my story, can you relate? (plz)

I really need to share this with SOMEONE because its been driving me mad and im under the impression i have no idea what im doing. ok so, let me start by informing you that im 13 years old. I had been fat (excuse me for using the 'f' word) practically my whole life, and im still young so its not an eternity. I cant blmae myself because when your a kid you do what makes you happy not what will make people think better of you. So eating was my thing i guess. And so, your parents should evidently step in to guide you in the rihgt direction, thats what there for. But mine let me eat whever i wanted, however much i wanted, and now im left to undo the damage. I remeber being concerned with my weight around oh say, 4th grade? maybe ealier. And i was left to try to diet on my own. that was hard for me, for any 11 year old i imagine. and because it was hard, id just say "forget it, screw the world" and eat because it made me happy. When i was in 6ht grade, i hated it. and thats when i got serious. all through 7th grade i was on strict diet, and by the begging of 8th i was hardly eating and over-doing the exercise. im afraid ill always think of myself as fat. and ive tried the BMI charts, they say im underwight. but most people know that 13 year old peers dont go by the BMI chart. i dont know if i need to loose weight, and if not, maintaine it? hard much? oh and dont even get me started on the binging! on top of that, im still with my parents, obviously, and so i cant always control what i eat. theyre always making me food and having friday night pizza nights and all that bad stuff. it makes me so frustrated. i think ive reached my breaking point, and i need to choose a direction to go in. basically, what should i do??

honey, how tall are you and how much do you weigh?  your note concerns me greatly!!! 

When I was your age (i'm now 39), I lost my "baby fat".  I had not paid attn to my being "chunky" before, it wasn't until after that everyone was "proud" of me (esp my mother)for losing the weight, and how did I do it?  (I did nothing, it was just God letting me grow up) but that's when the fixation on being thin began.  I thought i was huge at 103 pounds and being 5 foot 1.  I had to be under 100 pounds or I was a failure. 

That was the beginning of a very horrible cycle that I still fight today.  But now, I am 5 foot 1 1/2 and over 100 pounds to lose.

Please seek help.  YOU are worth it.  Stay in here and chat if you need to.

I know ill probably be ok when im older, but i want to know if people my age think of me as overweight. as i said, ive been fat before and how can u know when youve reached a good weight? and do u just stop dieting? i mean, its confusing..

btw, im about 5' 2" 1/2 and 103-105lbs.

I think you are a great weight.  Take care of yourself.  Listen to your doctor, not to people your own age.  Good luck

Can you talk to your parents about it... I know I shouldve talked to my parents about it when I was younger, but I guess it was always so hard, even simple things. I can only remember talking to my mom about 3 personal things in my entire life (well, before I moved out) and only 1 with my father. and Ill be honest.. diet didnt even come close to making the list. But it should have.

Youre probably not overweight.. but I dont know much about you. If the BMI charts say youre underweight, you probably are.

Im sorry if your actually overweight and this post tells you nothing that is helpful to you.. but by your post Im thinking your a healthy girl who is a victim of society's harsh views.

when I was 12 I went on a crash diet... one small meal a day, or none at all. ok, I was anorexic. Ill admit it. and I lost a bit. 20 lbs, maybe? things is, looking back I was fine before I started dieting. Maybe coulve used a little toning here and there.. but a good healthy/attractive weight (BMI of about 22). well.. now Im overweight cause I screwed up my metabolism and its pretty hard trying to get to a healthy weight.. especially with the knawing urge to stop eating all-together... because its gives you quick (but temporary and damaging) results.

Talk to a doctor. They will know what to say. Try toning instead of losing. Talk to your parents about not wanting to eat junk. read up on whats healthy, and why your body needs to be a certain weight, how much food you should eat, and why. Keep in mind that being as tiny as many 13 yr olds think is perfect can seriously screw you up for the rest of your life. Think ahead! Does being tiny now really feel worth being sick for the rest of your life... or even shortening it?

Good luck.. I hope everything works out for you!

ok.. you posted as i was typing.. yes, dont lose anymore. you can maintain by just eating a good dieting.. or if y ou count calories eating the same amount you burn each day (this site can calculate for you)

thanks you guys. but im still afraid that if i dont diet, ill just get..big again. and i mean, i binge. and about the toning, im working on it. at the gym and stuff. i feel like im either losing weight, or im gaining it. i need to find my happy medium. haha.

