No support from husband

Does anyone else out there not have support from their spouse?  All I ever hear is the negative side. How fat I am and how he can't stand to look at me.  I finallydecided that I need to drop the weight for me. I have battled my weight it seems my whole life.  I hit 246 lbs and liked to have cried myself to death.  I am down to 210 but stuggling.  I am 5' 9" so I am a big woman.  I just wish instead of my husband saying "yeah, you lost that much but you have another 100 to go".  Just a little words of encouragement would be nice.

That goes much further than 'lack of support'.  He sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant & insensitive creature and you should stand up to him..... tell him to sling his hook or shut up.   Has it occurred to you that living with a confidence-sapping mental bully is a big part of your weight problem?    Some people turn to drink when they're being abused... maybe you've turned to food

First off, congratulations on your weight loss!  It is certainly not easy, so you've definitely accomplished something =D.

Second, your husband sounds like an abysmal and atrocious individual.  Insults have no place in a healthy relationship... I can't stand guys who mistreat (and yes, verbal abuse is definitely mistreatment) women. 

Remember, you can always come to us for support and encouragement!  Not only do we want you to succeed, we want you to do it for none other than yourself.  And you can!  You've already proven that you have what it takes to make a change, now you just need to stick it out =).

Good luck, and hopefully your husband's attitude will improve... of course, you could always maybe not stick around when he changes his tune later on down the road ;).

OMG that is just horrible! Is your husband overweight too? That may explain it...he might be jealous that you have the willpower to lose weight and he doesn't and think you might not find him attractive anymore when you're all slim...or maybe he's insecure and worried that when you lose your weight other men will find you more attractive. If he's not overweight, then he's just acting very unsupportive, childish and mean spirited...and there's bound to be some underlying reason for it.

Don't pay any attention to what he's saying. Like you said,  you are doing this for yourself which is the only way to be successful at it. Congratulations to you on losing that much weight to begin with...no matter what weight a person is, having the willpower to lose even 5 lbs is an amazing thing. Also...more good incentive...once you've accomplished your goal, he can't say anything negative about your weight again can he!!!

Just concentrate you your goals, what you want and how good and healthy you will feel once you are down to your goal weight. Try not to want any words of encouragement from him and that will help to alleviate THAT particular disappointment. Use this site instead and the friends you will make on it for encouragement. Instead of being hurt by what he's saying, try (I know it's a hard thing to do), but try to turn it around and use his hurtful words to anger you into working even harder...I've found that now when I'm angry or stressed, I WANT to exercise to get rid of the anger, and I exercise harder that day.

When I first started exercising, it was REALLY hard and I was exhausted and could barely make it through and just didn't want to do it, but I kept forcing myself to do it, then after about 2 weeks it was easier and I started getting that rush of good feeling when I exercised and even started to WANT to exercise when I was angry or upset. It just takes a couple weeks to become habit forming (which in the case of exercising...is a great thing).

 

Yikes! I don't have any kids yet but when times get tough I always think this one thing: What would I want my daughter to do? Maybe you'll find an answer there.

Oi. Sorry but he's an ****. Hope he's not like that in every area of your life.

i have somewhat of the same situation, but somewhat the opposite...but i still fully understand where you're coming from and can sympathize with you.

my husband constantly tells me that i DON'T need to lose any weight, because HE loves me the way i am.  well, i don't think i really need to LOSE any weight, i just want to tone up certain areas, and MAYBE drop 5-8 lbs.  that's it.  i want to be happy with the way my body looks when i look in the mirror...not when HE looks at me. 

so, i eat healthy.  i joined the gym.  i exercise and i've made a goal and i'm determined to stick to it.  he offers me foods that he knows i don't want to eat, such as fried chicken, burgers, chips, cookies, donuts, etc.  even without trying to lose weight or be health-conscious, i don't generally eat that type of food...but he STILL offers it to me.  when i say, "no thanks."  he offers it to me again.  he wants me to GAIN weight.  i'm 5'7 and weigh 128 lbs.  i'd like to get between 120-125, and have no JIGGLE in my thighs and butt...

even though it's the opposite type of criticism...it still affects me the same way it affects you.  you just have to remember that YOU want to do this for YOURSELF not for anybody else....and stay focused on your goals. 

congratulations on the weight you've already lost.  i can't imagine working hard enough to lose 30+ lbs.  i can't even get rid of the 5 that i want to lose! =)

Vfigg congrats to you on your weight loss so far! Keep it going. Try to think possitive and you are on the right way with deciding to do this for you. You need to think about yourself. And already loosing what you have lost is helping your body out. My father has heart disease and I could get it and so can my son. So I am trying to show him the right way of eating and just getting outside moving helps your body. I am sorry that your husband does not say good things to you. But like one of the other posters said maybe he is just jealous of your weight loss. But you have surrounded yourself with the right kind of people by coming here to cc. Lots of people to talk to and things to read and ideas and so on. We all here will help you out. Take care and think possitive!!!

