sex problems

ok so im a young 18year old... i'v only really started having sex about a year ago. about 6 months ago i got together with a guy who is quite a bit older than me. we decided that the relationship would never be serious. please dont judge me, but we strangly enough met through having a threesome with a friend of mine. somehow, we actually ended up in a proper relationship. believe me, he is an amazing guy. i'v bonded with all his family and friends and we love each other very much. i'v always seen sex as a more personal thing (that threesome was not my exactly meant to happen), but he has had alot more experience and has been more of a party animal over the years, so he wants more i guess. he loves me, and i know it for a fact, but the things he now is starting to want has started to freak me out a bit. he want more threesomes with girls.. and has offered to even have it with guys to make sure its fair for me. i'v explained to him that im not that comfortable with it, but somehow he seems to make it seem ok. i, to be really honest, dont want them, but im so unbeliebaly scared that it will push him away. i know that if he loves me enough he would leave it, but try put yourself in my shoes. if you've been in this situation you will understand. i just love him so much, but im scared that im not good enough and now he is craving other girls. he tells me that all he wants is me, but also to be able to expierence other people with me.

im just so confused and im not sure how to handle this.

dont get me wrong, he isnt a sleazy horrible guy, he really is amazing. i just dont know how to explain to him...

also, im not at all comfortable with my body, so having a threesome with yet another person would kill me. he likes the skinny girls (its behond me why he is with me) so that also scares me.

please please help me

xxx

girl i also had a boyfriend a few years ago who was like that - he wanted to do things that I was not completely ready for/comfortable with and he also had a way of making it "seem okay"

I am telling you now - you cannot bend the way that you think about things in order to make this guy happy.  I was with my boyfriend for 3 years, and I also was afraid of pushing him away, and he would make me feel so guilty when I said no to him, so I'd always end up caving and he'd always win and get what he wanted. it's a real real bad situation to get yourself into.  Because somewhere down the road it could all catch up with you and no one wants regrets. 

At the time, i loved him so much and therefore was willing to put my own preferences in the backseat for him.  Looking back however, those were probably some of the worst decisions of my entire life and I can't go back to change them. 

And now I absolutely cannot stand him (he's now my ex, obviously). So i'm telling you you've got to be honest with him and do not be afraid to say NO if you don't want to do something

"Nothing beats being really honest about who you are and what you need. The rest just works itself out"

thank you so much for your advice. really do appreciate it.

what you're saying is actualy to true. i guess i knew it all along... i was just to scared to admitt it. thanx again. x

tell it like it is from day 1!!!! no exceptions!!!!

dont establish any patterns early in the relationship that you dont want to be expected to follow.  that includes open vs closed relationship. you did it once, now he wants to push for an open relationship. oops.

if you arent comfortable you have to say so. be honest with yourself, dont fake anything!

You need to put yourself first, especially if he doesn't want to be serious.  It's not a healthy relationship if you're always giving in to what he wants.  Say no if you're uncomfortable and don't back down.  He isn't worth it when he's pulling that kind of stuff.

just like everyone else stated. Set your own limits and let him know what they are. If he doesnt understand and appreciate them then he is not deserving of your affection. Also this began as a non-serious relationship as I undersand (no strings attached), yet out of a sudden it became one. If it truly is a serious relationship the happiness in the other person in the relationship should be the priority - yet to a point in which you are not extracting from your own well being. If he was asking you to go to this one concert for example.. of a band or style of music you did not particularely enjoy yet he really wants you to go with him... then fine, you could satisfy him by doing that and then once its over the ball is in your court and you can ask of him to acompany you shopping the entire day (forgive my dumb examples). But in this case its something which does involve your well being.. your happiness in general. If he cannot see that then he is being incredibly selfish and should not be worth your time.

You don't really sound confused to me. You sound like you know how you feel, and you should do whatever feels right for you.

Can I dork out for a minute and quote a policy my friends and I lived by (and still adhere to)? It's about sexual consent. I won't spell out the don'ts, but here is the most basic do - Verbal and Willing:

This spirit is about a fully affirmative YES. Not an ambiguous yes, or a well-not-really-but-ok-I-guess yes. Certainly not a silent-no "yes," or an ouch or yuck-but-I'm-afraid-to-hurt-your-feelings yes. This is about YES, UM HUM, ABSOLUTELY, YIPPEE YAHOO YES! Being with someone who you are sure REALLY WANTS to be with you. Being with someone who you are sure YOU REALLY WANT to be with. THAT is EXCITING, is EROTIC, is DEEP, is GREAT, is Y E S! That is consent. That is the Spirit of the policy. (Capelletti, The Spirit of the Policy is YES)

Don't be self-conscious about saying no, when you mean no - or yes, when you mean yes. Bottom line: you will not feel good about yourself, and it will likely ruin your relationship and sex life with this guy if you force yourself into sexual situations that don't appeal to you. Trust me. If it's not something you're interested in and if doing it would compromise the trust and intimacy of your sex life, it is going to push you two apart in the long run - exactly what you're trying to avoid.

It's great that he's being open with you - you need to be open with him, too. It's so important. If he starts pressuring you, tell him to get lost. You already know you both feel differently about it, and that's okay, but he should respect you, your body and your decision.

If you are both looking for different types of relationships...even if you really like eachother, things just wouldnt work out. He could still be the greatest guy in the world, but he might just not want the same things as you (it doesnt make you or him bad, just incompatible in that way). Some things are minor (like he wants to sleep with the window open, and you want to sleep with them closed)....but others are more likely relationship deal breakers.

Just be upfront with what you want from the relationship....if its ok with him, than go forward together. If he feels he NEEDS to have threesomes and you feel you dont want that...then just agree it wont work out and be friends.

Maybe there is a middle ground somewhere? Get a dog?

If he's into somthing that your not.. eventually that will corse probelms in your relationship if hes not getting somthing he wants.. 

Im not saying you should do what he wants only that you should be aware that if hes not getting it he may go astray in the future.

Maybe swinging will work for you?  4 rather than 3. 

does anyone find it odd the op joined a diet site and the first thing she did on that same day is post about her sexcapades and fav alcoholic drink?

bagga, this just shows that she has quickly adapted to the CC atmosphere. She's skipped wasting all of that time on focusing first on weight loss and then joining the discussions.

If only I too had done so...

*thinks back with regret on all the time wasted using this site primarily as a weight loss tool* :D

bagga dear your claws are showing...dont you have a pole to go scratch or something?

no claws, just curiosity, by the way is that a pink dolphin in your avatar or are you just happy to see me?

what, it's a pink dolphin dido?

The woman should make the rules.  Always.  If you are NOT OK with it - STOP, now.

Original Post by glamgram:

The woman should make the rules.  Always.  If you are NOT OK with it - STOP, now.

I think neither partner should "make the rules" - women can be into funkier stuff than guys, and if he's not ok with it, it shouldn't happen. Both people need to be comfortable in a relationship (sexual, or more generally).

sex can be an addiction...communication is vital no matter whos into what.

The quoted post has been moderated and therefore cannot be seen.

 I'm a little large to fulfill such a purpose...................

Original Post by bagga:

The quoted post has been moderated and therefore cannot be seen.

 I'm a little large to fulfill such a purpose...................

porpoise?

ahahahahaha! good one

porpoise haha

i dated a guy once who was into all kinds of stuff i had never done. i was curious and it turns out i will try most anything once...anyways, turned out some things i liked and some i didnt. we talked things through alot because i was...nervous. never added multiples be it one or two. not sure about that one...for me.

i was waaaaaaaaay older than 18 though. i dont think i had a very healthy sense of my sexual self until i was in my 30s.