When do you stop feeling like you look/are overweight?

I'm female, 5'8" and around 156lb (it fluctuates, goal weight is still a stone away but I'm stuck on a plateau). I've lost ~40lb in the last year and 3/4, so you'd think that I'd be feeling quite confident about my shape and size. Unfortunately, I still look in the mirror and feel like quite the heifer. From the belly down, I don't see any sort of difference and I'm beginning to wonder if there's even a point to sticking with trying to lose more!

It doesn't help that all the females I'm friends with are teeny tiny, but that's not really the issue. Looking in the mirror is sometimes a confidence boost but then out of nowhere there's a crash back down to earth and I see the bad parts, the flab and the creases, then the depression rolls right back in.

I know there're hundreds of people on here that've lost immense amounts of weight, so I come to you with a question. At what point did you stop thinking of yourself as fat? Did you feel like a fraud? Like you're dressing up in clothes that you don't belong in because they're for the good looking people, the skinny ones, the ones that have earned the right to wear them? When does that end? Does it ever? I can't ask my family because they'll all say that I look great, and I'm worrying over nothing, but they said that when I was bigger too. How can I trust them if they already lied? (I don't blame them for doing so, sometimes it's kinder to lie than to be truthful and hurt someone)

Congratulations on the weight loss - way to go!

I do a comparison, actually.  I go to the mall, or somewhere public, and find women that I think have about the same build as me, and then I try to compare the "real" me to them, and find I am smaller.  Silly, maybe, but it does help - I think I add about 15-20 pounds to myself when I feel "fat".

The other thing that helps is to think of all the things you can do now that you've lost weight when you start feeling "fat".  Go out and do something you couldn't do before you lost the weight. 

And don't look too long in the mirror - you aren't seeing the real you.

Confidence comes from within, and ideally from real achievement.  You have really achieved somthing that you should feel proud of, just give yourself time to accept that, and you will start to really believe it.  Positive self talk can also help -- Put on your best clothes and tell yourself "I sure do look great, don't I".  Go window shopping for good clothes and be surprised at the size and how flattering they are.  (Buy them if you can afford them.)

I find that for me, body image lags reality.  So, when I have successfully lost weight, I still feel "fat" until some time passes and I get used to the new me.  When I am slowly gaining weight, I still feel "not fat" until something forces me to come to grips with what I really look like (like a video or candid pictures or an un-prepared sight of myself in the mirror).  Unfortunately, I can live in a state of denial for a really long time by avoiding cameras and mirrors!

Before and after photos might help you to realize that you are "not fat" now.  Put some side by side and see if it helps.

Take a break from actively losing weight (you say you still want to lose 14 pounds) and live with your current weight for awhile until you feel more confident and this becomes your "reality".  You may decide you don't want to lose more weight, but if you decide to continue you will be refreshed.

Believe your family.  In my experience, as much as they love you, they say "kind" things when you are overweight, and "You look great!" when you are not.

I know what you mean. I think you will find that once you get 150 and below you will notice a difference.

Oh I know how you feel.  I have lost 32 lbs so far.  I know I look better but compared to how I looked before I gained weight I look worse. 

But you know what?  Even if we are not stellar beauties - or even if we are, we are so much better off now.  Our health has improved and our health risks are much less.  

I wish I could go back to the time before I gained weight.  But then I did not know what i do now about my body.  Even though I was thin and active I was always at risk for poor health simply because I did not know how to care for myself.  I would have been one of those people with some chronic disease who only looked OK.  But now I know how to keep myself healthy for life.  thats a good thing right?

The feelings may never go away completely. I'm 6'1", 142lbs and I still very often can't stand looking in the mirror. However that's not a reason to stop. You feel better now than you did 2 years ago and that will only improve when you reach your goal.

Unfortunately in life we usually can't escape our problems completely but we sure can work to reduce the impact they have on us and the more we do this the happier we become. And what could be more important than being as happy as possible?

Here are a few things I do to help reduce negative feelings and keep things in perspective, maybe they will help you too:

1. Think back to how often you felt good about yourself 2 years ago and compare it to how often you feel good about yourself today. It's definitely a difference isn't it? With more work it'll get even better!
2. Discover when you feel the best about yourself and when you feel the worst, then use that knowledge to your advantage. Eg. I usually feel bad during the day when I don't go for a jog in the morning and I like looking in the mirror after doing weights and having a shower. So when I know I need a good day I make sure I go for a jog and I try not to look in the mirror except after doing weights, and then I make sure to relish it, make some poses and such ;)
3. Compare before and after measurements and photos. Weight isn't the only difference and sometimes seeing the changes is a helpful reminder of how far you've come. When I started measuring and found I lost 1.5cm from my waistline I was excited and looking at old photos is a good reminder of the improvements I've made and what I don't want to go back to.

By losing 40lbs you've achieved more in weight loss than most people ever will, that's bloody excellent! My workplace is full of people complaining about their weight who never do anything about it and probably never will. You've already got my respect for your achievement and unlike so many other people it looks like you'll achieve your goal and be much stronger and happier for it.

Well done and keep kicking arse! Imagine the future you'd like and fight tooth and nails for it, you deserve it!

I know that when I weight 150 I thought I was super fat. But then I started gaining weight real fast ( like 40 pounds in 6 months) I feel much worse, I dont even want to leave the house sometimes. But sometimes I set aside a shirt I cant fit in and try and make it my goal to fit into it. So good luck.

at 135 i definitely feel not overweight

but i do feel chubby

i think my ideal weight would be somewhere between 115-120

and i'm around 5'2-5'4

Maybe the problem is that we're comparing ourselves to what we see in magazines and tv.  Those bodies are air-brushed to perfection, while we look in the mirror and see normal bodies with normal skin.  One way to measure is the size of your clothing.  Have you gone down a size or two?  Instead of saying "I'm this much weight", you should say "I'm now a size 6 or 8 or whatever".

And I've been here before, but why do you think your family is lying?  They aren't and you are not being fair to them.  At your height and weight you probably do look great, especially if you've become healthier.

I'm starting to get there, though not quite. I don't think I'll fully feel that way until I'm totally and obviously lean.  I think it's best just to focus on going towards your goals and realize that you've made a lot of progress and are a lot better off now, even though I understand it can be hard to do.

princess-adora, i'm your height, and started at 168.  i started to feel pretty good around 145.  140 was better; at that weight, i felt slim.  now at 132, i almost feel skinny.  don't give up; you'll get to a comfortable place. 

and don't worry about what other people say (or what they look like).  it's your body; you live in it.  yours is the only opinion that matters.

Thanks guys. As I expected, the holiday weight normalised and I'm back to where I was stuck a couple of weeks before I left (~157), so I've 17lb to drop. However, I also have the motivation to drop them and after reading your stories I think I'll keep plugging away til I get there.

pgeorgian - I'm pinning my hopes on your story, if I don't feel good at 145 then I'm blaming you! :p