Single people trying to lose weight? Sign up here

First off, I'm not trying to start a dating service or anything. But it seems almost everyone on CC is married and I know that can't be the case.

While it's great that they are married, single people have different reasons for losing weight, they have different pressures involved, and they don't have any spouse they can depend on for support.

I'm not saying it's harder, in fact we also have more time to dedicate to weight loss (saving single parents)

But this thread is for the single people I know there are on CC.

how about we unite! because there will most certainly be a war against the married people in the coming months (j/k)

I'll start. I'm 24. I've been single for about 4 years now. I got out of a long relationship with a girl that could've been the one, but we just were in two different places. Since then I went into a deep state of depression a few years back, and gained a bunch of weight in addition to pretty much giving up living life.

Well, I heard a song (Jimmy Eat World- 23) that changed my life, as corny as it sounds. Since then I have been working on different phases of getting my life back, and weight loss is now.

However, eventually I am going to try and tackle dating, and it's a scary thing. I've had a few encounters in these past years, but they just didn't work out.

Who wants to share similar stories? Don't leave my hanging people

The difference, I think, is when one realises that perfection is not attainable and that they will accept what they have.  It is when one becomes able to look past those flaws and point out the positives.  There really is no answer for when or how one begins feeling confident nor is there a switch to turn one into a confident being.

I'm far from confident, myself, so I don't really think I should be giving advice, but I think it has to do with one's own mentality.

echstee-I think that would be the most attractive place to be. But how do you convince yourself that you are worthy of your own love and appreciation? 

OK i'll join the team..

I'm 22 and have never really had a boyfriend. When I was 16 I "dated" a guy who i only saw once a week at church functions cause neither of us drove.. we never even kissed and he turned out to be gay.... so, that might have damaged me a little.

But I also chalk up a lot of the reasons to my (really) low self esteem. I just never saw how any boy could ever want me at 250+ pounds when they could have one of my 120 pound friends. Even now, 50 pounds lighter, I still have a hard time thinking that someone could find me attractive. I just hope I don't have "fat girl syndrome" when i get to my goal weight (thinking I still look fat even when I'm not).

So there- that's my story :)

chuckigirl--my story is rather similar--19, never really had a boyfriend, one boy in 10th grade who we "went out" for 2 weeks or so, but never kissed or went on a single date.  guy i liked all through high school said he was gay summer after freshman year in college....

I'm just under 190 lbs, close to you, (although I started this at 200), and don't think i'm attractive, and also "hope I don't have "fat girl syndrome" when i get to my goal weight"

"It is when one becomes able to look past those flaws and point out the positives"  Even though I have low self-esteem, I can still see things in my body that I do like, and I always have been able to.  I guess for me, I just don't see how any guy will ever see past my flaws to find me attractive, and I think a large part of it stems from childhood teasing and because no one really has yet. 

Im dating someone casually ...But in the singles handbook i think it would still make me single. I'm 22, I really don't have a problem with dating , I actually find it fun going on dates ( if theres no real romantic connection but hey at least you made a friend and plus im a chitchatter).

I've been lucky enough not to  have any relationships horror stories..I've had okay ex's , we had the usual relationship downs .. But overall i think I lucked out, even though things didn't workout. Like someone already said ,being single gives you a chance to work on you.  I think sometimes singles forget that plus. Maybe once you start discovering more about yourself and doing things you enjoy , you might find someone doing the exact same and so long to being single =)

For me, it's been like over time my personality lets people think they can say practically anything to me.

I joke around with people and can laugh at myself easily, but if people were really attentive they would see I never make jokes about physical appearance, and really never have.

I'm all about light-hearted dorky humor, and people usually seem to love it, but then they also misconstrue that as being able to make fun of my appearance in a playful way. I take it to heart.

Like in high school at an assembly for senior superlatives, after announcing my award the teacher (a jokester) said, "Shawn was also voted most likely to have his backpack fall off his shoulders"

The whole auditorium got it right away and I heard a roar of laughter.

My shoulders in high school weren't the broadest, and I think it had a lot to do with me slouching as a tall person and also mightve had something to do with breaking my collarbone.

Teach thought he was just making a harmless joke, but it stuck with me. I worked hard on my shoulders and am now confident in their size. they are muscular and my upper body saving my love handles is actually pretty defined for my size.

I am most concerned with my head though. I look kinda goofy. my forehead kinda slopes in and it pisses me off when I see pictures of myself from the side. I would think it was all in my head, but there have been countless comments about me being goofy or having a weird shaped head.

There are good things I used to love about myself though before I got fat. So i think in my case getting rid of the fat will do wonders for my self-esteem.

If I got to be built like I was a few years back (where when I walked around in a tighter shirt I got noticed) then I would be happy. It's just now I feel like the ugliest person EVERYWHERE I go.

