I've been looking around the forums here for a few days, so I decided it was about time I join and ask for advice on my problem.
I am having a problem with a clingy friend. She used to work with me and moved away when she got married and became a SAHM. We would email occasionally, talk on the phone maybe once a month. Then I got engaged a few months ago. She became super excited at the news and decided that she would be my long distance wedding coordinator. At first i didn't mind, but now she is getting bothersome. She will email me while I am at work (I can't check email at work), but I will get the text that asks why I didn't reply to her email. After a few times, i got really annoyed with explaining to her that I can't check my email at work so i started ignoring the texts. Then she added a call into the mix, so she emails then texts then calls (which results in a voice mail). I've emailed her several times that I am busy with work and that I don't have time to communicate with her on that level but she continues. So, I started ignoring her emails, texts, and calls. I realize she means well, but I can't talk to her as often as she wants. I was running errands after work today and in that time period she emailed, texted, called my home and called my cell (all asking if I got the previous message). Why doesn't she get a clue? I would give up after a few tries. My fiance wants me to write a short email that simply says, "Leave me alone." Part of me wants to tell her that but part of me feels it would be harsh if I tell her to bug off simply because she wants to know where I decided to register. Then again, if I simply reply she will find something else to bug me about. I think she is more interested in getting my reply than anything else. I guess i should mention that I haven't replied to any form of communication in 3 weeks.
Maybe she is really lonely or is really just in need of a good friend! Sounds like in 3 weeks she might've jumped to the conclusion that she did something wrong. I would call her or e-mail her to let her know that you didn't drop off the face of the Earth. Tell her that she needs to stop calling, e-mailing, texting you while you are at work but that she can call between.. .say 5pm - 7pm. I'm sure if you say something less harsh such as "While I enjoy hearing from you and chatting, I am not allowed to use my cell or e-mail at work..." or "I like hearing from you, but could you wait until after 5pm to call?" or even "Hey, I know you've been e-mailing me, I promise to check my e-mail after work". If she doesn't get it I would push a little harder, and if she is still being a nut about it I would tell her quite bluntly she needs to back off or you will be forced to block her e-mail/phone. Anyhow hope that helps at least a little - I have had friends like this as well! Good luck with your wedding!
Thanks for the reply! And thanks for the well wishes on the wedding! I am glad to know I am not the only person who has had a friend like this. When I spoke about it at work, my coworkers made me feel like I was the weirdo for having a friend who did this.
Somehow I forgot to mention the wackiest part of this story. She went and got a different cell phone and started calling me from that. I can only guess that she thought she would fool me with the different number. All I know is that when I didn't answer the multiple calls from that number, she finally left a message. Psycho!!!! I swear I am not making this up!!!
The last time I spoke with her I told her that I was too busy to talk to her during the week and that I would speak to her on the weekend. She still persists. I guess I am to the part where I need to tell her to back off. I figured that after 3 weeks she would take a hint.
Aww-I feel bad for your friend. Like keys said, she's probably very lonely. I'm wondering whether everything is going well for her.
I definitely wouldn't use the "Leave me alone" through email. If she is lonely and in need of a friend, that would crush her.
Why does she keep calling? Is she making an attempt to perform her duties as a wedding coordinator? A wedding is an extremely difficult event to coordinate, especially if there are 100+ guests. If she is calling you about trying to coordinate your wedding and wants answers from you, then I would simply CALL her and tell her those times you'll be conveniently available. Maybe you can set up a time each day. If she's just calling to chat about other things, then I would lay it on the line and tell her your job is in danger if she continues to bother you at work.....
Perhaps having a long distance coordinator is a bad idea in this case. Think it over. Explain your reasons gently if that's the case.
Who knows, someday you might be looking for a good friend and you're in the same position.
Hope everything works out well and that you have a beautiful wedding! Congratulations!
At first I didn't mind the tips, but then she tried to dictate what I should do. She got upset multiple times when I went with the professional coordinators recommendation over hers. After the invitations were printed, she decided that the wedding date didn't work for her and she asked me to change it to accommodate her. That is when the obsessive attempts to contact me started. I told her that changing the date was an unreasonable request at this point. She got even pushier, asking if I really had to plan my wedding around my pregnant sister's due date. That is when I stopped talking to her. Just yesterday she sent me an email saying she figured out where I am registered and that she thought she had told me "not to register for those dishes." She then told me that she bought me a gift that she had told me to register for even though it wasn't on the list. She ended the email reminding me that she would love to be there, but apparently my sister is more important! Even if she is lonely, I think her behavior is weird.
