Stereotypical GUYS!! uggh!

Ok...so I dont know if I just noticed this, but all my guy friends are complete pigs. All they talk about when were out is what "chick" is hott, which girl is fat and ugly, and there conversation revolves around hott girls. a. It makes me pissed off at my friends for being so stereotypical b. it makes me think most guys are like that  c. it makes me jealous and pissed off that they dont think of me that way, and d. it makes me pissed that i want them to think of me in that way.

uggh...im just so pissed in general about my weight loss, self esteem and finding someone who is interested in me and not just my size.

A lot of guys are indeed like that, but there are plenty who aren't.  Perhaps you should call them out on it to let them know how behavior/speech like that makes you (or any girl for that matter) feel.

a.  Yes, we are pigs.

b.  Yes, most guys are like that.  Sorry.  But not all.  PLENTY of guys are interested in personality and brains before body.  And to be perfectly honest, despite what the magazines say, we don't really like the stick figure look.

c.  What makes you think they don't?  Not exactly like they're gonna open up about your physical qualities right in front of you.  More than a touch embarrasing for them, no?

d.  Doubt it helps, but guys have been on the same end of the stick as you, seeing/ hearing female friends rating guys, and it's no more pleasant knowing we don't measure up.

So yeah, guys understand frustration, and comparison, and wanting to be counted among the hot. 

Guys that care about you or are interested in you for your size or lack thereof aren't the ones you should be interested in anyways.

Hun, I literally just had a 'talk' with my partner about basecally the same thing tonight.

He owns a Modeling Agency, and is out alot taking Photos, going to events etc - someone who is recovering from a bad ED - it's not easy to hack. . at the end of the day, he comes home to 'lil old me, Lives with me, and tells me he loves me.

But - Guys who talk like your mates are not worth it. Guys who like you, just for being you - are the ones to look out for. Same goes with men wanting a woman, no-one wants to be scruitinised, down-graded, unloved. Personality is what matters - Looks fade. You could have a 'hot' ass today, and in a year, it could cover Madagascar..

Who cares? Be yourself. Love what you have, flaunt it - honeslty, guys/girls - both love the idea of someone they adore to come home to, everyone has flaws, insecurities - but someone else will also see those traits as being the thing that attracted them to you.

 

Maybe you shouldn't be hanging out with the guys so much?  Men often chat like that when it's 'all boys together' but will tone it down if there are women present. However, if the conversation about 'hot women' stays the same when you're with them it could be they see you as one of them rather than a female. 

There are a couple of English terms for girls that spend too much time out with the guys... 'geezer birds' or 'ladettes'...  usually a heavy drinker, wouldn't be seen dead in a skirt or heels, lives in sports gear, swears like a trooper... you get the picture.  Not saying that's you (!) but if anything sounds familiar maybe it's time to start developing your femininity a little more?  Trivial things like wearing make-up, prettier clothes and getting your hair fixed nicely can really boost your self-esteem and make you stand out as a real girl and not just 'one of the boys'. 

Original Post by cianderson08:

- Guys who talk like your mates are not worth it. Guys who like you, just for being you - are the ones to look out for. 

 

true. but it is also true that a) men are very much into thin, pretty girls, b) they do recognise things such as brains, but love to have the brainy and not so pretty girls as friends, and date the hotties.

took me ages to sort of come to terms with it. i was one of the girls who actually loved to spend time with guys, and never wore much make-up etc. i realised something was wrong when i started to see the same patterns repeating, namely (sorry for the long posts/rant:)

• they treat hot girls so much differently. i have often been the one who had to catch public transport to go somewhere, whereas the hot ones got taxis (paid for by thr guys of course - and the hottest ones were even picked up from their homes)
• some, the more evil ones, tend to use the "ugly friend" just to get what they want (no i do not think THAT, lol. in my case it was mostly career related, ie helping them meet some influential figures i was friends with, or get them a better job). the nicer ones do give something back, but again, they treat you so much differently
• regarding weight, i was always amazed how many men say they want a girl who is a womanly figure and always end up dating and sometimes marrying someone who has a body like 11 years old
• similar for "i like brainy and succesful ladies" versus marrying someone who is, well, less so
• oh and did i mention the taxis?:)) and drinks and such. i now make decent money - nt big, but not very bad -  so i can afford any drink i like, or taxi, or whatever, but it is so pleasant when a man does it for you. i am actually much more traditional than most people (who see me as a self sufficient clever lady who is a bit less girly than the others, so they can treat her like a man) (my friend b who used to have a similar problem called my friendships with the guys "friendships from the army" - meaning the friends really like you, are there for you when you need help, but just do not think of you *that* way and do not do the gentlemanly things they are doing to other ladies)

i do not want to sound bitter and i realise i was very naive, and am working on being perceived more the way i want to be. certainly, some men will not get it unless you act like a stupis lass )which i am not going to do) but still.))