I had a great time last thursday. I was confident in my looks that night. I was modeling a female coworkers scarf and stuff and being silly, but when I saw the pictures of my exploits, I was disgusted. I thought I looked way better than I did, and the picture just highlighted all my flab and especially around my face where I thought I was getting thin. It made me think, "man what the hell did I look like before?"

It's hard sometimes to keep the motivation to just live for the  future, but I know that once I shed these last 20-30 lbs and I am able to once again do things like go to the beach without being self-concious... my confidence in my abilities, my personality, and my good physical attributes will outweigh my negatives. no pun intended.

"It's just now I feel like the ugliest person EVERYWHERE I go."

Shawn--I feel the same way.  I get especially let down when, like you, I start to feel so confident and then see a picture of myself.  Like my best friend's wedding last month, I loved the dress I wore, and looking at myself in the mirror I thought I looked great.  Then when I saw the wedding pictures, I was just...ugh... I scrutinized every little detail...my face looked chubby in one, my stomach pooched out, my arms looked flabby.  (I put a couple that I didn't mind so much in my profile, but I have issues with those too).  As I lose more weight, I am harder and harder on myself. :-(

And cameras are not my friend.

Keep your chin up as you continue to progress toward your goal, and like someone else said in this thread, losing weight alone will not build/repair confidence completely, so don't forget to work on being comfortable with every aspect of yourself.

--Jess

It seems I'm like a few people on here.. I've just turned 28, and am yet to have a relationship. I've always been large and have always blamed my weight for a lack of relationship, but have recently realized that it's not so much the weight but the self-esteem issues behind it... the idea that there is no possible way that a guy would be interested in me, so why embarrass us both by telling a guy that I like him?

As I said, I've realized it's the self-esteem issue, not the weight, that is holding me back, and ironically it is this that has made me decide to lose weight. Not because I feel that by losing weight all my self-esteem issues will disappear, because I know that won't happen, but simply because I want to be healthier and more active, for me.

It's extremely early days yet, and I'm not even following a particular diet plan, I am just changing my way of thinking about food and making healthier choices, but I finally feel I have the motivation to succeed. And it was great today when my work colleague suddenly said, 'hey, you've lost weight haven't you?' :)

tigerlily120 - I take a slightly differnt perspective than the person that said you have to accept you are imperfect.

I personally think you chose to be manifested in this exact form, in this exact moment so that you could learn the lessons t*his* life brings you. Sometimes that lesson is learning you have the ability to change where you are ;)

It can be a difficult process to start to feel like you are worthy...but some of the things I did along the way to move towards that place were:
- realizing *everyone* is worthy. everyone. even people who make terrible choices have, in this moment, the ability to change.
- spending a few minutes a day meditating on things you already accept, maybe simple things like...your body's ability to heal itself....the freckle on your left shoulder, anything!
- examining how you have come to feel you are unworthy...either through your own thoughtful contemplation or through working with a therapist
- think about people who truly love you, parents/friends/siblings, how worthy THEY are, and what they love about you...it can help you pivot your thoughts about your own self-worth

Im going to add you as a friend, hope you dont mind! Feel free to msg me if you want to chat more too :)
Christy

I'm 25 and I just started a low cal diet . My reasons are not very noble. I've been overweight most of my life.

Some time ago, I was in a "fling" with someone I had honest feelings for, she just didn't reciprocate them and decide we should just stay friends. She started dating someone else recently (and I still having feelings for her) and after seeing what this guy looked like (and that fact that he looks better at 40 than I look at 25), I feel so inadequate. So I guess to me that was the wakeup call.

I started jogging regularly at night and moderating what I ate, but two weeks ago I decided to become more active so I started doing calisthenics in the morning and started a low calorie diet this week. Unfortunately, since I've been feeling so depressed, I never feel like I have any want to jog at night so it's about a week since I've gone. I'm considering joining a gym since I would much more comfortable on treadmill than running around the block.

I try very hard not to check my weight since I feel it would probably discourage me but I check about every 2 weeks. I was last at 230 pounds, about 85 pounds overweight, and the calorie-count.com's measuring gauge is a bit discouraging since it says its physically impossible to lose more than 2 pounds per week, but I'm trying.

Warning-wicked long post ahead! 

    On the self confidence thing, my secret is having older siblings! :p   I grew up with an older brother and an older sister who are about 1 year apart from eachother, and I was the baby, trailing behind agewise by 3 years from them.  I was teased so much when I was younger that by the time I was in about 3rd grade, I learned to take it (and give it right back).  The fact that I could 'win' gave me confidence in myself, and when people who weren't family members tried to make fun of me about anything, they'd notice that I don't play that game and leave it alone.  I ended up being friends with pretty much everyone, by middle school when everyone parted ways into groups that kindof didn't like or talk to eachother, I  was invited to hang out with many just cause I was open to broadening my group of friends.

