Sexy Confidence

Ok... I have always had a theory on life and relationships and I want to know your thoughts...

What I have seen is that Confidence is the biggest aspect to attraction... If there is a girl who is really pretty, but always self conscious and talking bad about how she looks... she is not as attractive as a girl who might not have ALL the looks, but is confident and assured in herself.

Same goes for guys... When I was single, I would be sooo attracted to the guys who just knew who they were, what they wanted and weren't down on themselves.

No matter what weight we are... (and we're all trying to improve on that or we wouldn't be here)... I want to encourage you all to work on confidence at the same time as weight.... if your overall goal is attractiveness!!!

What are your thoughts on that???

I agree 100%.  It took me quite a while to realize how me being extremely down on myself was making me look.  Now, I do think I am pretty, I just want to work on getting to a healthy weight.

No use in dwelling on how 'absolutely disgusting' my weight is to everyone.  Confidence is definitely the sexiest of all traits.

i think you are dead on. confidence is sexy.

i think back to high school, when i was heavier and had no confidence. i never had a boyfriend, guys were never interested. then i remember there being this one girl who was just not attractive (not to be mean, but well, she just wasn't...) anyway, this girl was BRIMMING with confidence. as far as she was concerned, every guy wanted her and she looked like a super model. and ya know what, she ALWAYS had a boyfriend! 

Isn't that hilarious when ya think about it... Even in marraige, my husband is more drawn to me when I'm like, "Heck yeah I'm a hot mama!" lol... Even if my brain sometimes says, "I'm a hot mama under these rolls!" LOL... Luckily for me, I have pretty hair and eyes... that can get any guy right??? lol (well, that and I do have some of the RIGHT curves too!) lol

It's true, but confidence is not all about how you look, or how you feel about the way you look.  It's about your whole person.  People are generally more attracted to people who like themselves, and are confident enough to not actually need everyone to like them. 

To me, there is very little less attractive than someone who is trying too hard to get people to like them.  I say, be yourself and know that not everyone will like you or find you attractive, but plenty of people will. 

Yup, a confident woman = uber hawt.

I've met girls who are super model material, but treat everyone around them as inferior. From afar they look like a perfect 10 then you talk to them and they plummet to a big ol zero.

Conversely I've met girls who are like 5-8 "girl next door" typish and then when you talk to them, their confident attitude and kindness bumps them up to that scorching 10!

Original Post by nicsmilingbig:

Isn't that hilarious when ya think about it... Even in marraige, my husband is more drawn to me when I'm like, "Heck yeah I'm a hot mama!" lol... Even if my brain sometimes says, "I'm a hot mama under these rolls!" LOL...

Hehe, my fiance is this way too...and it's definitely a reciprocal sort of thing -- when he's super confident and happy with who he is, I'm more drawn to him, too!

Aw man...so you mean just because I got myself a good boyfriend, doesn't mean I can slack off of being /acting confident? That this is something that will affect how he feels about me on an ongoing basis?  Damn....I thought my work here was done....

hehe jk

I have always struggled with this though...I was a pretty girl who had no confidence and shy shy shy, became an overweight but still pretty woman with some confidence and things definately improved in the the attraction arena. I have always been just as envious of self-confidence and outgoing-ness as I have of natural thinness...I have issues lol...both are hard to attain!

I TOTALLY 100% agree that confidence is the sexiest thing there is.  As long as it doesn;t cross the line to arrongance. 

I love when people embrace there imperfections and say "screw it, I love me and who cares what others think"

Here's my ironic input. When I was overweight, I rocked it. I felt like I was the attractive "bigger" girl, and got a lot of attention for it.

Then, I lost the weight, and felt like just another average girl.

I now realize that attractive qualities that self-confidence offers, and am working on ramping it up a bit.

Sorry, but my experience is totally the opposite.  I spent most of my life overweight by 30 to 40 lbs.  Last year I lost those 40 lbs (see my gallery) and now, I'm pretty decent.  I'm as fit as I've been my whole life, and lemme tell you, it has made a huge difference.  I swim competitevly, and--you wanna know what it's like for me to stand on deck with career athletes wearing a speedo?  I'll tell you this:  I don't care what I swim a 100 IM in---I'm overjoyed just to be doing this.