I think a lot of us are here today because we didn't see ourselves clearly as teenagers.  I always thought I was 'chubby' - and in pictures of when I was 11-12, I was a little bit, but not as much as I saw in my head.  Now I look back on pictures of myself between 13-20 and I looked GREAT!  Without dieting, my body naturally lost the baby fat - I had a slim waist, nice definition in my collar bones and neck and a really cute figure.  But if you had asked me then, I was fat.  Now this is 15-20 years ago and I don't think the pressure to be thin or look a certain way was nearly as intense as it is now.

 I have a 5-year old daughter who I think is absolutely perfect - but I worry about how she will see herself when she grows up.  Not because there's actually anything wrong with her, but because she'll compare herself to her friends, to people on TV and in music. 

There's a lot of good advice here - please listen to it.  I don't think there's anything wrong with learning how to maintain where you are, build some exercise into your life and learning what foods are healthy.  I wish I had access to all the information you have now when I was your age!  From what you've told us, you are beautiful!

Juicebox... I'm 33 now, and looking back to 13 I remember several girls in my class that never ate... never ever ate.  None of them grew to be very tall.  They had a lot of light-headedness in school, had headaches, were crabby etc.  They were all great friends, not of mine but of eachother.  I remember pittying them for starving themselves and the damage it was doing to their health.  It won't even hurt you to be 110 or 115, especially because you may not be done growing.  It would be a shame to stunt your growth because of poor nutrition.  You can do it!  Be a leader!  :)  Kelly

 i agree with shrah i too was like you   don't diet any more!!!  you'll mess up your matab. i had trouble getting preg because of it.  just work out smartly and eat healty  and on fridays see if your rent will let you get a salad with grilled chicken on it most pizza places have it on the menu,  if not have your mom keep the bag kinda lettuce in the house and make your self a huge salad and have a half a slice so you get some protein.  if your feeling like you need to vent at any time you can e mail me  Niccole.abel@yahoo.com  vent all you want my neice is 15 and very skinny and says she is fat well no she says thunder thights.  so i now take walks with her what she really needs most of the time is to talk about her feeling then she wont eat the cake or stop eating depending on the day....   please dont try to lose anymore   also you could see if your parents health insure covers a nutrinest and see one.  i have a copay for mine thou. keep away from the mean kids (i know that hard at school but remember they are mean because they have their own problems. remember we are all here to help you. at any time

Same story here.  I'm 42 now but when I was a kid I remember thinking I was "fatter than the other girls" from a very early age.  Looking back at photos, etc., the truth was that I was slightly taller and bigger.  I grew earlier than the other girls.  I was my adult height in the 6th grade. 

What I ended up doing backfired.  I started skipping lunches and was alwasy starving by the time I'd get home in the afternoon.  This typically ended in some kind of binge eating which added insult to injury. 

Hindsight is 20/20 but had I handled it differently, I think I'd have an easier time of it as an adult.  Had I just eaten normal meals at normal times, focusing on healthy foods, no fried or junk (pre-packaged foods), I'd likely have been just fine and prevented the position I've been in since.  Eat when you're hungry and not when you're aren't. 

I say, forget about "dieting" and just eat normally. Don't skip meals, this backfires!   Don't watch t.v.  Go do something... Sports, hanging out with friends, bike riding, even reading, whatever.

Make your life fun, find things that inspire you and live your life.  Obsessing about food and body robs you of joy. 

I can relate too.  I was a few, maybe 15 or 20 lbs overweight untill I was about 14.  I did the wrong thing.  I crash dieted for about a week and lost 20lbs.  I messed up my metabolism, and with anything I ate after that I would gain weight.  I'm 25 now and I think it's  finally regulated again (with a lot of work).  Please, please talk to your doctor.  Let them know your concerns.  Talk to your good friends for support.  Girls need the support of their close friends, they need to feel accepted.  I also think you sound like a perfect weight.  Take care of your body ~ you only get one!

~Andypandy:  I tried to leave a not in your journal but found you don't have one, My name is Andrea too and for as long as I can remember, people (especially my dad) have called me andypandy!!!  Too funny!

