Why do I struggle with self esteem more now that I am at my goal weight?

Disclaimer: I am on my period and am probably retaining 3 lbs of water. This might be a lot of why I feel the way I do..

I used to use this site all the time but I finally reached my goal weight and have maintained for about a year. I fluctuate 5 lbs here and there but nothing big. However, I feel WAY more self conscious about my body now then I ever did when I weighed 30 lbs. more. I have become a perfectionist. I'm constantly scrutinizing every little detail of my body. I feel down on myself when one area is not as toned as it could be. It's quite ridiculous. Does anyone else feel like this? Anyone also have any ideas on how I can get out of this rut? My self confidence should be amazing right because I am in a lot better shape then I used to be. Instead it's the opposite... why??

I used to feel this way.  Even though I was glad I had lost weight, I think I have become more self-conscious of my body BECAUSE I became so familiar with judging myself.  When I was trying to lose weight, I would be so aware of what I was eating, how many calories I was putting into my body, how much I weighed that week, etc. etc.  And I was always looking in the mirror.

I've maintained my weight (once I lost about 20 pounds), and since then I've worked on being happy with my body.  It's become important to me to STOP obsessing over calories, and now I just try to eat healthy.  I still keep track of my calories, but it's not like I'm running on the computer to get on CC to write down everything I've eaten in the last hour.. you know what I mean?  Also, now when I look in the mirror I tell myself to be proud of myself for losing weight.  I also tell myself that I am at a healthy weight for my age/height and that I don't need to lose any more. 

It's all about telling yourself that you are beautiful.  It's hard because when you decided to start losing weight, you had to bring on new habits and force yourself to keep up with dieting and exercise.  So you're just used to "pushing" for weight loss. 

Congrats on losing weight.  Still eat healthy foods and exercise, but you should be healthy emotionally and mentally too.  Be proud of yourself for working hard to lose the pounds. 

It's tempting, when you're lacking in confidence, to think that if you lose weight you'll have more.  Then you get slimmer and find that nothing's really changed.   I think that's a fairly common experience because, essentially, we're exactly the same person as when we started, just slightly less of us.  If you're feeling more self-conscious it's probably because your expectations were higher.  You said 'it should be amazing right'.... not really. 

Have a look at your diet in the first instance.  A poor or inadequate diet can affect mood and perception.  The brain needs nourishment to function properly and, if you've been losing weight, dieting can take its toll.  Make sure you're getting the full calorie-intake for your age, size and level of activity.   For you (20 years old, 120lbs, 5'5", lightly active for less than an hour a day) that's about 2000 a day.  If you're working out for more than an hour a day that goes up to 2800 cals.

Second... find other areas of your life in which to develop your self-esteem.  Setting yourself challenges is one good method.  Pick something you'd like to do and work out how to achieve it.... could be learning a new skill, travelling, helping people in your community, saving the polar ice-caps.... anything that isn't diet or body-related preferably.  The more you can point to other areas in your life and say 'I did that' with a sense of pride the less significant your body-weight becomes.

I recently lost 70 pounds and I've been experiencing the same feelings.  I guess when I was big I didn't really scrutinize my body really - I just wanted to get the weight off.  Then I reached my goal weight and it's hard because now I don't have the thrill of seeing the scales go down every week, or fitting into smaller clothes, or just watching my body change.  So I became extra critical of my body - like I'm not allowed to lose any more weight so maybe I could be more toned.  I have a little bit of loose skin and that's annoying. 

It's as if I expected that by losing the weight everything would be perfect, and that's unrealistic.  It's falling into the trap of becoming obsessed with your body, and that's dangerous, so I'd take GI Jane's advice and work on getting interested in things that have nothing to do with weight and body image.

Original Post by pemberly:

It's as if I expected that by losing the weight everything would be perfect, and that's unrealistic. 

 I think this sums it up exactly for me. When I have been trying to lose, like I am now, I have this mindset that everything will be just perfect if only I was a certain weight. But, during the times in my life when I have been that "perfect" weight, I was shocked that the world didnt just stop and take notice of what a Wonder I had become! LOL

I was definitely happy to be at my ideal weight, but I still had to go to work each day, the house still got messy and not everyone treated me like the Princess I thought I had become 

Maybe the critical thoughts you are experiencing are not so much about your body, but your process of trying to fit your new self into the same old world.  I can totally relate to this. I have had this same issue again and again

I don't know but there is this absolute terror deep inside me that is just sooo over whelming. Being thin is unknown territory to me. I don't know what I will look like, and it will change your life, and  probably many decisions you make will be altered by the fact that you are thinner. It's weird but..can't help it.

I was kind of thinking along these same lines today.  I've been in a rut (lose 5, gain it back, etc) trying to get these last 8 lbs off.  I was wondering why one year ago when I got to the weight I am now, I was ecstatic and felt GREAT!  Now, after having been at that weight (and lower, and back to it, and lower.. you get the idea) for a year, I'm "over it" and feel chunky again. 

I seriously think sometimes it's just a symptom of too much spare time.  This time last year it was already warm out here, I was running around doing all kinds of things.. This year it still hasn't gotten that warm... Cabin fever = obsessive brain.  Too bad I don't get obsessed over something like, oh I don't know.. Cleaning my house... Doing extra well at work.. etc!  My brain just hangs in a state of food / weight thoughts :(

Keep us posted on how you overcome this!

Sarah b- I stumbled upon your post and wanted you to know that I often feel this way too. Quite often the hormones and 'time of the month' make things a million times worse, but like everyone above said we all tend to pin our future happiness on a specific 'goal number'.

I have also found that gaining confidence takes so much longer than losing weight- especially for those people (like me) who have suffered with low confidence and self esteem for many years. I was naive to think that dropping 25/50/100 pounds would automatically make me love myself!

I also agree with what pemberley said, that when I was much bigger I NEVER looked in the mirror (it was avoided at all costs) but now, I find I am scrutinizing myself, and picking fault.

It is also taking a very long time to adjust. Sometimes I forget that I have lost weight and still make fat jokes about myself (something which annoys my friends). In my head I'm still 330 pounds on some days, and I have to tell myself that I'm smaller.

That said, I am making progress but it will just take time!