Will you share your weight gaining experience?

Since introducing more fats and eating more, the desire to restrict foods is irrelevant because my body demands them! My appetite fluctuates but I think part of that is hormonal and correlates to BC; but my appetite sometimes convinces me that I am actually burning whatever I eat in the instant that I eat it. I deal with all of the hunger by first reaching for something healthy - multigrain breads/bagels, lean meat, fruit, milk - but if I want something not as healthy afterwards, I let myself do it.

I have read a lot about how bingeing is common and I remember it from my first weight gain experience. I fear this but hope that I am beyond where I was in the past. I never eat so much in one sitting that I feel any urge to purge, which is a good sign, I think.

But it seems so stop/start, so confusing, so different every day! The energy fluctuations, the cravings, the lack of cravings, all of it. What was it like for you?

It would be so nice if I didn't have this intense fear of becoming a constant binger or going back into the binge/restrict cycle, but I know I have to address and deal with it in order to achieve health.

your not alone it is a very big fear of food, i often feel im not going to be able to stop , and the hunger my stomach almost grinds out to me , i often struggle with letting myself get to hungry i think which is part of the problem I MEAN WHEN DOES ONE KNOW IF THEY ARE ACTUALLY HUNGRY ? its very hard to find this when you have an ed . i sometimes eat and feel even hungry than before and feel i cant relax until ive had something else,although the guilt is high. ive stood in the kitchen took thinks out of the cupboard to eat put them back got them out again. like you its something i feel i need to address. my theapist continues to tell me when i am at a healthy weight these urges wont be as strong like ill get hungry but not that overpowering energyless panicy hunger. Im trusting her and hoping this is true . we must push forward and try our best to deal with this, i guess its also about what you eat when your hungry like there is no point eating a banana if your ravenous you need more sorry to ramble on and overtake your post wish i could be more help i guess i cant as i have the same questions as you h x

You guys just need  to replenish nutrients and your body wants them. Eat 6000 calories if you need to. Your therapist is right, it will subside. Enjoy the food now and enjoy the fact you are doing something good for yourself.

Oh no Helen you're not overtaking the post! Sometimes I start these because I want to take all of the feelings and impulses and discuss them rationally so I'm not confused and allowing that confusion to take hold of me. I know that there are really great examples on this site that have a lot of insight into the process. I think that some people who are here often or who lurk might gain a lot from discussion.

OK, so, for example, I've narrowed down that running definitely shuts down my hunger drive and this will be a big factor when I stop running. So now, alternating running lets me stay ready for my race but also lets my body heal and tell me what its really feeling - i.e., hunger.

Also, I have read a lot about metabolism restoration and 2,500 really seems to be the magic number for everyone, not just people who have had eating disorders. So I'm thinking maybe, since metabolisms are just starting up again, they fluctuate and are not consistent as we have not been consistent and so the hunger we feel fluctuates, sometimes wildly.

My dear, you have said repeatedly that you've been battling this for 14 years so I'm hoping you give in to every urge to eat because your body has so much restoration to do. I have so much faith in you and your ability to beat this and when you get better and healthy and your period comes back I'll fly out there and bake you a cake. :-)

I just like tapping in to all of the people who have healed... yes I wish I could afford therapy. I recommend it to everyone. This is like group therapy.

Hey guys! I know gaining is a very, very scary experience. You have to trust your body; it knows what is best for you.

Anyway, when I first gained my appetite was uncontrollable. I've never been so hungry! What helped me to deal with it was remember the six months of restriction I put myself through and imagine that my body was making up for all of the food I didn't allow myself during that time. The hunger was so intense because I'd been starving for so long!

I used to get hungry as soon as I'd eaten a meal. I did binge, yes; I'd have my evening meal then eat 5-6 chocolate bars before bed! I didn't find it distressing mentally though, because I knew I needed to gain and that any calorie was good for me, even if it came from 'junk' food.I ate around 2000-3000 each day, sedentary, and at 5'2. I gained 17lb in eleven weeks (around 2lb a week?). I fluctuated my calories and this did mess it up a bit, so keep those intakes high!

Disclaimer: I have since lost weight, so my weight gaining story isn't from a 'recovered' perspective, I suppose. Sorry. I also didn't reach a BMI of 20 and if I had, I might have done better... so keep with it. I'm currently trying to gain, yet again!

