Is this really shallow? Girls, please help

So, I've been seeing my boyfriend for about two years now.  He's a sweetheart and supports me in everything I do.  We usually get along very well, when I don't get pissy.  But, he's about an inch shorter than me and really thin.  Now, last night I had a dream that I dumped him and went for a guy with a more "manly" body.  Taller than me, and thicker than me.  Although it was a dream, it was great to be with a guy that was taller and bigger than me, you know, the "protection factor" (it's a girl thing). 

So, this morning i've been thinking about how nice it would be to have a "manly" man.

It would help to know that I feel kind of ashamed of my bf, because he makes me feel huge (even though I'm not that big).  We went swimming yesterday and I really didn't touch him because I didn't want to be the "fat girl with the little mexican man".

Is it really shallow to doubt our relationship because:

A: I'm not very physically attracted to him.

B: He makes me feel self conscious, although he doesn't mean to.

Please help!  Sorry about the long post.

If you've been with him for 2 years and you still aren't physically attracted to him...  you should be kind enough to let him go so he can find a woman who really will dig him in every way...  he deserves that

and kind to yourself as well, so you won't have to pretend or fake anything you don't feel....  you deserve that

*hugs*

:)

Thanks, nomo.. I just really don't want to break his heart.  There's a whole other issue with us, but I can't really discuss it do to legality.  I don't know what to do!!! 

We live together, too, and share bills.. The really shitty part is I couldn't afford to live in the apartment without him. Grrr!! 

This is why I never used to like being in relationships, it complicates things too much.  I miss the single life.

i'll be honest, i don't think i could ever date a guy shorter than me. i've even been out with guys who were shorter, and i just couldn't get past it. some people may think it's shallow for you to feel that way, but only you know. if you aren't comfortable being out in public with the guy, then it isn't fair to you or him. looks aren't everything, but if you aren't attracted to your partner now, it isn't likely going to get better in the future.

Thanks for the advice jules..  I'm confused on the first two sentences, though..  You couldn't date a guy taller than you?? Or shorter??  Please explain because I'm kinda confused.

edited! haha need to proof read more!

Thanks, jules!  That's what I thought but I was like she doesn't want to date a guy whose taller than her. That's strange.

guera....You said it all when you said you weren't that physically attracted to him.  You need to find someone who totally makes you sweat with desire at this stage of your relationship, because after you've been together 10-20 years, it gets a lot harder to get excited.  And if you're not excited now, you're going to be miserable in a few short years.  Disentangle now, and find the man that makes your toes curl!  Your current boyfriend deserves your honesty.

I'm also a taller, not-so-petite woman.  I've dated shorter, and I've dated taller, and I have to tell you I really am more physically attracted to taller men.  "Protection factor" aside, and I don't mean to offend, but taller men, in my short survey, have more substantial "equipment."  Size matters, in my opinion, (sorry guys!), especially after two bouncing babies have made their way out of my body. 

Guera, before you dump him, ask yourself where you are in your monthly cycle. Apparently we women are more attracted to manly-type men during mid-cycle, when we ovulate, and the rest of the time we prefer less manly men with softer, gentler, less intimidating features. Interesting, huh??

You could always fatten him up... just start giving him half your plate at every meal! You'll get thinner and he'll get thicker. Hee hee.

lolmesize cracked up about the equip line. Tall men short men i think the size of the parts are all diff and I dont think its all about that in a relationship anyhow, but if your not physically attracted to someone that is a BIG tell tell sign that in the future you never will be either and do you want to be with someone and waste even more yrs and cant even honestly tell yourself you have a physical attraction to him.

mesize8-- I've thought about it like you're saying it, it's not going to get any better years down the line. And, the "package" makes a difference!  I'm so used to the small one that I think about a normal sized one, and I get excited..  I'm not very tall, though. Only 5' 5", so it's not very hard to find a man that's taller than me.

jenmcc-  I've heard that about the cycle thing.  I've got my period now, so, maybe that makes a difference. 