My advice to you is to not loose any more weight...  You are at a fine weight for your age.  Too much weight loss can also effect your health.  You need so many calories a day so your body can operate normally which is including breathing, etc....  If you have more questions about your weight,  talk to your doctor or your school nurse.  I am sure they would be more than happy to talk to you about what you should do.  I calculated your Body Mass Index and you are at a healthy weight.

Good luck and feel free to ask more questions!

You are underweight.  Please have your parents make an appointment with your pediatrician to discuss appropriate diet for you.

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juicebox, I have a 13-year-old son. I know from his experience that kids in school will tease other kids about being overweight (and all kinds of other stuff) even when it isn't true. It started for him in 5th grade; he was 10 years old! Yes, he weighed more than the other kids, but he was also not only the tallest kid in the class, but significantly taller than most. (His parents are giants. :-) ) He was not fat; he was at the upper range of a healthful BMI, but still in the healthful range.

He became very self-conscious about his body. He would not wear shorts nor short-sleeved shirts. Imagine going to school in July (he was in an 11-month school) wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt when it's 90 degrees out!

He saw himself as "fat" even when he wasn't, because his classmates told him he was! These kids didn't know better; certainly his doctor knows better than his classmates do!!

Your peers may not, and probably don't, think that you are fat. When the teasing starts, it doesn't matter whether something is true or not! Or whether something is even "wrong"; the kids at school could have decided to tease him about having green eyes! Sheesh!

So... you think of yourself as fat... but you are not. Do NOT let others decide for you! If you are within the healthful BMI range, you have science on your side. Who knows better, a bunch of your classmates, or adults who have made it their lifes' work to study the human body? Actual medical doctors who have their patients' lives in their hands?

Eat good foods and enough of them. Your parents may not have talked about dieting with you because they knew you were not overweight, or knew that you would become slimmer as you grew. (It is very very common to grow into a weight, to have one's height catch up with one's weight when a pre-teen/teenager.) The next time you see your doctor, ask your doctor for nutrition advice. And let your body have the fuel it needs for you to grow into the beautiful, strong, healthy adult you can become.

Juicebox, you said you feel like you are always losing or gaining.... Remember that in order to grow taller, which I am sure you are still going to do for at least a few years, you have to gain sometimes.  You don't want to prevent that by not eating enough!

Learn about nutrition, and try to eat lots of vegetables.  From when I was a teenager, and watching my stepkids who are now in their late teens and all their friends, teenagers do not eat enough vegetables, eat too much sugar, and most girls don't get enough protein.  I know its not the easiest thing (not like they offer carrot sticks at the movies!), but when you do have the choice, go for things like salads, or veggies, chicken salad. 

I am no expert, but I have a feeling if you learn about nutrition and healthy eating habits now, you will have a lot easier time with your weight as you grow up than many of us grownups!  Basically, its all about balance.

Have you tried talking to your parents? I am sure if you figured out the healthy stuff you like, and tell them that you want to have more of those foods around they will be supportive, even if they don't necessarily want to eat those things

The other posters here are so right -- you do NOT need to lose weight.  All you need to do is make healthy choices -- eat the right amounts of good foods, and your body will keep growing and shaping itself to the right size and weight for you.

It's hard when you don't get to make the food choices in the house -- but it doesn' have to be all bad.  Pizza is not evil and terrible.  It just needs to be eaten in moderate amounts.  When your parents order pizza, ask them to order you a salad as well (may pizza places have them) or ask them to buy salad ingredients with the regular food shopping.  Eat that with a slice or two of pizza, and you've got a fairly healthy meal. You can do the same with just about any meal.  Eat what your parents are eating, but add salads, and adjust your portions.  Dad may have a slab of meatloaf and a mound of mashed potatoes and gravy.  You can have a nice salad, a reasonable portion of meatloaf, and a small amount of potatoes.  If your mom doesn't serve much in the way of vegetables, ask her to make some for you.  Or better yet, help out in the kitchen and make your own.  It's a great way to spend time with your mom and you can have a little more control over what gets made and how.

Your peers have the same insecurities that you do -- it's one of the toughest parts of being a teenager.  Try to remember that those feelings are what cause teens to judge and criticize each other.  Don't let that run your life.  Make your own decisions and know that you are worth taking care of -- and you are smart enough to know what's really good for you, and not fall for what other people may say. 