Interesting post and a good one! I see saw depending on how strong I feel between answering my hunger signals with whatever I crave and trying to ignore them/address them with healthy foods as you said bsh but I am glad to say (especially when I test concepts with others) that I am starting to just respond and eat what I crave when I am hungry and let my body not my mind get what it wants and needs.

I do get scared about possibly getting out of control but also remind myself I want to get back to normal asap and that I am still trying to learn normal portions and eating so this is all part of that.

The other factor that is more of a concern for me in weight gain is the body image issues (I liked someone's 'buddha belly' concept that was raised on here a while ago???) and that is what I am trying the most to manage to any tips on this would be appreciated...

Ohh sorry to hijack this post but this is a theme which has been bugging me alot especially recently.

I just cant control my hunger signals/cravings either. The past few days I have had no appetite at all because I was sick but today it just hit me full force and Ive been a bottomless pit really. I find this happens quite a bit though, I can easily eat my lunch and then straight after be sitting thinking what will I have for my snack later on and looking at the clock waiting for that snack!

I struggle with the problem of during the day I exhibit such total control over what I eat, I portion out everything calculate it all etc and even if Im hungry I wait until its my scheduled time to eat again but when it hits night I just seem to lose that control, it does worry me that I`ll turn into a binge eater because some nights even after a snack I do tend to start eating nuts or dried fruit and I just keep going. Its very frustrating and a huge fear of mine.

*I struggle knowing what I want to eat at times, like tonight I couldnt make up my mind for a snack and so I start to eat a little of this and that and ending up with the biggest mish mash of stuff, nuts, fruit, dried fruit, rice pudding, I havent a clue where I stand now and Im still hungry.

Sorry I havent anything really helpful in response to your original post but I do worry about that binge cycle to. People say it evens off as you put on weight but I have been gaining and it hasnt been easing, I just hope that maybe once our weights reach a higher healthier range it will even out.

*edited to say that

Original Post by eringo2:

The other factor that is more of a concern for me in weight gain is the body image issues (I liked someone's 'buddha belly' concept that was raised on here a while ago???) and that is what I am trying the most to manage to any tips on this would be appreciated...

One way of approaching this is by looking at what 'body checking' you do. Body checking is not helpful, and can lead to a distorted idea of how we look. For example, mirrors are not reliable (you can see for yourself how you look different in different mirrors!). Other people 'check' with their hands (myself included). If you can cut down on this you take focus away from yourself and how you look.

Remember, you need this weight. Regardless of where it goes to initially it will even out once you're at a healthy weight and in a healthy routine :)

Guys... maybe we need to be a giant ChiaPet of self esteem:-) Let's work together. I mean, we all need reassurance because we lack confidence.

Like, right now, with trying to gain weight while training for this stinking thing, some people say I need 3,000 calories to maintain. I lack the confidence to believe I'm "entitled" to that, even when my hunger tells me otherwise.

Do you all feel entitled?

How did you feel when you started gaining - did you have to remind yourselves that you're worthy?

Don't worry about the buddha belly - TRUST ME, as someone who has in the past had to recover from extreme laxative abuse - I'm amazed that I'm still alive - teaching your body to digest and to poop properly is SO WORTH IT.

girlpluraliy - thanks for the reply - any helpful tips on how to avoid body checking? I guess its just a distraction thing.... I just continue to remind myself that things will redistribute when I get to a healthy weight - more incentive to get to that ASAP!

bsh - I know what you mean about the feeling 'entitled' to eat - I am trying to break habits of benchmarking my eating against others - especially when I know I need to be eating more than others at hte moment and also getting away from the 'seeking permission' to eat food i.e. I will say to my boyfriend 'should i have an ice cream' and he says yes so then i feel comfortable doing it - silly silly habits! That's why its helpful to have a dietician I think.

I will rub the 'buddha belly' for good luck! :) and appreciate how it is working towards making me healthy.

After getting to a healthier weight range i stopped feeling hungry all the time, i didnt feel as ho i couldnt stop eating, at 1st the body is so hungry that u feel as tho u want to eat too much but gain weight+ull feel better.

Thanks agruskin! I was really hoping you'd respond. You have a great attitude and insight.

I think that the fear of bingeing is a big impediment because restriction is all about control, so staying at the polar, extreme opposite is "protection."

I really hope some more people who have recovered or are making really good progress in recovery will share. It seems like there's a lot of interest!

i think its more physical when nderweight, the body wants+needs u to eat a lot, like u dont know what a lot is bc ur view of portions+cals is so skewed, as a recovering anorexic u cant fathom "a Lot" or big portions, thats y i dont like the idea of not counting or intuitive eating when recovering, unless someone is monitoring u, it doesnt work.

