Where do I start?

So I have been struggling with a growing eating disorder for the past year.  Before my senior year of highschool I was 280lbs and I decided I wanted to start for the football team for my senior year instead of riding the bench.  I lost 40 pounds in four months, yes four months.  I had a huge goal to fulfill and I did it, but now I have gained back not only those 40 pounds, but ten more.  I'm at 290 now and I hate myself.  I read a few definitions of the true Binge Eating Disorder and mine is worse.  Most say it is binge eating twice a week for six months or more.  Well, I binge about six days a week.  I'm not happy unless I am full, and it is a growing problem for me.  Not to mention my girlfriend is starting to feel the affects of it too.  It controls my life and I have lost complete control over it.  I am deathly afraid of the consequences, but its like my feelings are more important.  

I used to be an avid weight lifter, one of the top in my class.  I had all the motivation in the world, but that came and went and all I have now is school and I don't need to be 'in shape' to sit at a desk in a classroom.  I have now tried for the past several weeks to get on top of my game and that one day that I decide I am going to do it, I fall off my totem poll.  

My physical relationship with my girlfriend has taken a toll as well.  I feel like my ability to perform has gone down, and my confidence has gone down even farther.  I just tend to brush it off and not worry about it, but why???? I just need a good foundation to start from and I cannot find it myself.  Any suggestions?

First off, lets be clear here you have an addiction but,  Unlike other addictions, your “drug” is necessary for survival, so you don’t have the option of avoiding it.  The only way to over come this is to  fulfil your nutritional needs not your emotional ones.  In other words you are both the solution and the problem.

Do you eat 3 meals a day  what is an example of a typical breakfast lunch dinner for you?

Do you know about how many calories you eat per day?

A suggestion  take a trash bag and clear out all the junk food in your house and DON'T BUY MORE.  you cant just put it in a cabinet the temptation is there.  Fill your house with healthy choices. 

Good for you to reach out for help.  I'm not sure I have any answers, but here's one suggestions.  If it sounds right for you give it a try, if not keep reaching out and you'll find what works for you.   

Instead of making drastic changes that you can't sustain for more than a few months at a time how about making small changes and letting them become habits?  Make one change each week, like walking 6x a week for at least 30 minutes or drinking plenty of water.  Try eliminating fast food or taking a good multi-vitamin every day.  Each week add one or two things you think will help you reach your goal.  

These don't have to be big things.  In fact, I suggest starting with achievable habits, maybe things you already do or don't do some of the time.  I started by drinking plenty of water, since I was drinking quite a bit already. 

If you find yourself slipping back into old habits, simplify what you are expect of yourself.  Go back to the last goal you have stuck to and keep up with it for a couple of weeks before adding a new goal.   

Yup, this will be slow.  There's nothing that says you can't change more at one time, BUT the only thing you must do or not do as the case may be are the goals you've committed to.  Write them down.  Stick to it.  If you slip one day, then do it for another week before adding the next step.

Again, this will take time.  But think of it this way.  You are more unhappy with yourself now than you were a year ago.  Do this and a year from now you'll be feeling a lot better about yourself.

I think one reason we fail to lose weight is that we fail to keep promises to ourselves.  Each time we break a promise to ourselves, "I'm not going to drive through McDonald's drive thru anymore."  And then do just that we learn not to trust ourselves.  We teach ourselves not to believe in ... well, ourselves.  :-)

So while we work to make our bodies healthier we now need to work on keeping our promises to ourselves.

I know I said it's slow and it is, but I think we should think of ourselves as a class we're taking.  You don't learn differential equations in a month or two it takes time.  

Be kind to yourself.  Be wise.  Give yourself time to get right.  And do it step by step.  

Act like the rabbit and move more.  But be the turtle and next year this time you are going to feel great.

(I'm sharing this with you.  But I'm saying it to myself too!)

Peace.

Evie 

how about trying some form of therapy like CBT? or therapy to find the route cause of binge eating, just a suggesstion x

how about trying some form of therapy like CBT? or therapy to find the route cause of binge eating, just a suggesstion x

I think your problem is that you don't understand how much energy your body needs.  I can't tell from your post or your profile but you sound like a very young man.  If you're reasonably active, 290lbs and let's say 6' tall?.... then you need plenty to eat.   If you're under 21 this site will tell you the numbers...   http://www.bcm.edu/cnrc/bodycomp/bmiz2.html  Over 21 and you can use the CC calculator.  Don't be surprised to find you need 4000+ cals a day.

Losing 40lbs in 4 months probably started the problem.  Sounds like you ate too little, lost weight too rapidly, your body objected and, when given access to food again, went for it like no tomorrow.   Starve a lab rat and it'll do exactly the same thing.  Lose too fast.... gain even faster.

