Starting over

It's hard for me to start over, because I can't admit that I've failed.  I never wanted to be one of those yo-yo dieters...but even more scary than admitting that I've failed is just ignoring it and letting it get worse and worse and not being able to get back in control.

I joined CC in early 2008 and I lost 45 pounds and kept it off for a year.  But right around that 1 year mark, at the end of this August, I started to lose it.  I started having serious emotional problems from the stress of being unemployed and looking for a job - and this led to bizarre, uncontrolled eating binges.  I also had 2 major health issues, which stopped me from being able to exercise (which was the only thing that really made me happy) and now that I'm feeling better physically, I feel so bad emotionally that I can't bring myself to exercise.  Since then, I've gained 20 pounds and had countless desperate days of binge eating and misery.  It's been this way for just over two months, and after so much struggling - positive self talk, negative self talk, crying, threats, and worse - I've come to realize that I just need to start fresh.

And that's why I'm here.  I started out at CC and then left because of some internet drama - but the support I got here was invaluable, and a large reason of why I was able to lose the weight in the first place and keep it off successfully for a year. 

I realize that I have a control disorder and that controlling what I eat could become a dangerous obsession, but right now I cannot stand to be out of control in this arena of my life and I think with some help from CC I can find that happy balance of being in control, but not being obsessed with control.  I miss feeling light and healthy.  I miss working up a sweat.  I miss feeling proud of my body and feeling like I can rely on it.  I want to get back to that point.

I'm going to head over to "motivation" and see if I can find any buddies, but if you happen to have read this ramble and maybe you need some help getting back up on the horse yourself, let me know.  We can be support for each other.

what is your goal weight?

Your user pic says that it was taken recently, halloween. You are already quite thin, why do you want to lose weight, because it sure doesnt look like you need to.

What is your daily intake like, what do you eat for breakfast, lunch, tea? DO you have snacks??

Just out of curiosity, what are your stats and how much are you trying to lose?  It's hard to tell on pictures, but your picture does make it look like you are at a good weight right now.  Unless that is an old picture that's just dated with a recet date?

yeah thats why i asked...... ed poster id say!

If you're the same size as in your picture, then losing weight is probably the last thing that you need to do.  That picture is already very thin and quite possibly underweight.  If that is the weight that you want to get back to I'd recommend against it, at the most go for 5 lbs and take up weight lifting and gain some muscle if you're unhappy with your body, you can reevaluate as you go.  Your overall size will change as the volume you'll take up for the same weight will be smaller.