slight gain causes weirdness--help!

Hi..

Ok i've gone from 92 to almost 94 pounds.  I'm almost 5 feet 6...just a bit under that height.  Well the thing is now i FEEL so heavy.  REally i know it's absurd..but i just do...my stomach feels huge and i can feel the gain in my bum too.  So now i've slacked off trying to gain...i almost have the feeling like...well ok..im better  now...see im fatter everyone...im ok.  Is this normal...did this  happen to anyone else?  Also it all (the whole pound and a bit!) went south...my upper body hasn't changed a bit.  What's the deal with that?  How can i break past this mental barrier?  I said no to IP this week by the way..im eating 3  healthy meals a day and felt i just didn't need it.  Couldnt bear the thought of 3 months in a hospital either....and can't really afford it.  (it's covered here but i would still have to pay for my apartment while i was in there) Feeling blue about all this.....!! 

You honestly will not see a difference in your body after a gain of one pound. Most of the weight gain at first goes to healing your organs, muscles etc.

I definatly am having the same experience as you, I've gained about 6 pounds so far and to me I look healthy and normal and feel recovered. But we have to look at the facts. Your BMI is 15.2 - this is extremely underweight and very dangourus to stay at for a period of time. It's so hard because the majority of us that need to gain suffer from a distorted body image but try to go by BMI - remember you are very underweight and cannot live healthily at this weight.

Keep pushing with the weight gain and give yourself time, you will slowely adjust to living at a healthy weight.

first of all a big hug to you ive suffered with this illness for 14 years and i know what hell it can be . your definitely not alone . in the beginning the weight does seem like its going on the stomach but part of this is your stomach being full as its used to being empty . this will distribute but you need to hang on in there . dont look at it as weight gain its restoration going to repair all your body organs muscles etc and its getting you to the least weight you should be . the worse thing you can do is slack off this is where the hard work comes in , where you have to fight back at the ed . think why you are doing this ? for a happy healthy life not controled by food and weight . you are very underweight and are very at risk. you wont be fat you will just be healthy . i slacked off because of the fears you have and its now left me wasting 14 years with the bones of a 8o year old and no life which im desperately trying to improve . i understand your reasons for not going ip but it is worth it if you can use the support and start dealing with all those issues that are keeping you here, after all it isnt just the food . you need to trust people , dont be head by your distorted body image at the moment . it will get easy you know but sometimes we have to go through the rough to get to the smooth . use the motivation that you dont want to go ip to help you do this . you can do this dont give into this illness its only intent is to see you fall

I have no advice to offer but I want to remind you just how very, very intelligent you really are, and that what you're seeing/feeling is definitely through ED goggles right now.  Two pounds?  You can't see two pounds, my friend, and you definitely can't see them in a certain quadrant of your body!

Hugs to you.  Let the experienced ones here try to talk you back from the edge ... you are not "all better";  in your heart you know this, even if your ED won't let you believe it.

Original Post by vicgirl:

Hi..

  How can i break past this mental barrier?  I said no to IP this week by the way..im eating 3  healthy meals a day and felt i just didn't need it. 

That was a mistake.   'Breaking past the mental barrier' requires ignoring it completely and carrying on regardless.  Getting stronger physically & being better nourished often improves your mental state so slacking off simply makes the mental barrier worse. 

IP wouldn't give you the option of slacking off and I think that's what you desperately need - unless you can ignore the thoughts and plough on regardless.

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