Staying social while trying to lose weight

I've had to cut myself off from friends in order to lose weight.  Whenever my friends and I go out, we always ALWAYS eat.  And this hurts my diet.  I don't want to sit back with nothing while my friends all have ice cream and take out and cookies.  And I always over eat whenever I'm with my friends.  On my own, I never eat desert.  I don't have much of a sweet tooth.  But when I'm with someone, I get the urge to grab that slice of chocolate cake white my friend grabs the ice cream.  Even if we are just sitting and chillin' in someone's dorm room, someone always breaks out the potato chips.  I don't know why but it happens.  So I have this system that my friends absolutely hate.  I take a break from them.  For a few weeks.  This time it's 4 weeks.  Tomorrow will be day 7.  They were not happy with this at all and they didn't waist any time telling me how silly I am being and how I shouldn't isolate myself from them.  I explain to them how my eating habits around them cause me to over eat and, as a result, I'm becoming tough to fit into my clothes.  Then they tell me that I need to have more self restraint around them instead of punishing them by disappearing for weeks at a time.  Easier said than done.  I don't know what to do.  They aren't about to change their habits either.  They told me that they aren't the ones on the diet and enjoy their sweets.  And they are right.  It's not right to ask for them to change around me just like it's not right for a vegetarian friend to ask me to not eat meat around them when we go out.  It's their choice and their battle.  All I can do is cheer them on.  And that's how my friends feel as well.  All they can do is wish me luck and hope I snap out of it.  They aren't going to 'help' me.  So we are at ends at this point.  And my friends feel I'm pushing them away and I'm afraid that they'll eventually get tired with me and my weight loss goals and move on without me.

So how do I fix this?  How do I get my friends to support me so that I don't HAVE to leave them?  Or should I just accept the fact that I can't be social when losing weight and have to wait until I've reached my overall weight loss goal before becoming social again?

 

 

 

And yes, THIS TIME I am asking for advice. 

Is it possible for you to bring your own healthy snacks along when you are socializing? Maybe if you know there will be chips there you can have a baggie of baby carrots. If you know there will be cake and ice cream you can put a sugar free pudding cup in your purse. You will have things to eat so you don't feel left out and craving.

if they want to spend time with you, they ought to be willing to do something different once in a while, like go for a hike or have a healthy meal at your place or something.  if you do the planning and all they have to do is show up, maybe they'll be more willing to put in the effort.

I thought about that and tried that a while ago (before this turned really bad) and it didn't really work.  See I'm not a snacker.  And there are just certain foods that I do not like.  I won't go through the entire list because it's long.  Everything I eat needs to be hot 'real' food.  I like snacks.  Never really did.  When I'm hungry I eat a meal.  but when I' with my friends something happens and I start snacking.  It works like gossip.  You don't really care for gossip but when you get around friends, it's all you do.  But, in short, I'd rather not eat at all that chock down a baby carrot or pudding...or jello, or cold cuts, or vegies, or lean meats (hate chicken breasts), and so forth.  And when people crave, they go after what they are craving.  If I want a potato chip, a cracker is not going to satisfy me.  I felt it was best to stay away from temptation all together.  But that's not sitting right with them... :( 

And sorry Georgian.  That sounds good but my friends and I spends hours at a time together and having lunch or dinner has to happen at some point.  And we always go out...and that's when things go sour.  Even if I'm not snacking in one of their rooms, I'm pigging out at the campus buffet.  

Just because you're with friends doesn't mean you have to eat unhealthily. On the other hand, just because you're on a diet doesn't mean that you have to make them feel bad. Compromise, my dear - if they want desserts, go halves with someone. Offer to make baked sweet potato chips one night instead of opening a bag. But, remember: a social situation shouldn't revolve around food! And you don't need to cut yourself off for weeks either. I can see why your friends are frustrated; that's very extreme to leave them behind for the sake of image. You should aim for a happy balance, not all or nothing.

