too skinny ----> too fat

okay, im just really irritated on how my family and friends cant make up their mind. When i was at my lowest weight, which was around 100-105 (im 5'4"), people thought i was too skinny. Now that i gained weight and i think im around 120. People are talking about how heavy and "chunky" i look. I was never secure with my body. Im trying to recover from an ed and I feel as if my weight and health will always be discussed heavily. This just gives me so much anxiety and my ed is just asking for a relapse. But i worked too hard for that to happen. thanks

Don’t listen to people.

At about 5 ‘ 5 , when I am 104 lbs people say I look healthy….

I am BMI 18.5 - 19.2,    about 110 - 114 lbs now,  and I have large breasts and I look very curvy at this weight, therefore I can “ get away” with looking healthy when I am underweight.

So how a person looks is not always a good indication of what weight is healthy for them.

I know 104lbs is not healthy for my height. Even though people think I look healthy at that weight, I know that I am not, so I choose to more so that I am in the healthy range.

I had no bones poking out when I was 104 lbs, and people thought I looked “ nice”, so people’s opinions should not dictate the weight at which you choose; make sure you have a BMI of 18.5 or higher,   and a BMI of 20 if you are recovering from an eating disorder.


If you work hard on appreciating yourself for ho you are, as obvious as it sounds, you will not need to depend on other people’s opinions as much.

It is not possible for most people to completely ignore what people think, but you should aim for a healthy weight range that is best for YOU, not them.

I know what you are saying.  I am not your size; much bigger, but I have lost 85 pounds and think I need to lose another 85.  I am getting told I will never get that off and KEEP it off.  It will be too hard to maintain.  That I look fine now! (NOT!)  I think people (family/friends) get threatened when the changes are too big for them.  I just quit listening to them and continue to try to meet my goals. 

As far as the number you weigh, I think you need to look at how you feel at the weight you are; are you in good shape physically--strong and energetic, or does getting down to 104 make you feel tired and then you don't do as much.  Also, the clothes size you where is what makes you look good or bad.  It sounds to me like a weight in between would be best for you to maintain.  It is natural to go up and down a few pounds; don't stress yourself!

My advice--ignore them and listen to your body!

i know what you mean. i am a lot taller, but i got really thin and my parents wanted to me to gain weight. i did..a lot of it. i got used to being able to eat a lot and now i can not manage to lose it to get to a slim and healthy weight inbetween the "skinny" and "fat". it is so frustrating. my advice is to listen to your body. when you find a weight that you feel good at, stop, and try to maintain that weight. just do what you feel is best for you

I'm almost exactly the same-- 5'4", lowest weight was ~103 and am currently ~119.  For the most part, though, everyone tells me I look good, but I feel like I look much flabbier and larger than ever...and the other day, my boyfriend said I was "not fat..just..chubby."  Granted, I had put on pants i haven't worn in a long time, which now are slightly tight and made my stomach poke out over them, and I was badgering him about "see, I'm fat, see, see, seeeeee??!"  But guess what!  The next day, I realized I had bought those pants when I was liek 105 pounds.  And I need to be OK with not fitting into them exactly the same.  So, whatever.  Like everyone else said, do what is good for YOUR body, and keep fighting the urge to relapse, because that only makse things worse, trust me.  :)

I know how you feel. I'm in recovery from anorexia as well and have had a recent lapse and lost a couple pounds, which resulted in amennorhea. I'm also 5'4" and am currently about 100lbs and I have people telling me all the time, "Oh you look so good and healthy!" I obviously am not healthy if I'm not having a period and haven't for 7-8 months! I think part of it is that we've become so immune to what a healthy person looks like. These days we see so many people on television and in magazines and they keep getting skinnier and skinnier. We've become used to seeing that, so now we think that is what is health. Anyways, I'll get off my soapbox! Like the rest of them said, just ignore them. I know that's hard though. You could also talk to your family and ask them to not make comments on your weight because it is triggering to your ED. Hope this helps! 

thanx everyone. Your comments are really assuring me hope that im not the only one.

i'm sorry that your family and friends are so unsupportive.  that must be extremely difficult. just realize it's way too easy for people to point fingers at other so as to avoid dealing with their own stuff.  i hope you can find some friends who are less judgmental. it's really important.

<3

Ugh, It sounds like a lot of people get the “ you look great” comments when they had very low BMI’S.


The truth is, unfortunately, some people may look good thin, to SOME PEOPLE.

But are people’s opinions more important than being a healthy weight and avoiding health problems?


At a healthy weight, you can put a little more work in and do a little abdominal work every day  as well as strength training 1 - 3 days a week-  trust me, that is usually enough to look toned and slim enough to get the same comments from people as you do when you are super thin.


I have found that people who like super thin, also like toned and slim, attractive looking bodies too.

Both are common attributes people find attractive - so go for the latter, and be stay a healthy, toned weight.

Ooooh yes. I never got any compliments about my looks when I was BMI 28.8... When I was BMI 17 I got lots of nice words and whistling from boys... "You looks fabulous!" "Im jealous!" and when I told them Im about to gain weight they were like "wtf man, why would you do that?" "dont do it, you've never looked this good before!"

Now when Im back to a healthy weight (actually - I want to lose a few lbs) at BMI 22, everybody keeps telling me "you're chunky", "enjoy food, dont'cha, piggy", "aren't you nice and soft now when I hug you!"
I still have no period though...