Good luck!

thank you guys so much! :)

i just wanna throw this out there..but i do know a lot about nutrition! haha, i eat healthy all the time and i tell my paretns not to buy unhealthy food or snacks and i always eat healthy dinners. its just, sumtimes it feels like im being deprived of being a kid. u know, eting whatever i want whenever i want..candy cookies cake pizza etc. aand  ifeel like its all because of me being fat before. oh well, i guess the past is the past. and now i just have to change some stuff. but thank you. youve all been a big help. a kids gotta vent sumtimes, u know? haha.

It's really important that you have a "big picture" view of what is going on for you.  I'm sure that what you want is "happiness".  Often we convince ourselves that "some thing", some state of being or some material possession will make us happier.  Once we aquire this or that (weight loss) for example that that will give us what we need to be happy. 

When a person continues to "grasp", for that which is outside of themselves... hoping that this other thing will be "the thing" that brings them happiness, it becomes a slippery slope.  I know this from experience.  I've spent a lifetime obsessing about my body, my weight and in the mean time, often missing life itself. 

I've spent too much time mentally unavailable to my actual life and possibilities due to this belief I gained early on.  Primarily that I couldn't be happy and be lovable until my body matched my fantasy of it.  This compulsive issue lead to years and years of sadness not joy.  Joy is what I want from life and living.

If we have the chance to help some one else avoid this same pitfall, I think most of us would take the opportunity to help. 

For a 13 year old, reaching out to a forum like this shows remarkable understanding and smarts.  I hope that you spend some time analyzing whether your concerns with your weight have actually brought you any more happiness.  I think you'll see that it just makes you more concerned, less available to the fun and joys in life that are available to you. 

Please don't do what I've done.  Learn now that your weight will stabilize and your happiness is much bigger than your size.  Besides, if you notice from the rest of the posts that most of us were normal when we were kids.  It was the obsessing that took our health and sometimes, at least with me, some of my joy (joie de vivre!).

Go live and love and have fun!  Your health, both mental and physical, will be all the better in the long run!

Alright, most of the people replying here were 13 a decade ago. Well, I was 13 nearly 3 years ago. I always [starting at about age 11] thought myself fat and always thought I had to lose weight, mostly because I was just a little bit fuller around the middle. I developed bad eating habits starting in 8th grade--skipping breakfast and lunch, then eating bigger portions at dinner because I was so hungry. I thought I was doing what I could to lose weight by skipping meals, but lo and behold, by my freshman year of high school, I'd gained 50 pounds. I looked at picktures of myself from a year before, and I wasn't fat at all--I hadn't even grown HIPS yet and I was a total twig! That's when I decided to do something about my weight--not 15, or 10, or even 5 years later, but 2 years later. A lot of people on this site criticize my eating habits, but they don't realize how far I've actually come. Through this weight-loss journey I've had to deal with the most stress and self-consciousness a teenager could possibly handle. Now, I eat when I'm hungry, and whether that means 800 or 1500 calories a day, I'm going to stick with it. I also exercise at least 5 times a week. I'ts been hard, but I've learned to take hold of these years of my life and eat that extra slice of pizza if I want, because I AM a teenager after all. When I 'binge', I usually never even reach 2000 calories. At 112 pounds and 5'4", I'd still like to be thinner, but I am NOT fat in any way. I've been one of the lucky ones, too, having realized my mistakes so soon. All you need is a little determination and self-control, and to love yourself [because I know, even if OTHER people say you're NOT fat, it's hard to believe it yourself]. GAH. I hope that made sense. rant over.

Here are two things I wish someone had told me when I was your age:

1. You are NOT fat, even though you misperceive your body to be.

2. In terms of your peers, eventually you'll find friends and companions who will not be so judgmental. It's amazing what happens when you are an adult and your peers are as well, though sometimes you get lucky and find mature kids to be your friends even sooner. And you tend to think right now that where you are at now, in terms of friends and relationships, is your life and it will always be that way. But believe me, things will change and get much much better. I would never go back to being a teen-ager, but if I had to, I would definitely appreciate how thin I was (even though I didn't realize how good I looked then!).