a simple plea for help, i can't stop crying, can't get these thoughts out of my head, and i need to stop this viscious cycle :(

so i thought i was doing better. i was no longer running for an hour every day and eating nothing but some fiber one with yogurt, a grapefruit, maybe a turkey sandwich and a small piece of fish/or chicken with just veggies.

i made an appointment with a nutritionist (seen her twice so far), saw a therapist once (have an appointment with her this friday), cut the running to 30 min and started making myself eat more by drinking more milk, cottage cheese, more fruit, some beans, cereal/oatmeal.

today was my day off from running (i think its been two weeks of nonstop exercising every day. around 30 min cardio with some days of weights) and about 1200 calories or slightly more. my stomache felt so bloated and disgusting but i knew its because i was waking up so late and had to squeeze in all my calories within a short amount of time before going to bed again.

another problem is that i have been home working on all my summer classes (i am taking four so i have a semesters courseload on me) and tend to get bored. i feel like i am always thinking about food and snacking although i dont know if it is really disordered thinking telling me that i am being a fatass. all i know is that as soon as i step inside and sit down on the computer i cant stop watching the clock to see what time i can let myself get up and grab a snack even if i am not hungry.

anyways so today was my day off. i had orientation for work (im going to work as a lifeguard at sea world aquatica in orlando) and i was feeling good but a little stressed that soon i would be working on top of all my schoolwork, etc. either way i started the day so so i guess. i woke up early around 7ish had a tiny bit of blueberries and like two spoons of ff plain yogurt (i really wasnt hungry). we had orientation and my lunch was left in the car. :/ i didnt feel hungry but knew i should eat something. it wasn't until 1:30 that i had my turkey/cheese/lettuce/mustard sandwhich and a grapefruit for lunch. then came home and at like 4 i had a small peach. i wasnt hungry but figured is hould have some more as i didnt have too many calories so i opted for a mango, 1/3 cup oatmeal, 1/4 cup ff yogurt, some more blueberries, small handful of kashi honey oat cereal and small hanful of fiber one caramel delight. then i had a glass of milk. i thought i was doing good as i had already planned to make some nice grilled salmon with quinoa and veggies for dinner later and then having a another glass of milk and some type of fruit for dessert at night.

then i dotn know what got to me. i went ahead and had a chocolate chunk granola bar and that really set me off. i went and had some chocolate chips by the handful. then i had kashi granola medley and threw in some more chocolate chips and milk. had another glass of milk. had an apple. then i had four turkish delights (absoutely disgusting esp the powdered sugar and the jelly), had a little bit of mixed nuts, had some water chestnuts covered in sugar syrup (disgusting as well). had some more chocolate chips. had some tootsie rolls (i hate tootsie rolls). had another glass of milk. then i went for some more blueberries (i have no more left now). a little bit of cottage cheese. i feel like i am forgetting some more. either way my stomache is beyond bloated.

fast forward an hour later i couldnt take it anymore and went off and set out for a run. probably not the best idea it had prob not even been about an hr after i had consumed all that food. my stomache hurt and i was thirsty as heck. i ran a loop around my neighborhood (took me about 35 min). i had to stop at my house on the way though as i was nearly about to poop in my pants. i sat down in my toilet reading times and let it out. grabbed some more water and then i went out again and walked to the front gate of my neighborhood and set out for the run. the whole time i felt disgusting. i could not take the taste of sugar out of my mouth and my stomache was killing me however all i coudl think about was getting these unecessary calories out of my body and not feeling bloated.

i had to stop about two more times as i felt once again like i had to go number two. i was going so incredibly slow and all i could think about was why i had done this to myself. i start to cry as i run and beat myself up mentally. i stopped midway about two times because my stomach was killing me and because i had to spit out the nasty taste of all that sugar that was in my mouth. i come back home and i had probably ran about 1 hr 10 min outside. i come home again and immediately run to the bathroom to go number two once more.

i take a shower and look into the mirror. i cannot recognize myself anymore. i have no more ass and my muscles have slowly withered away. my body is desperately hanging on to the little bit of muscle i have left on my calves from all those years of soccer i had played. my thighs have nothing on them and neither do my arms. i dont look totally emaciated but i know i dont look healty. i havent had my period since december.

