Struggles/Worries?

Ive had a day full of arguing with myself. Ive got into the habit now of at nights nibbling at dried fruit and nuts ontop of everything I eat and sometimes this can lead to me eating quite a bit of them and then I feel really bad. This happened last night, I started to eat a dried apricot and that then turned into a whole lot more and then I felt terrible afterwards for doing it and so today I stupidly tried to counteract it and I cut out one of my supplement drinks that I normally take. At the moment I am a huge mess of thoughts and have the sensible side of me telling me one thing and the ed side yelling another and then Im just stuck in the middle.

I feel guilty for cutting out the drink because I think to myself at the end of the day im supposed to be gaining anyway, but even still I am just worried that that habit at nights will lead to me turning into a binge eater. It happens, people swing from one disorder to another.

Ive also been concerned about how I have damaged my metabolism. I thought that your calorie needs increase as your weight increases, i.e. a person of a higher weight needs more calories than someone of a lower weight. So then I thought that as you gain weight you would need to keep gradually adding more calories in, this doesnt seem to be the case for me. I am gaining weight and its just going on each week without me adding any extra, I usually take in 2500 roughly, but so many other people on here seem to be gaining for ages and really struggling to make any gains some weeks, whereas, the weight just seems to pile on me.

Im sorry this was a bit long, I really needed to get that out of my head, its one of my biggest fears is to turn into a binge eater or compulsive eater and Im worried about my metabolism aswell and that I`ll end up maintaining on a really low amount and will have to feel as though I need to exercise to eat more.

I can't really offer any advice or practical help sorry but I can relate completely to the metabolism thing. Last time in recovery I ate the same calories at 78lbs that I did at 98 and I never stopped gaining every week. It hard when others are eating 3000+ and can't gain, it seems not fair in a way - even though it would be hard to do. I feel like I 'pile it on' really easily too.

1. first of all hugs xxxx dont feel bad about eating at night your body is starved and need all the nutrision you can give it . i think part of your worry of doing this is the ed talking you to thinking you are doing wrong. i know its hard but the worse thing you can do is cut out things the next day this is the road which may lead you to binge. i undersatand all your fears try not to think into the future to .for me this causes panic. its been such along time since youve been a healthy weight your body and mind is starved and the ed will do everything in its power to convince you you are going to overeat . i pretty much sure you feel  like this when you reach a healthy weight. the metabolism is a funny thing for me ive struggled with this ive been eating 2500 and gaining and still starving and i spent a few weeks ignoring this but then i thought stuff this so i increased it and my weight gain didnt change. i know this may sound scary but i think its what you need to do increase to 3000 this might be the kick start your metabolism needs . whats the worst that could happen ? you could gain a little more weight than you would of liked but a this so dosent matter as you are so far off a healthy weight and b if it did happen it will slow down and your metabolism will speed up . i really think the answer is to eat more. hope this dosent sound like a dig . youve come a  long way laura and i really want you to get over this hurdle and continue up that path to where you need and want to be . so think about it be brave you can do this and we are all behind you thinking of you h xxx

Basically you have the choice of gaining on a little or a lot. After being starved any amount of calories over the previous amount will lead to weight gain. So you can raise your calories and reach your goal weight on more calories then cut back and have a higher maintenance level or you can gain on 2500 and never give your metabolism a real chance to pick up. Does that make sense? You're going to gain because it's vital, but what you gain on can have a profound impact on your maintenance level. Also, the hunger will probably stop or subside a bit which will decrease the urge to binge. If you need support please contact me :) take care!

Thank you so much for your responses everyone it really did help me. I just panicked last night and got upset because this whole prcoess really just drags me down at times I find it so stressful planning everything.

I think you all are maybe right that I should aim for higher than the 2500, I usually do eat a little over it like 2550 but I feel like Im just letting myself get there and not much over. I usually find that some days even after just eating my dinner or lunch or a snack Im still hungry and I think how is this possible! Maybe its just a sign that I do need to up things more. Its just hard to do since Im already gaining its hard to then up the intake even more and to have to try and plan how to do it as well.

Thanks again for all your help, Im going to see how things go and see if I can push myself to go a bit more.

Original Post by betty1302:

Thank you so much for your responses everyone it really did help me. I just panicked last night and got upset because this whole prcoess really just drags me down at times I find it so stressful planning everything.

I think you all are maybe right that I should aim for higher than the 2500, I usually do eat a little over it like 2550 but I feel like Im just letting myself get there and not much over. I usually find that some days even after just eating my dinner or lunch or a snack Im still hungry and I think how is this possible! Maybe its just a sign that I do need to up things more. Its just hard to do since Im already gaining its hard to then up the intake even more and to have to try and plan how to do it as well.

Thanks again for all your help, Im going to see how things go and see if I can push myself to go a bit more.

 im know that feeling hunny my hunger has hit in big style difficult as it may be we must respond to this hunger its the only way of getting out of this controlled living we can do this trust your body note im taking my own advice to :)

Hey. I am sorry but can relate as worry and anxiety is my middle name. Anyhow I was gaining on 2500 and was encouraged to go up to 3000 and then went to 3500. I have been doing this for 5 months and trust me mentally it is so hard and draining. Some days I feel like I could eat a cake and some days I feel full/bloated. Mentally I am at acceptance but not thrilled so to speak. I guess for myself at first I was dragging this out to reach a normal weight. For what I have no idea. In reality the anxiety of change regardless is scary. If you are hungry though it is confusing I know when eating more you need more. I keep saying this but really it is not just for gain but repair. You can push yourself but that is what you have to do is push and sit with your fears. The end result is being a healthy weight and once you reach that it should settle down