Does Struggling With Weight Mean We've All been Abused in the Past?

I'm really thinking hard about this theory.  I read all the time that people who battle their weight have some deep, dark pain from their past  and feeding themselves with food is a means of finding some relief from the pain or to fulfil a void.  The same theory goes for people who are promiscuous and attention seekers.  The type of people that go from one disastrous relationship to the next or sabotaging any good relationships.

So does this mean the every one of us who stuggles with weight has had some episode of molestation, abuse, rape, emotional diassaster, misdirected parental guidance, etc.??

And my next question is...if one is aware of this abuse, emotionaol disaster etc, what is the turning point in not letting it get the best of you?  What good is therapy if you are "aware" of what happened in your past?  Is the act of having some therapist get you to break down and talk about it?  I just don't see the point.

I'm not sure. I think it does hold true for very promiscuous people. I think we all eat as a coping mechanism at least some of the time. I remember when my grandmother was dying, we used to come home from visiting her in the hospital and make a pot of tea. It helped to establish normality in a crazy time, and I think eating can function in the same way. I know I eat a lot more when I'm depressed or stressed. Overeating ALL the time, well, maybe for some people it's a way of coping with abuse. But I think other people just don't know how to be healthier. If that's the way you were brought up, it's hard to think otherwise.

As for attention-seeking behaviour, you can spot when someone is very attention-seeking because they were neglected as a child. Typically, they don't care whether it's good or bad attention, as long as people are reacting to their presence. But then you also get people who are just dramatic by nature. I think it would be going a bit far to say that anyone who seeks fame, fortune and food used to be abused.

i guess it would some sense since everyone has been through something extremely emotional. but no, i dont really believe it. because everyone hs been through something extremeley emotional.

I was fat before I was put through hell.

I don't know. When you think about, every one has been through messed up stuff. It is possible that trauma could be a cause, but there are many others like genetics and stress and ageing to take into account.

I havent ever had an extreme emotional issue in my life.... is it really that common?? o.O

Loriklorik, I bet you've been the cause of some though! ;)

I am sure it applies to some but not everyone.  I had a relatively happy childhood with no abuse and have lived at both ends of the spectrum.  I had an ED before anyone even had the terminology to describe it, and now I am fat. 

This reminds me of the nature vs. nurture theory as it applies to serial killers and psychopaths and the like.  Many, many people come from abusive backgrounds and not many end up killers and rapists and such.

I was happy when I was a fat, oblivious little kid.

Now I'm 'skinny,' rather unhappy, and far too informed.

I don't think it's true for everyone who is overweight. The North American environment lends itself to easy overeating and underexercising for those who were simply raised with bad habits. Let's not forget too that we learn to associate food with comfort and love from an early age, even in the best environments; it makes perfect sense that we would reach for it in times of stress and trouble in our adult lives.

Most people who are overweight or obese are carrying around a few dozen extra pounds - like 10-50. I think this could happen for any number of reasons unrelated to previous emotional damage. However, one could argue that in order to get past a certain barrier (like, when you are eating compulsively even though it hurts, or reach a morbidly obese weight that threatens your mobility), one needs to have some psychic pain to get there. I don't think it necessarily must come from childhood though (though childhood is often involved). At 80 lbs above a healthy weight, I know that I was definitely touched by this. I think it came from using food as a comfort for stress, as a substitute for sexual gratification, and a relief of boredom. But that doesn't explain it all, such as why I would sometimes eat past the point of being full, so much that it hurt my stomach. I think that was a bizarre combination of poor impulse control, overemphasis on sensual pleasure (taste), and a desire for the satiated, calm, lazy feeling that comes with being overfull.

