another man (or woman, as I'm bisexual) sexually after my husband. He was my first and will remain my only, and you know what? I'm perfectly cool with that. He's great at what he does and is never adverse to trying new things with me, nor is he adverse to receiving advice from me, either.

Having only one partner for life is absolutely great when you have a partner who's willing to listen, learn, and experiment with you. We've been having sex for years now (going on 5 years sexually active with him), and there hasn't been a dull moment. We both really enjoy sex too much to let it get boring, haha.

I actually had thought I'd go through a few partners before settling. Figures that the first person I had sex with would be my last, lol. There was one girlfriend before him whom I would have been sexual with, had she not  been asexual. Oh well. I'm extremely satisfied with my goofball of a husband. =P

Original Post by armandleg:

I didn't really make it a goal--it just kind of played out that way. Honestly, I don't think I could ever look at another man (or woman, as I'm bisexual) sexually after my husband. He was my first and will remain my only, and you know what? I'm perfectly cool with that. He's great at what he does and is never adverse to trying new things with me, nor is he adverse to receiving advice from me, either.

Having only one partner for life is absolutely great when you have a partner who's willing to listen, learn, and experiment with you. We've been having sex for years now (going on 5 years sexually active with him), and there hasn't been a dull moment. We both really enjoy sex too much to let it get boring, haha.

I actually had thought I'd go through a few partners before settling. Figures that the first person I had sex with would be my last, lol. There was one girlfriend before him whom I would have been sexual with, had she not  been asexual. Oh well. I'm extremely satisfied with my goofball of a husband. =P

aw how cute. and i dont even think its about how many partners you've had sex with, its all about how good it is or has been.  but practice does make perfect!

Hmm.... i know no one wants to be judgemental and all that....so i guess i will have to say it!

Waiting for marriage IS wrong / stupid.

I mean really... a relationship is partially about sex (without the sex, your just great friends that like to cuddle <3). Dedicating yourself to something like marriage before trying that part out is just asking for trouble (and stupid?).

The only reason people are still doing that is because of a victorian view towards sex and its continued taboo.

Yup...someone had to say it...

Although I respect a person's decision on whether they want to wait until marriage or not, I agree with lorik.  It'd be a shame to wait all that time, commit to someone for the rest of your life, and then realize that you and the other person are not very sexually compatible. 

younts, lorik, I agree with you guys. I am a very sexual person. In the relationship prior to my husband, I figured out I couldn't really be completely happy with someone who would not be physical with me at least a few times a week. I still have a soft spot for my ex-girlfriend, but we would have never worked out because I like sex way too much, and she has no interest in sex whatsoever, even to this day.

It took being sexual with my now-husband to realize that, as I had fooled myself into believing I could live my life with someone who I was not completely sexually compatible with. When it comes to doing the deed, the hubby and I are indeed compatible, and that helps tremendously with our relationship. I get cranky when I'm sexually frustrated, lol, as I found out when hubby and I spent months and months apart due to his training and deployments. I still have a higher sex drive than him, though. I think I always will, haha.

lorik,

Victorian views toward sex are not the only reason to wait until marriage. 

Yes, sex is an important part of a relationship, but waiting until after marriage to find out how sexually compatible two people are is not wrong or stupid.  So what if I get into a marriage and find out that working toward sexual compatibility is going to be hard.  Marriage isn't easy anyway.  The point is to find someone you love who loves you who shares your dreams, values, and goals and then you figure out how to make everything else come together.  You work at it; and if "it" includes sex, then you work at that too.

There are a handful of reasons why I have waited and will continue to wait until I am married before I have sex.  I consider myself to be very religious and some of my reasons stem from that.

-I believe that my waiting shows self control (I have had a number of opportunities that I passed up).  If I have self control and if I have the ability to tell myself (and a potential partner) no, I believe I have a better ability to control other emotions (anger, for example) which could lead to better understand and better communication in a relationship.

-I believe that my body is a gift from God and that that gift should not be abused or damaged (I'm thinking STDs here) and should be respected (by myself and others).  This is also why I don't drink, smoke, use illicit drugs, or dress inappropriately and why I try to eat right and exercise.

-I believe that procreation should be kept between a husband and a wife so that children have the opportunity to learn from and be loved by both a mother and a father.  Yes, you can have sex without reproducing, but there is always the risk of pregnancy.