Original Post by gi-jane:



There are a couple of English terms for girls that spend too much time out with the guys... 'geezer birds' or 'ladettes'...  usually a heavy drinker, wouldn't be seen dead in a skirt or heels, lives in sports gear, swears like a trooper... you get the picture.  Not saying that's you (!) but if anything sounds familiar maybe it's time to start developing your femininity a little more?  Trivial things like wearing make-up, prettier clothes and getting your hair fixed nicely can really boost your self-esteem and make you stand out as a real girl and not just 'one of the boys'. 

thanks gi-jane for those terms! i did not know them (ebnglish being not my language as you can probably see from my other posts), and googling them is goint to be helpful. i might learn a thing or two, heehe

also, just a thought: learning to behave more in a feminine way is actually really a pleasurable experience.

i did not do s million things like that yet, but this was great: at job2, there is a huge window. it is very wide and heavy. it is operated by a hydraulic something, but recently someone put it off the mechanism so that they could upen it all the way (it was very hor). i came for the nightshift and wanted to close it (insects flying inside) but realised it was going to be really difficult (the window is heavy and it is under the ceiling, meaning one had to step on a chair to put it back). i realised i was going to ask a male, but the only one was this grumpy guy at the reception. i went there anyway, asked him in a feminine but not coquettish way i cannot do this, and experienced the most amazing and funny thing: he actually enjoyed puttting it back, was smiling and happy when he did, and seemed more pleased than me when the window was closed(!!!). 

i know that just months ago i would stuggle to close it and only after failing forthe  1000th time would i ask someone.

now i know for regular women this seems like the normal thing to do, and his reaction a natural one, but for me it was actually something new:) 

wow! I shouldnt have gone to bed so early last night...I didnt realize I would get so many posts. Well, I actually do wear make-up and have blonde hair and am pretty feminine. I just feel like I got different attention from the same people 2 years ago when I was 30 pounds lighter. Now my other friend who acts the same way I do, gets alll the attention. It used to be equal, but not its soo one sided its ridiculous and sooo depressing!!

   Well right now u are having doubts about yourself and that will affect more than the weight.

When i was at my highest weight (250 lbs) i pretty mush wanted to be invisible.  I didnt go out as mush, my friends get all the girls and to be honest, i didnt even tried.  In the other hand, every day i saw guys as obese/overweight as i was and they were doing fine, married, or having hot g/fs, mostly because they didnt care and felt good about themselves.

So dont compare yourself with your friend.   Worried about yourself and what you can do  to gain your confidence back..  Looks is only a % of the equation.  If losing that extra pounds will make you feel better, then go for it but for the right reasons (health, confidence), not to gain more attention than your friend.

 

PD.  Yes we are Pig

Original Post by wisedrunker:

   Well right now u are having doubts about yourself and that will affect more than the weight.

When i was at my highest weight (250 lbs) i pretty mush wanted to be invisible.  I didnt go out as mush, my friends get all the girls and to be honest, i didnt even tried.  In the other hand, every day i saw guys as obese/overweight as i was and they were doing fine, married, or having hot g/fs, mostly because they didnt care and felt good about themselves.

So dont compare yourself with your friend.   Worried about yourself and what you can do  to gain your confidence back..  Looks is only a % of the equation.  If losing that extra pounds will make you feel better, then go for it but for the right reasons (health, confidence), not to gain more attention than your friend.

 

PD.  Yes we are Pig

 Thanks! I feel like Im the same way you were. I dont go out as much because Im embarassed of myself and when I do go out Im not that confident.

p.s. congrats on your weight loss! Those pictures are incredible!! How did you lose so much after only 5 weeks??

It may be that some of the guys aren't really like that all the time; it's just that when they're in a group, they're expected to act that way. I've noticed this with my husband. He really is completely unfocused on how any female looks and rarely comments on anyone's appearance until he's around a group of fellow Marines, and then that's when I hear the "Yeah, she's hot," or anything along those lines from him. However, whenever he says  things like, "Yeah, I'd hit that" it's typically when he's joking and the imagine isn't an attractive one at all.

