Stress/nothing to do but everything to do with weight loss

I have a step daughter... she is 7... her mom comes in and out of her life and its frustrating... she has actually consistently called this time for 5 weeks now!  the longest she has EVER gone in 4 years! 

Its stressing me out, I dont want my step daughter to start talking to her and then have it just end... its hurtful to her!

The hardest part is that this stresses me out and just make for problems regarding weight loss!!!!I am hopeful that it doesnt happen but we will see! 

Focus that stress into exercise, it will help with both!  I'm sure that's really got to hurt you to see your stepdaughter get hurt over and over again.  I'm sure she's glad she has you to count on!

Ellen -

I agree with peaceapple on both accounts! Focus that stress into something good for you - exercise, etc. I also agree that it is a good thing she has you to count on.

I too have a child who's other parent is in and out of his life. His dad has flat disappeared at least 5 times in his 15 years where we didn't even know where he was for anywhere from 1 month the last time (although I'm not sure we would know yet if his mother hadn't told us) to almost 1 year. The the time before the last time he pulled his vanishing act - he actually got bent out of shape when our son wouldn't talk to him for the better part of 6 months once he decided to let us know where he was. Some people just are not worth the stress.

The sooner you can teach your step daughter to not expect more from her mom than the woman is capable of giving the better. This will allow her to enjoy what she does get from her mom (kind of like a surprise party) and not be hurt by what she isn't getting. (She has you to fill in all of those blanks anyway) I know it sounds easier said than done. When my son finally figured this out for himself he was able to start communicating with his dad again. Now he just accepts what comes his way and doesn't stress so much.

Good luck with your weight loss - just think about all the wonderful lessons of perserverance, etc that you are teaching your daughter (she is yours you know?)

Sunni

I also have a stepson but his biobitch (er.. thats not a very nice nickname for her is it?) is probably out of his life forever now. He is 11, and she hasn't called in over 3 years, and he hasnt seen her in 4. She basically left him when he was 2.

We don't even know where she is, but if I really needed to find her I could - despite the fact 2 states have told me they couldn't.

I stressed sooooo much about this same situation. I lost sleep, ate too much, didn't eat at all, wanted to puke, wanted to eat more, repeat.

All you can do is be there for her, and be supportive and talk with her. My son almost never even mentions her anymore, but he used to. He used to ask horribly hard questions; why doesnt she call, why doesnt she want me to visit her, why doesnt she even send me a card on my birthday, does she love me?

Kids are suprisingly resilient. They also understand a whole lot more than we usually give them credit for. My son was about the same age as your daughter when he figured out how his "other mom" really is.

If she called right now, he would not talk to her. He has completely lost interest, despite me reassuring him that of course she loves him and thinks about it, but she just has her priorities confused right now. He knows she is selfish - his own words on many occaisions.

You cant change that other mom, you probably cant even talk sense into her, and you probably cant even curse her out so bad she snaps out of it and starts being more responsible.

You are her mom and that woman is the "other mom".

Ellen,

I don't know if it will help, but turn your anger into something constructive.  I assume this stress is basically anger.  Don't let her control your emotions.  I don't know what you can do to get control. 

Meditation, prayer, talking (which is mainly what I do) reading positive things (you can find all kinds of uplifting things to read)....find what works for you.   If you need to, increase your calorie allowance a little.  Just don't completely let go.   It is hard to come back when you binge.  You CAN do it though.  If you have a bad day, just come on back the next.

I definately belive kids are resilent, i was one of those kids... parents divorced, dad walked out on me and mom died when i was 11... grandparents raised me so I know how she feels...

Its just hurtful to think about it happening to someone I love so much.....

Ellen

        my oldest son has that problem with his dad he is 16 yrs old now but he has dealt with his dad coming in and out of his life.  The longest time was 4 years.  My husband is the one who raised him he is dad to my son. But about 6 months ago my son's real dad showed up only because i took him to court for child support he want to make a relationship with him.  And you are right i don't want him to go with his real dad but he always wants to go, which frustrates me because he hasn't been around for 4 years and he still wants to see him.  when comes over i want to eat every last bit of chocolate in the house just so i wont go out and kick his a#$.  It will get better at least on how you deal with it but yeah all they want is that other parent to love them more then thy love them selves and it will never happen we just have to be there to pick up the pieces which sucks so i here you girl hang in there.  As you can tell it is a soar spot for me to lol

heather s

H,

Maybe you could take a kickboxing class and go out there and....no not kick him where he sits down, but kick one of those sandbag things instead of eating chocolate.   I understand the temptation, but it doesn't really make good sense does it?

My nephews tried to create a relationship with their absent Dad after they became teens, which ended badly because their Dad had a new "beloved" family in England.  Stepsisters who they never have seen.  And Dad went back to England to live.  They had to learn the hard way that he truly had abandoned them.  What is too sad is this Dad was treated this way by his own father (the nephew's grandad) you would think he could see it and turn and embrace his sons.  Too sad and frustrating. 

This older nephew is grown now, divorced from his wife, and disowned his mother (she was bipolar and difficult to love, I admit) and so I don't see him any more (his choice).  I just hope he keeps in touch with his own little boys.

Their is no accounting for people, all we can do is be there. 

yeah i dont eat the chocolate i just think about but yeah i could probably do some kickboxing and like i am going to check around my town which is very small see if they have any classes thanks for the tip