Is it ok to let SPITE drive me to lose weight?!

I'm really frustrated right now because after losing a ton of weight, I've gained about 8 lbs back over the past 10 mos.  Not a huge deal. I can lose it again and I will but here's why I'm so upset- when I was at my thinnest, my sister-in-law (who had just begun to lose weight) asked me what size I was. I didn't really think much of it but it was obvious that she was comparing herself to me.

Anyhow, cut to Thanksgiving Day and me 8 pounds heavier. She has continued to lose weight. She asks me again what size I am with the obvious hope that I will ask her. I tell her my size. When it was obvious to her that I wasn't going to ask her what size she is, she offers it up! (Of course!) It's so obvious to me that she really just wanted me to know that she wears a smaller size than me now. Not only that but she says that women sizes "fall off of her" now and she has to buy junior sizes.  That's right after I told her my size in "women's sizes." What a &%#@#!

I don't get why she has to make it into a competition with me! It's so annoying! But, since she started it, I'm now motivated to blow her away. I will see her at Christmas but then won't see her again until March. My goal is to be in her size (or smaller) by then. 

So, my question is- is it ok to let my anger at her drive me to lose the weight?

I think so! That would piss me off so much. And I don't think it matters what motivates you, as long as you have some motivation! Good luck and totally blow her away in March. And a woman shouldn't be wearing junior clothes anyway...

Thank you for validating my feelings on this! My husband says I'm being petty but I just don't think he gets how rude she is being!

i think you should use whatever works, but i doubt that spite will sustain you for long.  best to start looking for new and different motivations sooner rather than later.

can't you just tell her that its none of her business? Don't be snappy about it, just firm.

I can't say whether you are "right" or "wrong" in your motivations to lose weight, but you will certainly have more peace of mind if you make it clear to both her and yourself that it is NOT a competition. there comes a point where smaller does not equal better!

Sometimes spite is the best motivation!  Remember though, healthy weight is a benefit for you not the person you want to spite.  If she only knew what she's done, she wouldn't have because now it sounds like the competition is on!  Good luck & show her how it's done!

Instead of letting her get to you, you can just say to yourself (silently) "I might have a slightly bigger size, but at least I'm not a competitive jerk!" If you do lose the 8 pounds, do it for yourself, not for spite. If you do it just to prove something to your sister-in-law, you're essentially doing the same thing she's doing. At least you're smart enough and mature enough to realize that your jean size is not an indication of your self-worth!

It sounds to me like she is just being insecure and looking for something to make her feel better about herself. Don't stoop to her level. Lose weight for you! Be the confident women in the group and not necessarily the "junior-size" one.

You are very restrained, in a good way.  I would have let loose with something like, "Oh, wow.  You know, that's really great you can fit into juniors sizes.  I've always thought the way things are sewn are a bit too hoochie for me, but I'm glad you've been able to find stuff."

Good luck.  Family can be sooooooooooo discouraging, but you're on your way to totally leaving her in the dust.  Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she got to you and just be content with the fact that you're setting an amazing example of being healthy and a nice person for your boys, whereas their aunt is obviously not.

Ha, Ha! I love spite!  My mom always used to say "kill em' with kindness"...

ie: Lose the weight (motivation: spite) and when you see her next time make a big deal about telling her how "great" she looks all the while knowing you look better and she knows it! ;) 

Your sister in law sounds like an insecure weirdo.  I would give her bogus answers, like if she was prodding me as to what size I am, I'd say I'm a 22 or a -37, both sizes I'm nowhere near.  I don't think there's anything wrong with losing the 8 you brought back on, but it isn't really because of spite, more like you're driven to return to the image of yourself you were content with.  You'll feel better about yourself losing what you put on and not so annoyed by her immature insecure prodding.  After you lose the 8 you are sensitive about the crap she flings will just roll off and won't bother you nearly as much.  And she sounds like a real ****.

breaking_free87 has a funny point too with the "bit too hoochie" comment.  how old is this sister-in law that she has to wear junior clothes?  sounds like she's sensitive about her age too.