From my point of view, that is no way to speak to a person that you love and is certainly not the kind of behaviour to be expected from a healthy relationship.  That is a thoroughly disresepctful and spiteful way to speak to ANY person, let alone your spouse.  You have done a fantastic job of loosing all that weight - 36lbs!!  That is a very big deal, and you have done a great job - excuse me for saying so but scr*w him if he can't celebrate your achievements with you!!  By my calculations (and maths is not my strong point, so I could be wrong) if you are 5'9" and currently at 210lbs, then if you were to loose a further 100lbs you would be way below your healthy weight.

Seek your encouragement and motivation from the people on this site and from your supportive friends and try not to let your husband's unhelpful comments get you down.  Perhaps don't even raise the subject of your weight loss with him.  You have done really very well so far.  Keep up the good work - loose the weight for yourself and your own health, not to make him happy.

i agree with the other posts about a couple things: 1) have you thought that this is part of why you have weight problems (his attitude)? and 2) congrats.  i, however, know that no ones deserves to be treated like that or spoken to like that, no matter how nice they can be other times.  think about this...  having been in this kind of situation obviously i have strong opinions and it's hard for me not to get upset and confrontational, but you need to let him know you won't take that kind of attitude anymore!

Congratulations on your weight loss.

I am sorry that your husband is being a butthead.

Perhaps counseling (marriage or just for you) would be worth considering?

MOLLY

Original Post by mollymouser:

Congratulations on your weight loss.

I am sorry that your husband is being a butthead.

Perhaps counseling (marriage or just for you) would be worth considering?

MOLLY

 I agree with Molly, maybe he doesn't seem to realize what it is doing to you? He could have had past history that makes him that way without really understanding the hurt it causes.

Random example, we don't give hugs in my family, we just never have not that there wasn't love but just not hugs. Now when someone goes to hug me it kind of freaks me out because I'm just not used to that sort of affection.

Maybe it could be something like that.

 

And of course, congrats on the weight loss! You've come so far already! I couldn't imagine doing it without a good support group! You must be very strong!

{{{{{vfigg}}}}}

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way.

I just wanted to echo what a lot of people are saying.  Congratulations on your weight loss to date!  It is an AMAZING achievement.  Keep strong and know that CC'ers will always be there to offer support & motivation *hugs* :-)

I'd hate to disagree with anyone here. But good gods, that's verbal abuse. There is No, and I mean no excuse for it. It doesn't matter how his relationship with his own family was growing up. It would take me about two seconds to pack my bags and take off, kids in tow. There is always a right and a wrong way to say anything. Common, or not so common, sense teaches us that. He tells you he can't stand to look at you? Arg, my head would explode. He's supposed to be your husband, not another run down the grade school road with cruel kids.

Congratulations for your weight loss thus far. It takes a huge amount of work and commitment to lose weight and keep it off. That should be applauded, not mocked or belittled.

You are amazing for losing 36 pounds! Think of how much extra weight that is! You shoudl be proud and I know you would be even more if your husband was kinder.

Honestly, you losing another 100 lbs would make you way too skinny for your height! Do it for you, don't worry, he'll be upset once you're the one getting attention while you are out together : )

Wow.  I thought you meant like your husband gripes when you buy certain healthy foods (mine does!) or he encourages you to watch tv with him when you'd rather exercise. 

Your husband sounds like an abusive bully.  I hope you can find some help and strength to stand up to him.  Consider talking to a counselor, religious leader, or doctor... someone who can help you end this abuse.

**HUGS** and keep losing, girl!  But do it for YOU, not for the ignorant neanderthal you live with.

That doesn't sound like a lack of support.. it sounds like verbal abuse. =T

congrats on losing the weight!  it's rough and your husband shouldn't be there to make it rougher.  your guy should be 100% supportive of you, not insulting.  maybe he thinks that by acting this way it will somehow motivate you, or piss you off to the point where you want to show him just how much you can lose.  it never works, especially if you're an emotional eater.  stand up to him!  tell him how you feel!  if that doesn't help, definitely seek counseling.  there might be come other issues going on that you're not even aware of.  to me, it sounds like he's insecure.  that's usually why people bully around others.

and you do NOT need to lose another 100 pounds.  i'd say 50-60 at the most.  you don't want to be skin and bones!  women need curves to be sexy!

I'm glad you're reaching out for some support. On the subject of marriage, I believe good marriage is based on mutual respect. It's essential. One place to seek some guidance is the Gottman Institute: http://www.gottman.com/marriage/self_help/ . (for some reason I can't get this link to insert correctly. It will work if the extra spaces are taken out. However, there is an underscore in self_help.) I've seen some films on the institute on PBS. They have been studying what makes a satisfying marriage for years and offer lots of wonderful resources. Even if your husband won't seek help with you, it might give you some new ways of looking at things. Life is just one long learning experience.

Sweety, that sounds very abusive to me. Even my DH who's not remotely interested in health and weightloss and who doesn't want to hear a word about calories or exercise tells me he's proud of me for looking after myself. Verbally abusing your spouse and belittling them is one way of controlling them, and it's very destructive and abusive. If he's trying to control you this way, how else is he abusing you? :(