Started at 266 now at 206, after two month of PLATEAU. How does one motivate one self.

Motivation, you have to love this word. Motivation. I find it very easy to motivate other people. I find it almost impossible to motivate oneself. I have spent all my adult life slowly gaining and losing fat. To the point that I forgot who I was. So who am I?

My name is Abner; I’m a male, 47 years old. I have both physical (ruptured disc, asthma, diabetes) and mental problems (depression). I have failed in every attempt to lose the fat. This is the last one. The last time, it’s this or die. So I started this new life by only doing 5 min of cardio and using 5 lbs weights. I slowly added to them. 1 minute a day on cardio and small increments on the dumbbells. Always keeping to good form. I did not count calories. I hate dieting with a passion. I don’t like refusing myself the good things in life. The sweets, the baked goods, the beer.

Once again I started out slowly cutting out the refined carbs and adding complex carbs. I started adding fruits and vegetables. I started losing fat. I started counting my cal. I was able to lose 50 lbs (now 60 lbs 3/1/08). This came about very slowly.

Each day became a battle, but a winning battle. And like all battles there was a stall. A wonderful word called Plateau. Some time in November of ‘07 I stalled. My weight see-sawed. I hovered between 220 and 218. Each week one after the other. Frustration set in. Hunting on the web, looking for ways to continue the battle. Soon I became battle fatigue. Depression was setting in. My motivation was waining.

So, how does one motivate oneself? I have friends on this site that have given me that push, that smile, which helps me to continue.

I will never surrender. I will never give up.

So, here I go.

I remember how painful it was to get out of my chair. The ruptured disk made my life a struggle.

I remember the pain I was in on our vacation to Universal Studios. The tears in my knee brought tears to my eyes.

I remember refusing to buy my uniform pants a larger size knowing that if I went larger I would keep getting larger.

I remember when those same pants were busting at the waist, and I still refused to buy a larger size.

I remember when tying my boots I could not breath.

I remember looking at my reflection at a store window and seeing how fat I was.

I remember refusing to go to the annual dinner dance because my suit would not fit. And I refused to buy a larger size.

I remember the tears so well, feeling the failure at all the attempts of dieting.

I remember feeling no hope at all.

I remember my glucose numbers getting dangerously high, wondering if insulin shots were my next stop.

I remember my blood pressure always being too high.

I remember carrying the work ladder from the curb to the rear of the property, my chest pounding as if I were having a heart attack.

I remember the pain and discomfort working in the air.

I remember counting the minutes to the end of the day so I could go home and rest away the pain.

I remember all this plus so many things that being fat has caused. The pain, the discomfort, the low self esteem the feeling of constant failing.

How does one motivate oneself when this is with them for so many years? I don’t know the answer to this. But I will say one thing.

I remember all this plus so many things that being fat has caused. The pain, the discomfort, the low self esteem the feeling of constant failing.

I am a regular poster since October, and just saw this today.  Thanks, Abner!