    Now I think the adult version of my confidence comes from the fact that at one time in my life, my family (and later I) was told I could die at any time (due to a brain hemmorhage), but I totally pushed through and figured out that how I look isn't a big deal in the scheme of things, and that if my body can fight off some serious things, it is awesome nomatter how it looks.  I was left with some major gaping stretchmarks from steroids to help get rid of the hemmorhage, and after a month or two of only wearing clothes that covered them, I realized it's a part of me just like everything else, and I can accept it and wear whatever I want and not care, or fret over it and be miserable every summer in long sleeves and pants.
    My reason for losing weight has less to do with vanity, and a ton to do with health.  Both my parents are overweight, barley 50, and snore like truckers and have some cholesterol issues, among other things, and my aim is to not have those problems ever.  One serious health issue is more than enough for this lifetime!

    Those were my specific stepping stones to confidence, but all in all, I think confidence comes with maturity, and realizing that looks aren't the biggest deal in life, hell you may to live till 100, and for half of that time you won't be looking your best anyway!

I am single...

haha i think its my destiny to be forever single... but i am 27.

Hi other single people!

You singles, we need your help...we have an August challenge going with sexual activities...I think we're going to have to have at least a 2 for one ratio to have a hope of catching up the the marrieds who have sex at their fingertips.

Not advocating promiscuity, most of us are too picky to bed hop, but we're trying to work out if attempts at contact count or only making out+

Help us, please!

Hey.. I'm 19 and single for the first time since I was 14.. Hahah. I've had two long relationships in my life: the first from freshman year to junior year of high school, and the other from junior year to freshman year of college. I just broke up with my second boyfriend in June, and am really excited to be single and enjoy meeting new people and dating.. The sad thing is, I'm so scared that no one is ever going to be interested in me again! It's ridiculous, I know. I'm only 19. And yet, the fear that no one will ever want me has kind of caused me to obsess over the opposite sex. I feel like I'm in middle school again. Argh..
So those of you who do a lot of dating, where do you meet most of your dates? I'm under 21, so I can't do the whole bar thing yet.. :S

smwhipple,

it's been about 4 years since I could help you ;-)

echstee-I added you back. I'd love to chat! I agree with you on all points, but it's been really hard for me to figure out how I got this way- I even started therapy a couple of years ago because of this. I stopped seeing her a little while ago because I became frustrated with the lack of progress on this front. I don't know if it would be better for me to find a therapist with different methods or just try to sort through this on my own.
darkmojo-I'm sorry to hear about this girl, but if you want to lose weight effectively, it has to be because you want to for yourself, not because of her. Otherwise you'll get discouraged early on (as your post indicates, you've already begun to get discouraged) or you'll just start gaining it back when you're done dieting. I've found exercise really does make you feel better when you're down, but you have to force yourself to get moving a couple of times before it becomes something you want to do to feel good.
shawnmax-you're funny. You can start another thread: "How long has it been since you've been able to help smwhipple?" Hahaha.

Yeah this thread has been good, but we also need to discuss the good points of being single!

I like not talking on the phone for hours
I like having extra money in my pocket to save up for guitars and things I like
I like being able to watch football on Sundays. Not just the Eagles, but any game I want. I can even watch the NFL network if I want to.
I like being able to decide today that I'm going to go to AC after work and play poker.
I like being able to take a saturday, and do absolutely nothing every now and then.
I like not having to be depended on right now in my personal life, because I'm depended on a lot at work at the moment.

I just miss being hugged :/

I was thinking about when i actually started losing weight.............and I figured that had I not been single I most likely wouldn't have done it.  I really started it (sad to say lol) because i didn't feel like I was getting glances from guys when standing around my gorgeous friends.  So guys are my motivation really lol.........well think bout it since i lost my 90 some lbs (i've still got a lot to lose) I was asked out by three guys (none of which have worked out but still lol) Now had i been in a relationship i prob would have felt confortable with myself but who knows maybe not.  But personally i think being single while trying to shed my layers is working to my advantage.  :)

I like that I don't have to pretend I understand the baseball thing. I like not arguing with someone over picking their stuff up. I like that there's no-one there to distract me from my diet. I like that I can get enough sleep on work nights. I like watching cheesy girly chickflicks without having to compromise on move nights. I like hanging out with my girlfriends all the time. I like my free time, and I especially like not having to talk on the phone a lot. I like doing the mani-pedi-facemask thing and not having someone there to see the ugly before the pretty.
And yes, I miss being hugged, but what I miss a lot (these days, it seems) is... um... being able to help smwhipple. Is that wrong? I feel funny admitting that.

*movie nights