Snide tone

I Have a coworker who speaks to me in a snide tone.  It usually involves something she thinks I should be doing and or should have done but have not yet accomplished.

For example, the copier is down.  She knows about it, but I have not heard about it and am just learning from her that there is a problem. 

Obviously the person who discovered the problem told her, and not me.  But she speaks to me as if I have been screwing around and is very snide.  . 

I ignore her snide tone and just try to behave as though she has talked to me politely.  But it is driving me crazy! 

Do I report her tone?  Do I continue to ignore it?

She is not nice.  She picked a fight with me once and then when I stood up for myself ran and told the boss.  She is unprofessional in her behavior and it WILL bite me in the butt again.  Her favorite thing is to put her hand an inch from your nose and say "get out of my face".

I hate her.  I really do.

I don't think you can report her tone, unfortunately. I would try to document, as free from emotion/bias as possible, what has happened between you, so that if/when she runs to your boss, you have a record, and can say look, here's what happened, from my perspective. It sounds like she's just trying to goad you into responding, and you can't let her win at that.

Is your boss worth talking to? Can you let him or her know the situation and that it is making you uncomfortable? He/she might have specific suggestions for you. This, of course, requires a friendly relationship with your boss.

If that's a no, could you move into another department that doesn't communicate with her?

Ignore the snide tone, but when/if she does something that could get you in trouble, report it first.  For example, the fight she picked, go to the boss (if you have a decent relationship with the boss) and let them know that you're having a problem with this person over this issue.  That way if the chica goes to the boss with her story later, they'll have already had a chance to hear your side of the story.

If you start reporting her for her tone frequently, you turn into the boy who cried wolf pretty fast.  That may decrease the impact your report would otherwise have when she actually does something bad...

Also, like amethystgirl said, start keeping a log (agreed on the "as free from emotion/bias as possible thing")  That way if it becomes an issue in the future, you'll have the evidence to back up your side of the story.  Chances are, she won't.

There's a pretty good chance she's talking to everyone like that. The new American teacher at my school does and I'm pretty sure she's going to get the axe soon. The school owner hates her, as do the kids and all of the other teachers. She's only been here two days but she's rude to everyone and everything she says has the most uppity, snide tone (compounded with her lack of facial expressions and stunted personality). 

Madamq, this is a hard one. I've worked in several offices where a person of this type would eventually get what was coming to him or her. I've had a few personality clashes and I've witnessed a few personality clashes. It's so hard to stay above it all and not to come down to the level of the person who doesn't like you.

Someone gave me a great imagery exercise. It really worked for me. It goes like this:

Every time you think about this person for any reason, picture yourself with a huge pair of sharp shiny scissors cutting any strings between you and this person. You don't do anything threatening, you just simply cut the strings and move on. Keep doing this. You'll see amazing results.

Can you bear to kill her with kindness?  That can really work with this kind of person if you can pull it off.  For example, when she comes to you about the copier, jump all over it with concern.  "Oh my, I had no idea the copier was down.  I'll get right on it?  When did you find out?  What have you done about it?  Should I call the repairman?  Let's make a sign so that everybody knows.  Isn't there a copier down the hall in a different department? "  She may think you are hopelessly gullible, but you will have take the fun out of it for her. 

Remember, the reason office (and academic) politics are so vicious is because the stakes are so small.  I always pity people who get caught up in petty power struggles, because if often means they don't have any actual power, and need to get it by getting down on other people.

I'm sorry but a finger an inch from my nose!!! oh HEEEEEEEELLLLLL no! I don't want to tell you to go be a tattle tale, and amethyst is right you can't really report snide tones... but you can report un-productive behavior that is causing you disruption in the work place! write everything she does down on paper, times, places, dates... and then when she crosses the line again, report her arse! forget that, fingers pointing in anyones face at work is a no no, regardless she cannot get away with that and needs to be checked by her supervisers no matter what...! madamq it wont' bite you in the butt to report her if she is being disruptive while you are at the work place... I mean come on, really! Oh no she diidn't! 

Thanks for all of the support and great suggestions.  I like them all.   I tried out the kindness suggestion today - over kill and overly solicitous, I am not sure it did anything yet.  But it was kind of fun just to do it!

Thanks again.

It is fun to be overly sweet and courteous to someone who doesn't like you or who is trying to give you a hard time. It annoys them much more than if you get snide back.

Something else that drives these kind of people absolutely bonkers is to totally ignore them.

Original Post by moonikins:

It is fun to be overly sweet and courteous to someone who doesn't like you or who is trying to give you a hard time. It annoys them much more than if you get snide back.

Something else that drives these kind of people absolutely bonkers is to totally ignore them.

 Agree with moonikins!  Madamq, you say you guys are coworkers so if she has no seniority over you I would really ignore her completely unless it is work related.  Good luck, office BS is such a bore not to mention it makes my stomach hurt ;o(

I agree with killing them with kindness.  Also taking them through the simple steps that a 5 year old would follow can be kind of fun...not to mention that you get to interrogate them as to what they have and haven't done which actually sets you up as the more responsible person...if they protest that simply state that you're attempting to avoid redundancy since you're sure she would have done a great job if given the chance so you just need to fill in whatever it is that she cannot accomplish.

Just remember to smile and be professional no matter what.  As my mom says, make like a duck and it's all water off your back.

the next time she puts her hand in her face, back up slightly, wrinkle your nose and say "Ewww!  What's that on your hand?"  That should set her back a bit.  Claiming her hand smells funny might work too.

Childish, I know, but people like that bring out the brat in me.

I think it's already been settled, but HR and your boss aren't babysitters. You can't go "report" a crappy or snide attitude. I mean you can if you want, but it reflects much worse on the reporter than it does on the reportee

There's always someone at work who's gonna be a butthole. I guess you just work around them. That's what I do