Single people trying to lose weight? Sign up here

First off, I'm not trying to start a dating service or anything. But it seems almost everyone on CC is married and I know that can't be the case.

While it's great that they are married, single people have different reasons for losing weight, they have different pressures involved, and they don't have any spouse they can depend on for support.

I'm not saying it's harder, in fact we also have more time to dedicate to weight loss (saving single parents)

But this thread is for the single people I know there are on CC.

how about we unite! because there will most certainly be a war against the married people in the coming months (j/k)

I'll start. I'm 24. I've been single for about 4 years now. I got out of a long relationship with a girl that could've been the one, but we just were in two different places. Since then I went into a deep state of depression a few years back, and gained a bunch of weight in addition to pretty much giving up living life.

Well, I heard a song (Jimmy Eat World- 23) that changed my life, as corny as it sounds. Since then I have been working on different phases of getting my life back, and weight loss is now.

However, eventually I am going to try and tackle dating, and it's a scary thing. I've had a few encounters in these past years, but they just didn't work out.

Who wants to share similar stories? Don't leave my hanging people

Well, I am older than most but have been single for the last 15 years.  I'm 40.  I hate it, being single that is.  But it has been by choice.  I have not liked how I look and therefore stayed away from any kind of situation that cause someone else to look at me.  The funny thing is 15 years ago I was skinny.  In the last 10 years I have gained 100 pounds.  My goals is to lose 100 pounds in the next year and starting living and dating again.  

I actually have more physical self-confidence now than I ever have in my life - first time under 130 pounds without barely-legal stimulants and an ED on top of them. (Well, I'm still eating disordered, but not nearly to the degree that I used to be.) I still don't think I can manage social interaction very well. It's weird because I'm fine with it at work, but put me in a non-professional environment and I honestly don't have the slightest clue where to begin. At work, I feel safe, because I'm good at what I do, and I know I have what it takes to function there - work hard, be nice, be conscientious. But when it's all social, and not primarily professional with a little bit of polite people skills thrown in, I don't know what to talk about or how to be.

Am I the only one who's extremely NOT satisfied with being single? A relationship feels like the only thing I'm really lacking right now. My career is going well, my health has improved, I get along reasonably well with my family (parents/siblings) and my spiritual life is fine, though I'm not particularly religious. Yet, despite all that, I'm seriously missing something. I want a family of my own, and that seems about as likely as hitting the lottery jackpot right now.

Jaina--I understand how you feel.  Sometimes I can't help thinking that it's time for a relationship to get off the ground so I can get married and start a family.  My two older brothers are married and have kids, my older sister came really close to getting married earlier this year, and even though it didn't work out she's back in another serious relationship.  My family and friends always say I haven't been in serious relationships before because I've always been the "smart one" with "no time for boys" because of school, work, etc., but I keep telling 'em I can walk and chew gum at the same time.  They'd do better to convince me if they pointed out that I lived in South Africa for 7 months, then came back home and a year later moved out of state for college, had an internship in another state first summer of college, went to a different university for a semester to take a class my school didn't offer, came back to university #1, had some time to date and have a good time, but then graduation came out of no where, and now I've joined the Army, so in less than two months, I'm gone again.  I can't pinpoint when I'll actually "settle down" enough to be in a relationship.

Phew, anyway Jaina, I've never been able to go out an meet random new people, I've always met people through friends, which makes it immensely easier because there's a chance that you'll have something in common.  Just so long as you're meeting them without the specific intention of getting "hooked up", then it is incredibly less awkward.  I used to have a lot of trouble knowing what to say, but I find that if I just start talking about a new book I've read or movie I've seen or place I visited, or something along those lines, conversations just start up and go all over the place. 

To everyone who's been talking about friends and family trying to hook them up...oh man...mine were the worst about it when I first started losing weight.  They all said, "We need to find you a boyfriend" as though it were comparable to shopping for a new car or something.

What, you mean we're not just like cars on a lot?

:)

Kay--watch out for the guys in grad school--just because you know they'll have decent jobs doesn't make them any more palatable!  I figured I might meet a nice guy when I was in law school, but instead, it was 3 years with the most pompous, self-assured, a-holes I had ever met.  It was the reason I instituted my strict no-dating-lawyers policy ;)

Jaina--I understand what you mean.  I for one would LOVE to find someone.  However, meeting the right person is important and I'm not willing to rush it or force it.  I don't mean to imply that you are, all I'm saying is that right now, I'm content to concentrate on me and getting MY life in order in order to be "ready" for the right person if and when we do cross paths.

