I simply have a crush on a boy...
Hi everyone,
I've always been a fan of reading forums but never have i stated a personal dilemma of mine till today. So here's the story, met this great guy at my friend's b-day party, we hit it off, our conversation went smoothly throughout the night. He even went on to ask me to dance when there were no one dancing on the dance floor. I mean needless for me to continue on, we were having a blast getting to know each other. We decided to move the party over to his place ( i know, trouble right?) But i couldn't turn down the offer, we clicked, i wanted to continue hanging out. After a while, him and i decide to check out from the party to his room. And yes, i slept with him (amazing btw). Morning comes, we have cereal together, and chat a little bit about last night and the good time we had, and we part ways. This was about 3days ago, i know, i know, i need to be patient. But it is making me nervous as to why he hasn't called yet. I am taking the old cliche advice of "wait for him to make the first move" but i like him so much at the moment i am willing to throw that out the window. But i am afraid, he thinks i am a drunk slut and i probably do this kinda thing often. What is also intimitdaing is the fact that he is very popular, has tons of friends, really cool house, he is definitely far more well of than i am. But i also know if he gets to know me, he will know i am a product of quality girl. So i guess i want to aim this question more towards guys out there, what should i do? I am so confused because i really want to hang out with this guy and he hasn't called me. Did i ruin my chances with him because i slept with him already? Couple more things, his dog is his world, and he kept insisting how much the dog likes me. I don't know, i just like animals so i didn't think much of it, but since he insisted i figured that's a point on my court. Another thing is, he asked me for my number at more than one occassion because we would get side tracked on different things, till it was last thing we did before i took off. Last, but not least he wished i didn't have to leave for the day, he wished we could spend the rest of the day together. Cute right? One reason to why i am nervous and anxious is because of Facebook. He found me and added me right away, and from the look of his compared to mine, he def. has a lot more life, more parties and friends than i do. So i am wondering after seeing my FB page if he feels differently now, i wonder if he thinks now "wow, that chick isn't that cool at all" Arrgg... I hate feeling this insecure, but that's just how i feel. I don't drive a cool car, i don't have a great house, if anything i would consider myself poor, i just don't know if i am cut out for a cool guy like him.
thank you for taking your time and reading this amazingly pathethic story of mine. I really appericiate anyone who could reply to it.
First of all, there were two of you involved, so if he's making any judgements about your being a slut, he's just as bad. Apparently this worked for both of you for that night. Hopefully things will work out beyond that, but it's really hard to know as you just don't know him that well yet.
His adding you on fb seems like a positive reaction to me, so is his liking that his dog likes you as well as wanting to hang out with you. Having said that, you have no idea what is going on in his life, whom else he might be seeing, etc.
Enjoy your crush and contact him. Let him know that if he meant that he wanted to hang out with you that you'll figure out a time or invite him to go see a movie or dancing, whatever. If you didn't give him your number, then do it now.
If he feels that you're not good enough for him because of what you own or your income or because you're not cool enough, you really don't need that at all. You're hopefully selling him short with your own insecurities.
Contact him :) If you don't, you'll always wonder what would have happened if you hadn't, and it could turn into something great- at the very least, more great sex!
Oh, and people with lots of friends on FB aren't cooler than people with less friends!
Good luck. I have my fingers crossed!
Send him a text just to say Hi and if he replies you are good to go. The signs look good.
If he doesn't contact you because he doesn't think you are cool, then he is very uncool - if you see what I mean.
Good luck
if he friended you on facebook, then i highly doubt he is planning to not contact you again. the fact that he asked for your number several times says to me that maybe HE was nervous that you'd just blow him off! he could be sitting there thinking that you aren't that into him!
3 days is long enough of a wait. i'd suggest sending him a casual text. i met my current boyfriend out at a bar on a friday, and we exchanged numbers. i was going to wait and let him call me, but then i suddenly came upon tickets to a sporting event i knew he'd want to go to on that monday.
i fought the nerves and texted him asking if he'd be interested in going with me that night. he was SO excited. he later told me that he was definitely planning on calling me in the following few days, but was really glad i'd made the first move.
so basically, if this guy likes you, he is not going to be turned off if you casually text him or facebook message him. maybe find something on his profile to comment on, like a movie or music. or just simply say "had a good time the other night, we should hang out again soon!"
really what's the abosolute worst that can happen? he blows you off and you move on to the next one? a bummer, but really, not so bad. i'm sure you are plenty cool for this guy, and if he doesn't think so, then he's not worth your time!
well first off it seems like you are in a frenzy.....take a deep breath and calm down a bit.........your tone of not being good enough is a sign of not being confident in yourself and guys dont dig that.....if you just met him then you dont know much about him, and he could very well being thinking the same things you are.....if i were you i would call him, the worst thing that can happen wont kill you, and at least you will have a better idea of how he feels......last but certainly not least, you are NOT a slut, what you did is very common and millions of people do it all the time. as long as you are safe about it then you should have no worries......part of the fun of finding mr right should be all the fun you have with mr wrongs!!! hope everything works out for you!!
