The "Skinny B**** "

I just desperatley need to vent...

Okay so Im getting down to my goal weight.  It's been quite the journey.  I started at 224 and am currently down to 144 and my goal is a toned 130.  I've worked pretty hard for the most part since April 06'.  You might think that my family and friends would be so happy for me.  Not so much in my situation.  Apparently I have reached my "saturation point."

My mom and I were walking a couple of days ago and she let me know that I had reached my "saturation point."  Basically no one wants to hear about my weight loss anymore and no one cares if I reach my goals.  She said that I had officially reached "skinny b**** " status.    This truly hurt my feelings especially coming from my mom.  I love a respect my mom so much, yeah I'm a momma's girl.

Even though I'm working just as hard now at 144 as I was at 224 it doesn't matter.  It's very frusterating to me because it's not as if I rub it in anyone's face, I'm very modest about it.  I only weigh myself every two weeks so twice a month I update everyone about my weight loss.  I'm very proud of myself and my progress.  Everyone here knows that it's not easy, I still have cravings I have to fight everyday, that hasn't changed. 

Voicing my success helps to keep me motivated.  I'm not fishing for compliments and I dont need to hear how good I look, it's not even about that.  It just feels good to say it out loud especially after two weeks of hard work.

Everyone in my family is overweight, not severly obese but overweight.  It's hard for my mom because she is more than willing to do all the exercise but she wont complete the circle by eating correctly.  She wants to eat what she wants to eat.  I've tried to nicely hint towards eating better but she is unwilling, she absolutley knows what she needs to do, she told me how to do it and how important eating correctly is for weight loss.  So she's upset at herself and so I understand why she doesn't want to hear about my success.  It just hurts my feelings.  I shouldn't have to hide my success because she's upset at herself.

I'm always willing to give people advice and even get out and exercise with them to help motivate.  I just dont feel like its fair that I cant voice my happiness.  From now on I will keep it to myself because the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone that I love and care about.  It just makes me upset.

Thanks for the vent.

Congrats on all of the hard work that has gotten you this far.

Yeah there is a point where no one wants to hear it anymore.  It makes them upset because you are getting healthy and they are not.  It can change relationships, because you are not who you use to be anymore more.

Don;t be upset.  Give them some time to adjust and it may take some time.

That stinks. I am lucky to have a sister who wants to lose weight, too...and she is actively working on it just like I am. But I know what your mom means by saturation point, because I can see it in my own family.

As soon as I mention the 45 calorie bread I found, or how many calories are burned by swimming....or anything 'diet' related, their eyes start to glaze over (I swear!) and the conversation drops dead in the water.

My family is not overweight, so they are not upset that I am getting healthy, but I think they are upset that it has taken over such a big part of my life now. I see them roll their eyes when I turn down fast food, cookies, or soda...but I don't care.

Just keep up the hard work, and let them watch as you progress. Congratulations on such amazing progress, please don't let this get you down.

I can somewhat relate to what your going through, only I am the mom!.. For the past few years my daughter, 16yrs now, was on me about my weight, my daughter was a lil over at one time too and lost her weight when she got older.  I finally decided to take the first step this past May began exercising/dieting etc...

So I go have lunch with her one day and we're sitting there, her with her cheeseburger.... me with my salad.. when my daughter tells me "Momma your losing a lot of weight, this isn't right" I questioned her and she tells me "A mother is not suppose to be smaller than her daughter"  I could not believe those words, I couldn't even give a reply.  I felt as though all my efforts to that point had been crushed, I am not smaller than her yet, but I will be eventually, as of now we wear the same size.  I felt like just because she isn't showing any iniative to lose weight or for her tone up... its no reason to take it out on me.

So even though the situation is a bit reversed I know where your coming from. Don't lose heart, be happy you've come a long way.

I'd love to hear how you did it! I myself am having trouble getting support (not because they don't think I'm fat but because they are all talk and no action) and I'm hitting a pretty low point and I need someone to tell me it gets better.

Congrats on the weightloss and I'm so proud of you! It's hard to watch others you love eat poorly and even harder when it's your momma who's not supporting your healthy lifestyle. It sounds like she doesn't want your help and my suggestion would be to just try not to talk about your weight until you reach your goal weight - then just casually mention that you've ment your goal and you did it! Then drop it because us overweight people, especially those who have a hard time losing, get frustrated that we can do it (or at least feel like we can't). They probably don't even realize how hard you worked for your "skinny bitch" status! In my opinion, you've earned it.

Keep it up!

First of all, congrats! What a massive achievement!

I am pretty sure your mom is just jealous of your success, as she too needs to lose a few. Every time you even mention it, it would be a reminder of how she isn't taking care of herself. Given that situation, maybe it's bettr not to update everyone every 2 weeks.

Maybe try to find out which of your friends doesn't mind, or even likes, to hear about your loss?

