Starting recovery process from anorexia...

I started my anorexia recovery just a couple weeks ago and it is going pretty well, but my family doesn't understand how hard it is for me to just start eating huge quantities of high calorie food after restricting my calories for so long. I know they care about me and want me to get better, but stuffing me with things like milk shakes and cake is not helping me. Even my nutritionist told me to take it slowly, gradually adding more calories daily so that I don't get overwhelmed and go back to restriction. But my family doesn't agree, they think I should just start stuffing myself with candy and fried food. For example, I went to visit my aunt and uncle (who know about my anorexia) and this is what they had me eating:

Breakfast: Two huge waffles with a lot of syrup
Blueberries
Whole Milk
Juice

Snack 1: Blueberries
One waffle

Snack 2: 2 Tbs. Peanut butter
3 Tbs. Jelly
2 Pieces of wheat bread
2 slices of full fat cheese
Whole milk

Lunch: Half a small french bread loaf
Ham
Lettuce
Tomato
4 slices Swiss cheese
2 slices cheddar cheese
Apple slices
Juice

Snack 3: Large Chocolate chip cookie
Pineapple

Dinner: Macaroni and cheese (huge portion, and my aunt forced me to finish every bite)
Tomato
Salad with mozzarella and olive oil

Dessert: Ginger snap cookies (I don't even like these cookies at all, my sister-who was visiting my aunt and uncle with me- told me I had to eat everything or she would tell my parents) 
Whole Milk

How can I get my family to understand that I have to take my weight gain gradually? Whenever they force me to eat huge portions of fattening foods I feel sick and miserable.

Thanks so much for replying, it is really great to hear from people who understand what I am talking about.

Aww, sweetie, I am sorry you are going through this. I understand where you are coming from. Families don't seem to understand that simply "fattening us up" doesn't fix the disease. I just makes your body look healthier, creating the illusion that your mind is healthier.

Do you see a therapist and nutritionist, or only the nutritionist? Maybe talk to a therapist about the possibility of inpatient or outpatient treatment. A lot of these programs have family groups, whereby experts explain the disease to the family so that they understand what they should/should not do and should/should not talk about.

E-mail if you have questions or need support!

Initially, my parents both heard "gain weight" and went straight for the fast and fatty foods route. I was actually given the advice to eat a whole, 100g chocolate bar a day by my mother, and my dad pressing a steak and all the trimmings on me when my stomach doesn't tolerate red meat very well led to me having to visit the hospital the following day. So, I sympathise with your situation. :\

It took me having to talk with my GP to get things sorted out. When my doctor turned to my mum and told her that eating junk wasn't the way for things to be done - rather, with a balanced diet of whole foods and the possible extras thrown in as well - she stopped trying to get me to eat rubbish all the time and actively made sure my dad did the same. When they stopped forcing junk on me I found it much easier to relax and get my calories in on a healthy and full diet of foods.

Admittedly, there are some things there that you ate that aren't so terrible; the lunch meal doesn't sound too bad, and whole milk will be good for you right now as you've likely affected your bone density. But then, I also know that forcing you to eat things you don't want to makes it a whole lot easier to give in to voices telling you to restrict.

So, I'm effectively backing no_audience - speak to a professional who you trust and who can explain things to your family. Consider inpatient if it's truly out of hand or daypatient/outpatient. For me, the idea of going to hospital is one of the things that made me more motivated to gain solo, but not everyone fears hospitals. x: I wish you the best of luck.

hi, and good luck to you! maybe you could try to print/send them some articles where doctors and other healthcare professionals say the increase should be gradual?

talk to your family, and have them know that you appreciate their attempt to aid you in recovery, but point out also that you're also anxious to recover, and you'd like to be taking an active role in your own recovery, at least by deciding (together with them), what's an appropriate amount of food you should be consuming, and also a choice of what to eat...

Part of the recovery process is to learn to love to eat, and love food, and to cultivate this love, it's not going to help by stuffing and quaffing items down regardless of whether you want to, feeling terrible, and inadvertently ending up associating terrible feelings of discomfort with food.

it might help if you could get your parents to sit in with you and your nutritionist and to draw out a rough sketch of how what and how much to eat.

I totally and completly feel your pain. My family tried to do the same thing. Ask them to give you a week to try it completely on your own and see if you gain weight. if you do they might quit forcing you.

I can truly sympathize with what you are going to...this happened to me, only it was while i was in the HOSPITAL!! The unit I was on was not run by the nicest nurses...and they forced me to eat huge amounts of food, including some that I have never been able to eat without significant GI probs. One day they had me eat mac-n-cheese (I can't eat white sauces, and have always been this way, as has my dad's side of the family). I spent all of the next day either in the bathroom or curled up in fetal position on the couch...and they all thought I was "faking it". Try looking up "refeeding syndrome" and show it to your family...what they are doing is actually dangerous! I am sure they mean nothing but the best...so show them you are committed to gaining and they will relax.

BAAAAAAAAAH, when my skeleton was out of the closet about my ED (pun intended), my parents went CRAZY. I live in the south, so they were trying to fatten me up on fried foods (which I had completely cut out) and sweet tea (which I had completely cut out). They pushed too hard and ended up scaring me out of even trying for a few months. I know now that I should have found my voice and told them, "Look, this is how it's going to be..." but I didn't have it in me, then. I've since told my mom that if I gain weight, I'm going to gain it eating healthy foods that nourish my body, not by pumping myself full of the junk food that helped lead me into the arms of my eating disorders to begin with. I also had to tell her that junk food triggers my bulimia, which pretty much sent the message home and she didn't push after that.

I know that my parents pretty much have the notion that I have to gain every pound back TONIGHT to insure that I don't drop dead tomorrow. I think a lot of people think that way when watching a loved one go through an ED. They're just scared for them. But just be honest with your parents and let them know that they will do more good in walking beside you instead of in front of you.

Good luck!

You definitely want to keep eating. My motto is ABC (Always be consuming), but take it slow for sure... refeeding is a serious thing and dangerous as well. But always keep the mentality of wanting to gain, it will be hard and go against what you think is right but remember that the disease is 90% mental. Do you have a therapist? I see like three people for my ed and the therapist is the onyl one i dont want to punch in the face sometimes. Stay strong and know that you can do it and know that we are all here for you.

There's a webcast on in-patient treatment for some of the most severe eating disorder cases.  They do require all kinds of foods to be eaten.  Perhaps your parents saw that?  Definitely talk to them and see about a nutritionist and a counselor who specialized in eating disorders.

Great job. Keep up the good work. Work toward getting healthy. It might help to make an appointment with a counselor who understands/specializes in eating disorders. Take your family with you.

Here are some sites that may help. Print out some of the information and give it to your family. They love you and are concerned and may not understand how to effectively help you or understand how fragile you are during this time.

http://caringonline.com/eatdis/helpothers.htm l

http://eating-disorder-recovery.suite101.com/ article.cfm/helping_someone_with_anorexia

maybe if you can show them a daily plan of how you are going to reach your cals and nutrition needs by yourself they can trust you and not stuff you.  if it was not for the extra sweets i have added into my diet daily i would still be very underweight because i cannot seem to add all the other stuff they want me to eat...people is they might want you to stop counting the cals all together...like that happens. right? talk to them about your plan, but really if you dont gain weight they could put you in the hospital then you would have to do the same thing and maybe even more of the foods you hate. i hate hate hate trying to please people trough eating . i think thats very messed up about this problem.