Someone talk me into having a baby shower.

And don't forward this to the pregnancy forum, 'cause they're all a bunch of baby lovin' weirdos that seemed minorly disturbed I called my fetus a parasite.

Alex and I have been discussing this baby shower crap for a few days because honestly, we really don't want one. We want to celebrate that we're bringing a little tax deduction into the world but the thought of "Don't Say Baby!" and that stupid toilet paper game, along with everyone wanting to rub my belly like it's a good luck charm and telling me the horrors of their pregnancies are kind of making me really anxious to lock myself in a room for the duration of my pregnancy.

Alex's brilliant suggestion was to do the same thing we did with our wedding: throw tradition out the window and have, you know, fun? That thing that most people forget about when they plan events meant for them but are allowing other people to barge in on their bar tab fund. He suggested going back to where we went for our awesomer-than-awesome wedding reception to have a "Moly's pregnant and wants cheesesteaks!" party, Hooters. I like the idea of rocking out at Hooters for a day with good company, but the thought of taking the attention away from cheesesteaks and boobies to focus on my gut is still making me hesitant.

So talk me into a baby shower, and don't mention that I get presents 'cause I don't want anyone to buy me a bunch of **** they feel is necessary to my child's development in colour schemes they enjoy that my spawn won't even be able to use until it's like, a toddler. Kudos to the dude who bought a walker for a newborn, now nobody can buy it for the first birthday party when the baby is actually closer to using it.

Oh, and I need everyone to chip in to send me PG as a congratulatory gift.

I dislike tradition. I dislike everyone making a spectacle out of ordinary happenings. People pop out babies every day, people get knocked up every day, so it's some big miracle that needs to be celebrated by taste-testing baby food, wearing a **** diaper pinned to your shirt, and eating cake?

It's natural. It happens. It doesn't take some holy finger touching a uterus to make a baby, it takes a woman willing to spread her legs, which we all know I am, and my husband is more than happy to fill the void.

I wanted to get away from the "Oh, you're going to be a mommy! Here's some lotion for your future stretchmarks, and this maternity top and these pants because lord knows you won't be able to live without them, and don't forget a gift certificate to a spa to pamper yourself because carrying an extra ten pounds is such hard work!" Newsflash ladies, I'm just recycling the stretchmarks I had from when I was fat, and my work tray and computers is an added ten pounds that I carry for nine to seventeen hours a night. This is nothing new.

This is where you guys were supposed to come in with ideas, but it's all... "NO GET THE TRADITION 'CAUSE BABY LOOT IS AWESOME!" Like I said, I'm buying everything myself, because what other people pick out is so damned awful looking and worthless to me. Seriously, who the hell needs an LCD screen implanted in the kitchen to watch the baby sleep while you're cooking? Walk your lazy ass in the other room and check on it if it's making noise. Otherwise, let it sleep. Or these musical doo-dads that blink and play music and instill ADD into every child. You know what I grew up with? Books and sidewalk chalk (which was really drywall chunks because we couldn't even afford sidewalk chalk).

I'll tell you what I'm going to do instead. I'm planning this **** right smack dab in the middle of mine and Alex's birthdays. The Saturday after his but before mine. Celebrate three "births" in one party, the birth of the parents and the future birth of the alarm clock with a defunct snooze. That way all of the attention isn't focused on what's in my stomach, wrestling with a cheesesteak. It'll be focused on my husband, the pony I intend to buy myself, and when I feel like letting it out from beneath the table, the baby.

So nah.

Hopin' for a way around it or permission to say no, but you took too damned long.

How do you deny the aunt and uncle-in-law the chance to ooh and ahh at the "miracle of birth" when they themselves could never have kids and are so excited at the prospect of a baby? Or my own mother, who has yet to have a legitimate grandchild that wasn't born to a stupid teenager and missed out on a hell of a lot because the incubator was in a trailor in Missouri starving or had the kids taken away at birth because she's an idiot?

I'm a people pleaser. I'm usually the last one to be pleased and just once, I want someone to say it's okay to do things my way and to celebrate my leech in private.

So get to it, or get your ass on a plane. And if I have to be sober, so do you, PG.

so, theoretically, the thing will happen before the baby, yes?

you'd better be damned clear that gifts are not wanted.  like, send invitations and give an "in lieu of" to some really gnarly children's charity so that any loser who shows up with a present just looks like the biggest, fattest, most-illiterate ass ever.  seriously.

like, "gifts will be tossed out at the door, for the enjoyment of the bums."

something like that.

