Struggling mommy

I am very discouraged.  I had a baby 16 months ago.  I was already overweight then.  I gained easily 50 lbs since the pregnancy and I have NOT shed them yet.

I work from home, full time mom and full time job for IBM.  My hubby has no issue with weight, used to be an athlete and still handles very well for being in his 40s. 

I used to be a model till my 20, had a perfect ratio and measurements at 125 lbs.  I was athletic, and healthy... or so I thought... I feel like I have hit rock bottom at 262 lbs.

I was diagnosed with PCOS a couple of years ago.  I didn't know that's what caused a 100 lb weight gain in my 20s.  I was about 125 lbs till I was 22.  Then PCOS, depression, anti-depressants, loss of energy, and generally a nervous breakdown I gained about 65 lbs.  Eventually I gained more, and then I got pregnant where I gained 50 more. 

Now I am 30, 5'6" and 262 lbs.  I started with Calorie Count and its helped me to see what I put in my body and I record my food/activity/weight no matter how ashamed I am that I ate too much yesterday. 

My issue is that it's really hard for me to find time to get some exercise with a 15month old interrupting everything I do every 10 minutes. 

I'm lost, struggling, and I've not managed to shed any weight and I feel I've sabotaged myself by setting the goal and knowing I could fail.  I KNOW it's always been hard to lose weight since the gain, is there anything I should be doing that I'm not doing?  Everytime I think of losing weight I hear the dog character Brian from the show Family Guy telling Meg, "You want to lose weight?  Try this: PUT DOWN THE FORK!!"

In my profile, the kind of eater that I am is a Functional Eater meaning I don't eat for emotional reasons, it's more like I'm already big, I don't eat unhealthy, but I need to burn more and eat at more regulated times.  The problem is I wind up eating too much and don't realize it.  And I need to burn it off.  And put down the fork. 

I know throwing in the towel is not an option, since I have to lose this weight.  Is the goal of reaching my original weight unreasonable?  My self-image has taken the kind of blows that make me feel like so much less of a person being this huge thing...

Sorry this post is kinda long.  I'm just frustrated.

All I can tell you is what helped me, and that was to plan my menu ahead of schedule.  Rather than getting to the end of the day and logging all the mistakes.... it was more helpful to work things out in advance and make the necessary preparations.  If you're a functional eater (and I know what you mean) then you make losing weight a functional task... e.g. eat this amount of this food at this time.  Weigh out the portions - don't guess.  Make breakfast and packed lunches the night before.  Go with a calorie target that's reasonable.... in your case it'll be about 1700-1800 a day... and don't think you have to starve.  Make what you eat nutritious, filling and delicious... then you'll stick with it.  I'd also recommend that you check out Low GI eating for PCOS.... it helps a lot.

In terms of exercise, just try to be more active.  Don't think for a second that because you can't get to a gym you can't be active enough to lose weight.  Be creative, schedule it into your day and give it a shot - even if it's just a brisk walk every lunchtime.  Engage your husband as well.  Your baby has two parents.... he can take over at the weekends/evenings and give you a bit of time to do some exercise perhaps.

Finally... don't think too much about the target weight.  Focus on losing one or two pounds a week and on having as positive an experience as possible in the process.  If you look after the days, the months look after themselves.  If you look after the ounces, the pounds look after themselves.

Best of luck

Ok, I'm a bit confused.  On my eat meter my target calories are 2050, but in the Calorie Target tool my age/weight/etc make my target calories 1550.  Is that too little or should I shoot for which tool?  Do you know?

Thanks for the reply.

the eat meter is what you have eaten for the day and logged.

the target is what you set up in account settings.  google bmr and that is the calorie intake to maintain the weight you are in now.  minus cals from there to lose weight or walk and that burns cals too.~

My eat meter shows 1650 and the other spot says 1350.  I do the 1650 average and have been losing slowly without feeling deprived.  With some experience, you'll learn what average you need and still lose something every week.  By average I mean some days I'm eating 1400, and occasionally I'm eating over 3,000.  I feel best when I'm in the 1400-1600 range without wild fluctuations.