And you can always come here! We love to hear about it! :)

Listening to someone going on about their weight is actually very boring.  Even if you wish them well and are happy for their success it's not exactly scintillating conversation matter.  I know someone that gave up smoking and whilst we tried to be supportive friends, the running commentary on their trials and tribulations, battles of willpower and 'how many days and hours since they gave up' ultimately became yawn-making.

It is tempting once you've got 'the answer' and you've 'seen the light' to pass on the good news.  Your mum isn't jealous or upset but I think you should stop 'nicely hinting'.  Did people nag you to do something about your weight when you were 200lbs+?  And did you respond positively, straight away?  Did you leap to your feet and thank them warmly for their concern?  Or did you find it rather embarrassing and upsetting and wish they'd mind their own business?  I'm guessing no amount of external cajoling made you start your weight-loss journey in 2006 but that you had to find your own motivation.  Your mum is no different.

That's why these boards are useful.  Vocalise your success elsewhere, pass on the tips to people who actually want them and just be a normal, happy, slimmer person with your family.

Wow, you've lost a lot of weight. Good for you.     

Thanks everyone for your feedback.  From now on I will just talk about my weight loss on here. 

Whilst I think the "skinny b****" remark was inappropriate, I can appreciate all too well how irritating it can be when a friend or loved one will not let up when it comes to their weight loss successes.

One friend would get so carried away, it started to put off some of my other friends who didn't know him the three years ago when he was much heavier and perhaps didn't appreciate the way he would go on and on about weight loss, eating unhealthily, etc. Three years was a little too long for him to still be banging on about it all. There were other issues with this fella that I imagine were also related. Ego and self esteem problems, perhaps, that didn't go away with the lost weight.

Next time you feel the urge to share your knowledge and/or good news with your friends and family, perhaps you can first ask yourself what your reasons are for wanting to share. Are you needing validation? Are you looking for a pat on the back? Do their well wishes keep you on track? Because while support is great, especially when you are working towards a difficult goal, there comes a point where we need to find the strength from within to power on. Right?

Original Post by atsetti:

Whilst I think the "skinny b****" remark was inappropriate, I can appreciate all too well how irritating it can be when a friend or loved one will not let up when it comes to their weight loss successes.

One friend would get so carried away, it started to put off some of my other friends who didn't know him the three years ago when he was much heavier and perhaps didn't appreciate the way he would go on and on about weight loss, eating unhealthily, etc. Three years was a little too long for him to still be banging on about it all. There were other issues with this fella that I imagine were also related. Ego and self esteem problems, perhaps, that didn't go away with the lost weight.

Next time you feel the urge to share your knowledge and/or good news with your friends and family, perhaps you can first ask yourself what your reasons are for wanting to share. Are you needing validation? Are you looking for a pat on the back? Do their well wishes keep you on track? Because while support is great, especially when you are working towards a difficult goal, there comes a point where we need to find the strength from within to power on. Right?

 Well hmmm... I dont feel as if I go on and on about my weight loss.  It's not a hot topic anymore.  I guess I tell my mom because I want her to be proud of me, I've always worked really hard to make her proud of me in every aspect of my life.  Is it silly?  Yes, but her opinion really does matter to me.  It's like that for me and my sisters.  Always wanting approval.  I like it when she talks good about me to whoever.  I like that she can brag about how well I do.  It's not like that for my older sister, she's made some not so great choices in her life that I'm not going to go into.  I also have two younger sisters that need someone to look up to that is successful and motivated.  Now they can see two different life styles and choose their own path.  At any rate thats off topic. 

Like I said I will from now on only talk about my weight loss happiness on here, just to say it loud and proud.  I know my mom is proud of me I dont need to keep telling her about my weight loss, I guess it's just habit to tell her everything that I feel is positive news. 

I know the feeling. I remember weighing 180 lbs when I was 18. I decided to make a change in my life and lost 50 lbs. Everyone in my family is 200 plus and kept telling me I was too skinny and that I didn't need to eat healthy anymore and stop excercising because I was too skinny. I am 5' 4" female. The worst part was when I went to a family reunion and packed a lunch because the only thing that was their was fried chicken and lots of pies. No fruit or veg. When I didn't eat thier food my cousin remarked "What's your problem? Are you too good to eat with the rest of us." I was really hurt by that comment.  I did gain 20 lbs down the road while I was in a unhappy marriage for 3 years. I am now 30 years old and bounce back and forth between 120 and 125.  I live in a different state but deal with the same stupidity from my co workers who are all over weight. My boss offered me a cookie and I nicely declined. Her response was "What are you worried you will gain a lb? A cookie won't hurt you" It was one of those cookies were it was 150 calories and 8 grams of fat mostly saturated.

People who chose to eat poorly and are overweight fail to accept the fact those who care about their eating habits work hard to be where they are weight wise. We weigh what we weigh because we eat what we eat.

 

CONGRATULATIONS of your weight loss!!! and be very proud of yourself  :P   

 

i sooo agree w/ everyone!!   i hate the dirty looks and side remarks when all im trying to do is better myself............"its just ONE COOKIE.........or its just a SLICE OF PIZZA"

its so hard to stay positive when you have people (family or friends) just criticizing your every move!  for them its just a piece of food but for me its a long time of struggling w/ my weight problem and  i dont see the problem in nicely declining an offer!!

