sorry to go on

after long discussons my theapist has told me , that hospital is not the place for me to recover, she thinks ill be able to do it at home , her view is that hospital is not the best place for anyone to recover, the unit where she is based the patients dont seem to be in there to recover , they almost live in hospital with there anorexia, alot of them in for months and then returning. why dont i feel strong enough to , ive got no life no friends due to the length of my illness , how the hell am i supposed to turn this around ?

First of all, you DO have friends, all of whom would give you a real hug right now instead of just an internet hug if they were close enough to do so.

I don't know much about you, but if you are able, maybe you could get involved in a club or group, so you can meet people.  Your therapist might be able to recommend a support group for you.

And if she thinks the hospital is not the best place for you, then she is probably right.  She obviously sees the strength in you.  You said in an earlier post that you had gained weight, so you are improving.  You've already done the hardest part - realizing that there is a problem.  Now you just need to keep up the momentum!

Exactly puh.

You do have friends helen. We're your friends. I'm your friend. I know I may not be there to hold your hand, but I'm with you in spirit. I'm going through similar struggles, even though I'm "further along the path" in terms of weight restoration (the physical part anyway). I abhor the pervasive viciousness of this psychological disorder. It has stripped me of so many friendships and human connections too. It is such an isolating disease, in the end leaving you with it - only it. Thus killing you. So you need to keep going helen, because we want you to live. And I know you want to live. You can turn this around - how? At this point day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Now is all we have. What I've realised is... We need to start our lives pretty much from scratch. You have been under a blanket for 14 years now. You need to rediscover who you are. You are NOT the illness - though it has affixed itself to your identity. Now comes the disentanglement. And it's something I'm battling with too. All we have to focus on is right now. It's the journey. Nevermind outcomes, possibilities or destinations. God I know it's hard... But just know - you have a friend.

Sweet, we are all here for support, and help each other...  its really hard to ”enter” in really life, but we have to, we experienced the same. Sometimes im not posting just because I find your words, problems identical to mine... Sorry for this short post but im super sick (my stomach seems to gave up), and I have no energy for more...

And Remember, you”re Not alone, we are all in here for You !

I really like what you said, ninafish, about how you turn this around day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.  That is so true!

All you have to do, tessa, is to think to the next minute.  You can do this - one minute at a time.  Do not worry about what you will do tomorrow - it is not here yet.  You live your life one minute at a time.

I have not been through what you have.  I'm at the opposite end of the eating disorder spectrum.  I eat because that is what I can control.  So I am having to relearn what I have spent my life doing.  But, one minute at a time, I am getting better.  This is my new life.  I am a new person.  And I am finding strength and joy that I never knew I had.  Don't get me wrong, there are fallbacks - but I put them behind me, because they are not in this minute.

{{{HUG}}}

*Hugs* puh. I can relate to all ED "manifestations". I suppose that's why so many anorexics and ex-anorexics end up attending over-eaters anonymous meetings. They are all related to control issues, and essentially feeling like you have none. And whichever 'disordered' end of the spectrum you visit, the control/lack-there-of issues present themselves as addictions. And so we struggle, and suffer... Until we find an exit from the mess, into peace. I'm so glad you're making such positive steps in your journey :) - so glad, encouraged and heartened.

i really dont know where id be without you guys , nina puh8, orsibibabba thankyou for making me feel worthwhile ,my days been such a battle as it is for us all but those comments brought a tear to my eye there is hope , i have friends , ive got you, and i couldnt wish for better friends   hugsssssssssss   h x

*hugs helen* xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

i agree with everyone else here...the first thing i thought when i read "i have no friends..." was "YES yes you do!" 

we love you, helen... you CAN do this

Helen, just to reiterate what everyone else has said--

I AM YOUR FRIEND! (we are even Facebook friends which is even more official! haha).

I know how difficult this illness can be. I only suffered for about a year and I even lost friends. Some people will never understand. Some people are toxic for us to be around, and will say triggering or discouraging things. But that's why there's forums like this one and I assure you that you WILL get through this and have a life again.

As long as you are breathing, there is still hope.

helen, i thought you didnt want to go to hospital? why are you so angry now that she has said she doesnt want you to go? is it possible (jus throwin it out there) that you wanted to go in, to fail as you have in the past and then give in to the eating disorder and go back to your old ways.

i dont think hospital is good. it doesnt instill the sense of wanting to get better. it also doesnt teach you to do wat you are doing right now - which is doing it on your own in real life.

what efforts can you make to make some real life friends? a class. art or yoga or music. there are tonnes and tonnes of groups around. voluntary work. a parttime job. there are people everywhere crying out for friends.

friends dont come along by you huddling in the corner.you have to work n find em.... i kno this is hard... but ultimately its you who benefits!

EDIT i am also on facebook and love meetn new peeps so add me!

thanks coco hugsxxxxxxxxxx

not sure fridget i hope not , i never thought of it like that , i totally want to get better i guess i just thought the support of hospital might be helpful h x

fridget what are you named as on fb h x

Aww Helen it breaks my heart to read how upset you are with yourself. You have lots of friends here and so many people who care about you, I definately consider you a wonderful friend. I know how you feel though in real life you want to have people that you can chat to or go shopping with, I managed to lose all my friends and I really mean all of them, so I understand how lonely it can get. This is your chance though to really grab your life back, you havent made it into hospital so your going to have to try at home to get better. Use these issues such as lack of friends as motivation to really get back up on your feet so you can go out and start meeting new people and making new friends. Your still young you have lots of time to do exciting new things but first you have to get rid of your ED, push it out of your life so you can actually have one.

Sometimes I think people can get to used to being in hospital and begin to feel safe in that environment and then when they get released to the big world again they cant cope and yearn for that safety of hospital again which is maybe why they end up relapsing and going back in. You dont want to be like that, you have a chance now to really change things and you have lots of friends here to help you along the way.

xox

give yourself a goal. get into school - explore some kind of program or training that can give you something to focus on. you do have friends - and we come here for the same kind of fellowship and understanding that we just don't always feel comfortable with in real life. you don't need to be afraid of it if you really and truly want to quit the disease and come out of the shell it has created around you. there doesn't have to be any more shame or hiding or fear. there is so much in this life just waiting for you. and you can have all of it. you just have to let go of the disease in your head. don't let it convince you that you can't do it. you can. and you have support.

Lovie, if we know you just from a few messages posted on a forum - total strangers - and we love and care about you, you are CERTAINLY the sort of person who will make plenty of friends, especially once ED is banished forever, and you have the confidence, health and ENERGY to get out into the wide world and introduce yourself. Never fear.

 Your therapist obviously has faith in you, like we do. Believe in yourself and nothing will ever be impossible.

thanks everyone brought a happy tear to my eye , i need to stop dwelling on the past and push forward , thankyou my friends xxx

helen...

you know that you can do this, right? even if its just somewhere deep down inside? you do know it, right? in that same place where you know that you're beautiful, smart, equipped, capable, and lovable, and let's not forget worthy - tap into that place, listen to its echo.

you can do this.

I know we haven't talked a lot (maybe four or five times) but I KNOW you can do this.  You want it, I can tell.  And I think you want it bad enough to make it happen.  Support is good, but in the end most of the effort comes from you.  As for support, I think you've probably read enough here to realize that you've got that.  Good luck.  <3

thanks sarah hope your ok h x

Tessa dont worry I'm here with you

I dont have an ED but im very close.

I only have a BMI of 16.1 and im 16. This is very scary for me

I have become depressed, angry, and lonely.

I feel as if the whole world just hates me and i have no control over that emotion.

Well tessa if you need a buddy im here for you.