It's very hard. Especially when every girl around me is like BMI 15-18. :/

I personally hate the fact that my family/friends also put pressure on me to look a certain way. When I was around BMI 17, everyone thought I looked good. Now that I've gotten toa healthy weight I'm "too big" and boy does my mum make sure I know it!

You would think that the people in my life that are supposed to love me unconditionally would not try and make me feel worse about the way I look - I can do that for myself than you very much!

It's like, now that I'm back home for a vacation, mum thinks that I shouldn't be eating any more/that I'm aeting too much when in reality I consume about 500-800 cals a day plus exercise. Then there is my bro, who, OK, is a teenage boy and is fairly sporty, but it's fine for him to sit on his arse for a week and eat an entire cheesecake, tub of icecream and some ice cream bars all in ONE sitting...

And my friends, first time I've seen them since coming home from Uni about a month ago, well, I finally plucked up the courage to meet them. I say plucked up the courage...because of my weight, I felt embarrassed about seeing everyone. And turns out that my fears were realised as they spend the whole time dropping in "fat jokes" at my expense.

So, sorry I can't give any recommendations...just know you are not alone in struggling with this :( *hugs*

it must really be hard to be in such a situation. my friends and family have always done everything they can to not make me feel worse about my body.  of course, then there become a lot of weird unspoken undercurrents and Elephant in the Room Syndrome, and sometimes i wish they'd just say how they really feel.

but there is NO excuse for people who love you to be blatantly rude and judgmental.  is there anyway you could be proactive in this situation? would they be at all receptive if you sat them down and confronted them about it (in a diplomatic way)?  family dynamics and patterns are so deeply engrained that until someone speaks up they will persist indefinitely.  it's NOT okay for people to use the person with the more "obvious", tangible issues (weight fluctuations are very easy to point a finger at) as the scapegoat for their own problems.  i was in this position for far, far too long, and i couldn't handle it anymore, so i moved away.  but eventually, when i'm feeling stronger and more confident, and it's not so easy to focus on my problems, i'm going to have to speak up.

surround yourself by good people who really care.

<3

I tried that cruumb, :( well. I've tried to say stuff time and time again to my family but they don't understand. 

My brother hasn't spoken to me since about September last year because I was very depressed due to a lot of reasons and I kind of lost the plot quite a lot. And he has held a grudge about that ever since. That and, apparently according to my dad (who holds the same opinion) - I am a "freak". He doesn't understand at all. I was depressed. I was so out of it that I don't even know what I did to offend him. But apparently, my brother still has every right to treat me how he does. And it really hurts me because we used to be so close. In fact, I used to be so close to all my family, and now...I dunno. Everything just seems such a mess.

It's like a constant barrage of criticism and judgement and I feel very alone, anxious and not to mention triggered to relapse into ED. Not that any of them understand THAT either.

I just feel like a very sad, lonely person in the world right now. Like I've lost everything...

But thank you cruumb for your post (even if it wasn't directed at me!)

<3

monkey it is very hard for me to hear that you are going through that.  you DO NOT deserve to be treated that way, no matter what.  period. 

even though my parents f*ed me up (and i'm just beginning to sometimes stop blaming myself for everything), they never ever did anything to intentionally hurt me.  the fact that your father has called you such names is abuse.  and your brother does not have a right to hold a grudge against you for so long because, perhaps, you had a momentary lapse in judgement or said some things that upset him.  

it was one of the hardest decisions in my life to pack my life into my car and drive across the country.  but if i hadn't gotten away i never would have grown and gained the perspective that i have. being under my parents' roof gave me such a feeling of obligation and guilt complex that i still struggle with today.  

in fact, about a year ago, after having been away for awhile and thinking i'd figured some things out, i decided i'd move back east to be closer to my parents. i thought being near mom and dad would help soothe the pain of a really bad end to a really bad relationship i'd been in. 2 weeks in their house (until i found a place of my own) was enough to throw me back into the state of mind of a person i didn't even know was still inside of me. it was an amazingly profound experience. i relapsed hard almost instantaneously. about 3 months and 40 pounds later, i called my movers back and hauled my bony arse back west to be near the support of my friends, because otherwise i knew i'd die (which really didn't seem like such a bad idea at the time).

the funny part is that i, too, always blame myself for my family's falling out.  my parents are in such denial about their own issues that they absolutely don't see the role they play in the whole mess.

i'm telling you all this because i want you to know i can relate. it is the worst position to be in, and without the unconditional love and support of my dear friends, i can say without hesitation that i would not be here today. i think being away is going to give me the opportunity to gain the strength to be an equal part in whatever relationship i share with my mother and father in the future.  i dont ever speak with my sister...she and i have never been very close, but it is very important for me to be able to have some kind of relationship with my parents again. but i need to be away for awhile, figure out who i am as a separate entity, and gain strength in the knowledge of who the hell i am before i can subject myself to the riptide of those dynamics again.

i rarely feel such certainty or express myself with such conviction, but it is my forthright and perhaps slightly biased opinion that you need to get away from patterns that will only persist your self-hatred. 

ill be thinking of you <3

It is so inspiring that two people who have been through so much with their families and their weight - can still want to achieve healthy goals!


It could be very hard for people who have been surrounded by that to actually KNOW what a healthy goal is -     so, guy guys have been able to recognize this AND not let your hardships stop you from achieving them

Well done!





I hope every one that comes on here are also strong enough to ignore people’s opinions and aim for what they know is healthy!