Gadzooks is absolutely right.  As someone who dropped a lot of weight in the past, I can assure you that self-confidence does not come automatically with weight loss.  I'm at a healthy good weight now and I still struggle with my physical appearance every day. 

Thanks for all the great support and insights.  It's so nice to know that there are other people struggling with the same things that I am.  You guys are great.

I am 24 and have been single for a little over a year now. I was in a serious relationship for almost seven years before that (those who care to do the math can figure that this was really my first and only relationship). Not to sound too cliche, but he was "the one." At least until I recently got over it and realized that he wasn't. :)
I am growing and trying to discover who I really am. It is a learning process that is hard at times, but overall I am enjoying it.
I had always been thin and petite through high school and college. Being a distance runner since I was in the fourth grade, my metabolism was sky high. My weight dropped a little after our relationship ended. Then, as I was getting over it, I started going out and partying a lot more, which resulted in a 20 lb. weight gain. I have worked off 10 of those extra lbs., but still have a few more to drop.

I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting a relationship, (although I do have a problem with thinking that your entire life falls into place as soon as you find someone). Nobody should be ashamed to admit that they want to find someone they can be with, or even that they're lonely.
But, as shawnmax said earlier, sometimes we need to be selfish. I'm trying to get my entire life (future, finances, etc) together, too, and I find that it's easier to make decisions where there isn't another person you have to factor into the equation. And I figure I'll be much better company when I know what I'm doing in life and know what I want, so maybe singledom is necessary sometimes. Better, even.

It seems like relationships are much like other things people want in life.  You have an end goal, and sometimes you want to see instant results.  Marriage, kids, or even just a long term relationship...a lot of work goes into building a strong committment.  Just like career goals/financial success, and even weight loss.  I know personally that for the most part I know I have to keep working to get what I want, but there are definitely times when I want it all to happen now.

And shawn...confession...not proud of it, but I have considered potential dates before as though I were walking through a car lot deciding which one I liked best.  Lesson learned, not the best way to go about it. :)

Shawnmac...just tell the girl that you like her in a friendly way and aren't sure if romance has any potential...or let your friends continue acting like they're still in high school (they'd better not be if they're going to bars) and let them tell her since they're the ones who gave her the hope to begin with.  It'll be awkward initially, but it's far better than her having a bit of crush on you which you don't return but your friends are probably encouraging.

Single is not awful, it's far better than being emotionally attached to someone that is just not right for you.  I date because I hope to find someone that I can eventually care about in a serious way...in the interim, I have fun, I go dancing, I do aikido, I flirt and go to bars sometimes.  I really only seem to find guys that are suitable for a fling, but since I have very high standards that rarely occurs.

shawnmax, I know it's awkward to tell a girl you're not into that, well, you're not into her, but I think that momentary awkwardness is better than her thinking she's got a chance when she really hasn't. Trust me, it's pretty awful when you realise someone you've thought wants to date you over a long period of time has never had any intention of doing so, so I think she'll appreciate it if you're honest. Trust me, I've often thought "I won't say anything and hope they'll get the point or find someone else" and... they don't. People rarely get the hint, not because they're stupid but they read the situation differently. I've been on both sides of this situation, and I firmly beleive these things really, truly, desperately need to be spelled out clearly but gently.
Not to keep harping on this but I'm particularly sensitive about this kind of thing.

One reason weight loss might be easier in a way is that you do see some results fairly quickly. You don't get to the end goal right away, but it's easy to measure progress. Okay, four pounds down, thirty-six left to go, that's ten percent. Or something like that. With relationships it takes so much work just to have ANYTHING happen. Or at least, it's been that way for me; I can put in effort into meeting people, which is very difficult, and six months go by and nothing's come of it at all, not even one date.