-I believe waiting until marriage shows an added level of commitment from me to my future husband (I am engaged and my fiance has also waited, showing the same commitment and dedication to me) and an added level of commitment from me to my Savior, who created me and blesses me and helps me through the hard times.

-I know, not from my own experience but from experiences of others, that it is difficult to separate sex from emotion.  I have been in relationships that ended difficultly for me.  I know that if sex had been a part of that relationship, it would have been even more difficult for me to bounce back.

-I believe that having only one partner to share those experiences with brings two people closer together, emotionally and physically.

The only reason I have find in my own life to not wait until marriage is a physical desire to have sex.  This doesn't even begin to compare to the reasons I am waited, so I wait.

I understand that you may not agree with my reasons for waiting until I am married, but I wanted to put those reasons out there so others may have a better understanding of why I, and many other people, wait to have sex until after marriage.

Original Post by loriklorik:

Hmm.... i know no one wants to be judgemental and all that....so i guess i will have to say it!

Waiting for marriage IS wrong / stupid.

I mean really... a relationship is partially about sex (without the sex, your just great friends that like to cuddle <3). Dedicating yourself to something like marriage before trying that part out is just asking for trouble (and stupid?).

The only reason people are still doing that is because of a victorian view towards sex and its continued taboo.

Yup...someone had to say it...

 I don't know if I think it's wrong....but I think it's a little extreme.

For me I have to be in a committed relationship, and I have to feel that their is mutual love. Pretty much I have to be in love. I'm not the casual sex type. I have tons of friends who are, and I would never hold it against them.  Whatever makes you happy.

My working theory on why religion wants their sheep to wait till after marriage for sex is .... it makes the population wayyyy more eager to get married! What better way to get people to commit to eachother then to twist natural sexual desire into something like that?

Its kind of like saying that they cant eat unless they are performing some function for god! Your going to get a lot more people signing up to clean the church windows just so they can get a bite ><

Hehe knd of off topic though.....

BUT, for that person who had 75 partners....I just have one question....

Which kind of lover was the best? :) Was it the short guy? The tall guy? The guy with the biggest thing? Maybe a woman? Or the older person? Maybe younger? I mean, after sampling that many different people....you gotta have a really informed opinion on which is the best! I is curious!

It isn't one body type that is best. It really is about the attitude towards sex and his or her willingness to share/satisfy. A lover who is arrogant or only into themselves does not make a good partner. The lover who realizes the more pleasure you give a partner the more pleasure you receive is what you want. You also want someone who is openminded and willing to experiment. A lover who does the same things over and over gets boring.

I'm tall so have mostly been with tall men. Short men tend to fall into two categories. They are either secure and don't care that they're short or they are out to prove that they're manly despite being short. Stay away from any partner who has something to prove. No matter what it is.

Penile size does matter somewhat. Very small can be unsatisfying even when the lover is exceptionally good in other areas.

A lot can be said for an older lover when you're young. They make great teachers. They also tend to help you overcome hangups about sex and/or your body. I also had some much younger men in my early 40's. Wow, it was wonderful to experience all that sexual energy and have a lover that wanted and could perform repeated offerings in one night.

I have discovered through my wanderings that many men like to boast about how they're always ready and willing for sex. Not many have had the same high sex drive they seem to boast about. I discovered that quite a few men are intimidated by a woman who has a strong sex drive or by one who initiates sex. The double standard is very much in play.

Any other questions?

Original Post by loriklorik:

My working theory on why religion wants their sheep to wait till after marriage for sex is .... it makes the population wayyyy more eager to get married! What better way to get people to commit to eachother then to twist natural sexual desire into something like that?

Its kind of like saying that they cant eat unless they are performing some function for god! Your going to get a lot more people signing up to clean the church windows just so they can get a bite ><

 It is also to keep their numbers up. If the religion keeps the sheep breeding only with that religion, then the religion maintains and grows its population.

I have been with 3.  I was with all 3 for longer than a year, so it wasn't just a 1 night thing for me.  I liked the emotional connection involved with the sex as well as the physical.  I did "other things" with other people (2 or 3), but only did the dirty with 3.