I would second etahbear, though. Even if you don't consider yourself a snacker carry something to nibble on instead of the snacks they bring out. And by no means do not eat at all. :\

Honestly, it can be done. But the first thing I would do is pick up your phone and call someone to chat with. Don't cut yourself off!

If your friends can expect you to have cakes and cookies with them, then they better learn to expect somethin' new out of you.  Go to the mall, walk through every last store until you've walked your toes off, then walk straight past Dippin' Dots and go for Subway or something.  Just don't order the cookies.

In the end, it's all going to be about self control and you've really got to practice saying no.  Turn down the cake and opt for a glass of milk or hell, even a diet soda if you want something sweet.  When they question your refusal of potato chips, grab a chunk of thigh and tell them you're trying to improve your health and lose weight.  If they can't understand, you've got to either continue working on your self control and saying no to them, or just start being e-pals.

so, peach, what you're really saying is that you don't want advice and you don't want to do anything different, you just want to complain.

you can yeah-but all day long, it won't get you what you want.

Even I don't eat baked sweet potato chips.  And I can't cook.  I live in a dorm with a microwave and mini fridge.  But I see what you mean.  Compromise.  Okay that's the plan.  But how?  I mean they won't split with me.  I can see it now.  I ask to go halvsies on something and my friends say "Why?  There is a whole table full right over there."  

See, and I don't mean to bring race into this but, my friends are not white.  We spoke about this in our women's studies so it's not as naive as you might think. I'm not sure if this applies to you but I know I've witnessed a lot of it.  White women, when together, tend to talk about weight and weightloss and exercise and looks and guys.  Black people really don't do that.  We talk about TV and cinema and guys and music and maybe a little gossip about what someone did (not what someone wore or how big someone has gotten).  That's why my friends think it's so wierd that I think weight is so important.

 It's just that they are really curvy.  They have no reason to care about their weight because it all goes to the right places.  Breasts.  butts.  Hips.  But never stomachs or backs.  With me, I don't have a curvy figure and thus have more to worry about. Excess fat goes to my belly, back, and thighs (and not in the good way).   My friends have to shop differently as well.  If they find a pair of jeans that fits their thighs, it usually doesn't fit their waists, because they are so tiny around he middle and so big around the butt.  And they can wear tight shirts because they have small stomachs.  Their only concern is making sure that their boobs don't fall out.  It's funny that all their concerns revolve around their boobs being to big and their waists being too small.  How terrible it must be to be them....

I am the only odd ball.  The only one who isn't curvy.  The only one who doesn't have great legs.  The only one who can't wear tight shirts.  So weight concerns me more.  And even though my friends love me, they aren't really going to play into my whole dieting thing.  Their mentality is that, if I want to lose weight (which they think is silly) then I have to use my own will power and eat right.  And they won't change a thing.  And I seriously doubt my friend will cut her dessert in half for me.  Because then she's left with half a dessert.  

Now I'll give it a try this weekend and tell you how it went but...I just don't think they'll do it.  And I don't blame them.  it's like my concern about my weight sucks the fun out of everything we do.  When we go out to the club and everyone decides to dress in short skirts, I'm the only one who won't because of my fat legs.  When everyone wants to stop at starbucks for a frappaccino, I'm the one who says 'I'll pass'.  And I'm the only one who can't share clothes.  When halloween rolls around, I'm the one who has to dress in something that is actually scary because I can't wear anything adult-sexy like they do without looking...weird.  The fact that I'm even bringing up food and weight when asking to split a dessert will make them say "Oh God.  Here we go again."  They are going to roll their eyes at me.

Are there any other suggestions for compromising?  Remember I can't cook.

