Spanking?

Were you spanked as a child?

Do you/would you spank your children?

...

I'm not going to ask if you like being spanked... :P

I was spanked as a child. I don't honestly grok the whole 'spanking=child abuse' theory. I have no inherent issues with spanking a child, but only if the crime was serious enough to warrant it.

(and I can't help but think you're posting this to stir drama in The Lounge, Mr. Thonx, as we've had this discussion before.)

nah I was never spanked as a child...the Grand Omnipotent Stomper skipped that step and went straight to sever beatings.

I don't have kids, so spanking is more an adult sport

I was spanked as a child. But it didn't affect me in any way.

Spank my children.... I don't have any kids... So can't answer that

Yea, I was spanked as a child... Also with a belt, and a coat hanger (yea yea, bring on the "no wire hangers!!" jokes) but that was when I was 12-13 and was going a truly bad period. At the time, I didn't feel it was child abuse nor do I feel that way now. (wait, did i just make a double negative?... whatever.) 

I don't have any kids [yet?] but if I did, definitely no belts or a coat hanger. Spanking? Don't know, I guess same with HK if it were really serious enough. Is slapping a hand considered "spanking" or does it have to be on the butt to be considered a spanking? Eh.

I define spanking as being on the tush.

I wasn't smacked as a child because I was an obedient little thing and my parents could keep me in line with a stern word and a fierce look.... 

However, I think there's a place for smacking - especially at the toddler stage when powers of language and reasoning are about as good as the average Labrador.  I have used it on only one or two occasions.  My definition of successful smacking is that it has to be used very sparsely,  brief in nature, definitely not brutal and it has to be immediate to make the point... not carried out at some later stage.  

My son is very well-behaved nine year-old.  These days discipline is more about setting expectations and making sure they're followed up.  He crumples if you raise your voice.   I'm sure somewhere he still remembers the one or two occasions from years and years ago when he got a slap on the wrist for stepping way out of line.... maybe that's not a bad thing.

Original Post by dnrothx:

I define spanking as being on the tush.

 Okay, then I would personally prefer not to have to spank my kid(s) at all, though I do agree  with GI-Jane about toddler stage and that it has to be very brief and enough to make a point... I probably would smack them on the hand/wrist and that's it.

Around 7-8 years old, I still remember getting a slap on the wrist by my dad when I was bugging mom while she was on the phone. It worked and that was the ONLY time he ever physically disciplined me while mom did this and that and I did not listen to her. Kinda interesting now that I look back on it.

I was only spanked when I put myself in danger, which I still fully agree with. I don't remember them though and I was usually a good child. To this day anytime I see some kid run across the road I do want to spank them, same with dogs. I think there is a place for it but it can't be abused. I'm not planning on having kids though. I've been known to spank some of my little cousins, again if they put themselves in danger. I would rather they learn the lesson that way then actually watching them hurt themselves. There'll be plenty of time for that later.

Original Post by bagga:

nah I was never spanked as a child...the Grand Omnipotent Stomper skipped that step and went straight to sever beatings.

This.

Spanking our own kids was a ritual reserved for punishment of an extremely serious offense. The elder got licks twice, and the younger, never.

We never smacked our kids as toddlers, fully aware that we were 10 times their size, and shame on us if we couldn't manage them without having to resort to that sort of discipline.

We were able to redirect their attention from bad behavior, when they were small, and then when they became aware and were older we used words, not smacks.

My parents never hit us and I never hit my children.  My husband, however hit them, and me too.  I saw how my children reacted to being spanked and I didn't like what I saw. 

I was spanked reasonably...when I needed it...and it was rarely...always with the hand. When I was older my mom got more abusive and she would smack us across the face or pop us in the mouth because she was mad....That I do not agree with (of course)

WIth my girls....my oldest I have neevr spanked...and she only needs a stern talking to to make her straighten out....My youngest is extremely head strong and will need a spanking every so often. Time outs just don't always work with her...but I would say she gets a spanking about once a month.

Paddles were used on children regularly throughout my elementary school days by teachers and the principle.  I only fell victim to the paddle twice, once in 1st grade and once in 5th grade.  The experience was more embarrassing than it was painful.

