my sister is triggering!

My sister and I are very close in age. We are both 20 until I turn 21 in February. Anyways, I am home from college for the holidays, and this has been the first time I've seen my family in about seven months. The first thing my mom said to me when I got home was, "Isn't your sister SOOO skinny?!" And she's right. My sister has lost A LOT of weight. She is skin and bones. I know this may sound ridiculous, but this is VERY triggering. It's almost like a competition between us as to who can be the thinnest. It's making me sick to my stomach. I have been taking such great steps to improving my ED habits, and this is not helping me at all.

My parents aren't very supportive. I've tried talking to my mom about my eating habits, and she just shrugged it off. I've also talked to my mom about my possibly anxiety/depression problems, and she also just ignores me. I feel like my eating disorder has been a cry out to my parents to pay SOME attention to me. Now, with my sisters dramatic weight loss, I find myself falling back into my old behaviors.

Do any of you have any ideas as to what I can do to convince myself that I don't want to be unhealthily thin?!?!

Thanks everyone for all of your support!

I have three siblings...2 beautiful older sisters who are both naturally thin, and a gorgeous younger brother who is an all around athlete, tall lean basketball player/runner with eyelashes to die for. Point being - my three siblings are perfect. I have always been heavier...although the looks run in my entire family (not to sound conceited but we are very exotic and attractive) I have never had the body that they all have. My oldest sister is getting married this January which inspired me to lose weight - to be healthy. I did not want to be the fat sister in all of the pictures. Anyway - since then I have made a lifestyle change and STOPPED comparing myself to my sisters. I will never look like them or my brother. I am me. And that me is beautiful. Embrace the body you are in and treat it well. Eat well. Sleep. Exercise. You are more than an ED. Sit your mom down and tell her one on one how you are feeling. Tell her you are asking for help. Good luck with everything - remember to just believe in yourself.

Using your body to show your pain inside will not help in the long run. I know it is frustrating when people don't hear or listen but you still need to keep telling them. Can you tell your mom how she doesn't seem to understand? Are you a teen still or in college because some colleges offer counceling. Could you ask your mom for therapy? Is there support groups in your area? As for your sister, I have a mom who is anorexic and I suffered for 12 years. When I chose to recover it was a battle sometimes. I had to focus on my health and life. I can't change others only myself. Having an ed or being super thin is not a way of life. It is very self destructive and will take away everything. Try to focus on what you want from your life and the people who do care and can support you.

*BIG HUG*

 The one thing you need to keep in mind is this: Skin + Bone is NOT equal to being ATTRACTIVE. 

 So your sister's lost a *h!tload of weight. And possibly looks like she's well on her way to becoming the world's first living egyptian mummy. Big. Fat. Hairy. Deal! If the two of you went out to a club together tonight, just how many guys do you think she's going to be able to attract?? 

I've been recovering from ana/mia for the last 6 mths  (been affected for more than 2 years now.. in which i lost >60lbs and was reduced to nothing but skin hanging off my bones) and everytime i find myself slipping up and feeling guilty for putting crap food in my mouth, I remind myself that i'm eating so i can stay alive, be healthy, have the energy to go out and have fun, work out and build towards having a hot, tight body that will get every guy that sees me drooling blatantly and the girls around me turning green with envy.

 

(yes that is a very self-centred, egotistical perspective.. but it is what keeps me going... ) 

 

Can I just say I have looked at your pictures before, and I am not even lying when I say you look at your best in you "highest weight" picture of you at 135lbs. The worst thing for my eating disorder is competition. When I was younger I got to 92lbs mostly through being competitive at weightloss with my friends who all were going through funny eating stages. I am the only one it seems to get stuck with disordered habits though, however, now I have no competition, I am losing weight a lot slower. I know what it is like to have someone else losing loads of weight around you, it is sooo triggering. You have to tell yourself you don't want to be ill. If you need someone to talk to I am more than happy. It is so hard when everyone wants to ignore your problems, I understand.

Also, to look that slim at 135lbs you must be like 5'9-10!! I would never look that slender at that weight!!

Are you sure your sister is okay? Eating Disorders have a genetic element. If you have had one, there's a chance your sister does. 

Try making a list of all the things you gained from your ED, and then a list of all the things you lost from it. The gained list might be pretty short, where as typically ED's cost friendships, health, relations, oppurtunities, and more. Your body is not something you should compare to others. It isn't selfish to put your own health as your top priority. Don't let anyone make you change if you're trying to recover. 

Also, try to avoid the "I'll Show Them" mentality. Just tell them. You don't need to be deathly skeletal to seek help.

Your mom sounds really unsupportive. Is there someone else you could talk to about what you're going through? Maybe your sis even? I hope this helps you... Good luck! 