Some of the coolest people I know are just not into Facebook, so they might have a page, but don't spend too much time on it, don't add every last person as their friend, don't tag themselves in photos - so they don't look all that exciting on Facebook but they're VERY exciting in real life. People know that FB isn't a reflection of how cool you are. Call him!
Want the truth? You slept with him the first night...he got what he wanted, there's no challenge and most guys, although it boosts their ego when a one-night stand falls into place for them - eventually realize that they aren't so special and that if you slept with them the first night, then how many others did you sleep with the first night?....and you know where that thought is going to lead.
Men are far more turned on by mystery, by teasing, by seduction, by the chase and the hunt, than they are by shagging you on the first date. Most guys you sleep with on the first date will assume you're a massive slut...no offense. Most guys will respect a woman that says no early in their relationship and if they don't respect that...why would you want to be with them to begin with?
Oh and one more thing. Stop hanging on every little thing like it's some great sign or something. He says his dog liked you..big deal. He probably said that just because he saw you get excited about the dog and wanted to get into yor pants.
Perhaps he's at home now with a beer in his hand complaining to his guy friends that he met this girl he really liked but is embarrassed that he had a few too many and slept with her on the first night, she probably thinks he's a man whore and was only after what he could get, she probably hates him and is slagging him off to all of her friends right now, he can't believe she accepted him as a friend on Fb, he'll probably wait for her to message in case he makes the first move and just gets a load of abuse on his wall for using her that night........
Call him, mesage him, if he doesn't respond then there's your answer, what have you got to lose? Delete his number and his friend request - end of.
p.s I slept with a guy on our first date, that was 3 years ago, I'm marrying him in 9 weeks. :o)
Good luck.
Maybe he thinks that you were drinking and it might be something you want to forget since you didn't contact him. He probably isn't sure if you slept with him because you like him or because that's what you do. Not because he thinks you're a slut, but how would he know.
Call him. Worst case scenario is rejection, but at least you'll know now instead of when you assume that's the case a week from now.
I love it when the girls try to sugar coat things for the other girls...lol. 
Original Post by johnnypenso:
Want the truth? You slept with him the first night...he got what he wanted, there's no challenge and most guys, although it boosts their ego when a one-night stand falls into place for them - eventually realize that they aren't so special and that if you slept with them the first night, then how many others did you sleep with the first night?....and you know where that thought is going to lead.
Men are far more turned on by mystery, by teasing, by seduction, by the chase and the hunt, than they are by shagging you on the first date. Most guys you sleep with on the first date will assume you're a massive slut...no offense. Most guys will respect a woman that says no early in their relationship and if they don't respect that...why would you want to be with them to begin with?
Oh and one more thing. Stop hanging on every little thing like it's some great sign or something. He says his dog liked you..big deal. He probably said that just because he saw you get excited about the dog and wanted to get into yor pants.
I have a friend who met a guy, clicked, and slept with him the first night. The celebrate their 4th wedding anniversary this year and still act like two goofy teenagers in love. I guess he didn't get that memo from you on how dudes are supposed to act.
I hope he has called by now. Don't make excuses for this guy, okay? You'll drive yourself insane looking into the details of why he added you to FB. Take a step back and think about this. All men know how to use a phone. If he were interested, nothing would stop him from calling you. Nothing. His dog could have died, while he was working an 80+ hour work week and still call you, if he was really in to you. That's how guys are. If he has not, then he's not that in to you. You can call him, sure. But why would you want to call someone who can't take the time to contact you?? If he were a wimpy guy, he could have at least sent a text or an email. Girl, you can do better. Please don't take it personally!
Original Post by johnnypenso:
Want the truth? You slept with him the first night...he got what he wanted, there's no challenge and most guys, although it boosts their ego when a one-night stand falls into place for them - eventually realize that they aren't so special and that if you slept with them the first night, then how many others did you sleep with the first night?....and you know where that thought is going to lead.
Men are far more turned on by mystery, by teasing, by seduction, by the chase and the hunt, than they are by shagging you on the first date. Most guys you sleep with on the first date will assume you're a massive slut...no offense. Most guys will respect a woman that says no early in their relationship and if they don't respect that...why would you want to be with them to begin with?