As far as being spanked at home goes, I don't really remember that happening and it is not a disciplinary tool that I have used with my own children.

I suppose I haven't spilled my beans yet.

I was spanked as a kid and I spank my kids, I suppose along the same guidelines as KG: only for extreme offenses...such as yesterday, when my 7-year-old son repeatedly refused to get his shoes on and then kicked them off when I "assisted" him in doing so.

That said, I would never slap or punch my kids (a la the father in Everything Is Illuminated) or use a belt or hanger or ask them to pick out a switch or anything like that.

Hm. I remember being spanked twice as a young child. There was a valuable lesson learned both times. Total of three swats by hand on my bottom.

My father had authority as a parent. He didn't have to spank any of us to get our attention. My parents weren't for or against spankings. My mother's parenting style is very passive. We listened to our mother because of our father. She just wasn't the authority figure in our life. My father was the one to take disciplinary measures. He could bring us to tears by simply scolding us. The lift of a brow and twist of his lips said it all. My father used to hold the family together with his fist of iron. Nobody wanted to disappoint him. It's not that we were afraid of being spanked. Or: Him.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, per se - but  ... We knew there were consequence for our actions.  That's all. We knew... That our father would discipline us without hesitation. Period. People behaved well simply because he was the emotional barrier. He refused to let anyone behave beyond a certain level of immaturity. There were a lot of different disciplinary methods used on me. All involving a consequence for any action that my parents disapproved of from me.

 My father taught me that emotional intelligence is essential.

Temper tantrums were not punishable with licks, because we were too busy laughing at the kid who tried it. :)

Elder got spanked once when he was five for disobeying his granny and leaving the neighborhood to climb a tree hanging over a water logged drainage ditch, long before he was a competent swimmer. And the second time when he was five for allowing himself to be talked in to bullying a kid in his after-school group.

The foundation of the lesson in each case was the need to reinforce how very serious those transgressions were. Had we been in the habit of spanking up until that point, I doubt the lessons would have been as effective.

I was occationally spanked as a child...it was controlled and I knew what was happening and why.  I was NEVER beaten. 

I have occationally spanked my kids.  it too was controlled and they knew what was happening and why.  "you will get 3 swats on the butt for..."

it is NOT beating and not anything like beating.  It upsets me when people start wacking thier kids and call it a spanking!

Original Post by trhawley:

  I only fell victim to the paddle twice, once in 1st grade and once in 5th grade.  The experience was more embarrassing than it was painful.

 you must've been better behaved back then.

Original Post by octo-luv:

Original Post by trhawley:

  I only fell victim to the paddle twice, once in 1st grade and once in 5th grade.  The experience was more embarrassing than it was painful.

 you must've been better behaved back then.

 Octo just spanked Tom.

Original Post by dnrothx:

That said, I would never slap or punch my kids (a la the father in Everything Is Illuminated) or use a belt or hanger or ask them to pick out a switch or anything like that.

Once: My mother asked me to go pick out a switch for my brother.

- snickers -

I searched for the most lethal stick of all. :) j/k I was about seven years old at the time. I took my mother the best one I could find. She said: " DO you want me to kill your brother?! " and then ... I cried.

The answer was obviously no! I wasn't even trying to punish him. I was just trying to do a good job picking an efficient switch. She had never asked me to get one before... I'd never seen a normal switch so had nothing to compare.

 " I did my best! "

( Apparently: She hadn't thought I would actually run to get one for her. She was just trying to bluff to my brother that she would swat him with one. . . That's all. My brother was already long gone when I come back with it.)

There's often a debate (in the UK at least) as to whether we should ban smacking.   The idea of how such a law would work in practice puzzles me slightly.  Normal, loving parents who might use the occasional smack as a last resort punishment would take it very seriously.  However, the kind of vicious parent that wallops their children around whether they deserve it or not.... and who is already committing the crime of assault, incidentally... wouldn't stop.

We've had some high-profile cases recently of small children being beaten to death, despite the authorities and social services knowing that they were in risky households.  If we're unable to stop some parents from assaulting children so badly that they end up dead, why would a smacking ban make the slightest difference?