Struggling and I need motivation

My story is a complicated one

at 14 years old I weighed 220lbs and started my weightloss journey

by the time I graduated highschool I weighed 150 and was extremely proud

in college, I developed an eating disorder and dropped to 130, which isnt an unhealthy weight for me, but the way i went about it was unhealthy

ive been recovering from the ed and have since gained 15 lbs, some of which i know is muscle, because i joined a condition and tone fit class and i can definitely see muscle tone that wasnt there before

but i have also regained some flab that im not happy with, i want to lose it but i want to do it healthily without spiriling back down the ed hole

my main issue is self control, if something is in front of me I eat it. I even sneak other peoples food, even food i dont particularly like just to eat it

and I work at starbucks so i am always tempted there

i just really need support and advice and motivation

Well I did good today. Ate sensibly with only a little indulging. I didnt make it to the gym though

but now is my bad time where i snack at night, Im trying to hold strong

With the little I know about you, the toning class should be able to take care of the "flab" that you are unhappy with.  How long have you been doing the class?

As far as support and motivation goes, I'm your biggest cheerleader if you need one.  As far as advice, I will do my best but a 140 lb woman taking weight loss advice from a guy who was wicked happy (wanted to try to speak your native tongue for a sec) that the scale said 276lb this morning, the lowest it has been since I can remember, can be a bit, I don't know, ironic?  comical? silly?

Just keep on keeping on and whatever help you need to reach your goal, you just let me know. 

Cheers,

JTH

Don't know what you're doing to work out, but if you're exercising, you're probably not eating.  I like to exercise an hour a day, preferably during those times I normally binge, eg evenings.

Ive been taking the class all semester. I do see some toning but the issue with the class is the excercise had me justifying binge eating, and thus added weight.

And I appreciate the effort to incorperate new england lingo, but Im actually from Philadelphia haha, I just go to school in Boston. Any cheerleading would be greatly appreciated. Congrats on the new low! Any accomplishment is a large one, and you should be proud!

Im planning on eating right from now on and excercising as much as possible (though the eating right means I have to avoid the temptation of the chocolate caramel bars with graham cracker crust I just baked for my boyfriend, Theyre LOADED with calories!) and weighing myself in a week (as I also have a lot of water weight gain at the moment and dont want to be discouraged by that) and hopefully the weight loss will motivate me to continue so I can look as good if not better in a bathing suit than I did last summer!

Original Post by prosperit_e:

Don't know what you're doing to work out, but if you're exercising, you're probably not eating.  I like to exercise an hour a day, preferably during those times I normally binge, eg evenings.

To work out, other than walking alot (as my college campus is a 2 mile long straight line) I take a condition and tone class twice a week (my abs are killing me right now) and I try on days when I dont have the class to do 30minutes to an hour on the elliptical and/or rowing machine. But unfortunatley I havent had much time lately as the semester is ending and I have final papers and projects and exams due

Original Post by pokemewithpolaris:

Ive been taking the class all semester. I do see some toning but the issue with the class is the excercise had me justifying binge eating, and thus added weight.

And I appreciate the effort to incorperate new england lingo, but Im actually from Philadelphia haha, I just go to school in Boston. Any cheerleading would be greatly appreciated. Congrats on the new low! Any accomplishment is a large one, and you should be proud!

Im planning on eating right from now on and excercising as much as possible (though the eating right means I have to avoid the temptation of the chocolate caramel bars with graham cracker crust I just baked for my boyfriend, Theyre LOADED with calories!) and weighing myself in a week (as I also have a lot of water weight gain at the moment and dont want to be discouraged by that) and hopefully the weight loss will motivate me to continue so I can look as good if not better in a bathing suit than I did last summer!

 Ahh.  from Fluffia..  I will try try to encorporate some Dis, Dat, Dey, Dees, Doze, Dough, and Dems in my next posting to make you yearn for the sounds and smells of home.  I went to school in Providence and I kind of miss it up there. 

Cooking can be very therapeutic for some during weight loss as long as you can keep it headed to it's intended destination.  I saw on one of your journal postings I think that you bake a lot for your b/f.  That is really nice.  Hopefully he and his roommate appreciate it and are respectful enough to pick up the apartment before you arrive.  Is he at school near you in Boston or back in Philly?  I still have a ticket for Marta with about $7.00 credit on it from when I visited in December during the ice storm, like the first or second week.  I don't get to see snow in Alabama so I went out and played in it.  I am generally misunderstood and do not act my age.

Look forward to buddying up with you and lets both get to where we need to be.

Cheers,

JTH

Haha, don't forget wudder.

Yeah I love to bake and cook, in fact instead of gradschool I'm going to culinary school. And they pick up somewhat, but I can't complain because  my room is just as messy. My boyfriend goes to school up here near boston, about 20 minutes north of the city. We're both from philly though. That ice storm was absolutely ridiculous. I cant imagine people who grow up in places without snow. My sister-in-law is from hawaii and shes never seen snowfall. Shes seen snow but never seen it coming from the sky.