my stomach is sticking out and i look like i am three months pregnant. i dont know what to do. i dont know if i made the right choice running this much today or if i should have ran tomorrow instead. did i do the right thing today? or did i simply burn whatever i had eaten yesterday since i started running so soon after i ate all that crap? is my body just going to further break down more muscle to fuel what i had ran today?

all i know is that i hate this stupid cycle. i was running those crazy amounts before because i had binged similar to this one night about three weeks ago and two weeks before that. thank god today i ate all this at around 6 pm and not 11pm giving me time to go run outside.

all i know is that i really cannot take this anymore. i feel so weak and alone. i hate coming home to an empty two story house with no furniture but a stupid wooden desk with a stupid wooden chair and a small matress. the kitchen simply has a plastic table and chair and thats about it. my whole family is away in turkey. i cant stop thinking of anything besides food and what i can/can't eat, counting my calories, being too scared to go out with friends and about my body and how i want to stop losing my muscles and how i am scared to start eating more because i know that i will gain (which i know i have to) but that it will mostly be fat. i simply want my muscles back! my body takes so long to digest as well. i cant help but cry as i run/walk by houses with people sitting around a table eating their dinner as a family. i just want to be able to sit down on a regular couch around someone i care about and not be worried about the way i look, what im eating, or all the work i have to do and errands i have to do for my parents.

i dont know what to do anymore. what do you think should i get up tomorrow and run maybe a slow easy 30 min or will that just further break down my muscle? should i eat something lighter tomorrow? i cant even think about food at this point my stomach feels so stuffed and bloated and i still cant get this taste out of my mouth.

i'm sorry this is such a long read. i am so sorry for taking up anyones time i just really had to let this out.

please please, what can i do to make tomorrow a better day? what do i do about today? i was so tempted to take some laxatives or to purge all this junk out. (don't worry ive only done that twice in my life and that was probably four months ago and i would never do it again). i hate having all this sugar in my body i am not used to all of it. i swear fruit is my candy i love it so much and i usually eat very clean. normally i would make myself run an hour after something like this for a couple days while eating a minimal amount of calories but i know this is what i shouldnt do. should i not run tomorrow? should i just do weights? i am so confused!

i don't know what to do. i need to relax next time i feel stressed out.

i just need some support words of encouragement, anything really. anyone here live in orlando?

holy crap this was so incredibly long i'm sorry guys.

First off, take a deep breath and calm down.  I used to be JUST like you.  REstricting calories and eating what I knew I would run off.  I was running about 7-10 miles a day, 6 days a week.  And on my days off I only ate about 1200 calories "so I wouldn't gain weight".

Then I woke up one day and saw for the first time what I had become....A sickly looking person with no muscles, sagging skin, and bony arms and legs.  GROSS.  I totally know exactly what you're going through right now.  But I can guarantee you two things:

1) You "binged" because your body needed the calories to survive

2) You will NOT gain weight from it.  Your belly might stick out for a few hours or a day but you won't gain.

The only real way to stop binging is to stop restricting and overexercising.

FYI- I averaged 40-35 miles per week at a 8.75 mile pace for many months.  I stopped all exercise in the beginning of May and increased my calories to at least 2000/day - lately its been about twice that - and I have gained 0 pounds so far.  And I'm 28, not a teenager with a superfast metabolism that is still growing.

YOU WILL BE FINE.  I promise.  DO NOT under any circumstances do any extra exercise tomorrow or restrict calories more than usual because it will only lead to another binge.

 

EDIT: Read my journals & past posts - we sound alot alike - I probably could have written this exact post about a month ago.

oh my God. wat dont you understand about why ur feeling the way ur feeling and y ur binging. ur starving. ur body is sick of starving. stop tryn to compensate or make up for errors. you need to up ur cals to 2200 at least. if ur supposed to be a lifeguard then u need to think serioulsy about the danger you might be putting other ppl in if you are that preoccupied with food and restricitin it.

if ur still running then u are still dippin in to glycogen stores which are empty, which you refuse to refill. put ur stats on te tools site here and start folling calorifically what it tells u to.

no one will give you tips on how to make ur self feel better, coz then only way to stop that awful sadness and depression is to eat better. it is a viscious cycle which only u can stop

well said above lilminieme......i dont mean to sound harsh. but this is a frighteing addiction (one which i know all too well) and its tough coz ur mind can convince u that "oh well u used do this much on that much food etc etc or u used run that far...." so the only love for this is tough love

thank you for replying you guys it really means a lot.