No georgian I an 'not' saying that.  I already said I'd try the snack bringing thing.  it'll probably be cereal though.  And I already said I'll try to split desserts with my friends this weekend.  I simple want some more options.  Jeez, why do I always get attacked when I ask for advice here?  I'm not bashing advice.  I'm trying to change things because I don't want to lose my friends.  But, just because I don't say "Okay, sounds good", you think I'm not acknowledging the advice given to me.  I AM.  I'm just trying to clarify so that I get advice that suits me.  I don't want people to accidently give me advice that doesn't fit me.  Like, I don't want someone to recommend that I eat fish when I hate fish.  I don't want someone to recommend that go to subway when I dislike subway with a passion.  And I don't think it's a good idea to eat something else to curtail a craving because it doesn't work.  Like I said, if I want a chip, a cracker isn't going to do it for me.  I wish you'd be nicer to me georgian.  I'm trying.

All you say is you can't, don't, or won't try to solve your own problem.  I think you should thoroughly reconsider the full meaning of the word 'compromise'.

Their lifestyle is their choice.  Your lifestyle is your choice.  If never the twain shall meet, then you should get some new white diet-y friends.  That'll solve all your problems. 

Or

Sip a diet coke and get over it.

 

couldn't you go out to a restaurant together and order something healthier? I know how you feel because i feel like every time i see friends its over food, so i always ask them if we can meet up for coffee (coffee is not going to kill my diet) or if we go out to a restaurant, i will try to pick a place that has a "light" menu (like an applebees or chilis) so i have an alternative.

Practicallypeach, there are some things I do to help me with that as well.  While my boyfriend may be supportive, he likes all his junk food, chips, and ice cream as well.  Here are some ideas instead of missing out:

Keep a pack of chewing gum around, that way you can have something that tastes good keeping your mouth busy if they pull out a bag of chips.  With a fresh piece of gum in your mouth you might find yourself less likely to want to indulge.  This is something that we noticed that they really push on the TV show "The Biggest Loser".

Another option is to carry one of the Cadbury thins chocolate bars in your purse.  They are really good, I love the mint/milk chocolate ones.  They have only 100 calories per bar, and generally cost less than a dollar.  That way you get a sweet treat too.

Nevermind then.  I'm not getting the support that seems to be reserved for others.

Something else that is really good, even though they are a bit pricier (up here in Canada they tend to be about $8 for a box of 5) are the Skinny Cow or Breyers Ice Cream sandwiches.  These things are low fat, and I don't know what they put in them, but they are definitely good.

If you crave patato chips, take a look at the Lays Baked Potato chips, they have way less fat, so do the low fat pringles. Popcorn is also a great snack food.

One of the things you should consider is that if you just avoid your friends and loose weight once you start hanging out with them again you'll be in the same situations and at high risk to gain it back.

Looking at this as a lifestyle change, look for activities you can do with your friends that are exercise focused - like suggested earlier, go for a hike, go bowling, go to a spin class or a running group - exercise is a natural appetite suppresant so you'll be less inclined to eat or indulge if you've just come from a good work out.

Alternatively you could just reduce the amount of time you spend with them rather than cutting them off completely. Just hang out with them once or twice a week and do your own heatlhy things the other days.

Good luck!

Practicallypeach, you need to understand that we are not really sure how to help you, which is why we are trying to toss out suggestions that may have worked for us.

I know how frustrating it is to live in a dorm, where you are not able to attempt to cook your own food, and everything is prepared by somebody else.  It is extremely difficult to know exactly how many calories you are putting in your body.  With a lot of food dislikes it can be much harder yet.  The majority of people here don't have a lot of the same food dislikes so itmakes it harder to provide advice that is helpful to you.

Maybe look into joining some kind of intramural or sports club, I think I remember you saying you like to run for exercise, so maybe a cross-country team may be ideal for you.  that way you would be able to meet more people that you can be friends with that may be more supportive.  But try not to drop your other friends either.. when people think back on their past, losing friends tends to be something they regret later in life.