 

this is a great website to vent !  hehe  :P

 

Original Post by miabel:

CONGRATULATIONS of your weight loss!!! and be very proud of yourself  :P   

 

i sooo agree w/ everyone!!   i hate the dirty looks and side remarks when all im trying to do is better myself............"its just ONE COOKIE.........or its just a SLICE OF PIZZA"

its so hard to stay positive when you have people (family or friends) just criticizing your every move!  for them its just a piece of food but for me its a long time of struggling w/ my weight problem and  i dont see the problem in nicely declining an offer!!

 

this is a great website to vent !  hehe  :P

 

 Nicely put. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Original Post by hawkychico:

Original Post by miabel:

CONGRATULATIONS of your weight loss!!! and be very proud of yourself  :P   

 

i sooo agree w/ everyone!!   i hate the dirty looks and side remarks when all im trying to do is better myself............"its just ONE COOKIE.........or its just a SLICE OF PIZZA"

its so hard to stay positive when you have people (family or friends) just criticizing your every move!  for them its just a piece of food but for me its a long time of struggling w/ my weight problem and  i dont see the problem in nicely declining an offer!!

 

this is a great website to vent !  hehe  :P

 

 Nicely put. I couldn't have said it better myself.

 Thats was nicely put.  I defiantley agree with you there.

I have to agree with gi jane. It can become annoying and boring to hear every two weeks that someone has lost weight.  I understand from this side what you go through (finding motivation to work out, battling food cravings, and always trying to be on guard to turn down the things that once filled your day - ie soda, chips, candy, etc. 

You want your Mom to be proud of you and thats a good thing.  Tell her.  Let her know why you choose to share your results with her so she understands.   Everyone in my family is either overweight or obese and I dont want to be part of that side of my family so I can understand.  I don't get a lot of support either...mostly overglazed eyes, but I have learned that the only opinion that matters is my own.  I think I'm doing good and I know I will continue to do good.  Its hard for people that dont have the same obstacle course as you to appreciate your abilities.

Keep your head up, you are doing great.

First, congratulations on your successes.  Second, think about how bothersome it can be when someone finally quits smoking, finds religion or joins some new group.  They are so happy and committed that it becomes pretty all consuming.  This is fine, but after a while it can wear on people who aren't interested in the same thing.  Or worse yet, they wish they could be in the same place but just aren't for whatever reason.  It can make other people feel guilty, jealous or less than adequate.  It's unfortunate that this is the place you and your close people are at, but sharing on boards like this is probably a good way to keep up your motivation now.  People here are often looking to share and hear these success stories!

Its almost opposite in my case but not quite. I just graduated from my Uni. a month back and the hectic schedule did not allow me to exercise like I use to. I ended up gaining more than 20 pounds which is a lot when you consider my height which is 5'1". When my mom came to visit me, she had lost more than 30 pounds and now we wear the same size clothes. I am 23 and she is 46! My mom was pretty shocked when she saw me and she started ordering me to not have fattening food... she did not even let me put any sugar in my coffee!! She is also taller than me, hence though we wear the same size, she looks skinnier than I do. It got frustrating when she tried to impose herself on me and not let me eat anything at all when all I wanted was some coffee with sugar.

I do want to loose weight though and I am starting on a diet and am also joining a gym (that I had stopped going to months ago)!! And seriously... I think you look great at your current weight and if you want to lose 15 more pounds, dont let anyone tell you different. I think it is a little hard on people who are quite not your size to look at you nd be envious and wish they were your size but just dont have the will power to do it. If your mom feels insecure about your current weight, then dont talk to her about it... afterall, as long as you feel good, its all that counts!

You've done a great job. This has been your battle from the start and will continue to be while you maintain your toned 130lbs.

ANYTHING that someone chooses to talk about frequently will wear people down eventually. It isn't necessarily that they're jealous, don't care, or are ashamed that they should be doing what you're doing. They're probably just bored with the conversation.

I dated this great guy a while back that loved to talk about the architectural designs of old buildings. At first it was cool, but after so many 20 minute descriptions of brick patterns I had to ask him to stop.

I have a tendency to talk about work too much.

If people ask , they want you to talk about it. If they don't ask, it's probably a good time to find something else to discuss.

I'm sure they're happy for you, but it just isn't as interesting to them as it is to you because it isn't something that is happening to them. So, when you feel the need to talk about your weight loss challenges and successes, discuss it with us.

Congrats!  You've come such a long way!  It doesn't sound to me like you've been going "on and on" about your loss to your mom.  Discussing your loss every day is a bore, but every 2 weeks is really appropriate, so it really is something going on with her.  It sounds like you have a close relationship with her, so I bet she comes around.  Luckily for you, you don't have to say a thing.  Your weight loss will continue to speak for itself :-)  Keep it up!