Staying motivated in the face of a break-up --- how to pull through it all BETTER!!!!! a support group

I've been with the same guy for 4+ years.  I am breaking up with him officially this Thursday......     & nbsp; I have an AWESOME cc buddy (girl, you know it's you) who is going through the same thing. 

I am looking for tips and perhaps a support group of hot chicks who have been there and done that.    I plan to fill  the increase in free time   (not much since I am a World of Warcraft widow anyway) with healthy things like more workouts, walks with my dog, and the like, but fill me in on your helpful hints.  

I have gotten skinny with him, gotten fat with him, and I, alone, this time around, am thin/FIT again.   I plan to keep it that way and keep on going.  Started at 230 last summer, am 150something these days.     Original goal was 150 even, but who cares?  It is easy now, so why not push my luck and see how low I can go in a healthy way???    \  (my first cc+ posting --- I am sad classic is dead--BOO)

Hey olivia! When I asked my guy to move out (we didn't completely break up), I filled my time with workouts and triathlon training. It kept me busy and focused on something for me. I wasn't concerned with what he was doing. Try and find something that gets you out with other people, so you can start building a new social network. See if there are runnign groups that you could join. Fill up your schedule so you are too busy to think about him.

It's been over 3 years but remember, when in doubt DON'T DRINK! (depressants=bad idea!)

from someone who existed on vodka and oj for weeks!

AWESOME TIPS, ladies.   

I already started looking in my area for a book group or something like that....   other activities will be my work outs, extra dog walking, tv, going to Foxtown for live music while I still can before it's winter, hanging out with friends and my parents, and I agree, chris, drinking is not going to be my new fun activity.    First off, I will not be able to afford booze, period.  second, that is part of J and I'd problem anyway....    He buys booze to keep me busy and quiet while he WOW's.    ( :    good to know, huh?

Tips for continued co-habitation while he saves and packs and junk by the end of the month???? 

Well I lost nearly a stone on the wine and trauma diet. Wouldn't recommend that especially as I followed it up with the fried chicken diet and put on 30lb!

Trust me though, once you are single and dating and looking hot at 150lb, you will find it hard to find time to eat badly what with the 3 guys you are juggling!

Good luck.

x

lol -- note to self -->  do not adopt the fried chicken diet.    ( :   

I hope you are right about the 3 guys to juggle and being able to move on vs. wallow in my own sadness.     ((crossing fingers))

I think you can wallow for a bit. You will move on, but it does take time. Lean on friends and family NOT ON FRIED CHICKEN

xx

olivia, I'm new to CC plus and came upon your thread. I broke up with my long-term boyfriend of 10 years a month ago so I know what you are going to. I gave him an ultimatum---a ring on my finger or a goodbye...He wasn't ready to comitt so I sent him packing. I've lost 15 pounds since he left and have about 15 more to go. I now have a great group of girls that I hang out with...I joined a soccer group, I'm really involved in my church, and play on a co-ed flag foot-ball team.... I'm here for support if you need me.....I still have some tough nights......I added you as a friend... :) ----botsie

hey bot-sie.   ( :

WOWEE --  I thought 4 years was a long time, but we had decided on a 5 year plan from the beginning.  When I borke up, his first response was to propose -- not realizing I was far past that point and not interested in the idea anymore.....

Sounds like you have found good, positive ways to stay busy and happy.    DId he move out right away or were you like me -- he's staying until the end of the month to find a place and rent and all?    

OH And good for you ---15 lbs in a month???    wow  -- 

just added you too, I am also a school teacher (high school), love to run, and love my cats and dog. 

Too bad we don;t have anything in common.  lol  

Olivia,

I was so disgusted by the situation that I moved out until he got all his stuff out and then I moved back into my condo. I was lucky to have a girlfriend to stay with and lucky that he was gone 2 weeks later. He still tried to call and get back together and I did answer despite my friends and family telling me not to but I was always firm in what I believed and he still wasn't willing to change...I dunno what I would have done if he would have proposed...I still love him...and I'm still in love with him...There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him but I had to do what was right for me...and our goals didn't line up... so I had to think about me.....uh...still hard to type this....Luckily, school keeps me busy and I try to stay busy so I don't think about it....And the 15 pounds in a month was probably over-kill, lol...More stress and crying and not eating and not doing it the healthy way...but then a friend mentioned this place (cc) so I came looking to do it the healthy way...I look forward chatting with you more

LOL --  bot-sie.  I am a total cc addict. Perhaps besides reading and talking to friends, my #1 hobby.    ( : 

You sound like one strong chick.   it will be good to have someone who is a few weeks ahead of me on the road to recovery too ---  welcome to my small circle of girls I like.     ( ;  

It is hard to be in the place you're in......   wanting more, knowing, better, feeling sad, but doing the right thing FOR YOU.   Stay strong --- chin up, and this too shall pass....  

thanks...I have a couple of days off school...so I looks like I might be getting addicted too ...Thanks for your support......

I am always on..... total journal/ forum whore.   ( :      lol 

OK< so Tuesday/Wednesday the day of and the day after the break up talk, he was saying the 15th or the end of the month, but he just finally left afgter 3 hours to go stay with a friend.     This friend needs a roommate miraculously, so that;s cool.      It sort of all worked out???      &nb sp; so why am I sadder than I want to be?    Not so much sad as wishing I could be easily convinced.....     & nbsp; that sucks.    I have been almost euphoric the last few days I was so happy to have this weight off my shoulders, but now he is gone. 

I'll be ok, just sucks right now..... 

Because your human and normal....I remember when I left to stay with my friend..I really want to go back to him but she talked some sense into me and reminded me of why I left in the first place. This isn't going to be easy, it is going to sink in now more than ever. I recommend you surround yourself with friends and family this  weekend and stay active..The more you sit around and think about it the worse off you will be ....((((HUG)))))

thanks, bot_s!    I will.... plan to anyway,....  I guess we will see how I feel in the am.... 

OK< so I feel like death.   I slept exactly 2 hours and woke up weird....       It gets easier, right?

All  this time I would have said I thought he was making me unhappy, and now I am making me unhappy.     sigh.....  SUCK

It does get easier, but is it easy right now--nope....It took me a couple of weeks to finally feel better and it took my friends dragging me out to do stuff. That's why I recommend you really involve yourself in as much as you can ... I know it's hard but do what you can to stay busy. Is there an old friend you've been wanting to see?? can you take a trip to see your family? etc.... I also slept a lot at first ....It's so important to do as much as you can---I just really want to emphasize that...You can do this girl! I understand what you are going through, stay strong....It does get easier, but I still have my nights, I'm not going to kid you but I'm now able to sleep a full 8 hours and I take care of myself. Remember it's time to put yourself first (((HUG)))

thanks, bot-sie.   I had a few mini-breakdowns today.   Called my mom, talked to my friend K online...  

I am scared to be alone.  It is scary-quiet and lonely already ---  less than 24 hours in..........  

What will stop me from doing what I used to do --- eat and eat and eat, trying to fill up the hole of emptiness inside?    

I know the answer to this self-doubt is ME,  I WILL STOP myself from doing that.  I have come so far.  I want to be looked at with desire and admiration again.   I want to feel good in my own skin AND be happy.     sigh...    this part just sucks the big one. 

SO, I made the cardinal mistake of breakups.   I was tipsy, he came over, we ended up having sex.    I suck.  

Now he is talking to me online and I'm crying........    I want him to want to be different .      and we need time apart to make that happen.   I know that intellectually, but emotionally.....?