<<BIG HUG>>

That sounds HORRIBLE!  I struggled with depression and anxiety for years.  At first my parents didn't take me seriously either and it was hard to handle.  I ended up in inpatient 3 times before I pulled myself out of it.  Keep in mind a few things:

-Competing with your sister is not going to make you feel better about yourself and it is not worth falling back into your old ED habits, which could eventually kill you if you can't control them.

-Your mom might not be supportive because she doesn't know how to talk to you about depression or because it scares her/she is scared for you and doesn't want to admit to herself that you are having these issues.

My best advise is to SEEK THERAPY!  Many times it really takes a while for the family to accept and understand what the child is dealing with.  Please continue to be enlightened (you are obviously bright because you can already see clearly what is happening) and get yourself some support and treatment, whether or not your family supports you.  Do NOT destroy yourself, your body, and your life just to "show them".

i agree that your sister may be struggling with an eating disorder also.. and i think its ironic because while you may be jealous that she has gotten so thin, shes probably jealous that you have exhibited the strength to recover! the silly thing about eating disorders is that after a certain point youre faced with a decision: die, or get help.. thats basically what it will come to if you have a serious disorder.. and then its just a cycle that keeps going.. this is what i alwasy try to tell myself to make sure things never get too bad for me.. really really try to just focus on YOU and making yourself the best and happiest you can be.. maybe try to avoid eating around your sister, cuz i know its really triggering to eat around people who don't eat much.. like when i go out with my friends, even though they don't struggle with eating, if they don't eat lunch for whatever reason, i definiitelyy can't.. i would never be caught dead eating more than someone i was with.. it really is silly how it can be so competitive in your head when the other person probably isn't thinking about it at all.. i also hate it if i go to the gym and the person i'm working out with burns more calories than me, so i always try to get a head start.. all of these things are so silly but try to avoid putting yourself in situations like that with your sister. maybe you should talk to her about it.. if shes really struggling with something too then the silence will probably just make things more uncomfortable for the both of you.. if you talk about it maybe you can gain a better understanding and be more sensitive to each other

Sorry, sweetie. Sounds like your mom is actually the triggering one. If she thinks it's better to look pretty on the outside than deal with the destructive stuff on the inside, she has a serious problem.

I just want to give a big THANKS and a bunch of *hugs* to everyone who has responded t my post. The support at this site is tremendous, and it's basically what keeps me moving forward in my own recovery. All of your tips and suggestions have been so helpful. I am going to try talking to both my mom and sister separately, and see if I can get to the bottom of anything. Also, I've had a lot of reccomendations for therapy. This is something I am going to seriously consider when I return to my university (there are student services that offer free counseling to full-time students, so I should take advantage of that!) Once again, thank you EVERYONE for all of your help. You are all so beautiful!

Happy Holidays =)

i say this in the most grateful, non offensive way nwoodrum. i just looked through your gallery pictures  *you are beautiful btw*, and i think that i just got the additional extra push that i needed to get over my ED. you look skinny, healthy and happy at your before ED and 135lb pictures, and then in the others you *im really sorry for saying this* do not look healthy and look wayy to skinny. and what scared me more than that is that i am bonnier by a lot than you are even at your skinniest, which i thought didn't look nice :( so i KNOW i can beat this, and thank you soo much for those pictures, and im sorry from the bottem of my heart if this offended you at all, but im hoping that it gives you a little self confidense to get over your current problem also

 

happy holidays and good luck with your mom and sister<3 

jessikkaa, trust me, it makes me SOOO HAPPY to know that my pictures have inspired you to get healthier!! i would LOVE to be back at my healthier weight and know that i look too thin right now. thank you SO MUCH for letting me know that my pictures have inspired you... that in itself makes me want to recover more too (isn't the support on this forum soooooooo motivating and refreshing?!?!). and don't apologize for anything you said.. all of it is SO true!

keep fighting, hun!!!! we all deserve to be HEALTHY and to LIVE a happy life!!!!!!!! =)

*hugs*

i almost just started cryingg reading your reply because i was so happy. you're so right the support is absolutely amazing and i know we can beat this together! =) something that ive found is that being skinny does not make you happy! although my ed was a little wierd because ive always been skinny * probably 10 lb underweight if not more my whole life due to genetics* but i was happy being normal FOR ME. ever since this i have never been as happy as i used to be and i am not going to deal with that anymore. you're right we deserve to be HEALTHY and also HAPPY. we can do this <3

 

 

I totally feel for you.  Personally, I'm also going thru BED and depression and trying so hard to be rid of 'em.  However, some of my friends seem unwilling to acknowledge the problem or they just underestimate the seriousness.

First thing first, never binge bcuz of the lack of attention, this only makes hatred of yourself grow.  And what I do is stop talking to those ignore and concentrate on improving my health.

Keep in mind that there're many people who share the same problem here, therefore we have each other.

*hugs*