When the stupid people around you try their damnedest to ruin your plans to lose weight

Okay so this chicks son's birthday was not too long ago and, of course, he had cake.  She brings it over to our house and says "Oh I know I'll just gobble the rest of this as soon as I see it.  So you take it. Haha."  That's not funny, b!tch.  You SEE me running EVERYDAY.  You KNOW I'm health conscious.  So YOU are willing to sabotage MY diet because YOU don't want to get any bigger.  I know she does this because I'm so much smaller than her and she thinks I look good and have no reason to want to lose weight.  But how SELFISH is she?  "Oh I can't afford to eat any of this rich goodness so I'll just give it to her because she can afford to gain weight."  I would have thrown it in the trash had my mother not wanted the children (she baby sits about 7 children) to have some for dessert after lunch.  So it sat next to the stove.  Taunting me.  Tempting me.  Long story short, over the course of 4 days it disappeared and I am responsible for possibly half disappearing.  Half a GD cake in 4 days!  You have no idea how much I HATE that woman right now.  SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH!!!

Sorry.  I just had to vent because I just feel like crying because this has slowed down my weight loss progress. I'm teasing the 123's (lbs) but I can never get passed 124.0.  And, at the end of the day, I know it's because of that cake.  And I'm on a deadline.  I plan on losing nearly 20 pounds by September and I've been doing EVERYTHING right and the cake was the only thing stopping me from reaching my weekly fat loss goal.  I'm thankful that it's all gone now so I can get back on track.  But I'd be happier if I got to punch her in the face a few times and just stuff some cake down her throat.  See how SHE likes it.  I hate her I hate her and I'll always hate her.  

That's really harsh Peach. Reserve your hate for mass murderers and take some responsibility. If it wasn't the cake then it would be something else. It's one of the things you have to learn in this whole process. We had bunco night last night and I don't hate everyone there because there are M and M's and hershey kisses on every table. Come on... 

My sister always tried to get me to go out to eat with her, and she bribes me by paying for me, and I try to order something good, and she always says.. "who comes to a restaurant to eat healthy?" ... And so then I break down and get something TOTALLY bad for me. I told her to stop, but she honestly thinks its ok to do once in awhile, but it's not just once in awhile, she asks me to go out with her at least once or twice a week. BLAH.

I may get flamed...but once you are truely really ready to be committed to losing weight for the long term...saying NO to offers of junk (which of course I LOVE LOVE LOVE) seems to become a lot easier...

Will power comes hand in hand with commitment and motivation to lose weight....

I have a coworker who just about constantly offers me candy and chips...I just keep saying no...

I am good at saying no to candy, soda, chips. But for some reason, when it comes to restuarant food, especially when it's FREE, it's hard to say no, lol. Oh well.

Go ahead, vent away!

Then consider what you CAN and CANNOT do about this situation before it happens again. Do you live with your mother (can't tell from you post or profile)? Can you talk to your mom about how hard it is to stay healthy with all that cake around? Sounds like you and your mom are on a different wave length here, and had she said "no," problem would have been solved. Did she really NEED to have the cake, or was it just a nice opportunity? If the latter, maybe she will be able to say "no" the next time.

Also, do rethink how you react to this setback. Again, I can't tell what your goal is or why the numbers seem so significant, but that does set off some warning bells--you sound a bit obsessive (which is ok, in the throes of a vent, but in general it is not a healthy way to be).

We do get angry when we percieve threats to our well-being, but we do not have to give in the the anger. Rethink the situation for more positive outlook--maybe you can even take pity on this poor woman whose self-esteem seems so low that she cannot stand to see you succeed where she sees herself as less adequate.

 

Original Post by octopusqueen:

My sister always tried to get me to go out to eat with her, and she bribes me by paying for me, and I try to order something good, and she always says.. "who comes to a restaurant to eat healthy?" ... And so then I break down and get something TOTALLY bad for me. I told her to stop, but she honestly thinks its ok to do once in awhile, but it's not just once in awhile, she asks me to go out with her at least once or twice a week. BLAH.

I've gotten super good at always ordering salads at restaurants, no matter how much greasy foods my friends get.  I haven't learned how not to drink the beer, though!

I'm not going to flame anyone, I just hope I don't get flamed. 