Your post really broke my heart. You sound like you're really hurting. gi-jane is right. Think about a couple of lbs at a time or else it's way too overwhelming. In fact her whole post is pure gold there.

gi-jane all of your posts are freakin awesome. You help a lot of people

Agent mommy, I'm in the  similar position of having two young kids and am separated, so I really have to organize time to exercise. I enlist some help from my parents so that i can go to the gym, and the girls are in day care one day a week, so that gives me 2 days at gym. When the girls'dad comes to see them, I use this time to go  for  a walk in the evening. This is neccessary for sanity's sake as well as healthwise, so point this out to your husband to encourage his support in helping you to have some time out to exercise.

Perhaps you can spend some time dancing with your child? I do this with my girls when we can't get outside. It serves two purposes..entertains and exercises the kids, as well as myself. Perhaps 15 or 20  minutes of this might satisfy him for a while and then give you more time to do your work before he wants your attention again. I also grab 10  minutes here and there during the day to do some step work on the one step I have on the back porch..this can be done first thing in the morning and also at night when the kids are in bed.

I have just over 100 pounds to lose, and struggle with feelings of self worth as well. Infact, I am still crying 3 days after a buff, cute guy jogging in the street bothered to say hi to me. Here was fat old me in my old,  baggy gym clothes,  and some guy who didn't have to , said hi to me. I thought I was invisible to people like him, so I was even avoiding eye contact with him until he said hello.

Just remember this weight loss thing is not a race, but a lifetime journey. There is no deadline to meet. Pound by pound is all we can hope for, and eventually , when we look back from time to time, we can be amazed by how far we have crept.

I'm actually a nurse for OB/GYN and I know alot about PCOS. My sister actually has it and her weight spiraled out of control after she got pregnant. My suggestion would be for the PCOS is to go on a low dose birth control pill. Horomones control ALOT :) Moods, etc.

 For some quick exercises I have found (because I don't get alot of time) is when I am in the shower, I do 15 leg lifts to the side and to the back. Then when I get out of the shower and brush my teeth, I do 15 more. Every time I go to the bathroom, either before or after I do 20 wall pushups. It is real quick and I am atleast doing some form of exercise. When I am lying in bed watching TV, I do leg raises and crunchs. Watching the TV makes me forget I'm exercising! I will also lift a 5lb weight while watching TV. My kids love to ride their bikes, so I DRAG myself out almost everyday and walk just around the block even if it is 8pm. I know I have to get in the exercise.

I hope you can use my advice and good luck. I'm rooting for you. We all need support in losing weight and I find this to be a great website. I have never done anything like this before, but I am enjoying it and I feel like I am making friends for life here

- Thanks for listening

Jennifer

This is fantastic!! Thanks so much!  I will definitely take advantage of general prep/grooming time to get a lil exercise. :)

Just wanted to tell you you can do this! I know what you mean about not having free time- I work 12 hour shifts sat/sun and mon-fri I stay home with my 3 kids (ages 4, 4 and 2) AND babysit a 1 year old for a lady I work with a few days a week.  When I spoke with my doctor about starting a diet and excercising he suggested all these things that were completely unrealistic for me considering I have no time when I'm not responsible for my children or at work.  My b/f lives with me but he has a crazy work schedule so it's not like I could plan gym time or anything.  So- I have started using DVD workouts at home once my children are in bed for the night to get in the excercise.  So far so good and i really feel like I get a better workout than i did when i went to a gym years back because I have an instructer showing me exactly what to do to get a well-rounded work-out.  I bought some free weights to use with the video and I think my total was about $20 between the weights and the DVD (which has 2 different workouts for a little variety).  Just thought I'd suggest it and maybe it would be a good alternative for you being in a similar situation.  As far as eating- I just make sure I really check the serving sizes/calories of EVERYTHING I'm eating- whether its all the ingredients in my smoothies or the ketchup on my reduced fat bubba burger! It really helps me when I'm eating something for the first time since calorie counting to enter it here BEFORE I eat it- then I know ahead of time whether or not it's a good idea because some things I would think are healthy may have a lot of calories... I also do this with my dinners- I cook the same meals I used to except I cut corners here and there with low-fat type ingredients and I enter the entire meal onto the "new recipe" calculator and figure out ahead of time what portion I can have within my calories.  And when I have a really high calorie meal- I make myself some veggies on the side so I can still have a small portion of my normal dinner and have some veggies to help fill in the gap.

Hope this helps :)