Is there some sort of unspoken rule?

Okay, so I'm new to this whole parenting a pre-kindergartner thing. My daughter has reached the age where she is starting to get involved in activities. She's been in daycare since September, has been taking a dance class since mid-January and we are going to start attending a playgroup next week.

At last nights dance class, all the girls brought Valentines in for everyone. I mean, some were pretty extravagant. I didn't bring anything. We have Valentines for her daycare and I planned on making some cookies to take in but only because I was told this is what they do.

I'm now heading to Hobby Lobby after work to get some stuff to put in goody bags as a thank you to her dance-mates.

Am I supposed to put together little treat bags for all holidays? Is it something moms just do? And do I do it for all her activities she's involved in?

haha I can't really answer this...I'm in the same boat as you. I'm always surprised at stuff that other moms do for all the different things.

Whenever I DO plan to do something...it's nothing compared to what others have done, and it always seems to be the next day or somethign! haha

I think no matter what, there's always going to be that one mom/dad that really gets into that stuff and shows the rest of us up ;op haha...I just try to think of it that at least my girl gets to benefit! haah

I don't think it's expected for every holiday.....but I try to do at least one a year where I really get into it and have my daughter help put something fun together!

We never experienced this at daycare or other activities - but just wait until they get into kindergarten and elementary school.

At least in the public schools my boys are in, they do this.  My boys attend different schools because my youngest has to be in a special ABA classroom, but they are both having Valentines Day parties.  I'll be going to my oldest son's school this afternoon to help out with games.  Both had notes coming home requesting that they bring Valentines for all the other kids in the class, and requests for donations for gift bags.  I'm not really sure of the point with my youngest (autistic 6 year hold) - I seriously doubt he has the slightest idea or care that it's not just another day, other than he'll be getting a treat bag and candy.

This happens for Valentines day, Easter, and Christmas every year, at both schools.

Don't get me started on fundraisers...

Thats awful!! Expense wise I mean! My daughters nursery celebrate each childs birthday with a small cake & candles, but its an unspoken rule that the Mom's bring in party bags for the kids too- theres 30 children in her class- if I had to do it for every holiday I'd be broke!!

They have a Halloween party, a Christmas party, an Easter Party, and a 'Graduation' party- all paid for with the £5 (around $8) a month snack money we have to pay. I got a clay heart and a hand-made card from my daughter yesterday (they broke up for mid-term) but we weren't expected to provide everyone with valentines! Thank God!

I didnt do anything with my kids until were in school proper.  and then I only did valentines!

If we parents do every event, holiday etc it can get very expensive.  And I think some mums try to outdo others with these sort of loot bags.

I dont buy into it at all

Do what you want but once you set the precedent your child will then expect it for every event b/c they wont forget!

Cost is a major factor for us right now. We're still trying to recover from my reduced pay while on maternity leave and our hospital bills. I can't imagine having to do this all the time.

Spuckine, I agree in that I think moms (and I'll go on to say women in general) tend to try to outdo the other moms. I think a majority of the moms at her dance class are SAHMs and have the time to do these things. I work full time and don't have the ability to spend extra time working on things like this. So kids are going to get cheap, crappy toys in their goody bags! Good point on setting a bar for my children's expectations.

Irishmum, we're certainly not required to hand out Valentines but who wants their kid to be the only one not doing it? The money I pay for daycare does not include anything other than 2 meals, 2 snacks and a glorified babysitter. Any parties are additional. Granted, she doesn't have 30 kids in her room but it's still expensive.

Santonacci, we get hit up weekly by the daycare to participate in fundraisers, Scholastics (which I love) or additional events. As if the outrageous amount of money I pay to them isn't enough and has to be supplemented by fundraisers. I honestly am not fond of her daycare but she enjoys it. I'm not willing to put forth the extra effort to help them make a profit (when she enters public school, I'll probably change my mind).

Thank you all for your advice and experience. I feel like I'm sometimes left out of the loop on these things because I don't connect with the other moms since a majority of them are out of my age range (I'm only in my twenties and moms my age are few and far between. I refrained from using the word "old" here :-P).

Thanks again :)

bier Sounds like you have a stingy daycare. I am a provider ( granted I only have 3 toddlers right now) but I am happy to provide little parties for the kids. I f their mommas wants to bring something they can, but mostly I take care of it because I adore the little munchkins. We just get creative, all of our projects are made out of things like construction paper, homade dough, ect. Every art supply I buy comes from Dollar Tree or Dollar general and treats andsnacks are bought the same way or else we bake them together. Maybe you should try Home Daycare they are often cheaper and if you go with a licensed one you still have the security of knowing that you child is safe and everything is up to code Sorry about the rant lol.

I raised my girls as a single parent.  They got to hand out cards for valentines day, but not goody bags, to expensive. 

They would get to bring cupcakes once in a while to share with everyone.

Don't worry about keeping up with the Jones.  Times are tight right now.

jess_sun, my daughter attends a daycare that is part of a national chain. I have complained once to their corporate hq about the quality of care and they jumped right on it. Things have greatly improved. We would pull her out of there and put her in a home-based daycare in a heartbeat but she had such a hard time adjusting to her current daycare. She has made friends here and we hate to have her get comfortable where she is just to yank her out and make her start over again. Trust me, we are still talking about switching her!