I had a similar incident recently Practicallypeach.  It was maybe a quarter a sheet of cake the neighbor brought over.  They had a big party for their daughter's 1st birthday.  I had no choice but to let it in the house, my daughter answered the door and the cake was already in before I could run to see who rang the doorbell.  Poof, the neighbor was gone and the cake was there.  It took me about the same length of time of a bite here, a bite there...oh why not, another bite won't hurt.  Anyway!  While I don't necessarily hate the neighbor...although I did rant just like you...I hate her I hate her I hate her!!!...it did feel good blaming someone else for a while.  The cake is gone now...and I'm taking the hit with the show of only a pound lost in a month.  I'm hoping I toss the next goodie that makes it in the house.  Only time will tell.

dumdeedummdummm!!!

 

Someone asked if I lived with my mother.  I'm a college student and I'm staying with my parents for the summer.  So this isn't my house and I have say about what comes in and what goes out.  But I am free to eat what I choose.  But I don't get to ask mom to by food she's no interested in and I don't get to make requests for the grocery list.  That's just not how it works over here.  Mom is big and happy that way.  She eats what she pleases.  She doesn't really care much for my diet because she feels I haven't made much progress.  You can't actually 'see' the 15 pounds lost.  And she doesn't believe I could make my goal weight because I'm so far gone.  So she's not willing to change what she buys and what she cooks just because I'm going through a 'phase' of wanting to lose weight.

Peach, I doubt she was really trying to thwart your weight loss progress. She probably just sees that you do more activity than her so she thought you could handle a little cake as a treat better than she could. She probaly also notices that you use more moderation than her, so if you ate almost half the cake in a few days, she probably would have eaten the whole thing in one...You can't blame others for your own choices. Just tell her thank you for the treat, and appreciate it, and move on. 123 pounds is not overweight for the average person, and we can all use a treat once in a while, just count it as a maintenance day, get over it, and try and do better the next day. We can't "hate" others for offering us food, that's dumb...and childish...I'm sorry you are living in an unsupportive house for the summer. That is always a challenge, I am blessed to have a hubby who won't buy much junk for the house, and if he does buy a box of cookies or something, he does his best to keep them out of sight (I love sweets).  

Do you work? Maybe you should get a part-time job for the summer and use the money to buy food you like, and that is good for you. Even if you just ask your mom to but a few things, like fresh fruit (stuff that's in season) or veggies...or offer to cook a meal one night that is super healthy and super tasty. She might be more willing than you think.

Moderation is tough.  Sometimes I'm really good at it and I can stay on plan no matter what's around me and other times I totally cave.  I'm trying to figure out what triggers it, because it really sucks.  At the end of the day, though, I have to admit that it's ME putting the food in my mouth and my choice whether or not I do so.  My standard response to people trying to feed me is either 'I just ate' or 'I'm not hungry at the moment' and then I thank them for whatever they're offering.  If I'm at a restaurant I always eat as healthy as possible (I figure with all the added fat in restaurant food that's the best approach - for me anyway).  I still socialize and enjoy people's company, though - I just don't let them focus on the fact that I'm not eating or I'm not eating junk.

My advice is let it go and do better next time temptation arises.  We all struggle with this - don't let it get you down too much.

After the kids had some, you should've thrown the rest away.  That's me too. I can't resist temptation, so I'd rather not have it in the house....

i've learned to take that crap in stride AND it's only made me stronger.  :D  read my journal for the last few days if you want.

i feel great!  i'm gonna make my goal whether they want me to or not!!!  LOL  even quicker now, because i can't take it anymore!

i'd just tell myself that the cake belongs to the kids and make it "off limits" in my head.  you could use that resentment towards being sabotaged as extra motivation.
"i will prove to them i will stick to my diet and there's nothing they can tempt me with".
or if you want a some cake, have a few bites instead of a whole piece.
i think it's easier to maintain in the long run if you don't deprive yourself completely, but eat treats in small amounts.

regardless, i think if you look at the big picture, blaming other people for what you choose to eat is not very productive.

Self discipline.  Learn to control your temper.  Learn to control what you eat.  Two sides of the same coin.

That being said,  it was NOT nice of your neighbor to KNOWINGLY sabotage your diet efforts. 

So the next time she comes a-knockin' bearing calorie laden scrumptious diet busting goodies JUST SAY NO!

People actually don't consciously say "I'm gonna make you fatter because I'm too lazy to diet" or whatever. Why do people say crap like this?