I know it's all a state of mind.  Nothing could have kept me from this confidence two years ago if I really wanted it.   But this is the way it was for me---I wasted half my life being shy and overweight.  I wish I could tell you how you don't need to slim down to get this;  I believe it's possible, but I don't know how.

it's great that you've lost all that weight and gained your confidence back by doing so. partly, i do agree because by losing all that weight you have been able to give yourself a pat in the back and say that was one helluva great thing you did. but ultimately, being sexy comes from being comfortable with who you are, knowing just how frigging hot you look, no matter if you're a size 2 or a size 22. it translates to your every move, making you sexy.  sensuality isn't limited to those who could barely tip the scales. and i know, because there are times when i have felt sexier when i was  at 230 lbs. instead of now, 45 lighter. so yes, going back to the original post, it's easier to lose the weight, but  keeping that sexy vibe... that's really my main focus :)

I actually disagree. Confidence is attractive, but it isn't the reason people have feelings for eachother. Emotions are what attract people. So if there were two people who were not confident whatsoever, they would be attracted to eachother the same way two people with confidence would be.

Uh, even if Brad Pitt wanted to kill himself he'd still be hotter/more attractive/whatever than me.  I'd defy anyone to deny that on their mother's grave.

 

At best confidence is a tiebreaker between two people with comparable physical attractiveness.

Attractiveness, for me, happens on a few levels. There's physical beauty and confidence, yes, but I think a lot of it has to do with how you take care of yourself. A supermodel who runs to the store in her dirty sweatpants, no makeup and unwashed hair is not going to look as good as a well-dressed "average" woman. There are things we can do to boost our attractiveness that have nothing to do with weight. I know I get a lot more attention and feel sexier when I wear a little makeup, style my hair and wear clothes that fit well and suit my body type.

I have to agree with you on this one! Confidence is definitely attractive! I have struggled with my weight all of my adult life! Up and down! When I lose i gain confidence and want to get out in the world! I also notice i smile more and that does attract people! whether you want the attention or not! LOL

When I go out i see all these large women (mostly latino) and they have such and air about them they wear what they want (even thought they shouldn't) and they have their heads up high! enjoying life! I always say I want what they have! (they self confidence!)

This is something I am working on! I want to enjoy life not hide in my house or behind a big baggy shirt!

Good luck to everyone!

Yeaaa confideeence!

I'm a very confident person myself but honestly my confidence got shakey when i gained weight. I know under layers of fat there is a hot girl hehe but still i can't ignore the fat!

Anyway recently I decided to keep saying to myself that I'm hot n sexy and start paying attention to the beautiful me rather than the ugly me..

personality and so on. Even when it gets to my looks I look more at what i find cute or sexy or whatever about me... Lips, nose, boobs whatever and not even look anywhere close to my lovehandles!

It's working. I'm excited about my diet now without obsessing. (I used to obsess and do nothing!) I keep saying out loud that I'm hot n sexy and joke about it with my friends and now my guy friends are calling me sexy :P

So make em pay attention to the sexy you!!

I know no one has wrote in this for a while but I wanted to share this story with you. You are 100% right .

Story:

Ok My fiance and i have been together for almost 3 years now. When we first met we were just friends and he hated fat people ( me being one weighing in at like 290) but every time he would make i joke I let him know it didn't bother me because I was me and that's all i needed to be about 3 months after being friends ( you know hanging out at the same parties ) my mom decided we were gonna move about 70 miles away the week before i moved i told him i was going to the club to find me a man he said "why are you trying to find a man you are moving soon" I said " If I find one i will move work really hard for the money to move back " at that point he asked me to go out on a date with him on sunday jan. 29 2006 he came to my house picked me up ( and both he and i was dressed to kill) no matter how many guys i dated this was my first real date after that night he fell in love he cried and told me he is glad i came into his life I totally change the way he thought about people and he hoped i could forgive him and be his girl well i did and 3 months after i moved away i came back and we have been together since that day we have a beautiful son named Steven who is 6 months and we are getting married jan 29 2009 I had confidence in my self and that is what attracted him to me

And I must add he has been there for me threw thick and thin I've gain allot of weight since then and he still love me for me and tells me how beautiful i am when I hit 323 and said i was going on a diet because i look gross he said "Baby you are beautiful to me , don't loose weight because what anyone thinks about you loose weight for you" So I am. And I love him so much him and my son are the best things that have ever happened to me and it makes me feel great that i changed his out look on people he now gets to know people before he talks crap lol

aww ...that is awesome. I hope eventually I can find a guy that good.

They're around.  You have to look.  You find them in the most unexpected places and the most unassuming guises. 

Confidence is sexy.  That's the foundation of the whole "bad boy" attraction.  It has always been sexy.  Is Brad Pitt sexy?  *Drool* Yes, but I haven't gotten to speak to him up close either.  He might blow the whole thing as soon as he opens his mouth. 

Sexy isn't just about a *&^% (male part) it's about what all that's attached to.  And the mind is one of the bigger factors when considering that.