I'm not so much in a rush as not wanting to waste time. I figure it's going to take a year or two for a relationship to blossom into something permanent, anyhow, so that gives me plenty of time to work out the kinks in my own life, things that are pretty small anyhow. I feel ready now, except to figure out what "league" I'm in, you know. In the past I'd always felt like I was only worthy of the worst guys, the ones that think a weekly shower is too much trouble, so I willingly sat out - didn't think anybody I'd actually be attracted to would want me back. Bad hair, bad skin, too fat. Well, I've corrected all that to the point that it's not insta-fail anymore, but I don't know what I CAN accomplish.

Ehh, I can't be confident at merely a healthy weight, but I think that's my old ED talking, to a point. I think it's excellent progress that I'm able to like my body (for the most part - one or two trouble spots) while not diagnostically underweight. I'm sort of near it, but not there, and with no plans to go that far. Partly because I figure once I'm married and have children I won't be thin anymore, and if I'm too thin now, then it will be a problem if someone is expecting me to stay itsy-bitsy when I have no intention of doing so. If my net gain is only 10-15 pounds, though, they can't really complain much.

I just realized that when I cleaned my keyboard I put the + and - keys in reversed locations. I didn't notice it until now because I normally don't look at the keyboard when I'm typing. Guess I'd better fix that...

I think being single was good for me, in a way, because it's forcing me to put more effort into finding someone, and even look deep inside and fix what's really wrong with me so that I can. In other words, I hate it so much that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get out, even if that means some painful soul-searching and confronting some of my fears.

Yeah, I guess that's true, about dating being either yuo have results, or you don't. I could see it happening. I see a cute girl, walk up to her, "Hey I'd like to get to know you better, now my goal is a full date, but I don't think I've worked my way up to that level, how about 10% of a date?"

Oh, and yeah, gotta watch out for those+/- keys...

10% of a date. I'll give a guy that, no problem. It's the remaining 90% that's hard. You know, the part after, "hello, you look nice, let's grab seats."

I'm kinda the opposite.

I am bad at the start, but I think I'm a great date.

I make dates laugh, I make it seem like it's not awkward at all (when I'm comfortable) I try not to come on too strong, and I try to be as much fun as I can and hold good conversation.

The problem I have is that I can't ask a girl out, and I can't get past my looks to think any girl would actually ever want to go out with me.

I don't think people see any of us as we see ourselves. Even when someone thinks you're the hottest person ever to exist, if you're convinced your weight makes you unattractive, they'll never be able to persuade you otherwise. I wonder, once we lose the thing that we thinks makes us unattractive, do we still think we're ugly?
I mean, I know people say weight loss doesn't make you confident, and I hope that's not true but deep down I know it is, then why are so many overweight people not confident to start with? And why do they say/believe that the reason is their weight? And how do we ever become confident? Will I ever let anyone see me naked again (I'm only half-joking here)?

Man that entire post is full of mistakes. Please look past my terrible typing.

People lack confidence because they do not believe in themselves and are not comfortable with what they have.  People say/believe that the reason is their weight because it's an easy scapegoat.  Variations of such a scapegoat could range from age to the colour of one's hair, from the size of one's nose to the shape of one's legs.

If someone is looking for flaws in oneself, they will find them.

Okay, but where does it start? What's the difference between the type of person that looks for these flaws and the type that doesn't? What's the difference between the type of person that doesn't believe in themselves and the type that does? What's the difference between the type of person that's not comfortable with what they've got and the type of person who is?
And how do we switch sides?

Anyway, as far as my story, I was always big, very large frame, talland muscluar, and growing up I was fat, no way around it. And I got made fun of, a lot (I was 6', 250 lbs when I was 13, and you know how kids make fun of anyone who's different). There were even a couple of girls who acted like they liked me for a laugh. Oh well, ancient history, and I've gotten over my physical insecurities a lot, partially from getting in better shape and more muscular, and partially just from my own maturity, as well as everyone else's and partially from finding something where my size was a plus (football). But I'm still insecure in social situations, especially those involving girls. I can accept that I may be physically attractive, but I still can't really accept that a girl would want to be dating and not just friends, you know? I just feel I'm always the friend, and that's fine most of the time (my friends, male and female, are very important to me)  just not all the time.

tigerlily120 - You start to believe that you, regardless of how you look, are worthy of your OWN love and appreciation. Moving towards believing those things will eventually get you to a place where you project them naturally....and that is a very attractive place to be :)