It used to bother me, but I also realize that he has some self-confidence and self-esteem issues, so he does these things when around other Marines because he feels like this is how he's supposed to act--I've tried to remind him that he doesn't have to, but it's kind of ingrained in him, after spending a couple of years surrounded by Marines. =/ When we're at home, though, or he's around people he can relax with, those comments are very rarely spoken. It's rather weird.

One last post in this topic..

I am not sure if this will be of ANY help, but here goes -

I have spent 3 years hiding, crying, starving, scans, heart monitors, xrays, blood tests - name it -I've had it.

I woke up this morning, looked at a few pics of my elder sister (also my best friend, even if she is 8 years older - she's 30 this year) she just ran a marathon, is healthy, happy, in a totally loving relationship, has no self doubts apart from when it comes to her work, as she writes for a living and is also a journalist for a UK Vegetarian Mag. Anyway, I looked at her, thought 'christ, she's clearly elated, gorgeous, healthy - and I envied her, I really did.

 

If guys like the 'skinny' women as stated after my last post, where on earth would we be? The average UK dress size is 14. If my boyfriend were to say 'lose weight' at this moment, I'd laugh. No chance, no way, no how. I shall tone up after gaining back, but no way in buggery shall I be thin again to please anyone.

Why not try saying, politely, that you are actually present there? Jokingly, and see what your reply is. If they laugh it off and say 'ha, it's you, though!' - do not take it personally that it has anything to do with how you appear, take it as a compliment that people can be so relaxed around you that they need not hide anything.

If guys can be that relaxed with you, just think how relaxed your partner would be! It would appear to me, that you have the qualities that would make a relationship last.

:)

sorry for the length!

OP, sounds like you could use a better class of friends.

Original Post by gi-jane:

Maybe you shouldn't be hanging out with the guys so much? Men often chat like that when it's 'all boys together' but will tone it down if there are women present. However, if the conversation about 'hot women' stays the same when you're with them it could be they see you as one of them rather than a female.

There are a couple of English terms for girls that spend too much time out with the guys... 'geezer birds' or 'ladettes'... usually a heavy drinker, wouldn't be seen dead in a skirt or heels, lives in sports gear, swears like a trooper... you get the picture. Not saying that's you (!) but if anything sounds familiar maybe it's time to start developing your femininity a little more? Trivial things like wearing make-up, prettier clothes and getting your hair fixed nicely can really boost your self-esteem and make you stand out as a real girl and not just 'one of the boys'.

 

Just as a side note - I've pretty much always been more "one of the boys" than one of the girls in terms of the way I act, dress, and talk, and I have never had a problem getting either respect or dates. Yeah, dressing in prettier clothes and fixing your hair & makeup may make some people feel better and stand out, but I don't think it's the only way to go by any means. Honestly? Some guys will give you less respect in a skirt, even if they give you more attention - it really depends on who you hang out with, and what kind of attention you're looking for.

At the end of the day, all that really matters is that you feel comfortable, attractive, true to yourself and confident, so dress & act however makes you feel that way; you know best. But hopefully, you're surrounding yourself with guy friends who think you're awesome as a person no matter what you're wearing, and if you choose to make their jaws drop one of these days by dressing up, then hey, good for you. It's definitely fun to surprise people sometimes.

Original Post by cianderson08:

[snip]

Why not try saying, politely, that you are actually present there? Jokingly, and see what your reply is. If they laugh it off and say 'ha, it's you, though!' - do not take it personally that it has anything to do with how you appear, take it as a compliment that people can be so relaxed around you that they need not hide anything.

If guys can be that relaxed with you, just think how relaxed your partner would be! It would appear to me, that you have the qualities that would make a relationship last.

:)

sorry for the length!

That's a great way to put it :) I'm not sure how old you are, mgriep, but judging by my guy friends, I think most men go through a stage with their friends where they all do that, and sometimes it's almost like a contest to see who can act the most shallow - even some of the best guys in the world (or at least the best ones I know) do it, though others never grow out of it. So, assuming your friends are generally good guys except for this, it really is great that they're that relaxed around you, and they should respect you if you speak up.. Sometimes, when they go too far with trying to be shallow, a well-placed word from a girl they know & like has gone far towards bringing them back to reality. Things like, "Are you kidding me? I know that chick, she's awesome!" "Dude, that one's definitely not fat - I'd kill for those curves. You telling me you want a stick-figure?", etc., have put my guy friends to shame a little and made them remember that they think "real" girls are hot too.

Plus, that combination of making people feel comfortable around you, but also being able to speak up when YOU'RE not comfortable - cianderson is right, those are qualities that can help make relationships last.

