this sucks

ok trying to steadily gain, been sick for the past two weeks and probably lost about a kilo, just ate 3000 calories in one go.... feel terrible.

I understand the binge probably happened because my body's been starving again (before I got sick I hadn't binged in months) and it's probably a good thing if I manage to put on half a kilo in a single day.. my ED is telling me to compensate, you have no self control, that was disgusting blah blah but I'm doing my best to ignore it because putting on weight is exactly what I'm supposed to do..

I just wish I could do it without bingeing and feeling like a balloon that's about to pop.

I had big plans for the day to go shopping and see my boyfriend, but now I'm so bloated and feel so disgusting, all I can do is sit on the couch and wait for the pain to pass! eating disorders suck. 

thanks for reading my rant

oh hun i so feel for you. but dont beat yourself up about it . your right your body was and still is starving . we all have bad days but try not to dwell on it , just start again the next day , if i beat myself up at all the slips id had  i constantly be beaten. the only way to beat this hunger is to eat a consistant amount 3 meals and snacks with all the right food groups and try not to restrict or else its just a vicious circle , it is the bodys natural response when starved to binge . i dont know if youve heard of the keys study . you can take control of this but you need to be brave and fight those nasty thoughts thinking of you h x

Maybe you should go shopping and see your boyfriend.  It will help you feel better and stop your brain from beating you up.  Your body needs those calories, so move a little until the discomfort passes, and try to eat regular meals for the rest of the day.  Hang in there.