I can totally relate to most of this! I seem to always have a huge insatiable appetite. I don't feel the urge to binge anymore (unless I don't eat for more than 3 hours), but I seem to always feel hungry. Like if I honestly ate every time I felt hungry and to the point at which I feel satisfied (neither stuffed or totally empty), I'd probably top 5000 cals!!! And I'm already at a BMI of 20 WITH a little extra on my tummy not, and I'm STILL hungry! I'm soooo confused!!

And I'm all too familiar with the "but I'm not entitled to eat this much". I fight this at almost every meal. :/ Things were actually a little better at first, but now with the little belly bouch, it's getting harder and harder..

thanks guys , and agruskin thanks its good to know someone who has been through this and got to the other side. i know what you mean about worthy to e at its something im working on , how i look it is i see other people eat and i know this is normal do i think it wrong that they dont worry about eating ? no i dont do i think they are not worthy of eating ? no i dont so i need to view myself as the same . well bethany that is really an offer i cant refuse a cake from you.

betty :) i can relate to your feeling and i very much sit waiting for snacks. despite all these feeling me must all fight and feed ourselfs, bethany is right its worth it h xxx

I can also relate to the clock watching for snack time thing but am trying to just respond to my body and eat when hungry not when I have scheduled myself to be allowed to eat.

goobyb - great to hear you are doing so well in recovery - keep going! I will take inspiration from you to keep going :)

agru - it's totally easy to see your point. Generally I agree with you but for me personally counting has been something that I have done in dieting and watching my calories. Every time I start to count it leads to a downward trend. It's a trigger for me. It took a lot for me to stop doing it, a lot of self-convincing, and I've been eating so much more and so much more freely since I've stopped.

I can't go by the clock exactly, though I know if it gets to a certain point I had better eat something! My big problem lately seems to be convincing myself I don't have to be in constant motion. I used to try to go all morning without sitting except for to drive.

How did people who stopped exercising find their appetite when starting to gain?

Even ip when I was on 4500 a day I still could eat more. I was sometimes stuffed but there was still a sense of not being satisfied. It is scary but I was told that even when you fuel your body it takes time for your mind to know it is going to fueled. My nutritionist told me how they did research on people who were starved not from ed but abyhow even after weight restoration they still had cravings and would over eat at times. It did settle down once there mind and body became stable. I know for me I have had an ed on and off for 14 years that even now having gained 30 pounds and am on a high calorie diet I crave sweets and indulge in way too many and my hunger/fullness is all over the place. I try to just accept this as part of the process and it takes a long time to repair and for your body to trust. For me gaining every day I had/have to self talk and say this is the goal. The goal is to gain. When making food choices and when my changing clothes sizes. I guess entitled is not so much the word for me but rather to not feel guilty. This is still hard but I try to look at when I see others who have recovered fully and are healthy and how I am proud of them and why am I different. I try to stay in the day. I am a worrier of the future but it does not help to get through today to. All the worries may be for nothing and it does not take away from today. Lastly the control issue. Starving your body to everyone who see this meaning friends,family,strangers see's this as so out of control. People look at ed people with a sense of sadness and think that person has "issues". It really is such a barrier. Now control for me I used to use my ed as a way to control my feelings,others,cares. So being healthy now feeling and facing is a daily battle but I know the only way to get past or accept the issues.

eringo2 - thanks for the comment! Just hearing a little something like that really makes me want to keep going. B) And I wish you the best of luck in your recovery!

bsh0611 - in response to your appetite question, you should find that your appetite will increase, as your body is in NEED of those calories. At least that's what happened with me.. At first, it might be somewhat difficult, and you may find that you get full easily. In that case, try to load up on the low-bulk/high-cal foods as much as you can, such as peanut butter, nuts, granola, full fat dairy, etc.

abbi thank you so much for your story. you are very inspirational. I know what you mean about the brain sending a message that you aren't satisfied. I can relate to that. I REFUSE to go back to purging EVER though so I am very blessed in that I stop before fullness is "triggering", even though I can eat quite a bit (1,000 calorie meals at times) in one sitting.

gooby, right now its the fluctuating appetite that I find most annoying! I am having a hard time being CONSISTENT.

thanks abbi i found that really helpful to