Sorry for getting off-topic!

I'm not worried about topping the other parents, I was just curious as to what the norm is.

I have a 2 year old in daycare and they do something for every holiday and the other moms always send in treat bags or some sort of gift.  I was caught off gaud when we first enrolled her.  But, now i know.  We always have to sign her up for a food item to bring, make the goodie bags and get the teacher a gift.  Her Valentines Day party is tomorrow and I'm sending cookies, chips and 9 goodie bags and bought her two teachers a box of chocolate each.  I felt a little guilty for not getting the director or manager anything, but geesh! It gets very expensive.  My goodie bags or not as elaborate as other moms!  

Just some suggestions-when I'm out and see good little deals I'll try to purchase something.  Like the dollar store has these packs of 20 play-dough, I've bought that a few times. packs of raisins, goldfish..crayons...then I'll try to put something a little more in there, like a monogrammed cup or something.   Good Luck!

amy4302: Excellent suggestion about picking things up whenever there's a deal on something. Thanks! I just found out that we have a dollar store nearby so I may stop by there. Unfortunately, my daughter is in a combined class in the morning then breaks off into a smaller class in the afternoon. There are about 20 kids in the combined class so I'm going to have to do Valentines for all of them.

I wasn't as surprised about the daycare as I was the dance class.

Bier, my daughter is in first grade, but she's been in school for 4 years because of 2 years of preschool.  So far it has been more common for them to do things with goodie bags for Halloween, Christmas and V-Day.  There are some moms that do go way out for every single holiday.  There's no way I can even find the time or money to do some of the stuff they come up with, let alone for each holiday. 

I agree about finding things on sale.  I almost always get those little plastic cups that go on sale at Walgreen's.  They have them for each holiday so you almost always have the option.  They inevitabley have a coupon for them where you can buy 8 cups for $1.  I also browse the dollar section in Target quite a bit.  I'll get that and a bag of miniture candy or erasers or pencils or something cheap like that and put them in the cup.  Heck, pencils, erasers...it is school.

This year's VDay cards for my daughter to pass out are actually all the leftovers from the previous years.  There are 30 kids in her class too.  For extracirricular stuff, she's only been in swim class and baseball.  Swim didn't do anything like that.  For baseball though, each parent took a turn buying popsicles or a treat for the kids after each game.

That's ridiculous. I'm 18 now but attended a lot of different schools in a lot of different areas. Some schools banned parties like that because the parents/kids couldn't afford to bring anything.

But even at other schools where it wasn't banned, we were never expected to bring something for every holiday. We would hand out those paper Valentines to each other, and there had to be one for every kid. That was about it, unless the teacher said there would be a party, then we could bring food. A lot of schools required prepackaged goodies instead of home made. But it never had to be really fancy - I would usually bring in a box or two of Little Debbie desserts.

Usually it was the teacher's job to give out stuff, because all these goodies can be a distraction to learning, in my opinion - especially if everyone is bringing everybody else something for every holiday. The teachers would hand out candy for Christmas and Halloween and usually Valentine's. But that's it.

My parents did talk to a lot of schools about the added cost and how it was unneccesary and that we should be learning on those days instead.

I actually hit up Walgreen's on the way home last night (I saw the cups you're talking about, valsgoal). Luckily, waiting until the last minute=50% off all Valentine's Day stuff! We wound up getting suckers, bags, pencils, Play-Dough, chocolates and cards for $12 for 20 kids. I felt like we made out pretty well. I never thought of the dollar section at Target. I'm going to start picking stuff up every time I'm at the store just so I have these things on hand.

My kids are a bit older - 13, 12, 10,  and 9.  I never sent them to daycare so I can't speak to what is the norm for "holidays" in that circumstance.  My philosophy, however, can be summed up by my answer to a co-workers question.  She asked me, "Do you do anything for your kids on Valentine's Day?"  I replied, "Yes.  I feed them."  The world is getting crazier and crazier.  Set up your firm boundaries now for you and your family or you will be swept up in the insanity!

It always amazes me the creativity and effor that some moms put into these things. At my kids nursery school they send home notices that say NO TREATBAGS. The kids still come home with enough candy and treatbags to last a week! Its crazy. I never bring anything in. I personally was upset about the valenitnes candy craze because hey, its not halloween! Not every little card has to come with a bag of candy. Things seem to be getting really oveboard. JMO!

So the families at my kids school do this & I think it's totally out of control.

This Valentines day one mom made her daughters cards with super expensive decorative papers (from a scrapbook thing, I'm sure) with a picture of her daughter inside & gift bags that contained loads of candy. It was sweet and all, but man! She must have one heck of an expendable income!

I refuse to participate or teach my kid she has to buy everyone stuff. She  makes her own cards & for special teacher days she decorates a pot & we divide something from our garden.

Same with birthday parties. Someone we know rented a PONY AND a clown for her child's 3rd birthday. That's well over 1k.

We spent $2 tops. Made a cake, let the kids decorate it (they were busy for about an hour!) & brought out all the sidewalk chalk, beads & pipecleaners & other craft stuff we have on hand.

The kids loved it!