Significant Others + Dealing with our Weight Loss?

I have been reading in the "sticky" forum about losing weight and gaining attention, it seems a few people have bf's or gf's or husbands or wives that are no longer attracted to them when they lose the weight.

I do know that in the black community, a lot of men like their women "thick"...much like my man who grew up in the South. But that doesn't mean I would want to be obese just to make HIM happy. Yet since I'm in love with him, I'd be so crushed if he didn't find the new me attractive.

I would really like to hear about anyone who has dealt with this type of reaction. Did you give in and regain for them? How do you feel now? OR how about the people that dealt with this and kicked the bozo to the curb for that kinda reaction?

I wonder how this compares to the men/women who lose interest in their significant other when they gain weight...

in my recent experiences with ex-boyfriends, they all were southern gentlemen and preferred me the way i was. i was always the one saying i'm trying to lose weight and they call me a health freak for the way that i eat or even the type of groceries i kept in the house, lol. while i felt flattered that they appreciated me in the skin i'm in, i didn't let it detour me from my efforts of going to the gym and trying to be more healthy in general. i think they were kinda impressed that i actually made "so much" effort to work out and drink my water, etc...

Kicked to the curb....but not just for that.

My ex was very into "big girls", he loved to look at big girl porn and as an artist, the women he drew and "researched" were all plus size women/girls. I knew that he was first attracted to me because of my size. Well. Its a long complicated story, but part of what happened was he lost interest in sex completely, about 4 months into the relationship. I was with him for nearly 5 years, and gained about 70 lbs over that time....I think, in addition to the low self-esteem issues and comfort eating blah blah blah, that I was also trying to become/stay what he was attracted to, so that he could rediscover his attraction to me. Never did work. And at the end , I was bitter and very very angry, for many reasons, and that anger is what finally propelled me out of the relationship.

I remember often eating something I knew I shouldn't, and saying to myself with masochistic glee, "well, I have to keep up my girlish figure" hahahaha...yeah it was sick. Don't tell anyone.

Once I was done with him, and (mostly) recovered from that relationship, I realized that what I wanted was a man who would love me not because of my size, and not in spite of it either....just regardless of it. And that, my friend, is exactly what I found. A true love will go beyond body and size...a true love will be happy that you are healthy and will live a long time. A true love will want you to be happy and feel sexy and will see you as sexy if you feel it, no matter what size you are. Maybe that is being a bit too idealistic...but my man is like that, and wonderful in every way, so it worked out pretty good for me :)

Thank you, ladies! Both very good advice and reflections. I do believe that while my man is a Southern gentlemen, that he also loves me at any size. In fact, he's a little unphased by my weight loss to this point, which is kinda nice because it creates less pressure to obtain my goal and stick to it...there is enough of that within me, and I think having a man who is overly pro-weightloss leads to self-sabatoge for me (which occurred with my ex).

Thanks!

My boyfriend and I met online - although we started dating after we had met in person several times - and we both sorta fell for each others' personalities.  That, and the fact that we can talk about anything, really has helped.  We both need to lose weight, but we are in a good position mentally - we're not losing for each other, or for anybody else, but for ourselves, and we each give each other the same support we would if we were embarking on any other personal project.

As far as the attractiveness factor, I firmly believe 7/10ths of attractiveness is attitude and confidence, and if *you* feel better about yourself, and if your SO isn't close-minded to the idea of a healthy partner, then everything ought to get *better* rather than worse.  Nothing is sexier than a healthy woman who *thinks* she's sexy.

I don't think you should ever make yourself unhealthy for someone else.  That's a road to ruin no matter how you look at it.  Do it for your health; that's the final goal.  :)