Oh and one more thing. Stop hanging on every little thing like it's some great sign or something. He says his dog liked you..big deal. He probably said that just because he saw you get excited about the dog and wanted to get into yor pants.
*facepalm*
really dude? guess my boyfriend also must have missed the memo about not respecting me and thinking i'm a "massive slut". i guess not all guys are as enlightened as you are in the ways of manliess.
i love how you talk about sex like it's some kind of conquest for a guy and just some kind of thing to be "given up" by a girl. baahaaha the "hunt".
it's 2009. ever consider the idea that maybe girls like sex too, and maybe THAT'S why they have it with a guy on the first date? not because they are some silly prey being conned into it by some guy?
ugh.
tinybella, i hope you heard from the guy or contacted him. if you didn't reach out to him and he hasn't contacted you at this point, i'd just let it go, cause like crazineko said, if he was into you, he'd have made an effort by now.
Original Post by jules817:
it's 2009. ever consider the idea that maybe girls like sex too, and maybe THAT'S why they have it with a guy on the first date? not because they are some silly prey being conned into it by some guy?
exactly. do we really need for this double standard to keep existing? guys get high fives, and girls should feel ashamed.
johnny, you make me wish the cc rule about no direct insults wasn't existant.
Feel free to email me starlit and we can discuss it at length...lol.
There are exceptions to every rule. Nugget, for every "friend" that met someone and slept with them on the first date and they had a long term relationship, there are 50-100 times that it ended up just a one night stand, usually with some poor girl waiting by the phone like this one for "Mr. Right" to call like he promised he would, before she realizes his name is actually "Mr. Right Now" and always was. I don't care what year it is, sleeping with someone on the first date is not the way to go if you want a long term relationship with someone. 99 times out of 100 most, most guys, even in this day and age, don't respect that. I don't make the rules kids, I just report on them...lol.
Original Post by johnnypenso:
Nugget, for every "friend" that met someone and slept with them on the first date and they had a long term relationship, there are 50-100 times that it ended up just a one night stand, usually with some poor girl waiting by the phone like this one for "Mr. Right" to call like he promised he would, before she realizes his name is actually "Mr. Right Now" and always was.
I agree with this. Sometimes it works, but most times, it won't. And perhaps it's because of what Johnny said, or perhaps it's just because 'he's not that into you'.
I lean heavily on the ideas behind the book/movie 'he's not that into you', because it rings true. If a guy likes you HE WILL CALL. If he doesn't, he won't.
If this guy hasn't called, he's not that into you. You had sex, you had fun, now move on. You didn't give this guy your first born child or your soul, or even your entire heart...
You'll be okay, and maybe next time play it a little closer to the fold until you know the guy better, eh? See if he's really worth it if you're looking for more than sex.
Original Post by nasuoni:
Original Post by johnnypenso:
Nugget, for every "friend" that met someone and slept with them on the first date and they had a long term relationship, there are 50-100 times that it ended up just a one night stand, usually with some poor girl waiting by the phone like this one for "Mr. Right" to call like he promised he would, before she realizes his name is actually "Mr. Right Now" and always was.
I agree with this. Sometimes it works, but most times, it won't. And perhaps it's because of what Johnny said, or perhaps it's just because 'he's not that into you'.
I lean heavily on the ideas behind the book/movie 'he's not that into you', because it rings true. If a guy likes you HE WILL CALL. If he doesn't, he won't.
If this guy hasn't called, he's not that into you. You had sex, you had fun, now move on. You didn't give this guy your first born child or your soul, or even your entire heart...
You'll be okay, and maybe next time play it a little closer to the fold until you know the guy better, eh? See if he's really worth it if you're looking for more than sex.
I don't agree with this, because he seems to be operating under the impression that every woman is looking for a long term relationship. Who's to say the chick isn't just looking for a one night stand? Why is it mostly some "poor girl", like women are pining away for their amazing lover while he moves on to the next chick?
nugget:
Notice how I also said, "See if he's really worth if IF you're looking for more than sex."
That implies that she may have only been looking for sex. Some women do one night stands, love the sex, and move on. Most of my friends, family, and co-workers are not like that.
Doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with one night stands, or women that have them, I'm simply speaking from experience when I acknowledge that it's more rare for women to only want a one night stand. So if you're going to sleep with a guy on the first date, you have to acknowledge that it may turn out to only be a one night stand, and that's the risk you're taking.
nugget: i agree with you if we're talking about women in general. however, the OP is obviously looking for more than a one night stand.
note: OP hasnt logged in since the day she posted lol
talk amongst yourselves...