i know you are not trying to be harsh. i know that i cannot restrict myself. i just dont know  what to eat/when to eat anymore. i barely ever feel hungry (i would only feel hungry after running about 3 miles every morning and thats when id have a bowl of cereal with milk and strawberries/blueberries or some oatmeal with yogurt. i have been trying to eat better. today i just freaked out and this happend. the thing with me now is i truly feel like i have no sense of what is an acceptable amount of food to be eating. for this reason i continue to count calories. at times (except for if i eat junk or something like today) i feel like i can eat a lot and still not be completely satisfied. i had decided earlier today and yesterday night that i was going to lay off running and that if i did feel good one day i might go to the gym and do some weights or maybe do a pilates/yoga/or cycling class instead. something to focus on building muscle and not burning calories/cardio.

did you guys every get the food thoughts out of your head? i really wish i had never discovered the meaning of a calorie. grant it ive become a healthier eater and was getting compliments on how healthy and lean i was looking and how good my skin was but at this point i am just starting to look skinny, bony, and strange (flat butt, stomach that sticks out after i eat anything small, etc).

lilminme- i read your journals and i see some similarities. i however think you have a super high metabolism that i never had. the highest you ever reached was 106? around there? i was usually anywhere around 113-117. my highest was around 126 which was when i started this stupid diet. i know if i was eating 5000 calories a day my body would respond.

i just want to not wake up in the morning worrying about what i can eat, how many calories something has, whether i should eat even though i am hungry etc. i want to stop avoiding social situations because i worry about what i can eat or where we are going. i know what you mean by being a perfectionist. it comes with the personality.

i think that if i started eating 2000 calories at once my body would not respond so well. are there any suggestions you guys would make on what i should begin eating? should i start doing yoga instead of focusing on cardio a couple days a week?

when you started to up your calories what were you eating? should i just stop exercising for a bit, go out spend time with friends and not worry about what i am eating. say they have order pizza or something? should i just eat whatever their parents put on the plate or politely decline and search for another alternative?

its just hard for my mind. it tells me that i am overreating and i dont know if i am. i see how some of the people eat on the site when i first started and at first i was shocked at how little they were eating. i dont know if this has changed my outlook on what i should be eating as well.

for instance, i had a sandwhich today, it probably takes about 4 or 5 hours for my stomache to digest it and feel a slight bit of hunger. same with oatmeal that probably takes four hours. also i know i have this tendency to want to eat more and more when i sit down and eat. i think this is why i subconsciously prefer to eat about three times a day because i will eat more at these sittings but not too much. if i were to graze all day long i know id go ahead and eat more and more and more.

about a week ago i spent hours making prepackaged meals that i could warm up on the go. they contain 1/2 beans, 1/2 mixed veggies, serving of protein. do you think this is an adequate meal? what should i be having for breakfast? i usually opt for oatmeal or cereal, i always have some yogurt or milk and throw in some sort of fruit. for lunch i am at loss as to what i should have. before i was eating just tons of fruit with say cottage cheese or yogurt. this past week i started having bread again although this takes my stomach forever to digest. at night i always have a warm glass of milk and some fruit (usually a mango with yogurt or cottage cheese again).

I think counting calories for people like us is not healthy.  I would focus on and obsess over and count EVERY single calorie (you know like the 3 calories in a cup of coffee, or the 2 calories per serving of soda).  It became an obsession.  I had to stop focusing on calories and numbers and pay attention to what I was eating.  I learned what was healthy and what wasn't while I was counting calories, so now I am just trying to make healthy choices and not worry about calories too much.  Seriously, your body knows what to do with normal amounts of healthy foods....let it do it's job.

The reason you aren't hungry is because you aren't eating.  Once you atart eating a little more you'll start to feel hungry ALL the time - which is REALLY, REALLY scary at first because you aren't used to that feeling and you aren't used to eating normal sized meals. 

My suggestion is to add non-diet things to your meals.  I know its scary and it took me 3 or 4 months to be able to stop buying all low calorie, fat free, sugar free foods.  But it is the easiest way to start adding more calories without adding alot of volume. 