What people will do, however, is get upset when you change. My friends do this all the time. It's hard for them when they are used to hanging out and having drinks with me on Friday when I said "I can't do this anymore". I heard a litany of "oh come on, how long can that last?" and "just have one, geez" and all kinds of other ridiculous statements

Ok now I'm getting really mad at the "how long is this going to last" statement because my friends are big fans of that one. GEE thanks!

My sister (who is also counting calories) and I occasionally joke between each other that everyone will try to sabatoge us one way or another....consciously or subconsciously. Of course, it is a joke because it isn't true.

Choosing to eat healthier for any reason, including weight loss, makes a person more aware of the food around them. And by aware I mean slightly paranoid :) Before, I would see an invitation to go out to eat or a neighbor bringing sweets over as something nice. Now, I see it as a challenge. A challenge to my willpower, a challenge to my self control, a challenge to live in this world without FREAKING OUT.

It is your (our) choice to eat healthy. As most of the previous posters have said, you can say no. Sure, it is easier to keep only healthy foods in your presence, avoid dining out, avoid socializing when mass quantities of unhealthy food will be present.....BUT.....I feel it is more rewarding accept the cake from my neighbor and have one piece, go to dinner with friends and eat sensibly, and keep a few sweets in the pantry and know that I don't have to eat them (and I probably won't).

The longer you work at this, the easier it will be to recognize that saying no to yourself is the best thing. You will know that the progress you have made has not come from giving into little desires here and there, but by sticking to your guns and working towards your goals.

Original Post by kelleigh:

 Before, I would see an invitation to go out to eat or a neighbor bringing sweets over as something nice. Now, I see it as a challenge. A challenge to my willpower, a challenge to my self control, a challenge to live in this world without FREAKING OUT.

 

Argh, this is SO true! You hit the nail on the head, kelleigh.

To a point I can understand your resentment.  I was at work last week, everyone new I've been on a diet since May.  It was someone's b-rthday and they got a huge cake of which I refused to allow myself to participate in.  Everyone received their plate and there was about 4 people around me, holding there cake in front of my face, taunting me... "oh so good", u know you want some"... blah blah blah.   Luckily I always go to work prepared, I always keep something on me that's not too bad... so while they riduculed and taunted, there I sat.... Everyone got a huge laugh at my expense ,when I pulled a ziploc of caramel rice cakes out my purse.  but that's ok... while they may gain another 10lbs on the hips.... I got up the next morning for my weigh in.. ...resulting another pound lost.

Some things.... don't let it get to you... learn to brush it off.  Someone is always gonna be around the corner waiting to sabotage you.  It's just another day, laugh it off and move on.  :)

Willpower? Give everyone a break. You don't taunt an alcoholic with wine so that he'll test his willpower. For people on a very low calorie diet, food is the equivalent. Some can eat only one cookie and satisfy their cravings, others cannot. Not everyone is the same, and people shouldn't be blamed for what's mostly brain chemistry and homeostatic mechanisms (the body resisting weight loss, basically). One of the secrets to loosing weight and keeping it off is to learn to avoid the environmental cues that make us overeat. I am not saying that family, friends or neighbors intentionally sabotage diets-though it has been known to happen (my mother in law literally puts food in my husband's mouth, if she dared try that to me I'd call the cops-which she knows). Sure, we must learn to resist temptation, but we have every right to make our life easier by refusing to have stuff in the house that will make our already hard efforts even harder. I honestly don't understand why so many find it hard to say NO to pushy people. I know it's hard when it's your parents and you live in their house. But if you are an independent adult, it shouldn't be hard to push back when someone, out of ignorance or jealousy or rudeness, or just misguided friendliness, starts getting pushy. Say no, smile, say that you have someone on the phone and close the door. If they get offended, it's not your problem. If you MUST take it in, bring it to work or donate it to a soup kitchen. Freeze it in small portion. Or throw it away, for crying out loud. I don't like to throw away food, but I like gaining weight even less.

The next time the neighbor -- who, please remember, knows that your mom runs a daycare and probably had that in mind when she dropped off the cake -- brings over this kind of offering, immediately go to the kitchen, divide the treat into child-size servings and freeze it in freezer bags.  Out of sight, out of mind.  This way you don't have to face the temptation, but the kids still get to eat cake and it won't be stale by the time they get it.

Patricia