I am going to take an educated guess that your 'binges' are actually topping up a shortfall in energy and nutrition.   I'd suggest, to bring it under control, that you don't look to the psychiatrists first.... but instead get the right amount of energy and nutrition so that you are well-nourished.  A balanced diet, regular meals, plenty to eat.

Once you have that in control you'll feel a lot happier and healthier.  That's the time to then address weight-loss.  But don't try to starve yourself thin ..... you'll just end up back at square one. 

Try slowing down when you eat.  Try to really enjoy each bite.  Chew 15-20 times before swallowing.  When I follow this principle I find that I get full on less food.  I hate being hungry and my BF can atest to cranky I get, lol.  And I can't stress enough to drink more water.  It helps, tremendously.  I used to hate water but now find that if I drink it at room temp it's OK.

I binge, too... It's terrible... I won't be so blase to say that I have a "handle" on it, because it still rears up on me... Fairly frequently... But since joining CC I've been very fortunate and I will definitely say the binges are less frequent... I will share a few things that have helped, me, personally. Some of them might seem a bit contradictory, so please bear with me, and I hope even one or two things might help you. (I agree, with Jane, also, that this latest relapse might have been a result of your body rebelling against losing too much weight, too fast. TAKE IT SLOW!) Anyway, some things that have helped me...

*I can't be trusted around food, so when I first started CC I had to get rid of all the complete junk food. Stock up on all the healthy stuff you can get your hands on. Cooking from scratch is always preferable, whenever possible, but I need the "crutch" of pre-packaged stuff, sometimes. Lean Cuisine, Healthy Choice, Progresso Light Soups... Things like that have helped me keep away from Micky D's. 

*Try to figure out what your binge "triggers" are... Stress is a biggie, for me, as it is for most people, BUT... Besides emotional stuff, I also found out that if I eat certain foods... For me it's often something with refined sugar (cake, candy, etc.) that it can sometimes bring on a feeding frenzy... I've learned that I have to be real careful around sugar. Some people find they start binging after having something salty. Try to narrow it down. When you're binging what do you like the most? The crunch? Texture? Salt? Sweet? Try to find healthier alternatives... Calories are calories and you can still overeat on healthy food, obviously, but you'll find it a lot harder to "hurt" yourself as much if you're munching celery sticks and hummus  instead of potato chips and dip.  

*The whole definition of a binge (obviously) is that you're not really in control. But sometimes, if you can just try to WAIT a bit... Go for a walk, get out of the house, stay away from the fridge and the fast-food joints... Find some kind of distraction. Wait at least 20 minutes before you put anything into your mouth, if you *know* you aren't really hungry. Sometimes the binge urge will pass

*WATER. I still allow myself the occasional Diet Pepsi, but I've noticed that now that I'm getting more water in, every day, that I'm really not drinking as much soda. Also, if you're binging, try to force yourself to drink as much water as you can stand while you're binging. It will help. 

*LOG EVERYTHING that goes into your mouth. I know. We don't want to admit that we really ate this or that or that much of it, but owning up and logging your binge can help deter it a little bit. 

*Set mini goals for yourself and reward yourself when you meet those goals. (DON'T reward yourself with food!) I keep a little calender that I can mark days off on... Binge days are in red and then there are different colors for how well I've done with my calories, exercise, etc. Seeing my months on a whole helped me establish some patterns with my binges.Every 10 lbs I lose I get to buy myself a book. This gives me something tangible I can actually look forward to when the next few pounds come off. 

*You're going to slip up. We're only human. Just take it one day at a time. (Or one hour at a time.) And don't fall into that old trap of, "I just ate 1/2 a cake... Might as well polish off the ice-cream in the freezer.") So you slipped. Try to eat healthier for the rest of the day. Don't beat yourself up. Just remember that tomorrow is another day, pick yourself up, and move on. 

*Try not to deprive yourself. It won't help you in the long run. If you're really just dying for a slice of cheese, go cut yourself an ounce of cheese. Maybe have an apple with it, or something, but don't tell yourself "I can't eat cheese" because that's going to lead to more problems in the long run. Everything in moderation. Enjoy holidays and birthdays and times out with friends. You can compensate for these things in the rest of your life. I try for healthier choices 90 percent of the time... This allows me a little wiggle room. This also seems to help a bit with the binging because I don't feel like I'm "missing out" on anything.

I hope you can find some things that will help you get through this.

It's hard, but you can do this. Take it slow. Cut yourself some slack. You can beat this thing... Or at least get it down to a more manageable level. 

Wow.  Thank you so much for putting it in such a perspective that means I do not have to absolutely quit doing everything I do.  I like many of the thing you bring up about what is going to happen and it truly just takes time.  I appreciate your time and effort to responding with such elaborate ideas.  I find your information (and everyone else's!!!) very helpful.  I just feel like I want to happen now and I cannot get over the fact that it will take a lot of time and it is something that will have to become a part of my life and more of a second nature to pass up the sweets.  Thank you so much!