I also very strongly recommend a counselor to help you out in the beginning.  And a nutritionist probably wouldn't hurt since judging by your last post you seem very lost on what food choices to make.  I didn't have a nutritionist because I knew what to do and what to eat, but my problem was getting past the emotional/mental roadblock of allowing myself to do it - which is where the counselor has been the best possible thing.

Good luck.  Feel free to message me if you need help or support.

 

EDIT: Out of curiousity, what are your stats? Age, weight, height, etc?

hee hee....its like hearing the thoughts i had in my head...out loud

YES....YES THE THOUGHTS GO AWAY. im sayn that in caps coz i only remarkd to myself last night how those thoughts have gone. they do. but it took a long time (agen not being mean but realistic). they go when restriction eases. i understand all ur fears. its very hard to let go of the control.

i read a great book. i was like you....waaayyy over active like 12-13 miles a day. i found a wonderful book called NANCY CLARK SPORTS NUTRTIONIST. shes american. im not, im irish.  and cynical. but this book is excellent. gives you the true figures about wat you need. all the myths and fears you have in ur head she eases em. she gives optimal training diet but also shows u how to ease the binge factor. her stuff isn crap. its all back by tonnes of medical journals. she reccommends ppl never eat below 1500 cals, regardless of activity. also a book im finding really good at the moment that was recommended on this site is called breaking out of food jail. its brilliant. really really gud. shows how we fall in to cycle of famine feast over exercise not recognising hunger. she also allays all the stupid myths of the diet industry (all the **** they give about les carbs no dairy bla bla) she says if u follow this book and its reccomendations (which are hard-like stopping restrictn, or weighn food or banning food groups) u will get bak to being normal and maintainin a normal naturally thin figure on a normal diet that yu dont have to control and u just do moderate exercise

its def worth lookn into. these thought....distract ur self from them. u cant say nothing distracts u- u have to find summit. its something u have to wean ur self out of like u weaned ur self into...u know what i mean???? u didn jus wake up with all this knowledge about food....u researched and accumulated it day by day....now you have to start undoing....it'l take time, tears and persistance but u can.

i never though i could have a normal meal with my family and not worry about what i was eatn or thinkin about the cals or carbs or gud fat vs bad fat.... but i can and am startn to enjoy it.

wasnt easy but IS worth it

OH MY GOD ITS LIKE THIS GIRL ABOVE ME IS READING MY THOUGHTS.........THATS EXACTLY WHAT THE BREAK OUT OF FOOD JAIL BOOK SAYS..... UR BODY KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT TO DO WITHH "QUALITY FOOD"

LOL fidget!  Maybe I should read that book.  I think alot of us on here very similar in alot of ways.  I am constantly reading ppls posts thinking in my mind "oh my god, I could have written that"

i know i see similarities between myself and others and some that i fear i will become. what i really am scared of is letting go of this restriction and watching how much i eat because i think that i could turn into a binger and not know when to stop. i wasnt ever "fat" before but i would always eat fast and until i was absolutely stuffed. i think this still holds true to me now as i like this "stuffed" feeling.

i am 5'2.5, was about 95-96 a week ago, 19 1/2 years old.

i think what has been scrweing with my head is all this reading/researching i have been doing. this is why i am feeling so confused as to what i should be eating. i did see a nutirtionist. her meal plan was this:

20 min exercise morning

1/2 hour later, have a banana or 1 cup yogurt with fruit

2 hrs later have 2 slices of bread with meat, 1 piece of fruit, 1 cup raw veggies

2 1/2 hrs later have handful of nuts or 1/4 avocado with about 4 crackers

dinner (2 1/2 hrs later) 1 cup brown rice or whole wheat pasta

4 oz piece of meat

1/2 cup steammed veggies

1 piece of fruit

snack 1 cup milk with 1 cup cereal or 1 slice of bread with 1 spoon pb

i made a post about this. she told me dont have too much fiber or protein as it will be hard for my stomach to digest this. i am freaking out about the nuts (high calorie and i dont like it), all the brown rice/pasta. as well as the late night snack (having too much carbs at night something you hear you shouldnt do!).

another thing i just get scared about how much to eat! take for example my friend she is 5'3 prob 115, normal runner, eats pretty good has nice muscles yet she doesnt eat all that much when i think about it. how can i begin to eat more than her at my stats and not xpect to gain tremendous amount of weight?

