Sex scares me....is something wrong ( May be graphic)

Ok...so this has been a problem for a long time and I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone close to me about it. Since this is pretty much anonymous I thought I might as well get it off my chest.So here it goes.

I am terrified of bieng touched sexually or even talking about sex with guys. When someone touches me or even says certain things I feel literaly sick to my stomach and start shaking. So many of my boyfriends have cheated on me because I pushed them away and I really want it to end. Does anyone know what it could possibly be? And how do I stop this becuase I'm tired of pushing guys I really like away.Please help me.

I had a little look at that "Sexual Aversion Disorder" I don't wish to tell you what advice you should give but it stated quite clearly that this disorder is very prone to "Over Diagnoses" and "Under Diagnoses" which would lead me to believe that even experts have difficulty in diagnosing this condition correctly.

Original Post by andie-joe:

I had a little look at that "Sexual Aversion Disorder" I don't wish to tell you what advice you should give but it stated quite clearly that this disorder is very prone to "Over Diagnoses" and "Under Diagnoses" which would lead me to believe that even experts have difficulty in diagnosing this condition correctly.

It's Sexual Aversion Disorder. *sigh*

fortius, you're not a mental health professional.  if you were, you wouldn't try to diagnose people you're never met (or you are a mental health professional, and you're highly unethical).  it's sweet that you found a link, but that doesn't mean that you're qualified to diagnose.

Why am I not surprised that this is what the thread has turned into.

Let it be people, seriously.

Original Post by safina1:

Moonbay,

I am very sorry to hear about this. I think having no sex drive is different than being terrified of being touched sexually. they are two separate issues. sex phobia sufferers can have sex drive but they are afraid to have sex.

 

sorry i worded what i said the way i did. i ment that along with how she feels with sex i also have no sex drive. i get highly uncomfortable and almost disgusted with the entire sex thing. i i said that what i tell people is that i have no sex drive, its easier to tell people that than let them know the whole thing is just entirely uncomfortable.

Bambi- If you are a teenager or very young female with not a lot of (or none) sexual experience then I would think it would be normal to be somewhat scared of being touched sexually. If you are not used to that kind of touch then it may take some time to get comfortable with it. Are your boyfriends just moving to fast and not giving you a chance to get comfortable with them first?

 Also, I agree to get see a therapist if you feel it is your past causing this. Remember your past is your past. It does not define you and don't let it control any part of your life.

I have a friend who is also terrified of sex (she was raped), and she did get married to a nice christian boy with TONS of understanding to take things super slow. Counseling or therapy may be necessary, and since you did eventually open up to your parents, you at least got over that much of it.

Trust me, you're no different than others who have been abused. {{hugs}} It will just take some time. And the ONLY male you ever have to explain yourself to is the one you know is the one, and fully understands your boundaries. He is out there.

Thank you all so much again. I'm in my late teens so I'm hoping i'm just a late bloomer. In the past the only sexual experiences I've had were because I self medicated (I was always pretty smashed). I will definatly try to find a therapist, but I don't want to tell my family. And I really don't want to lie to them.

In general I would say that you shouldn't tell anyone that you don't want to; however, if this person still has access to children, I think you need to at a minimum tell your parents or the parents of the children that are accessible.  You might need to go through some counseling before you're prepared to take that step.

Sex when smashed is completely different from sex when sober and may or may not have contributed to your overall discomfort about sex.

I can tell you that I was definitely a late bloomer, I had no idea why anyone would want to have sex until I discovered it.  I was fortunate in not getting pushed into the experience before I was ready for it and having very good experiences once I was ready for it.  Having said that, I still find many men to be inappropriately suggestive or outright leering given no encouragement, so finding methods of dealing with boorish behavior is also a good idea.

Original Post by smwhipple:

In general I would say that you shouldn't tell anyone that you don't want to; however, if this person still has access to children, I think you need to at a minimum tell your parents or the parents of the children that are accessible.  You might need to go through some counseling before you're prepared to take that step.

Sex when smashed is completely different from sex when sober and may or may not have contributed to your overall discomfort about sex.

I can tell you that I was definitely a late bloomer, I had no idea why anyone would want to have sex until I discovered it.  I was fortunate in not getting pushed into the experience before I was ready for it and having very good experiences once I was ready for it.  Having said that, I still find many men to be inappropriately suggestive or outright leering given no encouragement, so finding methods of dealing with boorish behavior is also a good idea.

 that is very true about the way a lot of guys advance. quite a bit of men can be very pushy onto women and create a lot discomfort.

I was abused when I was a child.  By my brother.  There are a lot of things I don't remember - I have blocked most things out.

Please go see a therapist.  Is the reason you don't want to tell your parents because it was someone in the family? 

I didn't tell anyone until I was 36.  I went from extremely promiscuous behaviour in my early 20's - always when I was drinking or high - to now, I haven't had sex in years.  I, too, shy away from being touched or hugged by anyone.

A therapist has helped me.  If only to realize that it has affected so much more of my life than just sexually.  I have trouble in relelationships and getting too close to people.  The minute anyone tries to get any closer than friends I am running in the opposite direction.

I don't socialize much, by choice.  But, at least I understand myself better since counseling.

I could go on and on, but won't.  If you want to talk, send me a message and I'll be happy to communicate with you.

Please don't keep it inside.  I did for decades and ruined my health over it and was in very unhealthy relationships as well.

Original Post by bambiscarredme:

Original Post by smwhipple:

I think you might want to mention your history (at least briefly) with anyone that you're considering getting intimate with.  That should give them heads up to be more patient and at least realize that there is more to you pushing them away then a lack of interest.

the only this is...the abuse happened when I was really really young. Like I can hardly remember it. Do you think it still makes a difference.?

It definitely can. One of my doctors once told me that the things which happen in the first five years of our lives can leave the most lasting impressions and imprints on our personalities, even though we may barely consciously remember them.

Recovering from a trauma is a long process, and some days you feel stronger and others you're more sensitive about it. You may need to work through some things in therapy before you feel comfortable having a sexual relationship.

I'm really sorry that that happened to you as a child, and I'll be honest--the hurt may never ENTIRELY go away. But it can diminish and you can heal enough to feel like a stronger person for yourself and be able to enjoy a relationship, if you so choose to.

You associate intimacy with your bad experiences and that's entirely natural and understandable... your subconscious remembers things decades afterwards, especially if you haven't ever really dealt with the issues. If you're ready, it's time to see a therapist and get some counselling so that you can lay your ghosts to rest and get on with your life.

It's nowhere near the same thing, but I was chased down the street by a pack of dogs when I was two years old. They never laid a tooth on me because my mother rescued me before anything bad happened and all I can consciously remember is an impression of a grey wooden fence stretching up forever and extreme terror - but I had a screaming phobia about dogs until I was almost thirty. The point is that when I was exposed to dogs, I panicked long after the actual traumatic event... and eventually I had therapy for my anxiety/phobias (the dog thing was never specifically addressed but my root insecurities and anxiety were) and now I can play with the neighbour's puppy like a normal person!

You're still very young... but really, the sooner you are able to get competent help, the better, because the less time you'll have to carry that burden around with you. You don't need to tell your parents 'I need therapy because X abused me' or anything about it at all... if they're paying, then they need some kind of reasonable explanation but 'I have some issues that I need to deal with' or 'I'm having problems coping' is more than enough for now.