Am I a spoiled Brat?

My mom is visiting from out of town.  She comes 2 or 3x a year and i enjoy her company.  My gripe is that she doesn't help out at all.  My husband is away and I am a working mom of two.  When I come home from work I am so annoyed that supper isn't started, the house is a mess and the baskets of laundry i washed last night are still sitting there.  If she was out visting or shopping I wouldn't mind, but she just stays in the house and reads all day.  She has always been a stay at home mom, so it isn't a matter of her vacation.  Am I just being a spoiled brat or do you think she should be pitching in?

Do you ask your other guests to pitch in? Start the laundry, do the cooking, stuff like that?

Your mom raised you for however many years and now she's stopping by for a visit. Why should she need to help around the house? She did all that for you.

Original Post by hkellick:

Do you ask your other guests to pitch in? Start the laundry, do the cooking, stuff like that?

Your mom raised you for however many years and now she's stopping by for a visit. Why should she need to help around the house? She did all that for you.

 seconded.

when my mom comes to visit, i don't expect her to do all that for me.

do you do that for her if you go visit her?

I agree with HK. I don't expect any guests to lift a finger in my home.

In fact, I go so far as to make sure they have food for lunches and breakfasts if I won't be there, and plenty of options for entertainment and beverage choices.

Then again, it always annoys me when I go to people's places to stay and they say things like "Make yourself at home! There is food in the kitchen!" - Gee, thanks. I don't even know where your forks are, and now I have to fend for myself? If I do something like that, (like the lunch/brekkie thing) I show them exactly where everything is they will need.

Original Post by trying_:

She has always been a stay at home mom, so it isn't a matter of her vacation. 

Why does her being a stay at home mom mean that visiting you isn't a vacation?

If she's always been a stay at home Mom, maybe not starting dinner or doing the housework for a change IS her vacation!

Personally, I wouldn't expect any houseguest to do work around the house, whether they were a relative or not.

Original Post by floggingsully:

Original Post by trying_:

She has always been a stay at home mom, so it isn't a matter of her vacation. 

Why does her being a stay at home mom mean that visiting you isn't a vacation?

 

 Exactly what I was gonna say.  She is on VACATION. I vote for yes, you are being a spoiled brat. 

If anything, I think your mom should be annoyed that the house wasn't clean when she got there.

Wait, how long does she visit for?  If it is an extended period, I could see wanting her to clean up after herself at the least...Kind of like having a roommate.  Still wouldn't expect her to clean the whole house or to start dinner.

Original Post by hgielrehtaeh:

... "Make yourself at home! There is food in the kitchen!"...

 when I say stuff like that, I really mean, do what you want to.  For example, if they want to take off their shoes they can...but don't have to...they don't need permision to go to the bathroom or to grab a drink of water(I will show them where stuff is if they aren't familiar with my house) etc. 

Agree with everyone else. It's your house and your family... not your mom's house. 

"When I come home from work I am so annoyed that supper isn't started, the house is a mess and the baskets of laundry i washed last night are still sitting there."

During the times when your mom is NOT visiting- is supper started when you get home from work?  Does the laundry magically put itself away?  Or, do you have to do these things yourself in your normal everyday life?  I bet you do.

Why are you expecting your mother to take on YOUR household responsibilities while she is on vacation?

Original Post by hotfuss:

Original Post by hgielrehtaeh:

... "Make yourself at home! There is food in the kitchen!"...

 when I say stuff like that, I really mean, do what you want to.  For example, if they want to take off their shoes they can...but don't have to...they don't need permision to go to the bathroom or to grab a drink of water(I will show them where stuff is if they aren't familiar with my house) etc. 

 That's fine. I'm never shown even where the kitchen is.... it's an annoyance. I usually just take food and drink (via my reusable bottle) wherever I go.

Original Post by trying_:

but she just stays in the house and reads all day.  She has always been a stay at home mom, so it isn't a matter of her vacation. 

 for some reason, this part just irks me. 

do you actually believe that as a stay at home mom, she just sat around and read all day while raising you? 

Original Post by trying_:

  Am I just being a spoiled brat?

Yes.

Original Post by starlitocean:

Original Post by trying_:

but she just stays in the house and reads all day.  She has always been a stay at home mom, so it isn't a matter of her vacation. 

 

 for some reason, this part just irks me. 

do you actually believe that as a stay at home mom, she just sat around and read all day while raising you? 

 What I meant by that is that she is a retired stay at home mom.  She hasn't had to look after anybody for 20 years.

so why should she have to look after you now?

Yes.

Original Post by hkellick:

Do you ask your other guests to pitch in? Start the laundry, do the cooking, stuff like that?

Your mom raised you for however many years and now she's stopping by for a visit. Why should she need to help around the house? She did all that for you.

 I should have clarified that my mom volunteered to come to help out while my husband is away for 15 days.   But anyways I guess you all answered my question.  I will be smarter next time and ensure that I don't have a houseguest in addition to two children under 5.  My bad, I guess I'm just tired and wanted a break.  Thanks for taking the time to set me straight.

Is she watching you children during the day?

Original Post by trying_:

Original Post by hkellick:

Do you ask your other guests to pitch in? Start the laundry, do the cooking, stuff like that?

Your mom raised you for however many years and now she's stopping by for a visit. Why should she need to help around the house? She did all that for you.

 I should have clarified that my mom volunteered to come to help out while my husband is away for 15 days.   But anyways I guess you all answered my question.  I will be smarter next time and ensure that I don't have a houseguest in addition to two children under 5.  My bad, I guess I'm just tired and wanted a break.  Thanks for taking the time to set me straight.

 Yeah, you should have clarified.  If she came specifically to help you out, that is what she should do.  If she told you she would clean and make dinner and watch the kids to help out, you have a reason to be annoyed.

Did she volunteer to come help out, or to keep you company while your husband was away? She might have had a completely different two weeks in mind than what you expected.

Also, is your dad still around? Does she still take care of him? Not wanting to assume anything, but this might have been her attempt at a vacation from him, or to do some bonding with you, and didn't plan on it being a chore-filled trip.

Yes, actually I do.  But that's different I guess.  I arrive with two kids and I don't expect her to have to cook and clean for all of us.