And being aware of what happened to you is only half the battle: it's important to also be aware of what the event left within you - what insecurities, what twisted lessons, what harmful patterns. The best therapist (OK, the only therapist) I ever had kept asking me "where does that come from", when I mentioned a behavioural tendency or world belief. Only by deconstructing and analyzing what I currently was doing (in this case, sabotaging my success in life), was I able to overcome it. Knowing exactly what one's harmful deep beliefs/behaviours/habits are, frees us up to use cognitive behavioural therapy to change them.

um, or i just inherited a crappy metabolism, and couldn't burn through the crap as fast as my friends with great genes.

I think it probably depends on whether the struggle with weight is more physical or mental..

yup, aasil, that counts in the "just happens sometimes" category.

Betcha you weren't confined to your chair though. There are degrees of excess weight, just like everything else. :)

(I got all counselor-y because it seemed called for on the thread)

p.s. if I visit DC next fall (am thinking about it), we should totally have lunch together.

Original Post by trustwomen:

...being aware of what happened to you is only half the battle: it's important to also be aware of what the event left within you - what insecurities, what twisted lessons, what harmful patterns. The best therapist (OK, the only therapist) I ever had kept asking me "where does that come from", when I mentioned a behavioural tendency or world belief. Only by deconstructing and analyzing what I currently was doing (in this case, sabotaging my success in life), was I able to overcome it. Knowing exactly what one's harmful deep beliefs/behaviours/habits are, frees us up to use cognitive behavioural therapy to change them.

 Could not agree more!

I won't go into the gory details of my past, but i don't think that they caused my weight issues - they are just all tied together, as all our experiences are. I actually feel like I was much more affected by my sensitive nature, and putting too much stock in others' comments, opinions, and the way I thought they perceived me, than the sexual assault. Sure didn't help though. I am now finally in a place where i feel like I understand what brought me here, and committed to make myself the best me I can be.

i'm writing my thesis on disordered eating, substance abuse, and self-injurious behaviours, and i've stated right up front in my research proposal that i'm not going to be reviewing the lit on the connections to sexual abuse and i won't be exploring that with my interviewees.  i think it's a dangerous assumption.  it might come up in interviews, of course, and i'm not going to avoid it if it does.  but i think the link between abuse and eating disorders has been so overblown in the popular media that it acts as a deterrent to women to seek help.

I totally agree with what PG said above.

I don't think you can assume that because a person displays dysfunctional behaviour that they must have suffered some form of abuse/neglect as a child. If that were the case you would have to also include drug abuse, alcohol abuse, depression etc, at what point would that assumption stop.

 

I've never been abused. In fact, I've had a pretty 'normal' life.

I'm sure if you did a formal study, you'd probably find a higher prevalence of weight issues (all weight issues, both over and underweight) among people who were abused in the past, but I don't think there would be a one-to-one correlation.

I think the only common thread you will find in the past of overweight people is that they all were at some point born but birth itself could be viewed as somewhat traumatic I assume, however I don't really remember it.

Personally, no. I've never been abused, molested etc etc. I have nothing to blame for me being overweight my whole life. If my parents didn't give me the food I wanted, I'd get it elsewhere.

My parents are fantastic people who love each other and have always supported me. Of course I've fought with them, but I was never abused or neglected as a result. I have a pretty good relationship with my little sister and my extended family. My friendships have been pretty steady my whole life and I make friends fairly easily.

I would say that being an overweight adolescent and an overweight teenager just kept compounding on me emotionally. So I kept eating. This wasn't the fault of anyone but myself. I take full responsibility for my actions and coping mechanisms. My life isn't everyone's life though. I would agree that a lot of people used food to get through some really tough times in their life, so I'm just speaking about myself.

regardless of what may or may not have happened in my life, it's my job to do the right thing.

Original Post by mykanosdelight:

So does this mean the every one of us who stuggles with weight has had some episode of molestation, abuse, rape, emotional diassaster, misdirected parental guidance, etc.??

 Of course not.  You may replace "every one" with "some" or "many," but certainly not every one of us.

I don't have, to my knowledge, any history of abuse or trauma.