If someone lied to you.....

Could you forgive them?

You didn't discover the lie, they admitted it to you and apologized. Does that make it better?

Note: Its not a BIG lie.....its a medium sized lie...Not a white lie.

Depends on who it is and what the lie was.

I lied to a "friend" about a vacation I am going on and whom I am going with.  I am telling him the truth tonight....I am not sure he will forgive me.

He thought he was going with me but I decided I would have more fun making a girls get away.

Did you lie, or are you uninviting him?

I'd be pretty pissed, if I thought I was going on a vacation with someone (especially if there's more than friendship going on) and then they decided to go with someone else.

Forgive? Maybe. But I would probably get the impression that our friendship meant more to me than to the other person.

I was married to a man that would lie about lying.  His mother warned me before we got married that he was "different".  When he lied about his age I asked him why?  I was 9 months older instead of 3 months younger than him.  Even with his drivers license that showed his DOB, he insisted that it was incorrect.  I don't know why.  Once he lied that my friend Bob had given him a boat.  WTF on that one?  Why would Bob give him, someone that he barely knew, this nice boat?  I overheard him discussing das boat with our neighbor one evening where he bragged to the neighbor that he only paid $1,000 for it.  I asked him later why he told me that Bob had given him the boat, but told neighbor he paid $1,000 for it.  He denied telling the neighbor anything.  He didn't know I was within hearing range.  I could go on, but it's your post, sorry to interrupt it.  I agree with amethystgirl that it depends on what the lie was and who was lying.

I never invited him, when I was given this trip he just assumed he was going with me.  I lied when I told him I hadn't decided when/where I was going.

I'm such an ***.

So this "friend"... you're (kind of?) seeing him, I'm guessing.

Without knowing anything about your relationship, it's hard to know. But ask yourself how you'd feel if he did the same thing, and decided to go with one of his friends - would you be ok with it, or upset?

But maybe there is a way to smooth it over - "Look, I have just been so stressed with work, and Sarah could really use a vacation - would you mind horribly if she and I went..."

Original Post by pamm915:

Could you forgive them?

You didn't discover the lie, they admitted it to you and apologized. Does that make it better?

Note: Its not a BIG lie.....its a medium sized lie...Not a white lie.

 Was this person lying to purposefully hurt you? Or, was it to make themselves feel better?

I find it easy to forgive people who have lied to me when it was a lie that was more for their own lack of self esteem.  I have a VERY hard time forgiving/trusting when a lie is told to me for personal, financial gain and/or deceit.

The relationship is complicated to say the least.  I know I have to tell him, I know he's going to be hurt, I know this could change everything forever.  I regret not just being straight with him from the start.  I feel horrible and truly don't expect him to forgive me....I just can't keep lying to him, he means so way to much to me to do that.  Even if it means I lose him.

I hate when I do stupid things!

Original Post by fitnessgirll:

Original Post by pamm915:

Could you forgive them?

You didn't discover the lie, they admitted it to you and apologized. Does that make it better?

Note: Its not a BIG lie.....its a medium sized lie...Not a white lie.

 

 Was this person lying to purposefully hurt you? Or, was it to make themselves feel better?

I find it easy to forgive people who have lied to me when it was a lie that was more for their own lack of self esteem.  I have a VERY hard time forgiving/trusting when a lie is told to me for personal, financial gain and/or deceit.

you could have read the thread, fitnessgirll; there were only seven posts.  the OP is the liar, not the lied-to.

i'd be pissed if someone did this to me, but i'd also probably be embarrassed that i assumed i was invited.  i think the way to remedy this is to be as honest as possible about your though processes.  hopefully he'll understand.

Thanks everyone. 

I just spoke to him and he's disappointed but not mad.  Strange how things work sometimes, he even said "well I was trying to get a free vacation.  Who wouldn't?"  

Original Post by pamm915:

I never invited him, when I was given this trip he just assumed he was going with me. I lied when I told him I hadn't decided when/where I was going.

I'm such an ***.

It seems to me that, though you were not upfront, you were hedging the answer waiting for the right time or thing to say.  But you did not invite him and that is his error not yours.

You can not take responsibility for how anyone else feels.  He will feel bad, but he made the assumption.  However, if he made the assumption and you played along - that does make you an ***.

Just own up and appologise.  Admit that you were at fault but felt cornered into doing something you had not had time to plan for yourself.

He might not forgive you - but that is OK.  You dont want to spend time with someone who takes too much for granted.  It is YOUR trip.

To the woman with the liar husband - my dad is the same way.  when I was born another man had brought his wife flowers in the same room.  My dad told my mom that really they were her flowers too because he had split the costs.

I hope he is gone from your life.  Those little lies hide so much more than the truth of the moment.

Original Post by pgeorgian:

Original Post by fitnessgirll:

Original Post by pamm915:

Could you forgive them?

You didn't discover the lie, they admitted it to you and apologized. Does that make it better?

Note: Its not a BIG lie.....its a medium sized lie...Not a white lie.

 

 Was this person lying to purposefully hurt you? Or, was it to make themselves feel better?

I find it easy to forgive people who have lied to me when it was a lie that was more for their own lack of self esteem.  I have a VERY hard time forgiving/trusting when a lie is told to me for personal, financial gain and/or deceit.

you could have read the thread, fitnessgirll; there were only seven posts.  the OP is the liar, not the lied-to.

 

Snarky

Fitnessgirl- I fully support your personal right to NOT read any posts that you do not feel like reading AND still give your opinion about the question asked by the OP!  You go girl!

Original Post by pgeorgian:

you could have read the thread, fitnessgirll; there were only seven posts.  the OP is the liar, not the lied-to.

 But, I was responding to the ORIGINAL  question. I only read through posts when I'm really interested....

Original Post by fitnessgirll:

Original Post by pgeorgian:

you could have read the thread, fitnessgirll; there were only seven posts.  the OP is the liar, not the lied-to.

 But, I was responding to the ORIGINAL  question. I only read through posts when I'm really interested....

yes! haha

*^5s fgirl*

i find it somewhat ironic that it took several posts to get OP to spill. sounds like its truly a non-issue at this point OR dude wont let on either. heh.

honesty is always best if its not that big they will get over it.....just dont get defensive if they react badly at first, just remember it could be a shock and hurtful at first.....just be sensitive to their feelings also......

To understand is to forgive, even oneself. ~Alexander Chase

This is my barometer for forgiveness. He's forgiven you because he understands. Now, lighten up on yourself. (hugs)