Social Anxiety Disorder

I only ate 600 cal today and I can't bring myself to eat anymore, which was how I used to be a couple months ago.  I feel completely disgusted with myself because I have social anxiety disorder and I'm having trouble with it.  I used to think I had it under control but my social life in college proves otherwise.  I haven't made any friends because I'm too scared to talk to anyone.  People in my classes and my dorm think I'm a freak because when they talk to me I can't answer them at all.  It's so embarrassing and I feel stupid.  

I was invited to check out our school's news station tonight (I'm a film major), but as soon as I was outside the news room door I just turned around and walked back to my dorm.  The thought of going in and feeling awkward and humiliated was too much.  I wouldn't know what to say to anyone.  I really wanted to go but I was too scared.  I just want to cry and hide in my room.  I just wanted to see if there was anyone else out there with SAD who could commiserate.  I feel really lonely right now and I know reaching out on the internet probably isn't the best solution but I'm too emotionally spent for much else.

I just added you to my friends list.  You just made a friend.  See how easy that was?  First, give yourself a break.  You're fine the way you are.  Next, relax.  When you around people, if you can't think of anything to say, don't get tense and nervous, just relax and don't say much.  If you relax, others can remain relaxed around you.

Is there anything that really interests you?  Some activity or club you want to participate in?  If so, that may be a good place to start.  If you are doing something you enjoy, you may relax enough to forget about yourself and just enjoy the situation you are in.  Walking into a newsroom may have been too much for you tonight, but the film department may have something else you can get involved with which will allow you to meet other film majors.

Lastly, while you are going through this emotional time, try to feed your body.  If you are hungry and experiencing low blood sugar, you will not have the energy to deal with your anxiety issue.  If it all gets to be just too much, seek out some counciling.  Colleges usually have good resources in that regard.

Good luck.  Remember, be kind to yourself.  Treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who came to you for help.

I'd suggest you go to see a doctor.  When your life's being negatively affected by a condition to the extent that you are completely isolated you need to seek treatment.... medication, counselling etc.... or it'll get worse.  And if one of the side-effects of your depression/anxiety/phobia is that you stop eating then you need to nip things in the budy before you become physically ill.  Good luck

I was diagnosed with SAD when I was in University. I was just like you..in fact, I walked away from an exam once because I couldn't bear the idea having to walk in front of 100 strangers and find a seat for myself. I would have died of humiliation to walk into a coffe shop and order a coffee!

Believe me, gi-jane is right. You must seek help. You have, over the years, taught yourself to avoid the things that make you uncomfortable and this will never stop unless you change those habits. My doctor refered me to a clinician who prescribed some medication for the anxiety and worked me through baby steps until I could finally ride in a cab by myself and, eventually, give a speech in front of my peers. Today I am a landscape designer. I go to people's homes and talk to them. Complete strangers ask me for advice and I am proud to help them. Looking back, I never would have dreamed that I could be so confidant about my abilities. Sure, I still have issues about the way I look and feel about myself, but I have learned they are all internal - the world does not have these feelings toward me.

Please Elf, get some help. You owe it to yourself. And feel free to add me as a friend. I get lonely and scared too, we all do, and friends (even internet ones) are always welcomed!

Lily 

I can relate to this. My college required everyone to purchase the full meal plan and eat all meals together in a huge cafeteria every day, and I just could not handle the anxiety that came along with this....so  I literally stopped eating there except for once a day (at 4:30,  when it was open yet almost empty) because, as hungry as I was, it wasn't worth the discomfort . Yet I wouldn't let  myself go off campus to buy food either because I was too ashamed of not being able to handle the cafeteria experience, and because of the meal plan any food I bought in a cafe or a supermarket was a waste of money. Just writing about it makes me feel horrible. It was a really, really hard time....but I did get through it. And I guess I want you to know that you're not alone. College can be extremely difficult for those of us who experience social anxiety. If you go to a bubble-like campusy college you're expected to be 'on' all the time and this can take its toll. It's hard to describe. I kind of want to give you a big hug....

lilygirl1970, I find your experience really inspiring so thanks for sharing it. If you don't mind my asking, I'm curious which medication you took that helped?

I've been there too.  College was a truly hard time for me because i didn't know how to make friends or talk to people.  everything embarrassed me; even sitting in class i would be stressed beause i felt that all eyes were on me.  this is when i started binge eating...... i'd try to eat with other kids in the caf but end up feeling so embarrassed that i'd go home and eat 5 million m&ms. 

looking back i wish i had gotten treatment.  i really encourage you to try to tell someone you can open up to (i realize it is so ironic that you have to speak up and confide your feelings in order to get treatment for SAD.  hello, the definition of the disorder is that you have a really hard time with that!).  if there is someone you feel comfortable talking about it to though, they can call a doctor and make you an appt. 

 i've managed to "grow out" of the worst of it, but i look back on college and high school with regret because i missed out on so much.  it's totally fine that you're not a social butterfly, but if this is making you miserable, that is not ok.  i think treatment will help you find a happy medium. 

Original Post by ericajess:

lilygirl1970, I find your experience really inspiring so thanks for sharing it. If you don't mind my asking, I'm curious which medication you took that helped?

 It was back when Prozac was all the rage. It worked well for me and had little weight gain. I later used a combination of wellbutrin and sertraline which worked amazingly well...probably better.