Original Post by cellulitedelight:

Hopin' for a way around it or permission to say no, but you took too damned long.

How do you deny the aunt and uncle-in-law the chance to ooh and ahh at the "miracle of birth" when they themselves could never have kids and are so excited at the prospect of a baby? Or my own mother, who has yet to have a legitimate grandchild that wasn't born to a stupid teenager and missed out on a hell of a lot because the incubator was in a trailor in Missouri starving or had the kids taken away at birth because she's an idiot?

I'm a people pleaser. I'm usually the last one to be pleased and just once, I want someone to say it's okay to do things my way and to celebrate my leech in private.

So get to it, or get your ass on a plane. And if I have to be sober, so do you, PG.

 oh, grasshopper.  saying no is easy!  and good.

Gifts will be burned in the fire pit. I swear, if I can talk Alex out of this breast milk ****, that's the first thing I'm going to do. Buy a bottle of ridiculously strong alcohol, use a shot to start the fire and drink the rest.

The way people act about babies being born is such nonsense, I can see why the husbands spend the entire nine months drunk.

preachin' to the choir, sweetheart.  babies...i really hope you like yours, but they're not exactly in short supply.

Original Post by cellulitedelight:


This is where you guys were supposed to come in with ideas, but it's all... "NO GET THE TRADITION 'CAUSE BABY LOOT IS AWESOME!" Like I said, I'm buying everything myself, because what other people pick out is so damned awful looking and worthless to me. Seriously, who the hell needs an LCD screen implanted in the kitchen to watch the baby sleep while you're cooking? Walk your lazy ass in the other room and check on it if it's making noise. Otherwise, let it sleep. Or these musical doo-dads that blink and play music and instill ADD into every child. You know what I grew up with? Books and sidewalk chalk (which was really drywall chunks because we couldn't even afford sidewalk chalk).

 Exactly the reason I would also rather not have gifts.  It's somewhow not okay when I say that though.

I wanted none for the longest time and after being with Alex I eventually came around to the idea of wanting one, and only one, with him. He, always wanting to be a daddy, was ecstatic when I told him.

We planned it out the best we could and nowhere in my plans was there breastfeeding, maternity pants, Baby Einstein, or giving up my job. The only reason I'm agreeing to a six week maternity leave is so I can lose whatever weight I gain throughout this thing, which so far is absolutely none. We opted to have it young to minimize complications, hesitations, and financial pains in the ass. I'm not going to be like my 50 year old co-workers, still paying for college and working like a dog.

Besides, Alex said after it's out I can have liposuction on my thighs.

if you don't want a shower, you don't have to have a shower.  they're stupid, and i'll be super proud of you if you decide not to do it.  and if anyone has a problem with that, give them my number (pm me and i'll give you my number.  but i'll be super pissed if any of your friends and relatives actually call me, so make sure you're okay with that before you give them my number).

free stuff.  who wouldnt want that

wow.

i've never seen so many cynical women on one thread

i really hope youre mildly exaggerating because its kind of upsetting the way youre viewing your unborn child. i sort of cringed. dont be so selfish

yes, people have babies every day but YOU dont. this is your first child, so make something of it instead of complaining

jesus christ

and no im not a baby loving weirdo

 

edited to say: i never really post here, but i just had to say something

In Ireland (good old Roman Catholcs that we are!) it's extremely unlucky to buy anything for the baby before its born. Tell everyone you've converted!

I'd never heard of baby showers until my cousins moved to New York, and when one of them ended up pregnant she eventually gave in to a shower and ended up terrified for the last few weeks of the pregnancy that she'd jinxed her baby and it was going to come out with one leg or something!

I agree with justsleeping a little though- try to enjoy this experience a little? If its going to be your only pregnancy then try & have some good memories from it.

BTW- Hooters sounds an awesome place to celebrate! LOL!

 

(Can you ask for plastic surgery vouchers...or would that be a no-no?...)

It's funny how people think a good time is something completely opposite of what I really want. I dislike parties, I dislike what other people like to buy. Having a shower and doing the traditional things to enjoy the pregnancy is what makes me cringe. I liked being pregnant better before everyone found out and started telling me what I should do, what they did, and what they're going to do for me.

And justsleeping, I may not have babies every day because ****, any woman that willingly goes through this **** twice is a whack job in my opinion.

My first child. My only child. How will I "make something of it"? By doing something memorable, which is the exact opposite of the same ol' same ol' you hear about every day. Showers, parties, baby games, buying unnecessary nonsense because magazines give it 5 stars for being the most technological piece of crap that make new moms feel important to have.

