Struggling Image

I joined CC to lose a little weight and try and work on my body image. I've been trying to stay positive, encouraging others helps me encourage myself. I'm not feeling good at all.

For one I've stopped losing, the scale still says 116-118. I can't cut my calories anymore (at 1350). I'm exercising more, but I really don't want to get more toned so I'm going easy.

I went to the mall yesterday... after the bit of ego boost at Victoria's secret I went to many stores and tried on pants, to see what size I am. I am a size 4 mostly, sometimes 2, (and in H+M 6 or even 8!!... that store runs so small...). Please don't give me the crap about vanity sizing, it just makes me feel worse. I know I'm like a size whatever in year whatever, I don't care, I'm going by whats in stores right now.

However even when I slid into a size 2, I looked in the mirror and I felt like crap, I started crying at one point, nearly throwing a fit at my boyfriend who is trying to tell me how "hot" I am. I look chubby to myself. I really, really try to think positive. I read my measurements, feel great, but when I look at myself I just hate what I see. Honestly, I was struggling with an ED on and off, it wasn't serious... I never went under 110 because I always had someone pick me up and shake me around and say "You are Beautiful!" Over time I've pushed these people away.

I feel myself slipping again, I don't know what to do. I'm occupying way too much of my time obsessing over this diet and my weight. Its hurting me, my art work, the people left in my life. Most people think I do this for attention because they think I'm so beautiful, even a therapist I tried talking to dismissed what I was saying. I just can't see myself like they do, and I really wish I could.

Now that you've gotten though this long post, I really don't know what I'm asking. I don't want ego boosts or compliments. Maybe you're going through a similar situation, or have. Lets just talk. And if not... this post is just me venting, and thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Hey! I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the very exact same thing. I'm a size 3-5 [you know depending on the brands and what not] and I'm 119 pounds currently. I'm obsessive over my weight and I get stressed very easily over it, it causes me to smoke and get aggravated at people for no reason. Even my bf, just like you said! lol. People say I'm pretty all the time too, and that's nice.. but it would be nice to actually feel that way about myself, ya know? :]

oh! and i hope you don't mind me adding you as a friend, my goal is to be 115/110 too. We should talk about these things sometime.

Hi skinnie-minnies!

I am 5'10" and a should be 140lb 22 y/o, however over the last stressful 3 years i have gained about 25-30 lbs.. and trust me, at the point of being 140, i wanted to lose weight....

everyone around me always, even now, tells me i am beautiful, gorgeous, etc etc.. and that part doesnt matter, what everyone else thinks.. its about what u think about urself... my bf is also so confused as to what to do with me, i go thru trying- on- clothes- fits  all too often where i almost end up in tears just looking at the mirror... i would say i have a little more too worry about, but im not going to, because every woman, any age almost always doesnt like their body....

at any consultation, although im not sure of ur height because it wasnt posted here i dont think, i imagine anyone at 118 or so lbs and a size 2, or 4 (dont ever shop at H&M haha) is by any means "chubby" as you described yourself... i dont have an ED, but i strongly believe i have BDD (body dymorphic disorder) and that might also be what u are experiencing... feeling u look completely different than u actually do...

my best possible advice, and it is the advice that NO one wants to hear is GO TO THE GYM! haha take a week, and hit the gym or if u dont belong go get a DVD or even just use the internet to look up some good moves to tone legs and stomach and guaranteed u will feel a lot better with ur self image in a short amount of time...


u probably are already at a decent weight u want to be, any problem areas u see are more than likely going to be corrected by toning not losing weight. good luck, and email me anytime for support!  i sound strong now, but tomorrow im sure is a different day! GOOD LUCK!! :)

Hon, you look great!  If I looked as good as you do in your profile pics, I wouldn't be dieting. I'm a hypocrite for saying this but I think the only problem you have is self esteem (not to say you shouldn't be dieting if you're not happy) but I think it is more important to love yourself than anything else.  I'm in completely the same place though (in a totally different tone), I have been struggling with my body image since I was ten and still can't see anything but flaws, when I look in the mirror.  I've actually accused people of lying to me when they tell me I look good, and I can't help but compare myself to all the girls that go by.  The worst thing is, the biggest thing they usually having going for them is confidence, which I intrinsically can't have.  What I've found helps, when I'm really depressed about the way I look is to pick one thing about myself that I'm okay with (for my body this backfired because all I did was come up with a long list of things I don't like, but I think I have nice eyes, and that's a good place to start.)  If you want to chat, or just want someone to listen, IM me at randompenguin83 on AIM or shoot me an e-mail.