And dont' be frustrated about the 8 flucutation.  I'm dealing with a post holiday 8 myself and all you can do is take it day by day.  I found that CC really helps me keep my intake organized, and the support here is the greatest support I've ever found.

Heck yeah it's okay.

Spite is a very effective motivation tool.

I made my biggest jump in weight loss the week after my future mother-in-law very nicely told me not to bother getting my engagement ring sized down because getting it sized-up again is expensive.  (She later apologized for the comment)

Absolutely ,,

I was asked at Thanksgiving, if I had eaten any " real food" when I walked out of the kitchen with a plate of desserts. It pissed me off sooooo bad... She was insinuating that I wasn't eating healthy.. She is big, and my family is so crazy about, my loss...  like I am not doing it the healthy way.

Which by the way I am.. Working out, and counting calories is a cool way to lose weight even if it is for spite!

Just get it in your mind if YOU want to lose the weight, to show her... then do it. 

I've gotten motivated out of spite, but it was spite at myself.  Here I am, fully informed about what a healthy diet consists of and that I should exercise more days than not.  I got mad at myself for not putting those things into practice.  So, I grit my teeth and did things like join cc+, join the community center, etc.

When the fit of my favorite jeans get uncomfortably tight again, it makes me mad (in a grab the bull by the horns kind of way) and gets me back on track.

I'd like to give 2 cheers for spite!

Tell her that next time she asks, you will wear your shirt inside out with the size tag showing, that way she won't feel so uncomfortable about being rude.

This was funny.  I don't think men get things like this, but it's pathetic she feels the need to do it.  Don't let her diminish all that you've achieved.  But if it motivates you for now, totally use that to your advantage.

And the best response I've heard to questions like that is "Oh, how come you ask?"  Puts it back on them and forces it to be put out there like it is...rude curiosity.  Then they get to say what they want without you having to give them the firewood for the fire.

i know from experience, that spite is a bad reason to try to lose weight.

i was in an emtionally abusive relationship for almost 2 years, and after we finally began to just hate each other, i tried out of spite and revenge to lose as much weight as possibleand become the hottest i could be, but that spite and revenge also caused me to binge alot, so i'd never lose anything, as hard as i tried.

i'm now losing weight for myself, and not some verbally abusive jerk, and i'm doing great.

your sister-in-law sounds jealous, and if she's only losing weight to be a smaller size than you, she's probably going to just gain it all back once she "wins".

I agree with  topeze, next time ask her "why do you ask?" - that usually flusters people because they don't want to admit their true motive. 

And, spite has helped me just recently.  I walk every morning, early, and have a set route, etc.  I had a "friend" say that they would like to start walking with me, only I needed to come to their house, do at their time, whatever.  I politely said no thanks, I'll just stick to what I'm doing.  Her response was "well then, you're going to fail."  A couple of mornngs later, it was very cold out and I didn't want to get out from under the warm covers.  As I lay there trying to talk myself into it (or out of it), it suddenly hit me.  If I didn't get up and walk SHE would be right.  I was out of that bed so fast, it was amazing. 

Thanks everyone! It's nice to know that there are people out there that "get it."  And a couple of you made some really good points about spite only taking you so far. That's true but I'm not really worried because I can think of a hundred reasons to lose weight besides spite. One being that I'm a runner and I know that the extra weight has affected my conditioning and will affect my time if I'm not careful. Also, I feel way more comfortable in my clothes at a lower weight. My back-up motivation is set.

If she ever asks me again, I'm definitely going the "Why do you ask?" route. Just imagining what she would say is making me laugh. 

Thanks again for all the support. I love these message boards. It's the only thing that gets me through sometimes... You guys rock!

I'd just tell her a size or two bigger than you really are ... let her compete against that

Sure.  Use whatever helps you.

Your SIL does sound a little rude, but maybe she's also really proud of what she's done and doesn't know how to express it in a polite way.  Obviously, if she's trying to beat you, she thinks you look great and is jealous.