Any person who refuses to admit they at one time did not and hell, may still not like their child is a liar. I choose to not care for it right now. I don't know it. It's a tumor right now. Do you throw parties for your freckles whenever you get a new one?

I've only been to one baby shower, and it was only interesting because the baby was already born (adopted baby...my aunt didn't want to jinx anything before the baby was legally hers).  In any case, I love kids but I hate parties.  So, I hung out with the baby the whole time while everyone else played stupid games.  Also, as for the loot, she got at least 15 picture frames...what the heck is she going to do with all of those picture frames?  I suppose the useful stuff was a huge perk, but I know her house does not have enough wall space for all of those picture frames. 

So, to the OP, I can understand you wariness about the shower.  I hope to have kids in a couple of years (got married 3 months ago...we aren't in a rush), and I know I won't want a shower.  I hate being the center of attention and I definitely don't want numerous useless picture frames. However, you did say you wanted to be convinced into having the shower....but I'm coming up short.  Basically, I agree...don't have the shower. 

I didn't want a baby shower either, my MIL threw me a surprise one.  She loved parties.

If you don't want gifts at least ask for diapers.  They get expensive after a while.

I'm pretty sure most English people don't know what baby showers are and we certainly don't celebrate the birth before it has happened (bad luck, don't count your chickens before they hatch etc..).

I had never heard of 'showers' until I saw 'Friends'.

It's your pregnancy so I say do what you and Alex want to do.

(edited for clarity)

spoiled_candy is right...if you don't want gifts that you don't like, just ask for diapers in various sizes.  They are expensive and you need a lot of them...if you like a particular brand, ask for it.  I feel like that might be a reasonable compromise!

Edit: Although, tell everyone to NOT bring one of those lame diaper cakes...they are silly...and you just have to take it apart.

Original Post by cellulitedelight:

I dislike tradition. I dislike everyone making a spectacle out of ordinary happenings. People pop out babies every day, people get knocked up every day, so it's some big miracle that needs to be celebrated by taste-testing baby food, wearing a **** diaper pinned to your shirt, and eating cake?

 

im with you on that cd. baby showers...ugh. they are so gay. makes me want to just set my head on fire.

Original Post by justsleeping:

wow.

i've never seen so many cynical women on one thread

i really hope youre mildly exaggerating because its kind of upsetting the way youre viewing your unborn child. i sort of cringed. dont be so selfish

yes, people have babies every day but YOU dont. this is your first child, so make something of it instead of complaining

jesus christ

and no im not a baby loving weirdo

 

edited to say: i never really post here, but i just had to say something

I feel much the same way as CD does. The only reason I might be agreeing to a shower is that I know the two people who might plan it aside from myself will understand that I only really want the cake. =P I plan on telling everyone if they must get me something, to get me a gift card or baby clothes 0-12 months. I can buy an assload of diapers from work for cheap. And that's if I have the party (which is what I'm going to refer to it as) at all. 

I am another one of those girls who is "so cynical" over their unborn child. I know that parenthood is going to suck. But I know that I'm still going to love the parasite no matter what.

Also: HAVING A BABY IS JUST AS SELFISH AS NOT HAVING ONE! Why do most people have a baby? Because they want one. Because they want to have one so they have someone who loves them unconditionally. Because they want someone to take care of them in their old age. Because they want to carry on their genetics. Really? Really? These reasons aren't as selfish as CD's being by simply being realistic about having a child, and the fact that it's an everyday event for a woman to be pregnant?

I posted last night on facebook that I wanted this pregnancy over with (I'm 25.5 weeks along at the moment). My mother was all like, "WHAT'S WRONG?" Uh, I hate being pregnant? My leg has never been in this much pain in my life, my ankles have never been the same, I can't even fit into the largest scrub pants I can buy (which are so comfy and best for work, even if they are "against" dresscode), I've gained all of the weight back that I had lost before getting pregnant, and then some, and as today, I have to make a 3 hour round trip to another city because the Navy Hospital wants me to have an ultrasound by doctors who are especially trained in "something gone wrong" with the pregnancy, because Robert has extra fluid in his kidneys.

I understand that the having Robert out of me is not going to be much better, but at least MY BODY will be MINE again (even if I will be breastfeeding, because it's a hell of a lot cheaper and I don't miss alcohol as much as CD does).

you could always donate your loot to a shelter for battered women, i'm sure they would be grateful and you wouldn't be stuck with items you hated...