I started out when I was a senior in high school.  I was with the girl for 10 months before we had sex.  I was actually in love with her, but she had a different agenda.  We were eachothers firsts, but I had to go to work over that summer out of town and we didn't get to even speak until the weekends.  Our weekends together weren't enough for her so she ended it by (sort of) cheating, it was making out with another man while I was away at work.  She broke up with me over a voicemail and we never really got to talk about it.  She obviously didn't want a relationship with me.  Sex complicated things and she didn't want to be tied down so early in life.  I am so grateful that she ended it.  I have had a chace to  move on with my life.  Sex wasn't a mistake, it just seemed like it at the time.

The second was with a girl I was with for about 16 months.  We both had partners before eachother and to be honest, I knew our relationship wouldn't last from the first time we had sex.  I just didn't feel any connection.  We were a great couple most of the time, but the sex was just bad.  This sounds bad, but I just wasn't attracted to her when she was naked.  She wasn't an unattractive person, but I just didn't have that spark.  The problem was is that she did.  I tried to end it early, but I felt bad and draged it out for months.  I eventually had to end it on bad terms.  Nasty break up; we haven't spoken since.

I am with my 3rd now for almost 2 years.  I know she is the one.  We met in a Physics Lab course we were enrolled in together.  It took me a long time to build up the courage to ask her out.  (She was out of my league.)  I finally got the guts up and walked her to her car.  We exchanged numbers and began talking on the phone immediately.  We started dating a week later.  Everything just felt right.  We didn't wait long to have sex (4 weeks), but we had been talking for a long time prior to our dating relationship.  To say great sex would be an understatement.  We have such a great relationship and are deeply in love.  We live together now and we are planning to get engaged ASAP, which may take some time.  We are college students and I can't really afford to buy a ring right now.  I pay out of pocket for tuition and support her, so it's hard to come up with that kind of money.  So if any of you know where I can get a 1ct round cut, diamond engagement ring for a decent price, let me know!

Sorry for the long post, but I started reminissing and remembered why I'm so happy now.  As my dad used to say, You may have to fall on your face a few times, but if you continue trying, you will eventually get it right.

Original Post by moonikins:

Penile size does matter somewhat. Very small can be unsatisfying even when the lover is exceptionally good in other areas.

yes, so so, in a way, but the biggest one i had, he had absolutely no clue what so ever what to do with it, i could've done without that experience.

 

I have discovered through my wanderings that many men like to boast about how they're always ready and willing for sex. Not many have had the same high sex drive they seem to boast about. I discovered that quite a few men are intimidated by a woman who has a strong sex drive or by one who initiates sex. The double standard is very much in play.

thats soooo true, it can be frustrating. ive run into to that a few times, except that well no one seemed to mind me initiate sex when i did, but ive heard of a few that have.

 

as far as showing more commitment by waiting...um yeah well not really, i prefer when someone makes a commitment to me when they actually know & love me. i just find that strange, its not like they actually waited specifically for their specific spouse, it was just the 'idea' of a spouse. but thats just me, i have little quirky romantic ideas than some. like i dont believe in love at first sight, again i prefer if someone actually loved me for me & you can't unless you know me.

 

I have created a formula that will tell you how many men a woman has slept with. It is not perfect and you have to use some judgement.

Here is the formula:

Take the age she is now, let's say 30.

Then subtract the age at which she lost her virginity. About 65% of girls lose their virginity at age 15 or 16.  This leave you with 14 years of sexual relationships.

Now subtract the amount of long-term relationship years she has had, but leave one for each relationship (this assumes she was faithful, again judgement is key). Say she has had 2 LTR that totaled 7 years. This leaves 7.

Take the 7 and multiply it by 2 = 14  + the 2 LTR = 16

She has slept with 16 people. You may not believe this, you can adjust it by half if she does not hang out in bars or post on Craigslist Casual Encounters. If you met her in the bar you can multiply by 1.5. If you took her home the first night you can multiply it by 2.

Good Girl = <8

Normal Range = 16 + or - 3  (13 - 19)  Most will fall in this range with this many LTRs

Ahem "experienced" = 24+

Do not be confused by the poll going on here. The numbers are skewed because even though it's anonymous some women don't list their actual numbers (some have posted a lot, or too many to count).

Many women tend to underestimate the amount. They don't think a 1-night stand or the fact that she didn't know his last name means it doesn't count.

I am thinking about sending this formula to Maxim for publication. Do you guys think they would publish this?

Do you think it is accurate?