This sounds exactly like an ex-friend of mine. She's an EX-friend for that reason. Call it harsh, but I would cut her out of my life.
lonely is one thing. an emotional drain and life sucker is another thing. She's lonely due to herself.
Cut her.
Post #4 makes me think of Single White Female.
Not quite the same, but a similar brand of crazy.
Snip snip. time to cut her out of your life.
block her email and her phone number. She is borderline harrassing you. Save the emails. if it continues after you;ve blocked her ie calling your fiance or family or stopping by the house, making a different email account JUST to email you constantly, making snotty remarks then GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.
Original Post by tblover900:
Snip snip. time to cut her out of your life.
block her email and her phone number. She is borderline harrassing you. Save the emails. if it continues after you;ve blocked her ie calling your fiance or family or stopping by the house, making a different email account JUST to email you constantly, making snotty remarks then GET A RESTRAINING ORDER.
I agree. Block her number and emails. She has gone waaay beyond being a reasonable person into the scary stalker area. Tell her upfront, in plain, simple terms, how you feel. Use words like I feel that you are..... Don't blame or accuse, just let her know that you feel like shes gone too far. If she continues, report her to the authorities. Hope you have a nice wedding!
Thanks for the advice so far.
So she has added even more to my dilemma. Her gift arrived in the mail today. 
She must have overnighted it. I checked out the company's website and she must have spent over $200 once overnight shipping was added in.
I was talking about it at work and I am torn over the advice I got. Two of the people in my office were insistent that I send the gift back with a nasty note. The other half said I should just send a thank you.
I feel that sending the gift back would be ruder than anything she has done, especially if accompanied by a nasty note. Then again, I feel that sending a thank you (which I realize I must do) would just egg her on. Why can't she just take a hint? I feel like she is trying to manipulate me.
What are the thoughts out there?
Don't send a nasty note. You don't have to be cruel, just consistent.
I vote send her a thankyou note, but say that you still need to take a break from her friendship - perhaps be specific that she has been very intrusive, overbearing, organising when it is your wedding, not hers. You might add that seeing as you will not be continuing with the friendship at this time (hint: ever!) that you would be happy to return the gift if she requests it.
As an aside - I don't mean to be rude, but next time paragraphs in your original post would have really helped.
She sounds very controlling to me. Perhaps the gift was an attempt to get you to reply. I would send a thank you in the postal mail. It shows good manners yet doesn't encourage her obsessive need to hear from you.
I'd write something like this:
Dear Jane,
Thank you so much for the crock pot you sent me. It is quite nice and I'm sure it will come in handy in the future. I'm sorry you won't be able to make it to the wedding. Perhaps we can talk when I get back from the honeymoon?
Have a wonderful rest of the summer.
Love,
Muffin
edit: But if you want to see what people wish they could write to their guests, click here.
Amethystgirl- My fiance and I had a good laugh over some of those wishful letters. It was hilarious.
When i got home from work, I spoke with my best friend and she was totally on the send it back kick, too. I truthfully think that is easier said than done.
I am glad to hear more people in line with the thank you. I was thinking what Merylwhite was thinking, sending the gift back would be cruel.
Plus, under the assumption that she's crazy - I'd rather her be just crazy, not crazy AND angry.
Send a thank you. No strings should be attached to her gift. Maybe she thinks there are as in you will be in her debt. Don't mention how costly it must have been, that would just give her more ammo. Keep it short and sweet. Tell her you have completed all the wedding plans and thank her for her ideas. Tell her you will stay in touch when your schedule allows.
Misskady, I was thinking that perhaps she thought there were strings attached with the gift as well.
Somehow we missed the note that came with the gift. My fiance found it in the bottom of the box when he took it out to recycling. It said, "Wish I could be there. Guess you will party without me." Arrrrgh! Even if she hadn't done all those other weird things, the constant reminder that we couldn't change the date for her is enough of an annoyance for me!