Haha, now I'm sorry for the length. I've been dealing with hearing my guy friends say this kinda thing for years, so the subject is just close to home, I guess.

*edit* Armandleg's example is great. I really do feel like it's some deeply ingrained male bonding thing, not necessarily an accurate portrayal of how some guys feel, and the more shallow you act the more masculine your friends think you are (a few of my male friends have said this, too). Can any guys comment on this?

I wasn't going to reply to this post, but then I came back.  After reading st_rider's post, I thought, hmm...curt, kinda "in your face" and then I said, you know, he is actually right on all accounts.  But read into what is there:

• guys can be pigs and many are - weed them out fast or you WILL be disappointed (and unfortunately, suffer from self-esteem issues as they constantly tell you that you don't measure up)
• we don't all like skinny frames that have no shape - my wife runs marathons and she is not perfect, but I think she is a hottie...now, her legs are bigger (muscle, not fat) than her upper body and with a low body fat percent, she isn't large up top - so based on the sterotype, she wouldn't necessarily turn any heads, but she does; there isn't a one size fits all that men like, although that may be what you think;  and there are others who do look at the person and not just the outside...I certainly married up - I am not the looker in this couple-but I'm ok with that- especially since my kids got her genes-LOL!
• we are subject to the same "standards" or ridicule as you are, so it sucks, but it goes both ways; you can let it get to you or you can let it fly off; that choice is yours

You know, looking at your pic, I don't understand the problem...the problem may be your friends, because it isn't you.  I hate sounding cliche, but you need to be comfortable with yourself and forget what you "think" others may think.  I often see posts of people with similar thoughts and when I look at them, what they have accomplished so far (in their journals or on their weight-loss journey), I am amazed at how many look 100 times better/healthier and yet they still are not happy.  I would hope that you take a good hard look at yourself and see how much you have to be proud of - don't let others' actions impact how you see yourself...we all have opinions and they are just that...and worth only that. 

I wish you all best and keep a smile on your face...there is no reason not to!

I have never put up with that from men. I grew up with 5 brothers and I was born a ball-buster. What upsets me the most is when overweight guys start talking about 'some fat chick' that they've just seen.

well first week 5 weeks i lost like 23 pounds.  That "Before Pic" it was actually like 2 months before i started the diet.   So maybe i lost some more between that pic and when i started but who knows :D..

Of course i had more weight too lose so i really was losing it fast..  Right now im on week 14 and losing about 2 pounds per week..  i started on Feb 13 (one day before valentines had nothing to do with it i swear!!) and to June 2 i had lost around 52 pounds.  but on the last month i had lost like only 10.

Anyway, all is really different now..  I wanna go out more often so people can see me and see their reactions..  I feel like people seem to be nicer to me. 

Maybe is because i lose weight.  Or maybe is cause im more happy with myself and more sure about myself so im smiling more and be nicer to people myself.  Ill think is the second one...

So forget about ur friend.. It is all in you..  do something about it!..  step by step and having fun along the way.   Every week i check my closet and try pretty mush all i see in there..  I even found my high school polo and tried it and it fits better now than when I was in HS :D...  Look for healthy and fun recipes you can make (like i eat a homemade mexican pizza for dinner like 1 or 2 per week!).   And if you ever break ur diet and eat something u should, leave it behind quick, dont feel bad about it, and come back strong and have  a nice healthy meal next time.

 

PD..  My English sucks i know, its not my first language but i try :D

Original Post by wisedrunker:

 I feel like people seem to be nicer to me.

 

 

same for me. and i no not thing i am a different person after a few months dieting

Original Post by st_rider:

a. Yes, we are pigs.

b. Yes, most guys are like that. Sorry. But not all. PLENTY of guys are interested in personality and brains before body. And to be perfectly honest, despite what the magazines say, we don't really like the stick figure look.

c. What makes you think they don't? Not exactly like they're gonna open up about your physical qualities right in front of you. More than a touch embarrasing for them, no?

d. Doubt it helps, but guys have been on the same end of the stick as you, seeing/ hearing female friends rating guys, and it's no more pleasant knowing we don't measure up.

So yeah, guys understand frustration, and comparison, and wanting to be counted among the hot.

Guys that care about you or are interested in you for your size or lack thereof aren't the ones you should be interested in anyways.

Keep in mind that a lot of guys ACT like that in front of other guys to keep up macho appearances but are very different when they are with their girlfriend or female friends.  It's generally harmless, unless the remarks are aimed at someone who's hurt by them.  If the guy in question says "hey, that's not cool" at such a time, he's probably a decent guy.