now i was not doing 12-14 miles every day. i would do that for a couple days after i had binged on too many sweets. normally itd be about 36-38 minutes in the morning. i really never enjoyed running too much i mean id do it every now and then. i just began to do it to lose weight and then to train for a marathon (which i did and did good at in feb). i really love to play soccer though although at this point i know i would be slow and not have much energy to play at my usual level. i had always played club year round.

so at this point, should i cut exrcise entirely? do you think my job should be plenty enough? i mean honestly as a lifeguard what you realyl do is stand around the water ride and just watch people or sit under the umbrella and watch people its really not that bad besides being boring and having to stand up all day in the sun. i just dont want to start eating more and more and have that all go directly into fat. my concern is to get the most amount of muscle back from thos calories. should i begin to go to the gym every once in a while or no?

i dont know sometimes i wonder if this site really is good for some of us. :/

i just need to be happy with myself and not worry. another problem of mine was that i would eat something very low cal in the morning because i was "saving" my calories for going out later. what would happen is i wouldn't go out and wouldn't take enough in. then id freak out and try to get in as many calories, feel stuffed adn then once again the next morning feel guilty about ti and feel like id have to exercise it off.

 

at this point, i really cant remember what i was like before i learned about what a calorie was, what i should/shouldn't eat, etc.

for instance, should i not eat white rice or just stick with brown rice, etc? i have been also trying to learn portion control and only eat a serving of everything i make. i dont know if this is good but i measure everything out.

lilminime- how did you get over this obsession? what are your stats now?

also should i have something for breakfast even if i am not feeling hungry? what is a good option?

OK, I need to go to bed, but real quick...

You are WAY over thinking this whole thing.  Which is exactly what I was doing until I realized that it was NOT helping me at all.   Some tips:

• Try not to come on this website. 
• Stop comparing yourself to others.  Your friend probably eats less volume but more calories through fattier foods or beer or whatever.  And the people on here are typically trying to lose weight not maintain or gain so what they post doesn't apply to you.
• Stop analyzing the numbers of what you're eating and just start eating what feels right to you.  It will take time and adjustments but it will get easier and in time you won't think about it at all.
• Remember that in the beginning you WILL get bloated and gain weight in the first week or so.  You'll also feel ALOT hungrier.  But don't let it scare you.
• Just test things out and figure out what works and doesn't work for YOU.  Don't worry about what works for others - you aren't them.

Original Post by 2loveandbeloved:

lilminime- how did you get over this obsession? what are your stats now?

also should i have something for breakfast even if i am not feeling hungry? what is a good option?

 I got over it by forcing myself to eat things that I had no way of counting calories for.  And by not logging on here for a few days.  I had to FORCE myself to stop counting calories all together.

I'm still struggling to gain.  I'm 28, 5'3", and this morning still weighed 87-88 pounds.  This is after one whole month of 2000+ calories/ day and no exercise at all.  I have a hard time with moderate exercise...its all or nothing for me, so I"m taking the onth off until I can gain some weight and then I'll go from there and try to slowly add it back in.

Yes, always eat breakfast.  Once you start eating it regularly you won't be able to skip it ever again b/c your body will get used to it.  When I started eating breakfast I usually ate either an omelet and toast or a wrap with eggs, soy cheese & salsa or oatmeal.  Now I eat cereal almost every day and a small tortilla with a few slices of lunch meat & sometimes some eggs.  I go through phases with my foods....I eat one thing almost all the time and then move on...

wow i cant believe you havent gained a pound. how long before you started trying to gain weight were you on this unhealthy diet/obsession? for me its probably been about 3-5 months as i dont really remember when it happened. and ok i will try to force myself to have breakfast earlier. if i dont have any when i wake up i will usually feel hunger around noon ish.

in the past i was never a breakfast person. i would get up go do something, read a book or go online then a couple hrs later start to feel hungry or smell my mom cooking something and go and eat it. it was usually lunch food too i was never a fan of breakfast food. at this point i have no mom to make food so its just myself and of course i make my breakfast obsessing over how much i am putting in there and only putting one serving of it etc.

just wondering if i had something smaller in the morning as say a small peach or apple or some yogurt if that would be ok as a light breakfast adn then a couple hrs later when i truly feel hungry to go ahead and have lunch or w/e.

I started overexercising/undereating probably about 6-9 months ago, so not too long. 