I think if your friends really were true friends, they would be more supportive and show respect for your new lifestyle. You are your own person so you don't have to let other people's lack of ambition stand in the way of your success.

hey girl, i think the key pointer that is coming up in these suggestions to you is : choice and control. it's your choice what you eat and you have control over it.

for example: if you want that cake and no one's going to split it with you - only eat a third by yourself and leave the rest. it's not easy, but if weight loss very easy, you wouldn't be on this site :)

i do understand where you are coming from though - neither my friends or family were supportive to the idea that i'm watching what i eat (or re-learning to eat healthy as i tell them). i think it makes them feel inadequate for not exercising and for not makign an effort (even though they don't need to, most people feel they could loose a few pounds).

So my tactic was:

1. shut up about it. no one wanted to hear about my diet / exercise program, so i'm doing it on my own. I go out all the time, but i watch my portions and limit my dessert to 1-2 a week. when snacks are brought up, i kindly say no thanks if i'm not hungry. if i'm tempted i'll have a couple chips. PORTIONS are key.

2. i make my food. you say you can't cook, but there are a few tricks you can use to break out of your dorm room dilema - get a hot plate at have oatmeal, berries and yoghurt for breakfast, make a salad in your room, stick to basics (anyways, this is what i did when i was a poor student with no private kitchen - tho there was a kitchen on the floor. but i literally lived off of chick pea, tomato and parsley salad. it's cheap, nutritious and yummy!)

3. keep at it. in life you'll encounter negativity- even from those supposedly closest to you. be strong, power through it and you'll be a better person for it.

Good Luck!

 

Yo practically peach this is what ya gonna do.  This really is the answer!!!  I have the exact same problem with my friends.  We drink and party and end up at some fast foot place just about every time.  My peeps are much more open to my need to drop some lbs since I am by far the biggest on in the bunch so I do not have your problem but I do have a solution.  Try to zig zag out those calories.  This has been the only way I can roll with my friends and still drop some lbs.  I understand that you chill with them all the time since you live in the dorms and all but maybe try to hang a little bit less instead of hanging all the time (that would be WAAAAY better than not seeing them for 4 weeks!).  This way when you are not kickin' it you can eat as well as humanly possible and actually try and eat 400 to 500 calories less than what you are trying to average a day.  That way when you do roll with your peeps you have the ability to take on another 500 or 1000 calories in a day with out losing your way.

 

For instance I was just at a wedding where I at 3200 calories both Friday and Saturday of last week.  What I did was ate 1600 calories a day Monday through Thursday of last week and again from Sunday through today of this week.  (3200 X 2) + (1600 X 8) = 19,200 calories.  So in a ten day span I averaged 1920 calories a day!! my goal is 2300 so even though I ate my face off last weekend I am still on track with my over all goal.  I know that you prolly do not put down 2300 calories a day but you can see how the math can work in your favor if you roll like that at all times.  My wife weighs about 145 and does the exact same thing and when she adds just one or more "good" day she ends up losing 2 lbs a month and she has been able to maintain with out much weight gain for 5 years.  I have dropped nearly 100 lbs doing this consistently for the past 10 months so I know fora  fact it works.  Also try and eat 4 meals a day, if  you are like me you metabolism is a joke so if you keep eating throughout the day you can really speed up your metabolism.  I swear my metabolism is like a hot rod now because of it. 

 

Everyone can say that you can bring snacks and try and controll your self but that is wack.  In a perfect world you could do that and if you did you would not be trying to lose some weight.  So why set your self up to fail?? Plan on eating everything in sight once or twice a week and taylor your other days to make that happen with out guilt.  And I swear to this but when i eat all those calories my body seems to gobble them all up with out much side affect or weight gain. 

 

Just my thoughts.

I'm sorry, I still can't get over the fact that your friends' race making any difference.  I work with almost all black ladies, and believe me, they're more obsessed about eating right and their diets than the few of us white folks. 

I still think bottom line, you need to work on self control.  You're giving in to peer pressure way too much and all we can really do is sit back and say, "Learn to say no."

You could bring your own snacks. Or find healthier options when you go out. You could go to Starbucks and get a light venti mocha frappachino for only 240 calories. If you go to Dairy Queen, get a dilly bar instead of things like blizzards and sundaes. Go online and look at the places you usually get stuff from and find healthier options.