And whats the fun in acting your age? I hate the thought of growing up!

What are your goals?

Wudder is perfect.  The fact that your faucets produce what ran downhill from New Jersey is scary at best.

You have your sights set on any culinary schools yet?  The Culinard here in Birmingham is amazing.  I hire chefs from there all the time for the hotel restaurants.

My goal is a moving target, but I am working on 5 lb increments.  My story is in my profile and on my first journal entry, but the long and the short of it is, the light finally went on and I am being very aggressive in pursuing this weight loss.  I don't really know when I will stop or what I will do once I get wherever I am going.  I just for the first time since I was 12 years old, want to be in shape.  Buddying up with folks helps tremendously.  I have latched up with a few people and some are still here and some haven't signed on in a while.  Its all good.  Just know my commitment level is high and I will be here if you need any support.

Cheers,

JTH

First of all, think you can pull some strings to be able to get me a discount on my fat free venti latte's? ;) kidding...

Secondly, anyone that is a recovering addict [from dope to eating disorders] needs to stay clear of triggers. IE: An alcoholic should not get a job at a bar.  Often times, people with eating disorders will cook/bake like crazy and then feed others.  But, I'm not telling you to stop baking! I wish I could bake...I'm still mastering the art of boiling water. BUT, you can bake yummie treats that are LOW in fat/calories.  It would be a great thing for your bf, as well.

Just about every favorite dish and dessert has a low fat option!

Eat healthy..6 mini meals a day. Do not overload on carbs. Eat whole grains/nothing enriched.  Make sure to have protein within 60 mins after a workout. Continue to workout..adding some cardio into the mix.

Best of luck

JTH - Im not proud of ANY association Im unfortunate to be forced into with Jersey. Culinary School wise it really depends on where my bf goes to grad school. He followed me up here to college so after college its my turn. And since there are culinary schools everywhere it makes the most sense. So its likely going to be Le Cordon Bleu here in Boston, or somewhere in Washington DC. Though where I'd love is the Culinary Institute of America in Hyde Park NY. But I'll definitely look into the Culinard. I recently traveled to the south for the first time (florida not included), I volunteered with Animal Rescue New Orleans for Alternative Spring Break and I loved it. But that trip literally put on the pounds, the food is just so much richer in the south, and with my lack of self control, itd be a difficult life for me to live.

Self control is definitely an issue this weekend since Im visiting my bf. I generally keep only healthy foods around so if I do binge I binge on something nutritious. My bf however is about the least nutritious person I know so the pretzles and goldfish lying around and the leftover pizza is always so tempting. Im letting myself induldge a LITTLE, so i dont go on a crazy binge but Im keeping it restricted and within my calorie allowance.

I think its great that you had a wake up call and are really  committed to getting healthy and I really appreciate the support youre offering me. Im trying not to focus on the number on the scale and instead focus on the image in the mirror but because of my ED history (which Im still struggling with) its hard. If I could pick a weight id love to get to 125-130 but if I building muscle, at 5'8 I dont know how healthy/realistic that is.

FitnessGirl - A little bit of starbucks insight, a venti (unless iced) is such a rip off. It has the same number of espresso shots (when hot) as a grande. So you're just paying for more milk. Something my roommate does to get her Starbucks fix for lower calories is ask for half water in her nonfat chai latte. We generally put water in anyway so she just adds more than normal and you cant taste the difference. Also a caramel macchiato is made with vanilla syrup not caramel. Weird. The only caramel is the sauce on top.

I do make treats that are low in calories often and I know the concern with the cooking/baking obession and my ED,  but I loved the culinary arts long before my eating disorder developed. I often make lowcal/fat treats for me, but especially in practicing new techniques I like to initially use the full fat/cal options because lets be honest, real butter and lots of it just tastes better.

Unfortunately my schedule and budget during the school year does not allow for 6 mini meals but I try for 3 small with fruit inbetween. Perhaps when I return home for the summer it'll be easier to try the 6 mini meals. I do try to add cardio before my fitclass i do 10-20 minutes on the elliptical or stairs and on days without a fitclass I try to do 30-60 minutes on them.

You can add mini meals! Take a baggy with you with some whole/raw nuts.  Make a smoothie - add some whey and fresh fruit - put in thermos and take along, etc.  Where there is a will, there is a way.  I typically get to my gym around 4 00 am and often don't get home until after 9 PM or even later - but I manage to still find time to eat 6 times a day.  It will keep your metabolism pumping and keep you full/satisfied and will be less likely to binge and/or snack on unhealthy foods at God awful times [ie: lying in bed watching the Biggest Loser, scarfing down a bag of chips, LOL].  Eating three times a day, people often overeat and/or overindulge plus the body is more likely going to hold on to those calories. 

I also suggest keeping a food log and being honest with it.  It will help you not only prioritize but it will also help you see what you are lacking.

:)