I think any breakfast is better than none.  And even something small in the morning will get your body used to having food and maybe you can slowly add more foods in the morning.

i have a slightly different story. im 5'2" and was down to 80 lbs. i stopped exercising, starting really eating healthy and gained an immediate 30 pounds. in 6 weeks i was up to 112 and it was uncomfortable! i had been messing with my body too long. well, 10 of that was water weight and i have settled down to between 97-102 lbs. i had terrible problems getting enough calories in and digesting them, so i had smoothies and things daily. fruit, milk/soymilk, yogurt, juice, banana in the bl;ender with ice and it didnt make me uncomfortably full. a lot of people use ensure to boost cals while not boosting food mass, but i prefer slimfast! i know its a weightloss tool, but i dont eat it instead of meals, ill have it in addition to meals or a snack.

after 3-4 months i resumed working out. i ALWAYS have a slimfast after working out, immediately if i can and then a snack soon after. this tells my body its ok to repair the muscle and that it isnt going to be starving. i do very light cardio-very very light jog or similar. then most days i just do weight training. ive put on some much needed muscle and am starting to look so much healthier.

id suggest cutting out the working out and yes, take a break from this site and thinking about calories. try to make sure you keep your mind on other things. it helps if you have someone close as support-that can be beyond helpful.

breakfast is key! this wakes your metabolism up after the 'fast' during the night.

i suffered from an ED for many years. ive only been in recovery a few months. digestion does improve. fats and things do help, probiotics (in yogurt) help also. lots of liquids! hot tea always helped me. hang in there :)

 

Hey, honey, don't worry about a thing!!!!  My name is Ayla, and yep, I'm Turksih too!!!!!!!!!!  Also, I just suffered from anorexia for about 3-6 months.  My stats as of February were 13 yrs old, 5'2.25", 83 lbs, and let me tell you, I looked like a skeleton.  I was seriously sick.  Now I'm 14 and weight 105 lbs! 

First of all, let me tell you - you ate all this food you hated and didn't even want b/c your body needed it!!!!!!!  it happened to me a buch of times after the 83 lb mark (actually, my mom had to convince me i could eat anything i wanted, and then i went crazy!  i could affort it, and you can too!)  if you don't wnat to go crazy, just start eating at least 2000 calories a day.  you won't gain - i didn't.  it took a lot of vacations and some pretty good cooking (my dad is Turkish and an amazing cook - nuf said) to get me where i am.  but u know what, take ur time.  it won't happen overnight. 

don't hate yourself.  please!  i know how it feels, but nothing is woth that, nothing at all.  just tell yourself that you deserve better than what you are getting, and you should take care of yourself as you would any loved one.  i hope you can overcome this, and if you need anything, i'll be here!  (sorry i didn't reply right away!)  good luck!

Hey!

as someone who is in recovery, I can safely say DO NOT do cardio. cardio does not help you maintain muscle unless you are eating enough. cardio also does not help build muscle when your muscles are being eaten away at. as you prob. know, cardio burns calories, and when you are trying to gain weight, the last thing you need is to be burning a bunch of calories!!!

the key to gaining mostly muscle when you gain weight is strength training. if possible, you need to lift weights. i have a great full body routine if you would like it. it has shown great results and i have gained probably 7 or 8 lbs but notice relatively no fat gain, only muscle. message me if you want to know more. =)

as far as counting goes, i (personally) think it is easier if you just let go of the numbers. at first, it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to do, but gradually, it gets easier and easier. for example, at first, i had to just truck through it and try to ignore the running calculator going on in my mind. then gradually, i would stop "totaling" everything up for the day, but when i ate something, i would know how many calories were in what i was eating AT THAT TIME. now, i try to avoid thinking about calories altogether. i actually don't know how many calories i have been eating a day, but i am guessing it is at least 2,500-3,000.

some people on this site to gain really depend on counting calories to make sure they're eating enough. however, i don't really see the need for this, especially if you had a restricting ED because you probably know the calorie content of EVERYTHING you eat. you will probably be just fine at "guesstimating". if you are feeling brave, go ahead and eat things you can't measure; it is better to tackle "fear foods" sooner rather than later, as long as it doesn't trigger you to restrict or overexercise.

again, please message me if you have questions or would like the strength training routine.

best of luck!!