 

I think we all struggle with this stuff to some degree.  I've been in the same place before, being 118 and a 4 (I'm 5'7") and I felt like a fat cow.  Ahhh, if only I had those days back now!  Anyway, I used to obsess over calories and my body and I'm sure I would fall into the same pattern now, but I don't have time.

In MHO, the best thing you can do for yourself, is like you said, help others.  Take it a step further, and out of the cyber world.  You like art, so see if there is a community outreach center near by where you can help little kids with art projects.  Volunteer with girl scouts, or the humane society or some place that you can be passionate about.  It really isn't aobut your body, but your weight is something that you can control when you are not happy with yourself for whatever reason.  The more you take the focus off yourself, the happier you will be.  Make sure to surround yourself with positive people who do like themselves. 

And while I agree that its good to find things that you like about yourself and focus on that, also look outside the physical.  Your sense of humor, artisitic ability (I keep mentioning that because its something I totally lack, and envy in others!), good with people, hard worker..... there are so many things to take pride in about yourself besides your appearance.  Get your bf to help you too.

Look, I'm 27 and I've watched just about every friend I have struggle with this, wathced them puke up blood, end up with pelvic fractures at 19 from poor nutrition, have their hair fall out, end up in psychiatric wards after trying to kill themselves..... I know you're not there yet, but it could get out of hand and even the obsession isn't healthy.

And Shame on some crappy counselor for thinking the behavior if for attention.  What a jerk!

You're totally right - it doesn't matter what other people say if you can't bring yourself to believe them or agree with them. I have friends whose body issues keep them away from mirrors altogether - then they don't feel that self loathing. This might or not be practical, and depending on the situation it might or might not be helpful. It certainly shouldn't be a long term solution.

But, you could always try weight lifting. First of all, it makes your body feel good. I don't lift a lot of weight, but as I'm doing it I start to feel strong and powerful. As my muscles move, I feel more capable. And, as I watch my figure change shape as fat converts to muscle, I feel sexy. It's good to feel strong. If you're feeling flabby, try doing some crunches every day, some pushups every other day, and some lunges or squats the opposite day. You'll tone right up, and that might help you feel more attractive. And try to ignore the scale the best you can, because muscle is heavier than fat. If you keep the same dress size while you're weight lifting, you will probably find that you're gaining a little weight, and that's because you're stronger and have more muscle than before.

Just be sure to up your calories a bit to compensate, because not only are you getting exercise, but as your body changes and has more muscle, it will take more calories just to keep you going.

Right now you may feel that *weighing* less is going to make you feel better, but lots of people out there can tell you that, in your situation, it won't. Feeling strong might. Feeling muscular instead of flabby might. Feeling that you're building yourself a better you might.  

I've totally been where you are girl! No matter how small you get, you never feel small enough. I remember crying & restricting because I couldn't wear a 0...at 106 lbs. I thought I was a blimp. Now, when I look at pictures from then I always comment on how I never knew I was actually tiny! No one really ever knew how obsessed I was with my weight (except my ex), and in fact I was picked on for being so small... Which always made me laugh. Pretty much, I had ED issues, not anything too severe though...ED's are kinda common in my family.

  After being begged repeatedly to gain a few lbs; I finally gave in and somehow let myself gain like 35 lbs in one year! After an awful breakup, I became even more obsessed and lost all that I had gained in less than 2 months. (not the best idea)

  I think my issue always shows up when I'm upset...I need to lose a few lbs. but up until the recent news of my husband's deployment I wasn't bothered by the weight. Now, I'm trying to have a "healthy" view about weight loss, but its very difficult for me. 

  Just be very careful, because its very, very easy to fall into ED's. It all starts in your mind; so as soon as thoughts "triggering" thoughts start (i.e. the size 2 jeans,) try to recognize them for what they are and refuse to believe them. I'm glad that you seem to be eating well...keep that up! Try to learn to love yourself for WHO you are inside, not outside.

Sorry for such a long reply! 

Thanks guys. It really helps to know I'm not alone. :)

Maybe you should focus more on how your body looks as opposed to what the scale says. If you are displeased by what you see in the mirror and you can change it go for it but try to stay on the healthy path.

I was in your boat a few months ago. I loved the numbers I was seeing but I hated the way I looked. Now I'm 13 pounds heavier than I was then and I hate the numbers AND the way I look. It seems that now, if I got back to that, I would be able to fully appreciate both. Though, I feel kind of defeated that my starting goal weight is a weight that I used to think I looked hideous at. I guess I'll just have to see how things go once I get there.