Sometimes I really do just hate myself........

Today, I went shopping, and I was disgusted by what I saw in the mirror. My stomach is flabby and cellulite covered, my legs are short and chunky, my ass is even flabbier than my stomach. Sure, I am a 'healthy' weight, but what is 'healthy'?? Is it just a nice way of telling someone that they look nothing like models with the perfect body, but it is ok. I don't think it is ok! I hate going shopping and seeing all those gorgeous tops clinging to the wrong places. I hate the fact that I will be leaving for holidays in two weeks, but I know that I will spent the whole time hiding under a kaftan.

I wish I could be one of those girls who is happy with themselves no matter what size they are. I truly admire America Ferrera, and I think she is gorgeous, but yet I know that if I was her, I would think I was fat. I am so hypocritical and I hate it. Weight is just a number, but yet with me, it seems to define me. I compare myself to everyone, everything. I disgust myself. I recently found myself comparing the size of my thighs to that of my three year old cousin... Helllo???? Am I really that shallow??

I thought that I was developing a healthier relationship with food, and that I am, but unfortunately my relationship with my body is declining rapidly.

PS: Sorry for the rant.

"Healthy" is having energy, not having your hair fall out, not getting dizzy, having smooth skin. And you are fairly thin already (I'm sure you know that). I'm sure you look great in any top. And btw, cellulite is actually completely unrealted to weight. It is related to hormones.

I doubt this comment is that helpful. I wouldn't listen to myself. But then again, I'm a F***ed up loser, so you really shouldn't listen to me.

Bump!!

what was your beginning weight and your now weight?

Well, when i first began losing weight, I was about 108lbs and 5'3''. My lowest weight was 97lbs. I am now 5'3.5'' and about 106 - 108lbs.

How old are you?

Have you talked to a trainer who may be able to give you some input on what exercises would help your problem areas?

I think part of the problem is you see a distorted you. You see the way you "feel" versus how you look. I have the same issue - I see a size 22W when I am actually a 16W.

k i am 5'2 and weigh 105lbs

this is rather offensive, because in no way do I see myself as being fat, just more filled out than I was at 87lbs. Sure I have bad days too, I don't like my short legs or thighs either, but I CANT CHANGE IT. This is the body type I was given and I have decided to finally take care of it. No one else ever thinks I'm chubby or ugly or gross... in fact I hear positive comments all of the time regarding my looks and it is a serious confidence boost... when you feel good, it shows.

I think your problem has to do with more self esteem issues and that most of this is probably in your head considering you are in the low portion of the BMI scale... talking to a councelor or therapist or someone that cares about you should help you out.

because in no way should you think you are "that big" when you are only a couple pounds from your lowest, 6-10lbs does not make that much of a huge cellulite filled difference

Carmenxox, I am really sorry if I offended you. Of course I am not calling you fat, you have an amazing figure. I apologise if I offended anyone with my post, I was ranting after returning from my shopping trip. I have calmed down a lot today, and realised that even if I am as you put it when referring to yourself 'more filled out', at least I'm not starving myself and putting myself in an early grave. Once again, I'm sorry, please forget anything a self-absorbed, depressed teenager might have said!

k i'll let it slide, this time :P

but remember those 'perfect' models that you keep comparing yourself to are airbrushed and have tons of people working on them all the time to make them look as "good" as you think they do... there are many types of models, but you just keep referring to the clothing models who are there to model CLOTHES and not their body, they are stick thin coat hangers and many of which starve themselves just to keep their job. The companies couldn't care less about how healthy or unhealthy they are, as long as they display their oh-so-precious clothing on the runway... so stop comparing yourself to a ridiculous industry when you need to spend more time on YOU. If anything compare yourself to REAL people, your friends, your family, your peers, if anything it will help you realize that we are NOT perfect, every one has some flaw that they don't like about themselves, we can't help feeling insecure at times. We all have those days... but once you learn to love and except yourself the way you are, then will you be able to diminish all these horrible self destructive thoughts.

stop focusing on what your body doesn't do or doesn't look like, and instead focus on what is DOES do and what it DOES look like... go out pamper yourself, get your hair done, nails done, new makeup, get a massage... whatever! something that makes you feel good or makes you look good, you'll feel that much better and that much more attractive... and if you can't help having negative thoughts go for a nice long walk/run, excersize releases endorpins making you feel happy, it will help clear your head, get your adrenaline pumping, feel the fresh air on your face, look around at the beauty of nature and how beautiful it still remains regardless of its imperfections. Watch the sunset and realize that it will rise again tomorrow no matter how tough your day was or how much you weigh... you're young, you have your entire life ahead of you, but just take it one day at a time, but remember to remind yourself everyday of what you DO like about yourself.

I hope this helps.

 

(double post)

 

I'm 5'2.5 and 106lbs and all I get is negative comments on the fact that people think I'm too skinny.

Kat, that's too bad!!! You've just got to ask yourself, what are YOU happy with??? If you think 106lb is too thin, well then try and gain some weight, but if you know yourself that you are healthy and happy, then why change in order to please others??? In my opinion, I think you look perfect, skinny of course, but by no means too thin.

Xxx 

hey girl,

i'm pretty much in the same boat. the numbers tell me i'm too thin (103 at 5'5'') but i literally truly see this huge bloated stomach on me, and i find myself comparing my body to girls who are like 10 years old. NOT COOL!

it's all about self talk, just get yourself through the tough times, becuase chances are you're mind is just effing with you. If you love yourself, even when you mess up or binge or starve or don't exercise, NOBODY can take your happiness away from you. I know it's hard, but if you ever wanna message me go ahead, becuase i find myself saying exactly what you wrote, on a daily basis.

peace

I wonder what this is? It seems to me a lot of us are having body image problems lately. I think we need to form a group for those of us who are unhappy with the way we look and try to help each other out.

Hey, that's a great idea tammy!!! I'm up for it!!! Anyone else in???

Changing room mirrors in shops, coupled with the harsh lighting and wierd angles are notorious for showing every lump and crevice on even the most silkily perfect body!!  Really, anyone that has body-image problems should avoid the places like the plague.

And if clothes are 'clinging in all the wrong places' ... they're the wrong size!  Or they're made out of the wrong fabric or they're cut wrong.... Or to make it simpler... they're not the right clothes for your body shape.  There's a terrific ex-model in the UK called Trinny Woodhall (mad as a box of frogs but that's incidental) who did a makeover show with Susannah Constantine called 'What Not To Wear'.  In the accompanying book she's photographed in various clothing to illustrate her 'body problems'.  She doesn't come across as having any problems but she actually has quite short legs and a completely flat chest!  It's amazing how one outfit makes her look  totally out of proportion but the next one  - different hemline or neckline - makes her look totally in proportion.  Their 'Body Shape Bible' is essential reading and makes shopping much more rewarding

So my tips would be a) stay out of shop changing rooms with their harsh lights and distorting mirrors and b) work out which clothes are going to make your body shape look amazing.