Thanks for the advice everyone.... Argh!  I can't bear to break his little heart, but, I want to be single again.  We broke up once for a month and the day I told him, he physically got really sick...  I'm his first real relationship so it's going to be a b*tch when I tell him how I feel.

Here's an alternative perspective: I'm only 5'0" tall so I have always dated taller men, since it's extremely rare to find a guy shorter than me. I have to say I'd have been thrilled to date a guy in the 5'2"-5'4" range. I have, a few times, but it's so rare that a man this height would give me the time of day - they always seem to go for the taller women because (I've been told) it makes them appear taller???

At any rate, for some reason men around 6' and taller tend to migrate towards me all the time. So probably about 90% of the guys I have dated were at least 5'11" and I've dated many who were over 6'.

I find it very uncomfortable, to tell the truth. It sucks to slow dance or kiss and be craning your neck all the time. As for sex, men that tall tend to have wider pelvis and that can indeed be uncomfortable. And then there's hip-to-lip ratio: often you end up with a chest in your face, not a pair of lips.

My DH is 5'10" but his height is all in his legs, so hips-to-lips we're fairly close. What's more, he's slight, maybe 160 lbs max - all his biking has given him a lean body shape. And has narrow hips. I find this to be ideal for me!!! I don't risk getting squished. :-(

As for manly looks, he has rugged facial features and some pretty wicked eyes with craggy brow and rugged chin. Mmmm....

Thanks, jenmcc..  It's funny you mention the cranking the neck thing.  In my dream the guy I was after had to crank his neck to kiss me, and it was nice, for a change.. But, I can see how it would be kind of old.

I just want a man who can pick me up and....have his way with me.. lol.

If you are truly not attracted to him anymore then be nice and talk to him about it then move on.  BUT make sure it is really him you are not happy with.  You said you are ashamed of your bf, because he makes you feel huge.  That sounds more like you not being attractive to yourself.  you also said when you went swimming you really didn't touch him because you didn't want to be the "fat girl with the little mexican man"  It sounds like you may be having some personal issues and looking for somebody else to put them on.

I once had a dream that I was riding a horse at the ocean and it was wonderful!  I did not go out and buy a horse and move to the beach however.

Good luck

josal-- That's kind of what I told him the other day.  Maybe it's hard for me to love him because I don't love myself.  As of this moment, i'm planning on losing some weight, and seeing how I feel about him.  I think that if maybe I were closer to his size i'd feel better about the whole thing.  So confusing...

Guera, I agree with what josal said. Plus, you can't love someone the way they need to be loved if you don't love YOU, and maybe you just need to figure out what would make you happy with yourself. Then figure out if you could be happy with him.

Guera: I am sorry for you because I know it is not fun having such doubts.  But do you LOVE him... I know it is cheesy but I believe that sometimes you can love someone but not be very attractive to them. Just give yourself some time before you make any decision.

I am 5ft 4inches and I once dated a guy who was 5ft3 and with my four inches heels there was quite a difference between our height. Honestly, I loved that as it made me feel very strong and like a supermodel!!! I loved looking down at him... and I was also more comfortable wearing my converse!

mesize8: I dont think you can gurantee that a guys height gives information about his "equipment". I once dated a 6ft Asian-American guy and his equip was half of my thumb!!!

tigerlily and ahsa--

Thank you very much for your responses... I'm pretty good at being impulsive, so I'm going to give it a little time before I decide what to do.. 

This is why I am/used to be commitment-phobic...

Yea, i would move on if i were you...

Physical body isnt everything, but its still something to consider (and theres nothing wrong with that). It makes sex a lot more exciting (a guy that could pick you up and throw you around? much better IMO).

Everyone has a type they like... and you only get to live once, so why not go after what you really want?

I was in the same situation at the end of last year. In November, I realized after 3.5 years, I didn't feel the same way about my boyfriend. I agonized over it for way too long. I felt so bad that my feelings had changed. But I finally said to myself "It's not fair! You should feel as strongly for him as he does for you!!". So we finally broke up in January.

Bottom line, if you feel like you're dating your friend then it's probably best to find a way out. But like others have said, maybe it will pass and you guys will be happy. I wish you the best of luck!!